posted February 25, 2012 01:26 AM            

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I’m getting sick of the term friendzone. And, more than that, I’m sick of the people using it.

Women are told almost constantly—by the media, the government, and the overall attitude of society—that our bodies don’t fcuking belong to us. The mythical friendzone is just another way for misogynists to enforce that idea while getting to play the victim.

It sucks when someone you have feelings for doesn’t share those feelings; it happens to women all the time, too. We hear “I just want to be friends” and “you’re like one of the guys” and “you’re like a sister to me” just as often. But you’ll never hear a woman complain that guys just don’t appreciate a Nice Girl because we’re taught it’s our own fcuking fault when we’re rejected—we aren’t pretty enough or thin enough or sexy enough, we weren’t sexual enough or were too sexual, we put out too much or too little or too soon or not soon enough, we didn’t wear our hair the right way or our skirt the right length, we’re “too tomboyish” or “too butch” or “too feminine”, or we’re “not their type”, or we’re otherwise not good enough in various ways to entice the man to grace us with his affection.

But when we’re not interested in someone, we’re vilified. We’re the b!tch that lead them on, the b!tch who let them buy us dinner but didn’t want to date them, the b!tch who doesn’t appreciate a nice guy, the b!tch they were nice to and then got nothing in return from.

And, frankly, fcuk those people. Showing interest in me, being friendly with me, getting close to me, or eating a meal with me (even if they paid for it) doesn’t obligate me to open my heart or my legs. And anyone who doesn’t appreciate my friendship sure as hell doesn’t deserve my love or my p###y.

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Amen sister!!

Source

posted February 25, 2012 03:34 AM            

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Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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posted February 25, 2012 04:37 AM            

And that's why I don't like the term, because it not only says women are obligated to have sex with a man or she's a terrible person, but that the only value a woman has to a man is for sexual gratification and all else is details, perhaps irrelevant details. Why can't I be a person like a man is?

And in my experience you don't even have to "lead them on" (that is, be nice to them, spend time with them as you would any decent person, etc). Like one guy interrupted my walking with a proposition. I flashed a ring and said "I'm married" (a trick I used to use to cut down on harassment), and that's ALL I said to him as I kept walking. He followed me a bit telling me I needed to be more adventurous and he could be far better than my husband. When I continued to reject his advances he first called me a coward and then started cussing at me and I felt genuinely threatened, but he stopped following me, content to yell obscenities at me. So apparently all you have to do is reject a man at any time and be the villain.

And I've faced much worse from a few I DID allow to buy me things or do nice things for me, and the experience has made me extremely reluctant to accept favors from guys I don't know and already trust.

And I've seen it online where a guy posts his honest thoughts with whom he assumes are sympathetic guys. For example, one blared hatred at women for rejecting him (and even though I never met him I understood why he'd have a real hard time going by other things he posted, like sleeping on a vomit stained mattress as just one example out of many), and in his rant said a woman moved in next door to him and asked him if he'd help her get her couch from the moving van into her new home and he refused because he wasn't a "putz" and knew she wouldn't have sex with him after he helped her, so he took delight in refusing to help her (btw, he also said he was rejected for being a "nice guy"). All the guys, including him, went silent when I asked if it was normal for a guy to believe he was owed sex for a simple favor that I give without thought of any reward at all (I'd have helped her--or him--with everything else as well as the couch) and if he'd have also refused a guy help because he wouldn't want sex with him anyway, or would it be "different" if it was a guy. But then why answer me, one doesn't answer questions asked by sex toys unless answering makes her available for his **** .

Oh, yeah, that same guy also wasn't interested in any woman he didn't consider perfect. He didn't find it amusing when I pointed out that maybe the "perfect women" rejected him because they were looking for the perfect man.

Plenty of other guys have that attitude as well. In extreme cases, they even target women in shooting sprees for being rejected, like George Hennard in one of the deadliest shooting rampages in the United States (and in the case of George Sodini, he was constantly trying for young, beautiful women half his age as anything else was beneath him, but he felt justified in hating the women who rejected him the same way he rejected many women). Of course individual women are beaten, raped, and/or killed for rejecting a guy's advances so much that it's a legite fear. Summed up nicely:

posted February 25, 2012 06:30 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
And that's why I don't like the term, because it not only says women are obligated to have sex with a man or she's a terrible person, but that the only value a woman has to a man is for sexual gratification and all else is details, perhaps irrelevant details. Why can't I be a person like a man is?

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Preciser. It is the objectification of women AND men by implying that all women are sex objects and all men are slaves to their sexual appetites.

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And in my experience you don't even have to "lead them on" (that is, be nice to them, spend time with them as you would any decent person, etc). Like one guy interrupted my walking with a proposition. I flashed a ring and said "I'm married" (a trick I used to use to cut down on harassment), and that's ALL I said to him as I kept walking. He followed me a bit telling me I needed to be more adventurous and he could be far better than my husband. When I continued to reject his advances he first called me a coward and then started cussing at me and I felt genuinely threatened, but he stopped following me, content to yell obscenities at me. So apparently all you have to do is reject a man at any time and be the villain.

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An experience sadly shared by a number of women every single day of their lives.

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Oh, yeah, that same guy also wasn't interested in any woman he didn't consider perfect. He didn't find it amusing when I pointed out that maybe the "perfect women" rejected him because they were looking for the perfect man.

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Sadly, I know a lot of men like the one above who feel "indignant" because a woman points out the inherent sexism and misogyny in their so-called Nice Guy facade.

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“It is understandable that the perspectives of men and women on safety are so different--men and women live in different worlds...at core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them.” --Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

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Ah, I love Gavin Becker's writing, what little I have read of it online.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences here.

posted February 26, 2012 12:10 AM            

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“It is understandable that the perspectives of men and women on safety are so different--men and women live in different worlds...at core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them.” --Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

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posted February 26, 2012 12:14 AM            

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He followed me a bit telling me I needed to be more adventurous and he could be far better than my husband. When I continued to reject his advances he first called me a coward and then started cussing at me and I felt genuinely threatened, but he stopped following me, content to yell obscenities at me. So apparently all you have to do is reject a man at any time and be the villain.

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posted February 27, 2012 12:22 AM            

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But you’ll never hear a woman complain that guys just don’t appreciate a Nice Girl because we’re taught it’s our own fcuking fault

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Every guy i've known that was a b!tching complainer about being the "nice guy" ...ho hum, woe is me...was actually usually the biggest @hole going.

The guys who didnt complain about it and just went about being themselves, were often the ones where were actually pretty respectable and normal and genuinely NICE.

posted February 27, 2012 01:23 AM            

“There is no deception on the part of the woman, where a man bewilders himself: if he deludes his own wits, I can certainly acquit the women. Whatever man allows his mind to dwell upon the imprint his imagination has foolishly taken of women, is fanning the flames within himself -- and, since the woman knows nothing about it, she is not to blame. For if a man incites himself to drown, and will not restrain himself, it is not the water's fault.”
― John Gower, Confessio Amantis