posted April 30, 2011 05:59 PM            

I felt she did it perhaps a little out of duty and guilt and told her she did not have to. But she insisted. But I knew there were some issues. I kept asking her and she told me she would tell me after treatment, and get her space after treatment. She did not want to stress me during, but i felt her sticking by me put a strain on the relationship *which was already Long distance.

So I lied and told her my chemo was over before it really was. My reasoning was so we could address the issues asap, and to allow her space now, instead of making her wait, so she would not feel any duty or guilt or what ever.

posted April 30, 2011 08:50 PM            

It does sound like you guys have feelings you need to discuss. When you suppress feelings they always get more intense and eventually one person suffocates or explodes.. or it comes out passive aggressively, which I think is the most undermining. That's my view though. Honesty is huge for me, but it could be partly the sag influences. For anyone going through chemo I would want to know about it and support them, whether I hated them or loved them or wasn't sure what I felt about them. If that person didn't want me to, well that's their wish.

Ultimately though.. is it wrong? I think that depends on your girlfriend. I personally doubt she'll be too upset for the action.

posted April 30, 2011 11:45 PM            

That D@*n Uranus, and it is so slow too. It takes a year for it to go like 4-5 degrees. So maybe this time next year ... Ugh, any tranists that might balance this Uranus that I should look into?

posted May 01, 2011 03:45 AM            

quote:

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She told me she would stay w/ me until my treatment (for cancer) was done, and support me. Then take alone time later.
I felt she did it perhaps a little out of duty and guilt and told her she did not have to. But she insisted

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A *true* friend (never mind gf) would not have mentioned this in the first place.
I mean if you want to be there for someone, whatever your reasons may be - then BE there... and if you don't - then leave.
But what's the point of her saying this to you other than to make you feel bad?

posted May 01, 2011 09:41 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
A *true* friend (never mind gf) would not have mentioned this in the first place.
I mean if you want to be there for someone, whatever your reasons may be - then BE there... and if you don't - then leave.
But what's the point of her saying this to you other than to make you feel bad?

I strongly doubt she did it intentionally. She is probably oblivious. But I stand by what I said to you initially -- she is toxic to you (even if it is by accident) - and you deserve a person by your side who has -real- emotional depth.
This person is not her.

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Totally,Carl dear
My heart goes out to you so much.I know you want her to be different. That is the biggest sadness in this,Carl dear.
I don't think she IS who you want and need.
We have all been there,I think I can say.
You, though,have complicating factors with your illness that make it beyond poignant.
Keep writing, dear Carl.
I want to listen,as I know other do ,also

posted May 01, 2011 11:26 AM            

is a lie, morally a good thing? no.

do people in relationships lie to one another? at times yes, the more they do, the more unhealthy and weak the relationship is.

so, you present a case of lie in a relationship, on paper, is you telling her a lie bad? yeah morally it may be incorrect, but in reality and truth? no.

when we lie, we are deceiving, in relationships, one of the most important foundations for peace and security is Trust. relationship without trust, is very likely to crumble away and fast.

so you've told her a lie, what was the purpose of the lie first of all? it was to conceal something for her sake, so at the bottom, it was out of loving thought for her. so already, we see this isnt BAD.

when we lie out of selfishness, and the lie is not out of any form of loving thought for our partner, that is when its bad.

now, the last part is left here in the situation, you told her a lie, what is there left? you have to make a decision, you can always keep this lie to yourself, and it May save some small resentment or negative feelings on her behalf, but i personally would be surprised if she was unhappy with you for this lie, but always remember, everyones principles are different in these matters.

but consider that if she some how finds out, and its not through you that she finds out, you build Mistrust. and thats what crumbles relationships, lack of trust. the other party will wonder what else you have lied about, and if you are willing to lie about something like that, what else are you willing to lie about, can you be trusted? what else do you keep from me sort of thing.

in my opinion, if i tell a lie like this one you have, then my intention is always, to redeem it, by telling my partner the truth as soon as i can. in my opinion, this builds trust upon what small trust you may lose. because it hopefully show them that, you are honest about lieing, and that if you do lie, your intentions arent to keep a secret, or secrets. and that you arent That selfish. and that you love them and respect them.

so, in my opinion, i dont think your lie was bad at all. in other words, i think it was fine/okay.