posted March 09, 2014 07:55 AM            

So I just recently had a past life regression session, and although everything seemed blurry, I did find some answers. I actually did it twice--first, was to find out if I knew my current crush from a past life and second, was to find out about my most recent past life.

The first one, my name was Esmeralda Martinez. Funny how that was the first name that came up since I usually use it as a screen name on the internet. But anyway, I lived somewhere in Spain, in a place called, Sta. Maria. I believe the year was somewhere in the 1800's. I was 21 and I was a daughter of a nobleman. My family was going through bankruptcy and my dad, whom I still couldn't figure out who, had to arrange a marriage for me to save the family. Sure enough, the guy that I had to marry was my crush. Back then, I didn't return his feelings. He did love me in that lifetime, but I felt nothing for him. I didn't wanna disappoint my father and I didn't want my family to go bankrupt, either, so I married him. I was lonely and I felt chained in the relationship. He tried all his best to make me happy, but I was never happy with him.

I guess now I understand why I feel like I should care for him more than I should. I even go to great lengths to help him with things. I believe my soul is repaying him for saving my family from financial loss back in that lifetime. In this lifetime, I think my soul's purpose is to return the love I never gave him in the past. I am really in love with him. I didn't understand why, but now I do. It's my soul's need to repay him for everything he has ever done for me.

My second session brought me to the 1940's. My name was Claire Ross and I was 33. I lived in a town called St. Louis in Sweden. I lived with my dad, John, in the countryside. The session had me go back to when I was 12. I learned that I didn't go to school. Instead, I had a private tutor. I didn't have no friends because I was isolated. My dad kept it that way for some reason. We lived close to a barn owner and his name was John, too. I also played the violin in that lifetime. But that was pretty much it since I had to wake myself up a few seconds later.

Judging from my second session, my dad in that lifetime had to keep me away from society. I don't know why but he just did. If I compare that to my present life, my present dad actually gives me my freedom. He's the one that encourages me to get out and do things--which I do, a lot. I guess this is the Universe's way of giving me what it owed me in that lifetime, which is freedom.

I got more interesting insights, but this is all I know for now.

posted March 09, 2014 10:10 PM            

So years later I was trying to bring about an OOBE but the exercises caused a painful vibration with what I guess you'd call my aura, though it felt physical like people who leave their bodies often feel, so a witch friend gave me some meditation exercises to help. It wasn't helpful at first but I kept at it and one night I felt it seem to help, and then it shot up my spine and out of my head and this was a physical force that SHOVED several clear memories of multiple lives in my head with an intuitive understanding how a few things in other lives affected this one.

These were many lives, though I died in childhood a lot (which may have contributed to my writing stories as a child of children in peril in the wilderness, curses, diseases, etc). I was never anyone famous, I guess the most important I've been was a priestess of Freya in a village that I believe was in (today) Sweden which may have contributed to a vision I had at age 15. There was detail there of both haunting beauty & sadness, how we depended on fishing, archery, and magic more than anything to survive...magic being strongly based on herbs which healed, inspired visions & frenzy (and rarely traded to outsiders), and could make our arrows (by poisoning the heads, and women, including myself, were trained in archery as well) feared by outsiders who might otherwise raid us (it was a barbaric time in which trust outside the village was almost nonexistent, and we only dealt with outsiders simply because we couldn't produce everything we needed to survive). I was practically worshiped by locals and feared by outsiders, my magic (among a few others) protecting us, but I struggled with bitterness at every misfortune I failed to foresee or prevent. Still, nothing was as beautiful as a sacred beach that only the priestesses of Freya were allowed to be on, and I took comfort in it, though an increasingly sad one as the burden of years weighed on me, and I was content to die at last.

But the clearest memories, and cause of the astral pain/blockage, was that of a male pirate (the one I'd seen in my own reflection years earlier)...I for the next few hours my brain even switched into thinking in the mental voice of the pirate, even in French. Long story short I ended up in the Americas with a serious hatred of the British & I saw myself as a lesser evil compared to them. And I did a lot of womanizing but ended up marrying two women in different ports who didn't know about the other, children by both, and I had to remain a pirate (though I tired of it) to support both of them and because I'd have to choose one over the other if I settled down, and I just couldn't choose. I finally realized I'd pirate for the rest of my days and wondered what I'd do when my sons got old enough to want to come along and inevitably found out about my other family.

Meanwhile, both as business and as hatred against the British we aided the American rebels during the Revolution, as privateers (not recognized as such by any other power save maybe the French) when we could and giving a heads up of forces approaching when we couldn't. But the British got sick of us and laid a trap, we thought we'd found easy pickings, looked like a supply ship...but as we found out once we were boarding that it was filled with armed soldiers who ambushed us as we let our guard down (while guarding prisoners, many of whom no doubt had been shanghaied into serving the British) and we were massacred. I was shot but thanks to my adrenaline I barely noticed it and attacked, as did others, as we knew we'd be executed if captured anyway so there was nothing to do but fight to the death...and I certainly did. Loss of blood (got stabbed & slashed, too) made me weak and others fighting accidentally knocked me overboard where I drowned in the Atlantic.

And I recall being above the battle and seeing all the death below and had such utter empathy and sorrow for all of them, and the pain they were all drowning in, French & British. And my awareness spread to what the British did to us and we to them, both sides thinking our barbarity was justice (harsh but fair) and I felt just how much it hurt all of us equally in a mutual dance, and we were both to blame equally, and it caused ripples of pain that affected others, including my 2 wives who'd never know what happened to me while they still lived, and the hardship they'd know without my support (I had depressing details), and they'd continue to spread that web of misery while suffering in it themselves, down through the generations. And I felt the same for the British only I no longer hated them, I loved them as kindred spirits linked by shared tragedy, and if I still had lungs I'd have shrieked them raw on their behalf as well as my own. Hell isn't fire & brimstone, it's perfect love & empathy for all without an ego to make rationalizations for one's own part in it. I knew the British would suffer as I did and I just wanted our suffering to end when love was all that mattered. (Interesting enough, I saw no other spirits--maybe we'd all become One?)

And I felt the echoes of that in this life, with some of the people I mixed with, and even my best friend who died when I was 15 (just before my vision of Freya) who I sensed was one of the wives who had to make do without me and why she and I had an unusual lesbian relationship at times in which I played the guy. I worried about those I had to meet from that life because I knew I would one day (not that everyone was from a past life, nor would I meet many who were) and then there was that web of misery I was caught in and helped to spread in my own anguish...would I do that again in this life, or would I choose a different path?

The pain I felt was gone, though I had to retreat from the mystical world for awhile after that. But I'd instantly switched to someone who didn't believe in reincarnation into someone who did.