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Author Topic:   Feeling Antisocial
LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2011 06:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lately I have had to force myself more often than not, to be social.
That even includes not just people in real life and online but things outside myself such as exposures to the net and movies or books or grocery shopping or anything.
I don't want to think about past present future.
The world and news depresses me.
I got out today.
Went out to lunch,
It was OK.....
but made me feel even more down,
or numb.
I did my usual collecting smiles.
But today it did not help me.
I even found a $10 bill and it felt not like a gift but a kind of sick mockery.
I saw myself in a full length mirror when I was out and was not happy with what I saw.
It was not how I see myself. I did not recognize that person in the mirror.
I am dreading Winter.
I find myself crying a lot for no clear identifiable reason.
I feel like shutting all my emotions off.

Should I keep forcing myself to be social?

------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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Emeraldopal
Knowflake

Posts: 261
From: U
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 03, 2011 07:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emeraldopal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Awwww, LEXX, we all go to that place..
take your time, relax, remember what
brings you joy!
In no Time at all, you'll be ready to
share...
You are BEaUtiful, and we need you!

------------------
All my love, with all my Heart
lotusheartone

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2011 07:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Emeraldopal:
Awwww, LEXX, we all go to that place..
take your time, relax, remember what
brings you joy!
In no Time at all, you'll be ready to
share...
You are BEaUtiful, and we need you!


Thank you Emeraldopal
Maybe it is just from watching my ex who I still live with, struggling with the death of his grandmother and dad in the past two weeks.
I have been dreaming about my death a lot.
Weird stuff like if I suddenly feel like I am going to die I had better go outside so when they come get my body they will not have to come inside and struggle dragging my big heavy corpse out.
I am always surprised each time I wake up alive.
I die a lot in my dreams from many different things.
Often several times a night, and even in cat naps.
I am not scared, it just happens a lot.
And oddly I am not feeling suicidal or self destructive,
but do feel like I am dying and or saying goodbye in many ways.

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Emeraldopal
Knowflake

Posts: 261
From: U
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 03, 2011 07:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emeraldopal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LEXX, I know how strong you Are..
and deep down you do also..Your work
is not finished, and you will Master-
Your-Self in this Life. ...

There is a new YOU you emerging...
separate from your X to be...this
feels like Death, yes,

But it's Your New Beginning!
Transformation....

I await... .

------------------
All my love, with all my Heart
lotusheartone

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dysfunctionalmystic
Moderator

Posts: 754
From:
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 03, 2011 07:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for dysfunctionalmystic     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have days like this, I had a bad spell last year were I was like it for weeks, I'm lucky because I have to take the kids to school so I'm kind of forced out into society. I generally avoid going out to be sociable but will make sure I get out for a coffee at least once a week. I can socialise easy enough but I just can't always face "them out there".

I understand what you mean about seeing yourself and not liking it, I'm not as bad now but when I was heavier.....I remember one day I just turned around and went back home because I couldn't stand being outside because I felt so heavy. That was not a good day.

I'd try to make sure you're getting out just a little if you don't want to..just to keep yourself from getting stagnant.

Have you got some heavy astro transits going on?

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 19994
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 03, 2011 07:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Today,I was really hurting cuz I realized something really painful about my life.I realized my mother was a sadist but I realized it in my heart, not my head,
I cried tears that were so bitter they felt like acid.
Then,Lechien told me that I had helped her and I felt better.
I felt that I contributed.I felt that I mattered.
From then on, I have felt better.
When I am really down, sometimes the last thing I want to do is to help someone but if I do, I will be rewarded by my own heart lifting.
That is what happened to me, today.

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2011 07:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Emeraldopal:
LEXX, I know how strong you Are..
and deep down you do also..Your work
is not finished, and you will Master-
Your-Self in this Life. ...

There is a new YOU you emerging...
separate from your X to be...this
feels like Death, yes,

But it's Your New Beginning!
Transformation....

I await... .


I feel you are right.
I am so exhausted though.


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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2011 07:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by dysfunctionalmystic:
I have days like this, I had a bad spell last year were I was like it for weeks, I'm lucky because I have to take the kids to school so I'm kind of forced out into society. I generally avoid going out to be sociable but will make sure I get out for a coffee at least once a week. I can socialise easy enough but I just can't always face "them out there".

I understand what you mean about seeing yourself and not liking it, I'm not as bad now but when I was heavier.....I remember one day I just turned around and went back home because I couldn't stand being outside because I felt so heavy. That was not a good day.

I'd try to make sure you're getting out just a little if you don't want to..just to keep yourself from getting stagnant.

Have you got some heavy astro transits going on?


Sorry you have felt like this too.
I posted at Persona Readings so maybe someone will give me some feedback on my transits or anything.

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2011 07:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Today,I was really hurting cuz I realized something really painful about my life.I realized my mother was a sadist but I realized it in my heart, not my head,
I cried tears that were so bitter they felt like acid.
Then,Lechien told me that I had helped her and I felt better.
I felt that I contributed.I felt that I mattered.
From then on, I have felt better.
When I am really down, sometimes the last thing I want to do is to help someone but if I do, I will be rewarded by my own heart lifting.
That is what happened to me, today.

I am glad you feel better.
Oddly whether I am down or not;
I Always want to and often do help folks.
I mean, they need help and it is not their fault I am down.
And if it makes them feel better, then wonderful! However I then fall back into the doldrums again.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 19994
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 03, 2011 08:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Today,I was really hurting cuz I realized something really painful about my life.I realized my mother was a sadist but I realized it in my heart, not my head,
I cried tears that were so bitter they felt like acid.
Then,Lechien told me that I had helped her and I felt better.
I felt that I contributed.I felt that I mattered.
From then on, I have felt better.
When I am really down, sometimes the last thing I want to do is to help someone but if I do, I will be rewarded by my own heart lifting.
That is what happened to me, today.

quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
I am glad you feel better.
Oddly whether I am down or not;
I Always want to and often do help folks.
I mean, they need help and it is not their fault I am down.
And if it makes them feel better, then wonderful! However I then fall back into the doldrums again.


I know

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2011 08:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I know



Thank you for caring
To better times and peace of mind!

------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 19994
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted September 03, 2011 08:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I know


quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:

Thank you for caring
To better times and peace of mind!


Yep!


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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2011 08:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I wonder if this has any bearing on how ill I have felt this Summer both emotionally and physically?
The stink at times is nearly unbearable.


------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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Emeraldopal
Knowflake

Posts: 261
From: U
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 03, 2011 09:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emeraldopal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You will Rise Above ALL this...

You need, to nurture you, so you
can get on with your Great Work...
Take time for Your-Self...You have
so much to share...
take care
of YOU!

A new Life Awaits...did I read somewhere,
that you are going to the United Kingdom?

------------------
All my love, with all my Heart
lotusheartone

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 03, 2011 09:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Emeraldopal:
You will Rise Above ALL this...

You need, to nurture you, so you
can get on with your Great Work...
Take time for Your-Self...You have
so much to share...
take care
of YOU!

A new Life Awaits...did I read somewhere,
that you are going to the United Kingdom?


I agree.
And thank you for the uplifting and caring words!
Blessings and Love to you!
I have given and given and neglected myself.
It is hard for me to give to myself before others.
I must find a balance somehow.
Yes the UK is one of my potential paths.
At this time it is financially not possible however.
Also there are many things to consider and also so very much to wrap up here before doing so.
At this time I am trapped by circumstances which will take near miracles to fix.
This is not an easy decision.
Only time will tell if it is the right thing/move for me and all concerned.
I try to remain as optimistic as I can.

------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
}><}}('>~

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Emeraldopal
Knowflake

Posts: 261
From: U
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 03, 2011 09:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emeraldopal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LEXX,

A big Hug-Of-Love..When I saw UK...
it resonated with me...I pictured you
there immediately...AS I'VE said....
You have your Great Work, Purpose,
Mission...

No One can take away what you have learned
and earned... .

I Know you from a long time ago...
You Will Succeed!

------------------
All my love, with all my Heart
lotusheartone

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Emeraldopal
Knowflake

Posts: 261
From: U
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 03, 2011 09:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emeraldopal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LEXX,

A big Hug-Of-Love..When I saw UK...
it resonated with me...I pictured you
there immediately...AS I'VE said....
You have your Great Work, Purpose,
Mission...

No One can take away what you have learned
and earned... .

I Know you from a long time ago...
You Will Succeed!

------------------
All my love, with all my Heart
lotusheartone

IP: Logged

Emeraldopal
Knowflake

Posts: 261
From: U
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 03, 2011 09:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emeraldopal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hehe, twice, I really have no idea
how this happens!?

------------------
All my love, with all my Heart
lotusheartone

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 7269
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 07, 2011 09:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well here I go....again.....
posting this in case
I get worse and cannot type for awhile.
Feel weird and my left dark over dilated eye is indicative of another fraking mini-stroke.
Yippie.
Bad pic taken with iPod but you can see over dilated left eye.
Yeah holding eyes open with hands so they look bug-eyed.
So if I am not here for awhile that is why.
It is so hard to keep up my optimism when shite like this keeps happening.

PS.
No sense in going to ER;
they never can do anything but say, wait it out and hope for best and here take two aspirin.

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Voix_de_la_Mer
Knowflake

Posts: 374
From: Scotland
Registered: Aug 2011

posted September 07, 2011 10:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Voix_de_la_Mer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lexx,
I am really sorry you are feeling like this, but your last message is quite alarming.
Is there someone you can inform about the mini stroke, like a family member or friend?
It's easy to brush-off danger when you're used to it, and tired, but that doesn't make it any less dangerous.
Please let someone know.
I really think it's worth a check-up at the hospital too, many things could go wrong that no one foresees, illness is unpredictable sometimes.

You have my thoughts and best wishes.
I hope you feel better soon.

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Emeraldopal
Knowflake

Posts: 261
From: U
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 07, 2011 11:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Emeraldopal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LEXX,

You should go to the hospital..

Sending you bunches and bunches and
bunches of Healing LOVE. ...

------------------
All my love, with all my Heart
lotusheartone

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