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Author Topic:   when people fear to be honest and real about things like
letram
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posted November 05, 2010 04:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for letram     Edit/Delete Message
someone's baby not being beautiful, but rather its not that much of a cute baby,

gasp

if its a baby, its automatically beautiful by default.

is it too sensitive? too much?

oh the heart-ache..

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SunChild
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From: Melbourne. Victoria. Australia
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posted November 05, 2010 04:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunChild     Edit/Delete Message
It depends how you define beauty, cute on the other hand... is totally different. Not all are cute but all most are certainly beautiful (in my eyes.)

I knew a mother who openly said her baby was ugly- well I had to cringe, she was not ugly at all, she was retarded, so I guess her own mother could not see beyond her own expectations of beauty.

Often my own mother would comment on babies born with chromosome disorders and she would comment on their unattractive appearance and wondered how a mother could love a baby like that, she said she was being honest and they are just plain ugly.

I beg to differ.... they are so beautiful... symmetry doesn't always have to be a prerequisite for beauty. Perfection is not beauty.
http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

This is a lovely story ~ I think there are many lessons in there.

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lalalinda
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From: nevada
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posted November 05, 2010 04:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
Sincerity will work
if you don't think the baby is cute
find something else nice to say about her.

Babies and children should be off limits if your honesty is critical, it's just not nice.

Out!

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SunChild
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From: Melbourne. Victoria. Australia
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 05, 2010 04:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunChild     Edit/Delete Message
Lala


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GypseeWind
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From: Dayton,Ohio USA
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posted November 06, 2010 02:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Although I've never personally met a Mother who didn't think her child was the absolute most gorgeous creation on earth, I suppose they do exist!

However, I have seen some babies that are cuter than others.
I have seen not-so-cute babies turn into gorgeous adults, and vise-versa.

It's all about perception in this big ole' place called Earth!

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Ami Anne
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From: South of France
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posted November 06, 2010 02:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message
I think you,unintentionally stepped in to a female land mine, Letram

------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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BearsArcher
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Posts: 124
From: Arizona with Bear the Leo
Registered: Apr 2010

posted November 06, 2010 05:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BearsArcher     Edit/Delete Message
I once said that a baby was ugly. I'm a Sag and I was 12 at the time- therefore my filter was not yet learned (we do need time to learn about what is appropriate to say LOL). In any case, my friend's mother promptly sent me out of the house and I peddled my Schwinn home wondering what I did wrong. To me, the baby looked very weird and everyone was "ooohing and awwing" over this little creature that looked very much like a hairless cat with bug eyes.

I asked my mom and dad (Cancer and Capricorn) and they laughed but said it was "not nice" to call a baby ugly. Oh well, I learned my lesson and now that I am much, much older, I realize that it is better to find something endearing (as all babies grow into something beautiful- personality or looks wise) rather than to say "hey, what is the big deal? she looks ugly" LOL...

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Ami Anne
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From: South of France
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posted November 06, 2010 07:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message
You know, that reminds me of a story with my younger brother.
He was 13 years younger than I so I was aware of a lot of things.
My mother took him for a walk in the carriage and a girl said he looked like a monkey lol
My mother was upset and never forgot it lol.

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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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PlutoSquared
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From: Mars
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posted November 06, 2010 10:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PlutoSquared     Edit/Delete Message
Hahaha, Bearsarcher.

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katatonic
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posted November 06, 2010 12:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for katatonic     Edit/Delete Message
my dad always used to say, ALL babies are ugly, wrinkled, misshapen little critters., though that was just a temporary condition owing to having been floating in water for nine months and then squeezed like toothpaste out of a narrow space...of course cesareans are not so misshapen but when mine was born despite seeing her beauty i also understood exactly what he meant. if you look at a pic of her in her first week ... you can kind of see what the general public saw. all i saw was how gorgeous and knowing her eyes were, and how tiny and needy she was...but objectively speaking she was NOT a beauty! within a short time she was, but the fact is if you don't look within they are not "pretty" in a superficial sense.

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SunChild
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From: Melbourne. Victoria. Australia
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posted November 06, 2010 10:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunChild     Edit/Delete Message
NAK

Only children can get away with it.

I was 4 and once said "hey mum, that lady has fat legs!".... she was morbidly obsese, oops.

lol Kat, at the fathers childbirth education they make a point of showing newborn pictures and what to expect, not cute babies, but a wrinkled fetus.

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Cardinal Arbiter
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posted November 07, 2010 01:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cardinal Arbiter     Edit/Delete Message
One may be forced to compromise sincerity when addressing something that the listener denies, if they value the listeners approval higher than sincerity in the moment. But if the listener is not in denial but simply does not understand how to acknowledge the truth, or your point of view, but willing, then explaining in an attempt to account for their sensitive disposition so that they receive it without offense is good.

For example I agree with the aforementioned idea that everyone is equally beautiful but not necessarily cute. So, making sure the mother accepts that her baby doesn't have to be cute is a step to take before telling her that you don't think that it is, not only to retain her respect, but so that they will be more likely to accept it, instead of throwing themselves in denial over it.

------------------
Pisces Sun, Libra Moon, Scorpio Ascendant..
Cardinal Grand Cross

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lalalinda
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From: nevada
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posted November 07, 2010 04:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
But if the listener is not in denial but simply does not understand how to acknowledge the truth, or your point of view, but willing, then explaining in an attempt to account for their sensitive disposition so that they receive it without offense is good...CardnalArbiter

#1 It's only your truth and not neccesarily true at all
#2 You are no friend, because friends don't do that.

Beauty is as beauty does.
(you know what that makes you)

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Cardinal Arbiter
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posted November 08, 2010 01:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Cardinal Arbiter     Edit/Delete Message
I said "truth, or your point of view," to condescend that very point. And if you prefer to let those you care for be less than you believe they can, touche. Why do you have to attack me?

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MyVirgoMask
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From: Bay Area, CA
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posted November 08, 2010 02:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Cardinal Long time no see !

I agree in the sense that babies are people and not all people are pretty or cute or, well, even attractive always lol. It's just nature, and that's ok. And we have preferences. I'm not going to tell a mother I think her kid is unattractive either though because who the hell cares what the kid looks like? As long as it's loved, that's all I care about.

We say that beauty comes from within but in all honesty we tend to judge by looks, even unconsciously. When we get to know someone better, they can appear more pleasing because of their personalities or whatever.
What's interesting is that babies are stuck in a dilemma. We have people and then we have BABIES. And it's like ALL BABIES HAVE TO BE CUTE, even if they're not in our own eyes. They haven't developed personalities yet so how do we perceive this lump of flesh? Yes, we do rate it on looks, and expect it to be cute, because that's all it has going for it until it acquires an actual personality
In the meantime, it's cute (hopefully) to its parents and family. Mammals HAVE to be cute. Study mammals. They are made that way to illicit feelings of helplessness from the mother since they are defenseless. The way the eyes are set apart isn't some random thing, it's a survival mechanism to ward off predators and keep the parent(s) protective. Cute makes real sense in the wild.
But what about to humans?
It's interesting that even as evolved 'humans', when a baby isn't deemed cute, we sometimes get all defensive. It's not considered 'natural' for this to be okay, socially or otherwise. And I think we as humans have a problem with that. We still are part animal but part of us rejects that.

But really as humans, aren't we just talking aesthetics here? Who cares if the kid is cute, it's not like it matters. If it's yours, you love it and want the world to as well

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lalalinda
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From: nevada
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posted November 08, 2010 07:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message
You call that an attack CA?
not even close
I had to stop and remember how old you are and you know what? for your age group, your opinion is not surprising.

For the reasons MVM mentioned (mammals)
I also believe that all baby's are beautiful and maybe just a little irregular at first.

If personality counts for beauty, they've got it in spades.

no I'm not mad at you, I was a little offended at first but you know what?
You are entitled to your opinion.

Out Babe!

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