posted March 15, 2012 09:11 AM
Thank you for your interest in driving a vehicle in New York City. We have stringent standards and you are required to undergo the follow certification to determine your driving abilities. Please answer the following questions carefully
1. Before changing lanes, you should:
(b) signal and check your review mirror.
(c) signal and check your review and side mirrors.
(d) just swing out into the next lane. This is New York City and everyone should give way.
2. The top light on a traffic signal is:
(d) who cares, it doesn't apply in New York City anyway.
3. The speed limit in a residential area is:
(a) 25 mph.
(b) 35 mph.
(c) 45 mph.
(d) my car is powerful for a good reason and I'll drive as fast as I want.
4. In Manhattan and Brooklyn, when a pedestrian crosses the street, you should:
(a) slow down.
(c) drive another way around the block.
(d) speed up and honk your horn. I have the right of way.
5. Everywhere else outside Manhattan and Brooklyn, when a pedestrian crosses the street, you should:
(a) slow a little.
(c) maintain your speed.
(d) speed up and don't bother to honk your horn. It's the pedestrian's fault anyway, and he better not hit my car.
6. You may make a left turn from the right lane:
(b) when there is a left arrow.
(c) on Sundays after midnight.
(d) whenever you darn well like because this is New York City.
7. When a school bus has flashing red lights, you should:
(b) slow down and pass carefully.
(c) check and pass at the same speed.
(d) honk your horn, speed up and order some takeout food on your cell phone.
8. When you hear an emergency siren, you should:
(a) pull to the right and stop.
(b) pull into the nearest gas station or supermarket.
(c) turn up your radio and ignore it.
(d) rev your engine, speed off and out run the siren. Your car is more powerful than the ambulance or fire engine anyway.
9. You may make a U-turn in front of a fire station:
(b) when the fire station doors are closed.
(c) there is no police around.
(d) whenever you decide to turn around. That big driveway is designed for you to turn around. Or stop and play with your phone.
10. A U-turn in a business district is legal when:
(c) only at an intersection.
(d) whenever you pass a sale.
11. When approaching a traffic light when cars are stopped, you should:
(a) stop a safe distance behind the car in front.
(b) slow down and relax getting to the traffic light.
(c) anticipate the light changing to green and then speeding up.
(d) take out your cell phone, wave it and call your wife/girlfriend so everyone can see you have a new fancy iPhone.
12. When making a turn onto a side street, you should signal:
(a) two car lengths before turning.
(b) two blocks before turning.
(c) two miles before turning.
(d) never. What for? I'm a New Yorker and I'll just sue if the guy behind hits me.
13. Street parking at a fire hydrant is allowed when:
(b) on Sunday.
(c) when there are no more parking spots.
(d) when I'll only be a few minutes because I have to catch the sale.
14. I need to pay parking tickets when:
(a) when the parking meter expires.
(b) when I park illegally in a handicap zone.
(c) when I double park or triple park.
(d) are you kidding me? This is New York City!