posted April 18, 2010 06:40 PM         

All you can do is just offer up encouragement and hope, and kind of leave them to stand on their own 2 feet - don't try to get too emotionally involved or prop them up too much (that is, if they are able-bodied adults). Whatever they are going to do, they will do anyway. With or without your advice. You can give them handy tips to help them along, but don't foist your own ideas on them or try to live their life for them.

posted April 18, 2010 10:05 PM         

I wouldn't ask a single person for marital advice.

I wouldn't ask a plumber what the noise is that my car is making.

Advice is great coming from someone who has been there and done that, as long as YOU ask them first.
Having said that, sometimes advice may not be solicited, but if someone keeps asking me, or lamenting to me about the same subject over and over, I'm eventually going to pop off with some advice, because, they are sort of asking anyway, without coming right OUT and asking, which some people have trouble doing.

posted April 19, 2010 11:03 AM         

Perfect example was my Leo sun aunt telling me what I should be doing with my life on Easter Sunday. Did I ask? No. Do I seem like I'm not busy enough working full time and caring for my 8 month old, taking care of my house and making my own baby food/compost for our garden/recycling and creating art projects for the children at day care that I was remotely searching for HER opinion on what I SHOULD be doing. Because clearly, 9 hours per day away from my baby is not enough! I should be in school again, too!

In the circumstance, it seemed rather crass and rude. (especially considering she did not work until her children went to school, so the advice is really unbalanced and coming from a place of no understanding.)

I'm sure she believes she is coming from a place of kindness and looking out for my best interest, but from my perspective, it was rather foolish.

Now, if I had ASKED "hey, I'm thinking I should go back to school. What do you think?" Then go ahead and tell me your opinion and offer advice.

Like AG said, when it is coming from people who actually know you very well, they are generally in tune with your situation and probably won't offend you with their advice as much as somebody "outside the circle".

posted April 19, 2010 12:23 PM         

I would have looked at her square in the eye...... and said, i bet you have a lot of time on your hands now with the kids gone, have you considered volunteering for meals on wheels? or,, you know they need volunteers down at the womans shelter, i bet with all the time on your hands, you would really get some enrichment by helping others at.....This Point In Your Life....have to emphasize that just for the zinger factor.......yeah going back to school would be awesome, glad i can count on family for support 10 grand and a sitter would work...., does 3 nights a week work for you?

not retired? WOW, how long do you plan on working? i hope to retire by (insert any age 5 years younger than she is here)....

posted April 19, 2010 12:58 PM         

I think at this point, everyone just rolls their eyes at her.

It's one of those things that bugs me though. Like when people say "oh, she's old, she can say whatever she wants". Who made this rule?? So, when you are 50 you are suddely allowed to be rude to everyone? That makes no sense to me. "I've been there, so I know EXACTLY what you're going through and have the BEST advice for you, whether or not you want to hear it."

Bollocks to that, thank you very much.

I'm sure I will give my daughter all sorts of advice as she grows, but I will do my best to respect her as an individual and allow her to make her own mistakes and make her own way. (sounds a lot easier than I'm sure it will be, I'm not stupid, LOL, mothering is an instinct you can't turn off).

posted April 19, 2010 01:16 PM         

------------------
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world is immortal"~

posted April 19, 2010 03:07 PM         

There may be a little confusion as to why I started this thread. I'm not trying to say that people should follow my advice, though I have perhaps made such claims in the past (and there's a reasonably decent chance that I may feel entitled to some similar feeling at points in the future). I did genuinely start this thread just because it's something I've been thinking about.

Mermaid 26,

"Hardest for me is advice coming from family, because it's seems like they don't even see my strengths and it's not usually in alignment with who I am and what I love."

I'm with you on that. I'm the only feminine Sun in my family, so it seems only natural that I would be odd or different.

posted April 21, 2010 12:16 AM         

one can share what they have found or what has worked for them; or tell someone what they SHOULD do.. the latter is a no-no unless they know a lot more than i do and i have asked for pointers! the first, well that is just them conversing about a situation they see you in and i agree, good seeds can be planted whether taken up immediately or not. i always find other people's takes on my situation or dilemma interesting. that doesn't mean i am going to copy them but neither do i resent them sharing.

i think it was lyra who said people are going to do what they're going to do, and nothing you say will change that. pretty much true, i think, but then what point is there in talking things over if you won't even listen?