posted May 14, 2011 05:20 PM            

I need rationality. I need practicality. I need to..not get rid of, but temper these emotions.

They need to be in control, I can not to fall too deeply, especially too quickly and a combo of those two is what I do too much. I am not sure there are enough tender souls who can handle a free wheeling heart like mine with gentleness and care.

How do emotional people protect themselves when all they really want is a deep soul connection and that seems to be the dominating force? Cause 99% of the time, I need to watch out for myself, not to be selfish but to protect myself from being hurt when people don't match my in-depth emotions.

posted May 14, 2011 10:06 PM            

quote:

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don't internalize others experiences.

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posted May 29, 2011 10:42 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tenny22:
Meditation may provide the feeling over those emotions that you are seeking. Nothing heavy, just easy breathing and centering your thoughts... worth a shot.

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Meditation That reminded me of this;

Laughter! Here's one. You know how Facebook caters their Ads to what you've said or your interests? I saw, on the right hand side, an AD that pictured a frustrated woman's face that said " Are you Tired of Meditation?" join this (blah blah blah...) haha
it reminded me of a Chris Rock rant on pharmaceutical drugs, basically..."Do your feet hurt? Are you tired? Do you go to bed at night and wake up in the morning?"
hahahahahaha

It struck me as hilarious.

posted May 30, 2011 03:03 PM            

The two things I can think of are meditation or just taking a lot of time to -be- with how you're feeling. Going to crystals which someone else brought up, obsidian or snowflake obsidian or apache tears carried on your left side will bring up whatever is blocking your emotion and keeping you from crying, plain obsidian might make you a little intense emotionally. I used to not be able to cry and I found that to be the hardest thing.

From my perspective in trying to re-learn how to cry, I realize that shutting down emotion can be a safety mechanism, so try to be in a place where you're safe first and have the time to devote to your healing because if you're shut down emotionally like you are, you're obviously wounded. Secondly just accept whatever comes up or comes to the surface in a detached but curious way, kind of like meditation, and be with it as much as possible. Fear and aversion, that desire to even change your emotions carries elements of aversion and fear, which amplify both emotions and pain so they are your enemies here. When subconcious stuff comes to the surface love and accept that and it will disappear or you'll consciously integrate or learn from it.

As far as emotional trauma is concerned, the exact correlate to non-reactance and emotional stability in trying or averse circumstances, where you might get hurt etc or someone hurts you is self compassion. I also think compassion works here similarly. It keeps you centered in the rational prefrontal cortex as opposed to your amygdala hijacking the process and leading on a rollercoaster ride to a damaged hypothalamus (the impact of repeated trauma results in post traumatic stress disorder although I'm sure it's different in a romantic context).

There's a great story that highlights the practical aspects of this. One of the Dalai Lama's doctors who was unable to escape Tibet in time and was captured by the chinese and subsequently tortured for 20+ years of his life. When he escaped neuroscientists went to look at his brain and while they were expecting to see a highly traumatized brain they found a very healthy brain and brain activity that looked as if he had experienced no psychological trauma. When asked if he was ever afraid of anything during his 20 years of being tortured he said that he indeed was afraid, he was afraid he would lose his compassion for the Chinese people. For that reason he never suffered. I know it's hokey, but compassion/love/acceptance is like a panacea of mitigating trauma and is a strength in itself (for emotional resiliency etc).

Unrelated, but there's this thing called the happiness set-point that is the ratio of activity between the left anterior cingulate cortex (acc) and the right anterior cingulate cortex on either side of the medial prefrontal cortex (attention at the center of your prefrontal cortex.. the front of your head). The left anterior cingulate cortex (acc) is responsible for things like courage compassion and recognizing a conflict. Conveniently the left prefrontal cortex is in charge of solving a conflict along with teaching and seeing things from other perspectives. The right acc is in charge of anxiety and insecurity etc. Our happiness setpoint (acc ratio) is largely genetic, but you can change it by exercising the left acc more. The highest happiness setpoint they ever found was in a Buddhist monk affectionately known as the happy geshe doing compassion meditation. Coincidence? I think not. A little unrelated but maybe it will help you. Daniel Siegel talks about aspects of Buddhism also making one more self regulating emotionally where they don't need or aren't as reliant on interpersonal attachments as strongly for emotional regulation and become intrapersonally attuned (his pet word). There is a ton of research in this area.. between science and Buddhism.

So maybe self mastery? I'm not saying you don't have it because I can tell by your posts that you do. Maybe these emotions are trying to teach you something deeper about your self or reality.