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Author Topic:   Important Employee Notice
jwhop
Knowflake

Posts: 4199
From: Madeira Beach, FL USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2011 12:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jwhop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
EMPLOYEE NOTICE:

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off

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rajji
Knowflake

Posts: 1171
From:
Registered: Jan 2011

posted September 18, 2011 05:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rajji     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
HOLY SHITe!

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charmainec
Moderator

Posts: 3067
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2011 06:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charmainec     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Haha!

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 11634
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2011 01:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be.

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lalitree
Knowflake

Posts: 179
From:
Registered: Apr 2011

posted September 18, 2011 04:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalitree     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL

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juniperb
Moderator

Posts: 2588
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 18, 2011 05:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
does the SHAFT program go by the undercover name Unemployment Insurance Agency??

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Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~Rumi~

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 11634
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted September 20, 2011 10:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be.

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