Posts: 197
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 10, 2010 11:19 AM         

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When you ask your boy/girlfriend, husband/wife what they're watching on tv/computer, do they answer you without a big to-do? In my experience I get told to leave him the **** alone. My first reaction is that I think its weird, but sometimes I have a hard time to trust my feelings when I’m upset. Am I really imposing on his rights? It’s not like I stormed in there demanding what he was doing? I went in to clean the cat box and casually asked him. This happens often, especially with the phone. I’ll hear it ring, then ask who called, and get told it was none of my business. This can't be normal.

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Posts: 4374
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 10, 2010 11:47 AM         

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a bit over the top perhaps! but without knowing the history couldn't tell you if it was appropriate or not...?

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Posts: 1870
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 10, 2010 01:02 PM         

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If there is nothing to hide, then the reaction is way over the top.
I'd be suspicious of anyone responding that way.

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Everyone is a student...
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Posts: 461
From: uk
Registered: Dec 2009

posted July 10, 2010 01:33 PM         

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My Dad has done that to my Mum for as long as I can remember. She would ask where he had been when he went out, and he'd say 'none of your business'. Same with phone calls.

In isolation one might say that was suspicious, but I think it is likely a power/control thing. Yes, it is weird and I think it's disrespectful, but as Kat said depends on the circumstances.

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Posts: 902
From: Melbourne. Victoria. Australia
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 10, 2010 08:03 PM         

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No it's not normal, it's rude.

I would be hurt if my Greggy said that to me.

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Posts: 2302
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 10, 2010 08:27 PM         

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As someone with a 4th house Sun and 8th house Moon, I don't appreciate people trying to invade my privacy and I am intensely private person. Even though I never have anything going on to hide, i still dont like someone breathing down my neck and being nosey. It's rude. And I dont like people being sneaky about it either. I'm not saying you were doing that or what he did wasnt rude, but he could be reacting to someone nosing around so close and not just being more open about it.

My roommate often does this and it ****** me off. I squarely turned around last night and confronted him about it because i think it's extremely rude to hover over people and put your nose into their business, nevermind ask what they are doing online. I'm someone who minds my own business and appreciates it when others do too. I dont care what he does, so i expect he shouldnt either. I was nice about it of course, but serious and tried to let him know that it wasnt cool and to back off. If he wants to know something, then just ask and maybe i will tell you. But dont be pushy about it and make someone uncomfortable. Or stand right behind them. Very rude.

Some people are intenselly private for no good reason, they just are. Maybe they were born that way and have a reason to be and dislike another intruding on their space. Is he a fixed sign?

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Posts: 1870
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 10, 2010 08:30 PM         

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I can understand telling someone myob if it were not a spouse or intimate partner, but otherwise no.

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Everyone is a student...
Learning is eternal.
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From:
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posted July 10, 2010 08:32 PM         

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Yes.

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From:
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posted July 10, 2010 08:35 PM         

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In relationships, sometimes you feel like you lose everything. Like you suddenly have to tell the other person your every waking thought and I think people over time get resentful of that and would still at least like to have some sort of privacy or their own life. Make sense? If you trust him and know he's devoted to you, then everything should be okay. Maybe he thinks you are questioning that??

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Posts: 43
From: Arizona with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2010

posted July 10, 2010 11:40 PM         

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I'm so sorry you are going through that. I would say you are not over-reacting and your gut feelings are right. I would be very offended if Bear told me that it was none of my business or to f off if I asked him that question. Most often, we watch the same things- or when he was in Europe before I got there, I would ask him what movie he was watching and he would tell me or he would ask me what I was doing.

Ugh.. Hopefully, you can break through to him because you should not be treated this way at all.

Edited to add: I believe it is very different when a spouse or significant other is asking. I am very private (also 4th house sun and moon on the cusp of the 7th / 8th house). I don't like people in my business unless I tell them about my business. However, I am married and I believe what is mine is my husband's and he believes the same way. Although, I am more private than him (he is a Leo and I am a Sag but I also have Pluto sitting right on my ASC).

If it was a roommate situation, then I wouldn't give a crap what they were doing and I would be offended if they asked me.

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Posts: 263
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted July 11, 2010 03:28 PM         

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I don't think it's "normal" to get told off for asking a question. Have you asked him about this? Is it something that started recently, or has he always been tetchy about answering questions?

If you can, talk to him about it and find out if he's being rude because he feels resentful and needs more space in the relationship, or if he's just being rude because he's being a jerk. It's possible that he's lashing out because he feels a little too much constraint, especially if you live in a small house or apartment and he doesn't feel like he can go someplace to be alone and "recharge." Even if he just wants a little privacy, he should be respectful to you about it.

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Posts: 197
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2010 05:26 PM         

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Thank you all for your replies, now I don't feel so lonely!

To answer some questions:

He's a leo

We've been together for over eight years

Yes, he's always been like this.

I don't know why. I can see if I was the type to breathe down a person's neck, but I'm not. I was just making light-hearted conversation when I entered the computer-room, which the door is always closed. No, I don't mind that, because I adore my own space. I'm in a bind I guess for a a time.

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Posts: 68
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2010 06:19 PM         

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to some people it feels like youre being controlling or something like that so they get annoyed.

i am the same way even if people ask me out of curiosity and nothing more. if he wants to tell you, he will. no use in asking.
doesnt mean he is hiding anything. he just does not like you prying, casually or not.

dont take it personally either. im sure you have nothing to worry about.

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Posts: 1937
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted July 11, 2010 08:42 PM         

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I really hate it when people have to know every little thing I'm doing. Besides, if I'm in the middle of something, especially reading, I hate to be interrupted. It ruins my train of thought. I'm just like, leave me alone. But then, I am a lot like a guy (Mostly masculine planets), so I get it.

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Posts: 2589
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 12, 2010 09:34 AM         

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i would not like that at all.

do it back to him on a regular basis, then he will "get it" on how rude he is treating you.

that just is not nice.

sometimes all people understand is practical experiences they can "relate" to, so doing it back to him for a few weeks will help him "get it", even if it is not your nature. sometimes you have to do it back, so they actually get it.

why didn't you do the dishes? "what is it to you, leave me alone?"

why did it take 3 hours to go to kroger..."why do you care?"

i know it will be hard to do, but it might be the only way for him to see how he is treating you.

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Posts: 441
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 12, 2010 10:34 AM         

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It's not normal especially form a spouse. I would start wondering why that reaction and if he /she is hiding anything.
Couples shoul be open and honest with each other.

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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Posts: 675
From: here, there & everywhere
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 12, 2010 12:17 PM         

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I think it's very rude.
Even if you were the type of person to hover, it's all about communication.
If he has an issue with you hovering or being nosy, he should communicate that to you.
On the same token, if this is bothering you enough to post this, I would recommend talking to him about it.

If you don't communicate these seemingly little issues, they build up and build up and become a mountain of little issues that are irreconsilable.

Just my opinion.. I hope it all works out for you both.

EDIT: eeewww I just noticed this was my 666th post lol.

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Posts: 1330
From: richmond va
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 13, 2010 01:46 AM         

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My ex often said crap like that (that it was none of my business). He was a huge jerk and I'm glad we're not longer dating.

I get curious about what people are doing/who called. It's just in my nature. I'm not JEALOUS or whatever, it's pure curiosity. It's kind of like saying "what's up" for me. I don't understand why people are so defensive.

And I agree, it's a power play. The only people who have been evasive about those kinds of questions with me are ones that are trying to get the upper hand.

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