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  Need ppl to read this and give advice. about me, my past, and astrology

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Author Topic:   Need ppl to read this and give advice. about me, my past, and astrology

Posts: 58
From: vancouver, bc, canada
Registered: Sep 2012

posted March 23, 2013 07:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for soren     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Man oh man. I used to be such an awesome person. I used to only care about producing goodness in mine and others lives. I was constantly trying to please others and support them and make them happy. I felt terrible one time cause i told my dad that i was unsure if i loved him. Now im bitter. Im unsure if i want to get better in life or not. Im fueled by hate. Im fueled by disregarding others opinions in my life. I just want to be understood. Im messed. Im detached from reality. I want ppl to believe in me. I find it hard to tell my theories on life and astrology to ppl cause they will probably be skeptical. I guess thats to be expected. But i just believe in my theories firmly. For example: astrology, ill talk about it in a minute. I am, or i have been, an incredibly self concious person. I became a vegetarian but wasnt eating enough protien and so i would occasionally eat meat. I was observing my mind so intently that i believed i could tell right away when the meat would hit my system strongly. It was like i felt so weak for a week then after i ate meat, after 30 hours on average i timed, i would all of a sudden get a huge boost of energy and wanted to so push ups and excercise and i could do them so easily unlike before. I believe it was because i could tell the meat was hitting my system. What else was i doing? I was seeing how meat was changing my perspective on reality when it was hitting me. My most significant observation was this: it made me feel like i was more into the physical reality. Like paying attention to the physical objects before my eyes more and feeling more like i was "there". And when i was a vegetarian i felt more spiritual and in my mind. Anyway when i told my friends they either didnt care or called ******** . Which is understandable i guess. But i wish someone would just believe me and give me some credit or something!! Ive been discovering crazy **** in reality of which i believe is true, but not many others do. Ppl say its irrational to say that you know anything like this for sure. Well i guess thats where the word "believe" comes into play for me. It doesnt mean im crazy.

So for astrology and one small reason why i think its true is from being so observant of my conciousness and mind and obsessing over astrology i thought i could feel and understand a little bit of how each planet affects me. I could just feel forces inside of me, each force different, and i pinned those forces down to each planet. I did this by reading descriptions online of what each planets energy was like. Apparently other ppl can feel planets in themselves too. Anyway in astrology there is a thing called an ascendent and, if you believe in astrology, it progresses in everyones life (everyone who lives long enough anyway). And i thought i could just feel when my ascendent progressed into pisces from aquarius. It is a somewhat sizable life change when it happens. No one has to believe me on this but i believe that when it changed to pisces i became an extrovert. I started focusing externally much more. I started feeling a bit different and started to have a bit of a different of an approach to life. A fixed sign means that it tries to stay the same and so apparently fixed signs often live in one place for a long time. And mutable signs like to do new things a lot like travel. At the time that my ascendent was progressing into pisces i quit my job, then went hitch hiking for a week. Then came back then travelled in hawaii and hitch hiked around. Then came back and got a rideshare, bus, and hitch hiked to montreal. This is quite a bit different from my previous life style. But i so desperately needed a change in my life that i may have done those things even if my ascendent didnt progress. Or maybe my desperation went hand in hand with needing life changes because of my ascendent progressing. So yeah. Thats just one reason i have to believe in astrology, and i have much more. They are all based on personal interpretation though. But i think i could possibly prove astrology. Read the next *paragraph for an example of how to POSSIBLY prove astrology.

* if the planets and which zodiac sign they fall in really does have an effect on our personality then a possible way to observe this is to find a time when one or two planets are on the verge of progressing to a new zodiac sign and then find one baby, prefferably one baby of two twins, that was born an hour before the planets progressed into a new sign. Then find the other baby, preferably a twin who was born an hour later, who was born after the planets progressed. If the sun was one of these progressed "space bodies" then that would mean the second baby would have a different sun sign than the first baby which should really show in the personality later on life. So thats just one way i could think of that could show possible evidence for astrology. Of course it will never be verifiable evidence and i understand that. Im just throwing the idea out there to make someone think, "whoa, that might work."

So yeah i believe in astrology a lot. But ppl can believe what they want. I should just accept that. No one can make me think its untrue no matter what. Maybe i have a closed mind but whatever. Thats what i believe.

And lastly for this note i might be gay but i often have no sexual feelings or i supress my sexual feelings or try to turn them off cause idk. I just want to find something that feels right. But so far no go. I dont care if i never have sex in my life. Also. Me proving my own awesomeness has been an enjoyable thing. I like my attitude of how i deal with things. When i get sexually frustrated i say **** it i dont care if i never have sex again. When im in a bad mood and i want others to treat me good like how they treat me when im in a good mood. But they dont. And so i worry what i should do, if i should just stop being so prideful and self confident or whatever in order to not make these people any madder. But i say **** it i didnt do anything wrong i only wanted good in life then i continue in my slightly rediculous ways and i stop making such a big deal of how other people look at me. And i only have this "seemingly negative" attitude because i trust the forces of the universe that everything will be alright and that i just gotta keep moving forward in life and things will get better.

Anyway it was nice to type that and express myself hopefully someone will read it so i can be understood because thats what i value.

*added on since i wrote that vvvv

this is about my sexual orientation. Ok i believe in masculine and feminine energy. So those of you who know about this please advise me. Im a guy with a masculine core. My father had a feminome core and my mother had a masculine core. They say our parents shape our sexuality. Well my mom died when i was 4. So my sexuality shapement probably isnt as attached to my mother as much as someone who was my age and stilk had their mom. Ive had few female figures in my life. I find i only get the warm feeling of comfort and love with girls that have masculine cores. However i feel the connection to be more natural and flowing with girls that have feminine cores. I also find their faces to be more attractive. BUT those feelings of comfort and warmth and understanding are just not there like i have with masculine cored girls. My brother i believe is marrying a masculine cored girl. And i believe my sister is dating a feminine cored guy. Which resemble our parents. So i just want to ask u guys, do u think i will ever have feelings for feminine cored girls? I guess anything is possible right? Thanks for any replies.

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Posts: 6309
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 23, 2013 07:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Welcome to LLC 2 soren!

Sending this on over to Personal Readings.

We need to listen to our own song, and share it with others, but not force it on them. Our songs are different. They should be in harmony with each other. ~ Mattie Stepanek

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