Author
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Topic: Insults with Class
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koiflower Knowflake Posts: 1947 From: Australia Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 06:22 AM
These glorious insults were made from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker uncl "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) I especially like this quote "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx IP: Logged |
Happy Dragon Knowflake Posts: 505 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 06:39 AM
quote: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in responseThe exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
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Dy-na-mi-tee Knowflake Posts: 254 From: Cloud 22, Jupiter Ave, Lalaland Registered: Jun 2010
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posted July 01, 2010 06:49 AM
They're sooooooo funny!!Thanks Koi IP: Logged |
Deux*Antares Knowflake Posts: 816 From: I am where I am and it's enough. Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 07:06 AM
Thanks, Koi! So funny. I wish people on LL would "talk" to each other with CLASS everytime they have a disagreement. I agree with HD's picks. The ones with the comebacks are the best. IP: Logged |
DD Knowflake Posts: 4805 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 07:14 AM
Koi,they are marvellous. My favourites were (hard to choose though)
"The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde" IP: Logged |
iQ Knowflake Posts: 1679 From: Chennai, India Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 07:40 AM
Simply Exquisite!IP: Logged |
Happy Dragon Knowflake Posts: 505 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 07:42 AM
quote: I wish people on LL would "talk" to each other with CLASS everytime they have a disagreement.
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charmainec Moderator Posts: 423 From: on the other side of the rainbow Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 07:56 AM
I second that HappyDragon. IP: Logged |
Happy Dragon Knowflake Posts: 505 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 08:08 AM
quote: "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
clever IP: Logged |
Happy Dragon Knowflake Posts: 505 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 08:13 AM
quote: "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
more .. more .. : IP: Logged |
Happy Dragon Knowflake Posts: 505 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 09:12 AM
this film had some seriously clever insults .. mainly the dialogue between Eleanore and Henry .. ~ http://wapedia.mobi/en/The_Lion_in_Winter ~IP: Logged |
katatonic Knowflake Posts: 4207 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 09:46 AM
yes and hepburn and spencer could dish it too...THANKS koi!! it's nice to be reminded that it wasn't always considered "correct" to pussyfoot around people - and it WAS considered to correct to master your language.i actually like mark twain's, it made me laugh out loud,"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain but i can see why you fancy the one you do IP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner Knowflake Posts: 2509 From: Toledo, OH Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 09:50 AM
I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common? Ashleigh BrilliantIP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner Knowflake Posts: 2509 From: Toledo, OH Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 09:52 AM
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark TwainIP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner Knowflake Posts: 2509 From: Toledo, OH Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 09:57 AM
no one classier than Shakeseare himself: Shakespeare Insult 3 - The Tempest Thine forward voice, now, is to speak well of thine friend; thine backward voice is to utter foul speeches and to detract. Shakespeare Insult 4 - Measure For Measure Thou art a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward. Shakespeare Insult 5 - All's Well That Ends Well A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality. Shakespeare Insult 6 - Cymbeline Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile. Shakespeare Insult 7 - Henry IV Part 2 You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe! Shakespeare Insult 8 - All's Well That Ends Well Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee. Shakespeare Insult 9 - The Winter's Tale My wife's a hobby horse! Shakespeare Insult 10 - Troilus and Cressida Thou art as loathsome as a toad. Shakespeare Insult 11 - Macbeth Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver'd boy. Shakespeare Insult 12 - Henry IV Part 1 Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch! Shakespeare Insult 13 - Measure for Measure A flesh monger, a fool, and a coward. Shakespeare Insult 14 - Henry IV Part 1 That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Shakespeare Insult 15 - Henry IV Part 1 You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck! Shakespeare Insult 16 - Henry IV Part 1 Peace, ye fat guts! Shakespeare Insult 17 - Henry V There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune. Shakespeare Insult 18 - Richard III Thou poisonous bunch-back'd toad! Shakespeare Insult 19 - Richard III Thou art unfit for any place but hell. Shakespeare Insult 20 - Hamlet Thou are pigeon-liver'd and lack gall. Shakespeare Insult 21 - All's Well That Ends Well Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese. Shakespeare Insult 22 - Henry V Thine face is not worth sunburning. Shakespeare Insult 23 - As You Like It Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage. Shakespeare Insult 24 - Henry IV Part You are as a candle, the better burnt out. Shakespeare Insult 25 - Hamlet If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.
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katatonic Knowflake Posts: 4207 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 10:03 AM
i'll tickle your catastrophe!! IP: Logged |
Happy Dragon Knowflake Posts: 505 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 10:14 AM
Shakespeare .. must have been interesting being around when he was in a foul mood :-))~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ http://classiclit.about.com/od/cyranodebergerac/a/aa_cyranoquotes.htm ~ ~ http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/cyrano_de_bergerac.html ~ IP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner Knowflake Posts: 2509 From: Toledo, OH Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 10:19 AM
Shakespeare Insult 8 - All's Well That Ends Well Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee. (HD- he did have a way with words.)! I liked that one too Kat. tickle your catastrophe! too funny! IP: Logged |
AbsintheDragonfly Knowflake Posts: 566 From: Gaia Registered: Apr 2010
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posted July 01, 2010 10:19 AM
Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese. ROFL!!! IP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner Knowflake Posts: 2509 From: Toledo, OH Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 10:20 AM
Shakespeare Insult 22 - Henry V Thine face is not worth sunburning. now that is classic!IP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner Knowflake Posts: 2509 From: Toledo, OH Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 10:24 AM
"Swine! Did I not forbid you to appear?!" - Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac, Act 1HD those were great!
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cpn_edgar_winner Knowflake Posts: 2509 From: Toledo, OH Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 10:31 AM
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson soooo funny to me! IP: Logged |
AbsintheDragonfly Knowflake Posts: 566 From: Gaia Registered: Apr 2010
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posted July 01, 2010 10:35 AM
Common sense is not so common. Voltaire A witty saying proves nothing. Voltaire He must be very ignorant for he answers every question he is asked. Voltaire IP: Logged |
Ami Ann Knowflake Posts: 1915 From: US Registered: Dec 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 11:09 AM
Can I add some which are not exactly insults but just plain funny? Sex without love is an empty experience but as empty experiences go,it's one of the best. Woody AllenI do unto others what they do unto me,only worse. Jimmy Hoffa I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million and would sign half over to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year. Bette Davis. IP: Logged |
T Knowflake Posts: 2163 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 11:03 PM
Great stuff! IP: Logged |