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Author Topic:   Mirage how are you
Randall
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Posts: 162591
From: I hold a Juris Doctorate (J.D.) and a Legum Magister (LL.M.)!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted May 20, 2022 01:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What was causing the pacing outside your door?

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 15191
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted May 20, 2022 08:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
What was causing the pacing outside your door?


Drunk brother? An agitated fuming toxic sister-in-law/wife? maybe Both? *eek*

I locked my bedroom door.
(But he could easily still bump it open)

I sent out some texts to my 'justice' worker around midnight. She'll be finding them this morning.

If I leave the house for my safety today or this weekend,
my computer (this) will be taken apart and stored by my Leo brother. (I told my Leo bro what's been happening in this house. He's willing to store my computer. {He and wife have tiny bungalow house-- not a place for me to stay.}

Taurus+SisPisces had basically banned Leo bro from freely seeing my mother. T+P installed professional locks on the two bedrooms they have set up -- and were getting a biological-base LOCK for front door (but I think mom's going to say that that's too excessive).

They installed a 'ring' camera on front door, and keep tabs on whoever comes to it-- even when they leave on little trips (like last weekend). Pisces listens in on conversations had on the porch. I saw her and heard her comment when they came to pick me up and move me last week of March 2022. From a thousand miles away, she could converse with folks at my mom's front door.


(By the way--- found out that my mom paid for EVERYTHING regarding my relocation. The lodgings, the gas, (nice) restaurant stops. --- I am VERY 'blown' away. She REALLY wanted me to be here with her. She'll be 88yo June 15.)

Mom told me T+P want to install ring cameras on the two back doors also, PLUS the two storage sheds in the back yard --- but she found that 'excessive'. They are worried about thieves? Mom says 'this house' has good insurance. Things in the sheds can be replaced. She values PRIVACY and open conversations with others where she's not being spied on.

She told me that she doesn't know 'where' to have private conversations. Was half-joking when she said (back in first weeks of April) that she thinks the Pisces woman had the whole house bugged. Said that there's no way 'no way' Pisces would otherwise know the content of convos.

Pisces woman had once mentioned to me (months ago) that she has her main computer set up to be linked with all the devices in this house. Learned to do it on her govt job. {She had worked ~~ oh yeah ~~ for a year with a secret clearance for govt office in Washington DC. ..}

My mother said she told them NOT to install Ring cameras on the back doors of her house. No in-house sound monitors either (of conversations). Said she doesn't want to feel like a prisoner in her own house. Wants privacy. {But I wonder if that's too late.}

Anyway -- Mom told me last night that the 'one' out-of-the-blue shocking lunging altercation had with Pisces woman (over something completely innocent) had at the beginning of them staying with her caught her in shock she didn't forget.
(Mom says she didn't know what to do from that point on. They were moved-in with her.
Mom said they needed a favor.)

Says she thought they were poor --
They have now lived here 4 years rent/utilities free. Mom has been noticing that they go out to eat a LOT.
{Pisces woman had 'complained' to me that mom says that to her. (no self-awareness)}
They spend money to eat at higher-restaurants ..
and yet, (mom said) don't buy her an array of basics for 'her' to cook, nor fix her ready-meals she could reheat.

(That was part of the bargain -- they pay for their own food, and have some available for mom.)
Pisces is a gourmet cook but only cooks maybe once a week, and makes dishes too spicy/complicated for my mom's digestion.

{Mom still thinks they are poor?.. nope. They have saved-up for going on a European (or Mexican) vacation next.}

Taurus bro and oldest Leo brother have a life-long hard enmity between themselves (since small kids).

The Leo had been the son coming over to watch over mom-- did all yard chores, while the Taurus lived in europe and other places. He and his Cappy wife took mom to ALL her appointments (doctor) and entertainment and shopping. Would take her out to eat and conversation once a week.

The paranoid Pisces (and my Taur bro) convinced mom to NOT have the Leo connected to her money anymore --- like he would rip her off? My mom has had an accountant watching over her funds for past 30 years-- says the accountant is like a brother to her.

I seriously do NOT think The Leo would rip her off. (He works as a minister in conservative church.)
So -- instead,
this Pisces woman controls mom's checkbook --
uses mom's credit cards,
and writes checks (my mother signs) to pay the house bills.
Mom USED to let them use her credit card to buy all their food, but mom stopped that.}

Like I was saying previous page,
my father had done well in investments, and left my mom hefty sums-- having wished to will it to his 3 sons.

~~~

Please wish me PROTECTION.
Coverage by benefic people and heavenly forces.

Oh wow..

I have my door locked.
I hope Taurus bro leaves.

Today is Friday. Usually the day that Leo bro comes get mom and takes her out for the morning with his Cappy wife. -- Mom said Leo hadn't called her to arrange. Usually would have by now.

Okay.. Bro left.
SiL is in her camera/tv room.

My head is pounding.
Gotta go downstairs for coffee.
Justice place opens in an hour.

We'll see what happens.

_______________________________________
update 1017am

Saw mom downstairs this morning.
She is concerned about me 'being here' alone with them for the days of her surgery starting May 25.

Says she wants me in another place for my own safety, then, to come back HERE to take care of her needs during home recovery.

That made me pause for reflection.

She says she'll call St Paul de Vincent society to get me a (sub par) hotel room while she's gone, then I come back HERE to a place where I am in threat???

JUST GOT A CALL FROM the Justice lady.
She said that EVEN if let's say tomorrow I got acceptance into senior apartment, I'm 'STILL' effed!!!

Not enough income to sign a lease that goes a year.

Says I could apply for SSI if a DOCTOR says my headaches have been bad enough? That's like ~80 /mo {utility money?}.

Would have been nice to keep this computer,
get a printer/copier/faxer,
and work from "home?"

But WOW .... nope.

To 'get out of here' BY my mother's surgery on May 25, I'll have to TRASH ALL BELONGINGS. (My books)--- bro Taurus has half of those in his storage------- Might I call those things LOST now??????


Told the Justice lady I'll ONLY be able to carry two jeans and tops in backback. All the OTC bag full of deodorant, etc, to be TRASHED. That cost MONEY. I was GOOOD at Saving up, and being Frugal.

I have an option of a Homeless house with group of others.
She says apply for a job ---- WHERE??
Who is going to HIRE a person that "looks" homeless????
Barely paid?

So ..........
I TRIED.
I TRIED IN LIFE, and it just didn't work out.

Astrologically this weekend is supposed to be from Hell?

Then my birthday might be spent on the Streets? 29th/30th.


Just gotta find a good couple outfits for backpack. Of course, I'll be carrying around my COAT all the time.

Call a thrift place to come GET all my belongings??

(See if my Leo bro still will hold computer----
or --
Tell Rm in FLA that if he pays for it, my bro can send him a more-updated computer than HE had while I was with him.

Too much to consider.

I'm going to have to CUT OUT all my feelings.
GIVE my stuff like I JUST DON'T CARE.
Such a reflection of society now
Fair Weather citizens??


end 11:20am
Moon sextiles Jupiter?
I've got that natally.

Jupiter is ON my IC Aries in another degree.
Mars will be there -- conjunct Jupiter for my Birthday.
Is square my Mars Cancer 2+

Only GOD can figure this one out?
Maybe it's my Time to Leave Earth right?
Profection Year ... A year filled with Cancer 8th House.
I have no humans

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viviette
Knowflake

Posts: 392
From: FR
Registered: Feb 2018

posted May 20, 2022 03:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for viviette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mirage,

You know, *you* were never the problem, it's always been the environment, as I recall.
So a good one needs to materialise for you, so you can shine in all your resourcefulness, good nature and skill.

While your immediate environment feels alien because others are being deliberately unfriendly and the future is as yet unclear, please preserve your calm and do not be destabilised by their staged paranoia and intimidation tactics on their land grab mission.
Life can be testing, but I know you will climb out of this, like rungs of a ladder.
I wish for justice and protection for you on this path.

In the meantime, might it be worth looking at your Astrocartography chart, in line with the themes you want? It might be soothing to know somewhere better exists for you?
I/we might be able to help investigate, if you are clear on what and therefore where you want to go 'towards'? I have been known to find some leads, depending on the situation.

I am sorry it is not going as fast as you hoped because of the cancelled room and now outside third parties - I mean if it had just been your mom there, you would have been fine for the time-being and visibly she is glad to have you there. Please concentrate on the healing with your mom and not on the synthetic negativity created around you which only serves to create panic and distrust.

Wishing you the very best ok and please remember that better things lie ahead. You always had faith, as you yourself have made things better for people - even strangers. You are a very valuable part of this world, as part of its most special fabric.
Love, justice & protection

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 15191
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted May 21, 2022 11:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by viviette:
Mirage,

Viviette!!!!! omg!!!! You are SOOO clearly 'understanding' this, and understanding ME.

I quoted 'the energy' in your last posting.
It's my way of {{{hugging}}} your words up to my soul!


Situation is NOT good ....
There was a last ditch hope where my mom asked Leo bro for 'a favor' of a place for me to stay a few days while SHE has surgery on May 25 Wed noon.
. .
Her motivation there is to have ME back in the house {with the demons} so that *I* can take care of her needs for care while she is recovering at home.

Then she also suggested calling St Vincent de Paul society for me to ask *them* to get me a hotel room. She adds that the hotels they use are filthy and critter infested. Then, I could go back to her....

My God, Viviette!!
This woman (my mother) has MONEY.
She HERSELF couldn't get me a cleaner place to stay "so that" I could come BACK and 'serve her'??

uhhhhmmmm "What's wrong with ^this picture^?

Treating me like low-life scum?
Choosing to give her house (inheritance) to the 'demons', all the while KNOWING that I am 'not safe' physically with them?

The demons have half of my possessions in an airconditioned storage facility far from here and not accessible by me.

I threw away the MAJORITY of my stuff before moving from FLA. I had/have my 'core' books, some classy high quality lamps I love (got cheaply from thrift store--so beautiful, makes my heart smile). Then mostly-- I have THIS computer {which is missing the companion of a printer/copier/fax in order to have BEST use of owning one}.

Today is Saturday May 21.
I have to be OUT -- for Wednesday May 25 {elective surgery day}.


I had saved some money {from COVID Rescue Plan checks} that would have been spent on medical {eyeglasses-prescription, dentist (rootCanal TOOOO expensive-- if infection starts hurting jaw again, I'll try antibiotic; having that tooth removed will leave one most-back tooth there} ---

I'm thinking this? ------
use that money to find short distance movers that will pick up the little I have HERE in my room, and have them take it to a storage place, which all will be paid for BY the rest of this money I have.
. .
THEN I'll have my backpack with maybe two outfits in it {one to wash, one to wear}. A bag with the few meds I take, and things like tielenol/eyeDrops, skinLotion, deodorant, anti-bacterial soap, small shampoo.
I have very-long hair right now, that I wear in a twist with a clip.
I'll have to cut my hair very short because my head will fit better under faucets I can find to get clean.
(I HATE and ABHOR smelling bad--- but 'what-the-hey'??
When/IF I don't have a PLACE or-a-routine-way to stay up with hygiene needs, that's the raw-life truth consequence).

With my bare-core stuff (from this room) in storage, I'll keep it till my money runs out near-completely---
maybe before quitting the storage unit, I'll call a thrift store to come GET it. Someone 'with a place' can use my blessed lamps, and the tiny great ceramic heater I bought {works like a cold-busting little miracle in small places-- was a very good investment, low electrical demand to run it}.


So ...
In the next few days I have left, I'll contact '211' resources. I have heard there is a house that homeless people use here in town.


{@ PJ} SOCIAL WORKER? ... Lame!
The person I called justice-lady .. she is their director and .. maybe she's just 'good at' helping people coming out of jail/prison/incarceration.
I DON'T FIT that squeezy little parameter.
It's "supposedly" there to help seniors, and those seniors who's lives are touched by domestic violence? -- problem: I'm not a legally married partner TO an abuser.
..
problem: There is no Court case active against my brother. {EVEN-though my own mother TOLD me he threatened to man-handle me OUT to his car to 'take- me' somewhere??? (?kidnapping???) .. o yeah, been there and done that WITH him at the River, and he made me sick with a 'nasty' flu/headcold from the height of his being infected and trapping me inches away in his car, literally IN.my.FACE bellowing his LOUD opera voice, breath FULL of bolus of direct-germs}.
Justice-lady said my mom is the eyewitness TO PiscesWoman lunging at me, and to the newest threat conveyed TO her, ABOUT me, FROM bro. It alarmed her sooo much that with her first chance to signal me over to her to listen to whisper-voices, she felt the need to "warn me" of the threat made by him ...
Mom is NOT Available to BE my defense because when it comes down to raw logical reality, she needs to protect HERSELF.
In past four years she has become dependent on the routines with him and Pisces wife, because *they* live in her house {and have already begun to 'own' what my mom GAVE them as inheritance}.
With all common-sense reality---
there's NO WAY she would even 'want' this bro to have the idea planted that she would consider backing me up! She's physically FRAIL at age 88yo(Jun15).
Due to Circumstance and her position:
The CURE is to have ME out-of-her-life now.
. .
She commented to me yesterday (Fri May 20)
that it UPSETS her daughter-in-law (PiscesWoman) that SHE(my mom) gets any face time and private convo with ME(dna-daughter).
. .
My mother can be full of BOLD words that SHE can 'take them on' and correct them by 'what she says'?
I shook my head no. Told her that it could only make (my matters) worse? .. She does it anyway, and the consequence occurred-- the 'threat' he gave her telling his 'intention' to do me harm (if I don't GET OUT).

Yep. Falls on ME to remedy HER(my mom's) situation, to calm *the demons* in HER house-- At her frail AGE? it's better to make-peace with 'the devil that she Knows'.

Overheard: *MOM now considering leaving HER HOUSE
to relocate to NURSING HOME?*
. .
While climbing down the stairway and opening front door to go outside, I overheard a tiny piece of (trying to have private) convo with Leo bro over the phone.
Mom MAY be entertaining the REAL option of leaving here now, and entering an assisted-living Nursing-Home in the near future. She had had to have Care there over the years, and said they really liked having her-- inviting her to come Stay permanently.

Mom had TOLD me that her WISH is 'to die' IN this house, and not in a senior living place.

PiscesWoman and TaurusSon were 'supposed' to move in to help her have extension of life {and independence} here in her own home!!
. .
They don't do the cleaning, and don't stay looking after her food needs.
I said to mom that they should prepare mini-meals for her, stashed in containers she can simply microwave.

{I had to hurry (before sunset) to walk the supermarket to pick up food my mother needs-- PiscesWoman had gone for HER OWN items, neglecting the morning bananas my mom was told by her doctor to eat everyday.}


PiscesWoman does NOT look after mom's needs adequately-- and has my mom doing the cleaning for her! --

My mom said that in Pisces' other (?4) marriages her husbands (earned high money) provided for HER by hiring maids!
<clipped out some FILTHY habits they both have-->
Triple-Taurus bro IS her equal in Filth! LoL.
Doesn't mind it---
so he has as hired no maids for him and his wife?
---
Which is VERY interesting to remember right now, that one of the first things MY mom said to me after she 'saw' that I was doing a lot of cleaning, that SHE did NOT bring me here to serve by cleaning.

She said with emphasis,
'YOU are here as my Daughter --
you have not been brought here to live as the house's servant.'

I FELT her words inside my chest! So affirming and healing:
I took the Moment and Breathed that in --
Her words touched my inner DIGNITY,
reminding me of an already-established Worth that is "outside" of what-I-do for Others.
. .
It's my 'natural' instinctual loving-response to WANT to Serve and be of Help in whatever way I can when I'm among people -- has Purpose to it, and the reward of Joy.


-- continuing --
re phone contact with justice-lady
. .
She told me to STOP sending her emails
(that had bullet-points describing steps I've taken TOWARDS trying to connect with community and federal resources, and any results I've had).
She wants NO written communications to her.
{Said something about those violating my own 'privacy' info rules?}
Said I'm ONLY to communicate to her verbally by phone calls she returns to me.
{So! Waiting all day--
She called me while I was food-shopping, and managing multiple items in my arms, while suddenly needing to 'try to open' her call on my smart-phone in a PUBLIC place.
'My business' was being spoken to shoppers in earshot of me-- AND I was supposed to be concentrating/remembering past things, and 'remembering' what she says WITHOUT notes?? --- NOT cool.
She keeps strict business hours--
Had I allowed her call to go to voicemail, we would be extending the game of 'phone-tag' -- my request would have had to be extended out to yet another business day.}

I TRY to take careful notes of phone numbers and agencies, and make key notes of phone worker advices.
I've NOW been sent on Rabbit-trails!
Chuckled to self that the TiME this takes is kin to a full-time job-- but no pay. *grin*

Not every worker that answers phones (whether paid staff or unpaid volunteers) necessarily KNOWS and understands their own work-tree (service system).
. .
From ~4 years of MY OWN Volunteering experiences IN agencies such as these, that if you're NEW to the job (or not familiar with issue at hand), you can make some possibly time-painful mistakes.
ALWAYS as careful as I could be, I tried to document the trail of where I'd send people who needed assistance. Makes it easier to undo mistakes made. Normally someone knowledgeable comes to teach you how to reason-out your answers (for the future). and learn correctly if it comes up in again in the future.

Documenting helps Judges (and Coordinators) see and understand what happened.

--
oops, getting too detailed-oriented here?
It's my nerves ~~ I go into hyper-intellect, rolling things around and around.

haha!! Sun is in GEMINI, conjunct Mercury in GEMINI.
talkity talk!!!
{Haven't eaten my breakfast yet--
mom just called my cell phone to say she hadn't seen me yet today. Misses me! *smile*}
Gotta wrap up, then get Searching for folks that Move belongings, and for a small Storage Unit for them to place my things in it.


Had a small victory yesterday --
broke through a weird bunny-trail of my being sent to various numbers/agencies to SOLVE the problem of WHY I was Denied {extra} Help for HealthCare policy {called QMB}.

I FOUND the mistake. Someone typed in Wrong birth year?
Had been told it would take 30-40 DAYS to correct?
Doing everything through snail mail BECAUSE I don't have access to {PiscesWoman} copier/faxing machine.

FedEX cost me $33!!!! TO get copies of my ID across the State. I have a DEADLINE of May 31st to SOLVE and correct ERROR, without losing my Health Care.
Can't get a real doctor WITHOUT PROOF of having insurance that pays for visit.

BREAKTHROUGH occurred
when I had called a free-help legal agency
and described my problem (an error BY the system. Said that if this doesn't get fixed in time, I'm without health insurance. I had FED-ex'd *proof* these said they needed, but still run the risk of NOT making the deadline.
Everything would start from scratch again, adding another month/6-weeks to the wait time (without insurance available).


The woman lawyer dialed up another associated agency TO this problem. Through a 3-Way conversation, the associated agency (said she didn't recognize the agency I had to send *proof* to) did a search through another part of the records. She found and re-RAN the copy of my "original" application (found in the system) --- and supposedly, seems now to recognize my true birthdate and it WILL take effect June 1.
I "should" be receiving a confirmation letter later in the week --
{and I won't be 'here' to get it personally}.
Will assure the communication Bridge from previous State to this one, was completed. Will be right in time!!!
yay!!!!!!
{Mercury Retrograde!! ..}


So THANKS for reading this.
THANKS for SUCH KINDNESS for actually reading what I've written.

Viviette --- You've TOUCHED my SOUL!!
THANKS for reminding me, that I have Strength ..
Mountain-Moving Strength resides inside of me.

Love you ...

Posting without proofreading,
so I don't chicken out from communication WHAT I need to say.

*Big HUGS* for SUCH encouragement.

I will think of the I/we cartography offer.
You are SUCH a Love.

========================
edit 252pm

I saw the postman bringing mail. From far I could see the yellow 'changed address' sticker on the front of envelope. Took it from him, brought it in. Made comment that my CoPay Insurance is now aware that I have relocated, and letter says they will send my mail to reflect new address.

Then I said, too bad I won't BE here to receive it.

Mom said 'you won't be here?'

We got into the discussion.
She also had noticed the Taurus glaring with awful face at me as he left. (I didn't see THAT one. The 'look' he DID give that I noticed was menacing. A look that adds weight TO me not being here when mom goes to hospital.)

I said, it's been two months! I can't live here under him threatening harm. She knows that he drinks. I told her about 'the pacing' outside my door at midnight.

She is ADMANT that I WILL be staying HERE.
Asks me NOT to 'move' -- she had knocked on my door right when I was beginning my packing.

She asks me to WAIT till she returns from the hospital surgery. Suggested that I 'lock myself into HER room, with food, for two days-- and told me where all the extra keys to that door are (for me to collect them, in hiding).

... .... That's a bit much.
I said I'd pray about it for these next two days.

Said she doesn't want to lose me.

*asking for wisdom on this here*

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 15191
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted May 22, 2022 02:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Okay... fantasy over.
REALITY is in.

Homelessness STARES in my face.
. .
I have till Wednesday morning May 25?
It's now Sunday, May 22.

Sun crossed into Gemini 1,
passing by Mercury Gemini 0 in retrograde.

EARLIER
It had been my mom's fantasy that she felt certain she could 'cure' this situation after her elective surgery.
BTW, that Pisceswoman PUSHED her HARD into scheduling this elective procedure with directive urgency-- to get it RIGHT NOW.

But mom is coming to the FACT of realizing that 'she has NO power' over her son and his wife-- who are causing this unbelievable situation.

Mom exclaimed-- But you did NOTHING wrong!!
You are innocent! It is HER!!

Mom says that SHE is the one that has been doing wrong, and out-right lying!!

BUT mom is COMPROMISED.

She IS in a trap, having been convinced that she needs them (personally) in order for her to remain living here-- in HER house.
(Using her beautiful car, they drive her to appointments. --
I no longer drive because of factors.)

I reminded mom that she DOES have options.

Her RESOURCE is the phenomenal 30 year relationship she has with her accountant/ insurance-broker lawyer-friend that's been managing her affairs (especially after my father died 2008).

Mom said he is like a brother to her!
He watches over her finances like a hawk.
Watches people she gives money to.
Protector. {yay}

She is already supposed to speak to him on some Monday?
I suggested that she LEVEL plainly with him with the things that have been going on here.
. .
She is NOT trapped,
she has options that this accountant friend would know a WHOLE LOT MORE about than I would/do.

1. Could hire an able-bodied daily health care person to come here.
{PiscesWoman is often unavailable/unreliable "because of blood sugar"; she walks with heavy limp & often needing a cane/walker to get around in public; neglecting mom, not doing housework ... etc etc. Runs off with her car, gone for hours of what she calls "errands" during later mornings and afternoons}.

Mom tries to make her absences (and lack of work) OKAY 'as long as' [mom] is remaining here at all times-- IN her own HOUSE. Says she's been here since 1962 and intends never to leave this place.
Wants to die in this house (like her husband did).

Mom needs someone physically reliable and attentive to duties. Drive her to doctors. Being attentive of her meds, injectibles, and meals. Some housekeeping.

2. Can consider going to re-visit that assisted-living community that Welcomed her to STAY.
They've observed her over some month-long recuperative visits. They understand her medically and psychologically.
They said they liked her {sparkling personality}.
She was socially popular with the other clients/residents.

Mom says THAT'S too expensive.

I said, talk to her accountant friend.
He might be able to reroute some of her investment streams. Could form her own special-funding that creates an income FOR and TO this assistant-living place. I would think a place like that may give her some of the privacy she wants, AND be able to check in with her -- be there INSTANTLY if she falters or falls, or feels ill.
They have all the medical support she needs, PLUS social activities.

Mom said that ALL she needs is her chair,
her Catholic TV station on all day,
and a bathroom.
~~ I'm not sure but,
I think they could help her set that up? {plus bring her good meals and snacks, and provide socialization}.

In the meantime,
Taurus+Pisces could finally get rid of mom's religious Crosses,
and MAKE this house into an appointment-visits psychic center they chomp-at-the-bit to open for their business.

*

BUT RIGHT NOW ..
SHE KNOWS (that first) 'I have to leave' --
or Pisces+Taurus will increase persecution of her!!

My mom is more frail now (88yo June 15) and NEEDS to have her PEACE. Says she can't stand this environmental toxicity and hostility anymore!!

Wants it to all go away ---

AND YET???
SAYS for me to Promise NOT to go??
Commands that I NOT leave??
That I will LIVE here!

Gently I said Mom, you can't have it both ways.
In order to 'have' your Peace, you need to appease *them*--
logically the cost of that is MY needing to leave so they won't BE like that anymore?

I saw tears welling in her eyes.

I said Mom, look at the Positives!
Look at the Miracle time we've had!
It was a TRUE Miracle.

God brought us together
(something you've yearned ~50+ years).
Your soul wanted to have a time of us being re-aquainted, and having Peace and a Healing to occur between us.
It has!
We came together-- to say our goodbyes (spiritually);
and now it's a 'surprise' that we're needing to say goodbye (for being together here).

{I will not be allowed *by them* to ever visit this house once my stuff is gone.}
Told Mom that she'd have to get my Leo bro to drive her around to see me wherever I'd be.
///
Also my own health could succumb to the elements exposed-to -- (I too have a frailty, but didn't say that).

She said BUT I don't WANT you living out on the streets and shelters!!! She said it's dangerous!!

I responded, and right now, THAT can't seem to be helped.

I don't have enough qualifying-reliable dependable income.
The conditions (of shelters) will further impair me -- {which really makes me *sad*}.

MOSTLY, I REMEMBER the sheer body-exhaustion, and depravity and sleeplessness, and anxieties, and food issues, very-difficult hygiene issues; depletion.
And some wooly persons to encounter.
. .
Was/Am short $3.50 / mo for qualifying for HUD Housing,
and told I was $30.00 short for qualifying for the VERY-low income senior apartments-- (in whatever ~shape they come).


NEWS: From a few days ago
It was 'in the TV/cellphone news' that
27 apartments on a certain downtown row street
were declared 'unfit' to live in.
Not safe for residents.
All those people are looking for other (lowest money) apartments.

Scum-lord!
Part of one of the outside brick walls crumbled/fell spontaneously inside a unit-home.
Inspectors SAW the bad condition ALL these row apartments managed by this man were in.
Radio stations and reporters are giving wide press to the situation (which place is NOT 'the only one'?)

I remember an elite-apartment building COLLAPSE in south Florida DUE TO negligence (to save money), as they ignored safety warnings by engineers/inspectors. ?Nearly 100? people died in that building-collapse.

. .
Scumlord was noted to have continued to collect rents on 27 families/individuals -- while (deliberately) allowing units to go into neglect, and fall into bad disrepair.

PERSONAL NEWS: **
Was told last Thursday afternoon on phone with Justice-lady that there is 'NO WAY' a landlord (even for seniors in poverty) will take 'you' in .. .. She said they will throw you out for not paying after missing for just a few months.

End Result?
There is no where I (financially) qualify to stay healthy and alive.

*

I was looking over one of several older text chart-readings I have of my natal chart. For more than several different aspects, different pages, it said that I 'more than others' NEED a secure STABLE restful place to live and Be.
. .
Physically and psychologically that STABILITY helps make the rest of my human abilities come to Life... work and productiveness.

Some (general) people have commented,
oh I had it backwards, to 'what' comes first?
Maybe that's ideally workable for 'you' and the Way you (~more-young) are wired inside for how YOUR life works best.

My success has "always" hinged on needing that Safe Secure PLACE ... It's what makes my life work out, my talents. Makes me a resource. I'd been able to be creative here (in past registered 10 years before).


continued ---

Pisceswoman used the excuse (with my mother) that she has ongoing (for years) blood-sugar stabilization problems -- saying that's why she gets full of seething rage and hates.
Says that her condition causes it.
..
My mom thinks more that the woman is VERY immature, and has been badly spoiled. Needs to 'TRY' self-control.

Woman says it's chemical so she can't help her behaviors!

In the meantime
under all this with her
her husband has undergone a (more negative) personality change.

Mom says it's like he's under some kind of spell. He hangs on her every word as absolute TRUTH -- vehemently pushing away ANY idea that his wife is LESS-than what she wishes to appear as!


My mom says he has changed and is NOT 'like himself'--
he's changed into something she's never seen in him before.

*

Tonight, as the Sun went down
I had begun to semi-relax from the heightened 'emergency' state I've been in (especially after my talk with Justice-lady, who made me feel that NOTHING is possible for me-- nothing can be done for me).

Went downstairs to make cup of herbal tea-- and I saw that my mom's face had changed.

She saw me, began to tear up.

She came forward to me for an embrace,
choking back tears saying
"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"
I don't want this happening to you.

I asked quietly,
'What did he say to you that has you upset LIKE this?'
Mom answered that it wasn't him-- that she had just spent time with his 'wife' in the laundry room -- and that this woman just cannot stand-herself being in the same house as ME. She wants me OUT immediately.
. . In a few days --
This woman will be the one to take charge of my mother,
driving to hospital, admitting,
staying WITH her all the way through receiving anesthetic.
Directing the flow of doctors and nurses.

Mom didn't 'say' it,
but she looks as through MEAN words had been spoken at her during the laundry room talk.

Pisceswoman asserts FULL-CHARGE over my mother.
She 'talks DOWN' at her.
I've seen her in action -- having a 'way' of tearing/shredding at my mother's self-confidence, bringing her down low.
(I'd NEVER seen my mother IN that state before! I found it upsetting.)

I had said that 'bro' needs to take his wife to a doctor!
Mom says he REFUSES.

From the way mom appeared (fright? and sorrow, yet adamantly still wishing for HER wants to be met), I'd venture a guess that that Pisceswoman is heading for a psych-breakdown of sorts (if she doesn't get her way with me), and that THIS places my mother (in a type of risk?) -- Pisces blaming her ~violent disposition on these chemical (so-called) 'blood sugar swings' scapegoating me, directing her bizarre cultured venomous rage with me in her focus.
(Incredible!)

With her having NO health insurance available to use --
it gives them perfect financial excuse for her NOT being taken to see a 'traditional' medical doctor,
and
probably wind up with a psych care recommendation.

Without insurance, they would need to purchase (self-pay) therapy sessions and programs for her. Nahhhh. They 'like' the money they get to spend by NOT keeping health care coverage.
. .

Besides, what would her friends think?
They rely on her for their true no-fail (lucrative for her?) psychic guidance?!
(They have NO idea how she is.)

Deliberately, on purpose, PiscesWife manipulated TaurusHusband into NOT buying them any kind of Health Insurance.
Unfortunately coincidently the last former president took away a law that gave penalty to those who CHOOSE NOT to have medical insurance coverage. This happened to unfortunately 'enable' this couple, in an attempt to NOT (eventually) be discovered as needing to partake in psych therapy.

Hey ~~ No diagnosis? That means there's No psych problem with his wife (while he the husband began relying on hard-alcohol to deal with HIS problems).

She gets money being an online psychic healer, reiki and other (branded) energy techniques; makes money as a (small group) instructor a few times, and perhaps (is foolishly) convinced that her "powers" are strong and adequate enough to keep them both well??? -- For at least 7 more years?? -- retirement-age.

*

I'd mentioned (in another thread years ago) that they both had simultaneous (and different) health events that put them both in a hospital before they decided to relocate to my mother's State (at her invitation to come live with her).

They DIDN'T have health insurance and a group of {well-resourced} much-older friends (in VA) got together and PAID their hospital bills for them (goodness of their hearts).

Once they moved HERE, bro had yet-another heart-failure event for which he was admitted to a hospital in THIS State.

NO health insurance. --
One of their sister-in-laws works at the hospital he was admitted to. She saw his name on list of admissions. She got them 'some' financial relief BUT -- since they 'deliberately' do.not.pay {when they have enough income to pay} for their own health insurance, they were given a bill to pay on.

{Upon her being nudged~suggested, my mother relayed that she will NOT pay this bill for them. They NEED to buy insurance.}


___
Wow, 138 am ... Time for me to go to sleep.

This post might not make good sense,
and I may <crop> its contents tomorrow.

Nugget'ize and make it a shorter read.


I guess I'm pre-mourning NOT being able to have access to computer.

Will have to be dismantling this one.
Maybe get one of the neighbors
(I knew when 'they' were a child),
to 'keep' my computer (put back in box and sealed) in safe-keeping.
. .
Will save this from a paid storage unit that might not have environment/humidity control.

If time goes TOO long ...
I'll ask my old roommate {RM} that IF he is willing to pay for shipping, he can have this one. It's newer than the one we used in his apartment.


(music) Eric Whitacre... Sleep
(sheet music has notes and lyrics)
[5:49] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLSRVE3t17E


___
Astrologically,
my mom is close to her THIRD Saturn Return.
Has her natal Saturn in Aquarius 28.08+ rx.
Currently Saturn is 25.08 Aquarius and slowing down for retrograde June 4, Aquarius 25.15'.

Transiting Uranus in Taurus 15.50
is conjunct her Venus Taurus 15.14.
{She had me {Venus12Taur) at her approaching Venus Return}
. .
I moved HERE end of March early April 2022 during the exactitude of Uranus on my Venus 12+.

I'm having some STRONG outer-planet transits.

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 15191
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted May 22, 2022 08:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Astrologically this is a TERRIBLE week for ALL THIS to be happening. More of a week to hunker down in retreat, laying low -- waiting for 'the storm' to pass by.

JUPITER in Aries right now entered the degree of my IC Aries 2.30.

I feel put on the spot --
feeling to protect my mother,
at the cost of my OWN safety.

She wants to minimize {lay very very low} in an attempt not to further disturb the hornet-nest of the bully: a ?chemically?-mentally ill with low self-control woman(pisces).
My mom says she NEEDS her to drive her to the elective surgery date that {this woman} set up for her-- this week, Wednesday.

I'm working on 'keeping my head' and deeply bringing UP the ideas of 'what' to do!

I'm going to have to rely that ALL contacts made THIS WEEK, are going to BE 'the Right' choice, the safest delivery-system for me to possibly have working 'FOR' me.

Praying that I'll have a (wise and good) patron STEP Forward, and INTO my life right now.

Save my Life and self from suffering harm.

Lord, bring FORTH the Defenders of my LIFE.
Keep me in Safe Harbors.
Let NO HARM befall me.

IF I were to lose ALL my worldly possessions this week,
Give me GRACE .. for letting it Go.
WRAP me in Safety...
Restore Hope for my Future.
Let some Bold Helpers step forward on my behalf, TO my BENEFIT
to easily manage and FLOW all these details.

Asking God and Benefic Forces
to lessen the BRUNT of all this upon my Mother.
Give her the Peace she deserves
in her old age ...
Keep her SAFE!!!
Preserve her Life.
Make her latter-days GOOD.
Give HER the Right-people IN her life
to help HER through this bridge of Time.
.. Let her Passing .. BE in Peace
with a sense of fulfillment.
Bring her JOY in her final hours.
Let her Kindly Forget the trials of the past two months --

This new PUSH towards a Nationalistic Religion for the USA has a terrible effect ON anyone identifying selves AS christian.
Seems to promote HATRED {which is soooo not-the-Jesus I have followed throughout my lifetime}.

God Be With me,
and with ALL who find themselves
in the midst of Troubles ---

Send Angels in etheric and human form
for ALL in Need at this time.

(music) I Choose Love
(Mark Miller, Piano Arrangement with Lyrics' no vocals)
[3:42] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tx_YRtfALE


with Vocals

In the midst of pain,
I Choose Love ----

* *
[3:30] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF-MUSJlnEA

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Lei_Kuei
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Posts: 1460
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posted May 22, 2022 06:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lei_Kuei     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I really feel for yea mirage, horrible situation... and the injustice in not being eligible for any support or housing is appalling...

My faith in humanity wanes when I hear of such unnecessary hardships that are inflicted upon people because of ridiculous welfare margins, it's beyond cruel when there isn't any leeway.

Do your best to stay safe mirage, I hope something/someone good comes along soon and helps you back on your feet.

::Thinking of you::

LK

------------------
You can't handle my level of Tinfoil! ~ {;,;}

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mirage29
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Posts: 15191
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted May 23, 2022 05:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for your care and observations, Lei_Kuei.
It's good to feel that I have allies who CARE about what happens to me.

PJ's nursing home link, was useful in my talking to my mother. There are other ways of being abusive to elders than to hit them with a hand, etc.

Love this song ---
It's on-point when it comes to loving people, and rose-color glasses -- being in a kind of foggy-denial, willing to sacrifice 'self' to have the 'other' appeased. People who 'should' leave situations that are NOT healthy, sometimes just Stay!!!! Making excuses until the 'reality' hits them. The true realization of them being in situation of potential danger.

(music) Evangeline
(Little Big Town, 2013)
[4:34] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dzzdf7rerfg

My Mom's HUGE DREAM was to 'have' me with her once again, and, that her 3 sons would love each and get-along.

She manifested the First-- as my own soul was working with transit of Pluto Capricorn ON my Ceres rx Cap 25.03 H2 trine intercepted Virgo Moon 24.56 in Leo 9th.
. .
Transit described(warned?lol) that my 'emotions' were about to be heightened in a way I'd not known before-- and it was FOR me, in order to clean out emotions/feelings that I wasn't aware lay quite deep within.
That degree was VERY 'exercised' .. and my 24-25,26-27 DEGREE marks around the circle of the chart have been/are incredibly LIT.

So many things cropping up.

I've heard that things don't happen 'to' you, but see them as happening "FOR" you. ... Yes. It's HARD-- and yet easy. REQUIRES MUCH "letting go" ....

That's part of what I had been wanting.
I wanted to tie the bow on what happened in the past.
By coming here I've heard stories that act as 'backfill' for adjusting my Understanding. I am GRATEFUL for the added clarity. I just want to 'place' what happened to me, and to the other relations here.

My mom had 3 sons (I was oldest).
Myself and Leo Brother had the brunt of the abuses that went on in the home. In TODAY's world (uhmmm in the 'best' world) Social Workers would have been on-top of what was happening IN my home-- based on medical. Physicians reports. Signs in school {noticed by teachers and counsels}. In today's world the teachers are supposed to report any concerns. Doctors are too.
But THAT system is Neptunian in ITS Dream to protect the Children?

I have been able to 'let go' of emos and knowledge of 'what' my mother did (to my LEO brother, and myself). That's in the river of compassion. She was NOT 'the only parent'.

My father.. was an ANGRY man.
He neglected huge chunks of HIS responsibility (even as a Catholic father).

I know a little about his growing up years (because of my past association with Scorpio Grandmother {his mom}).

He wound up with a HATRED of 'the women'.
He had a dad (Taurus) that had a LEGACY.
His dad was strong as a Lumberjack. Had unordinary STRENGTH, good looks, and was charismatic. Very popular IN the family hub system.
My dad was extraordinarily TALL!! and very very thin. What contrast! He was part of a culture when a man was a man. Next to his father my dad had a more emaciated presence.
My dad had a Sun-Jupiter PARTILE {with Venus late Libra oos) conjunction 3+(or 4) Scorpio.
Opp HIS dad's Sun 4 Taurus.

I have my grandfather's birth info except Time of Birth.
Had been born in P.Q. Canada -- as were my other grands.
Took my finding his Catholic funeral 'Mass Card' to know details.

Sun 4 Taurus, Moon 16 Aquarius.
Mars 11 Gemini ..
. .
COINCIDENCE: This *drama* going on in this house right now is 'connected' directly to these people's planet-placements (Mars, chiron) on my Sun. And, coinciding with degree near NM Gemini 9.03 May 30, the day after my solar return.
SOO bizarre, the more I think about.
The Scorpio Eclipse on May 16 was to my 12th house.
This next New Moon Gemini is happening conjunct my 6th House Sun.
. .
{Paternal GF Taurus' Life was cut short at age 55yo by a surprise brain tumor that quickly ferociously grew.
Went from diagnosis to death in ~3 1/2 months.
My dad had JUST relocated us a day's drive south from all relatives (to appease his wife). But it was the BEST decision he could have made-- as he was hired into a GOOD paying job, (military), he stayed with 33 years-- great benefits.}

My Leo brother had gone into therapy after he left home, and after having been married 10 years to a wife he beat under intoxication. She divorced him. He went into AA, and recovery.
He NOW helps addicts and drunks, running AA-type programs.
He's done public podcasts talking about all this, his past, including HIS childhood abuse experience. Wrote and published a book on it. I'm not saying anything that he hasn't released already.

It was a surprise to me that HE himself (through all the therapies) TAGGED all that happened TO this 'absent' father we had. He shirked his Responsibility!!!--
As a teen I briefly had therapy too--- trying to 'get away' from home. The social workers had interviewed my parents. They pinned dad AS the figure in all this messup.

Heh .. My Sun is considered unaspected.
I was in a webinar with an astrologer (live). He knew some of my aspects, and described my father (and relationship) with pin-point accuracy.
*selah*

I LOVE ASTROLOGY.
Astrology interest bloomed, in various stages.
I was able to afford a reading (with Jeff Jawer) over the phone.
He knew NOTHING about me ----
Immediately after looking at my chart a bit, he gently in a far away firmer voice said, 'What happened in that house between you and your mother?'
My God My God.
IN that moment -- I felt 'believed'... by this Stranger!!!

It was a 'reveal' ... it was validation.
What do abused kids, and abused teens, and abused young people need when everyone around you thinks you had parents who 'raised you Right'?? Like they could do no harm?


I've wiped the relationship I have with mom.
I cleaned off 'past' and chose 'the person' , the aged-woman , the human being, the present personality --- fresh. AND with appreciation, and LOVE for her that 'always' had BEEN there in spite of everything!! I went through in that home.
I loved her soul then --- and did/do now.
The purpose of MY having been drawn here (during the magical Neptune-Jupiter-Venus in Pisces transit WAS/is to make-amends face to face.
To stand looking at her, from a Soul Place.
I wish her Peace
I wish her JOY beyond ALL she's ever experienced
I wish her Satisfaction for the work and effort she put in to raising 4 kids (by herself, with an absent partner in all of it!!)

There's a preacher (I used to follow) who said that BEFORE any breakup of a relationship happens, the 'person' has LEFT the building BEFORE the "body" of the person has left.

MY "body" is here now ----
AND, *I* have LEFT the building.
I'm cutting, and tying ends.


So I was NOT YET able to 'find' an escape 'place' for self.
I'm surprised at the LACK of Storage Facilities IN this area ~~ they're more up into the vicinity of Philadelphia, a few hours away.
Since I researched it on computer,
I'm getting all kinds of advertisements for storage places. They make it sound so very-easy?--- heheh, if you have money.

By the way,
I'm enthused about the advances on personal computing and the ABILITY it has -- yep. I can anticipate my need. It seems to 'know' where I have trouble with understanding. It nudges me ----- but o God!! I seriously need a GEEK to TEACH me!!!! TEACH me to DO it. LoL
---

I Love Astrology ---
When I first got into it, the FOG of life took on FOCUS. I was SOOOOO GRATEFUL. I LEARNED SO MUCH about my self, and about relationships, and Others, and Society.
I will ALWAYS credit AStrology WITH the amazing personal healings and advances I've been able to make 'as a person'.
I'm a better human. *Heart* *bheart*

Learning the astrology was BETTER (or, was ancillary) TO any and all therapy I've had.
NOTHING like it!! *thumbsup*
I highly recommend that if *they* can't understand YOU? .. GET into ASTROLOGY. YOU learn YOU ... and Clarity ensues.

It puts the LENS on the Slide Projector.
I had a toy with this, and I played and played with the lens!! Took it out -- white light on screen. Put in in place -- wow! picture!!
Ha ha...

Astrology (after delving a number of years, AND, having a "live" reading by an ACTUAL REAL Professional who had been looking at charts for 40 years---
Astrology has the LENS for understanding and clarifying pictures you normally might not see a connection to your life, and what's happened REGARDING that/those pictures, memories.
But pictures ARE there and part of your back-show. Part of understanding WHAT that picture is, in your diligence!! Study, PROCESS it. Try on ALL the various notions, frames.
The connections will come ...
Allow them Process.

(topic) Give-A-Show Projector from Kenner Products (1968)
[0:30] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZHkHLEAr3g


My mother was kind of frightened this morning.
She actually grabbed me and CRIED.
Her Taurus Son, and Pisces-d.i.l. --
(This is really starting to go more out of control here. ---
I NEED to focus-manifestation to get OUT,
into a SAFE environment.
Transitional ... until ... my friends out there, my mother's connections, can find the IDEAL solution...
{please} It 'will' fit .. I KNOW there are people out there pulling for me {energetically} I sooooo appreciate your Kindnesses!! Thank you soooo much for BEING part OF this process, this ordeal I'm in.
I know that many have wanted to help but cannot {like Lexxi}, and others I've known.
I count 'thoughts' and heart of willingnesses, AS THOUGH they were performed.


One of my mom's contacts was TORQUED when HE heard I couldn't qualify for housing by $3.50!!!

I said to mom, you have to look at things through needs of landlord.
. .
If someone is BARELY qualified FOR paying on a lease--- 'all it takes' is (for example) the person to be ill (and not attend days on their job) and with SUCH TIGHTNESS, and!! with 'unseen' things, expenses that DO crop up?? The person can come to a point of NOT being able to AFFORD to LIVE!!

$3.50 ?? in a severe draconic-run economy
says 'this person' (no matter how hard they try) WILL come to a point of event where THEY can't make it. AND, how healthy can you live when you're THAT tight. The STRESS alone adds to ILLS that sicken the body.

We need some COMPASSION in legislators.
Some have 'depraved indifference' running programs at SUCH skimpy-strings ... Numbers are PEOPLE (in govt dollars). CUT a DOLLAR?, and you MAY Kill a life.

Right now there's frenzy over saving a fertilized (or POTENTIALLY-fertilized ovum/sperms) --- yet INCREDIBLY they will allow 'infants' to go without milk??, to prove their egoic points? To gain votes ~~~ that's SICK thinking. *smh*
. .
Thank God the infant formula packages are coming here FROM overseas-- after the factories HERE got the powder-milk INFECTED which Killed some infants, btw.
. .
WHERE is their Heart --
acting without a Conscience
saves them money?
The USA is NOT POOR.
We're "supposedly" the RICHEST MOST SUCCESSFUL NATION ON EARTH??
..
Successful? ... really?? ...
*selah*

There are GOOD people in our USA ..
Some work SOOO hard at trying to cover the cracks left (created) by corrupt politics.

I WISH them compensations FOR 'what they try to do' to help the Humanity that is NOT being reached right now!!!!
You work sooo hard.

"Look for the Helpers" , -- Fred Rogers {TV}

(music) There are Many Ways to say 'I Love You'
(Mister Rogers, Mr Roger's Neighborhood,
TV Children's program,
from last century 1960s~~ and decades beyond *grin*)
[2:01] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtsLoA1nBDQ

says..
AS you grow --
Tell people, animals, Earth,
.. that you Love them,
it's the most important part of Being Alive.

lyric for my Commentors
"Just by Being There" ---
THANKS sooo much.


..
Reality again.

My brother and his wife 'scared' my mother this morning.
She went outside to have a 'private' conversation with her friend-accountant, TELLING HIM what's been going on.
He told her I can 'call' him if I needed to have someone 'there' -- and says that he (right now) really has no other thing or way TO help me.
He is my Mom's Listener ..
. .
He-himself was *stung* by PiscesWoman making an appointment and driving mom TO the highfaluting Lawyers in philadephia-- and taking home 'papers' {and locking them into a vault/safe IN their bedroom that my mom is NOT privy to). She holds legal-papers in a vault that HE should have been given.
. .
He's torqued that HE wasn't informed about the appointment Pisces made to HAVE death-papers {mom's Will} amended; legally-made without HIS knowledge of 'what' the papers were going to say.
These are IN her possesion,
IN a vault
IN this house
Which is HER's at my Mom's demise.

Mom was UPSET ... because she says they have a way of listening-in to her private calls {through some kind of tech they set up}?
It was creep to Mom-- the call from her accountant-friend had come in, just as *they* were home to fix lunch. She had gone outside for PRIVACY.
One of them popped the back-door open --
saying that "the door" would be 'too hard' for her to OPEN after she finishes with her private call?
(This jolted my mom. .. )

I have an upstairs bedroom. Double window facing the street. I set up a make-shift Desk and have my DeskTop on it.
I can 'see' when the mail-carrier comes, or any of the delivery people.
I'm waiting on that 'QMB' Letter stating that I have Health Coverage-- and next I have to work on Part D .. extra help for Drug coverage (in this State).
. .
Pisceswoman told mom ..
that I am SPYING on *their* conversations,
that 'she saw' I was poised at the top of the stairway, "listening in" on everything she and her husband were discussing -- before I descended the stairs .. to greet the mail-person at the door.
'She SAW me'??
That is NOT possible!
I was at my DeskTop Computer, in front of the windows.
When I SAW the mailman and 'heard' the front door chimes, I was in Joy to great him. Looking for my mail.

She's PARANOID.
She LIES.
{coming nearer a breakdown?}
/ /
I am SOOOO OUT OF HERE!!

God!! Make it so ... Give me Good News.
Safety.
Safe Place for my body,
good storage?? for my stuff.
Save my Desktop -- I'm a Gemmy!!
I need to Communicate !!! LOL
I LIKE to Communicate ...
I LIKE creating Good Messages ...
and
I HOPE to DO so, fruitfully, in the NEAR Future.

Mom said WHY she wants me here FOR after her surgery.
She says she lacks confidence that Pisceswoman WILL take care of her, while she's laid-up after surgery.

Mom knows I'd do a GREAT Job, tending to her while she is convalescing.

When she goes into the Hospital Wednesday Morning {with Pisceswoman},
she said she intends to TELL the nurses
that she WANTS to be transferred TO the nursing home for convalescence. Says that her insurance is good-- AND will cover the expense.
{I guess that's a plan-- in case something happens to ME 'while' she receives surgery.
Maybe that's a way to say to ME that IF I get the chance, she wants 'me' to make myself THE priority??}
She doesn't want 'me' to be victimized.
She doesn't trust my brother, and his threat he had made to her in regards to me.. if he 'gets the chance'?

Mom said that they are (supposedly) planning on staying at a luxury hotel for the days that Mom is in Hospital.

This morning, I was soooo Blessed!!
I had peace in the house.
A closed door.
My Desktop.
My smartphone.
I was listening to inspirational music on the phone, and ... had viewed some things on YouTube that brought me Hope .. for New Moon Gemini {conjunct my Sun} and month of June.

I had my astro notebook open,
but placed letter "J" on pages.
I was ABLE to HAVE Inspiration,
AND Write some of things that came to me.

I HOPE to be able to share them.

THIS is what I would LIKE in my future.
I was able to listen to inspirational music and 'write' down thoughts I was having, Wisdoms, observations ... Things I could SHARE with Readers, with face to face Friends.

I had a time in the past WHEN I used to do that {pre-astrology, and AT the time beginning interest IN astrology}.

Get filled with SOOOO much I want to share about Life.

So... this must be a LONG post again?
I won't proof this one either.
Some unproofed come out better than I think they will.

Keeps me Communicating---
otherwise,
in times past
I've ditched the post.

Much Love
Thanks for Reading

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mirage29
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posted May 23, 2022 05:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
double post

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Lexxigramer
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Posts: 8686
From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted May 24, 2022 10:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear sweet Mirage29 💓
I am sorry that I have not been giving you much support💙😞
As you know fighting cancers and more like deep poverty
and all has worn me down terribly.
If there were something I could do for you I would💙
If I had the money dear lady I would definitely help you out💙
I also totally understand a screwed up family.
My father became rich after I passed age 50 or so.
He left all to my brothers.
My family has long rejected me because I am not a homophobic racist Christian nor a Republican.😠
More nasty about them but you have heard it before.
My son and his second wife have nothing
to do with me.
I have two grandchildren I do not know.
He seems to last I knew wants to lock me away in a vile rest home but my husband is still alive so I am safe from my son and his wants.
My mother is also rather wealthy but a schizophrenic alcoholic.
My siblings are also all well off to wealthy
but want nothing to do with me as I could b
never afford college and all like them and
again their core beliefs also clash violently with mine.
I am only telling you all of this because I wanted to show you that I do understand and sympathize and emphasize with your plight.💙
My family all have lots of money but as with my now deceased sister they rejected and pretty much spat on both of us.
Even death threats from the crazier more bigoted ones.👽shudder👽
Had to get restarting orders on some👽
Anyhow I wanted to let you know that I
sincerely care about you and wish there was something I could do to help.
I even thought about how to get a
camper or rv second hand for you to
live in somehow.
This is so frustratingly sad to nor be
able to help you dear one😞💙
I do not know how much longer the cancers will allow me to live so please excuse my personal gloomy doomies.

As others have said
keep posting
keep us updated and
try not to give up💙

Much love and sincere blessings to you
dear Mirag29💓💙🌈

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Lexxigramer
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Registered: Feb 2012

posted May 24, 2022 10:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Please pardon any typos above.cannot see well today.

------------------

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LexAgramming
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mirage29
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From: us
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posted May 26, 2022 07:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
{by} Lexxigramer

Anyhow I wanted to let you know that I
sincerely care about you and wish there was something I could do to help.


Yes thank you, Lexxi!
I KNOW you do.
Thank you for that!

(And for years, I've felt the SAME about you over situations you've described.)

Hardly know what to say. You've been in such pain!!!
Stories of you and your husband's journey reflect an amazing endurance.
And...
You know that medical breakthroughs (miracles) are still happening...? *hug*
LG : Believe in Miracles

Your typing mistakes? ..
No no no.
Yours don't even count,
next to HOW MANY I do with each posting.
Not Perfect, but, Perfecting.
Am a Work in Progress ..
till the day I die.
*laughing*

Once more, thanks sooo much, Lexxi.

And thanks again for ALL who have sent their reassurances.
*wowwww*


_______________________________
my update:

* mom's surgery went VERY well. She's back home, and experiencing little-pain in recovery.

* mom admits .. to her loss of power to do over my situation. She says that she "lives with *them*" in her own house, and must appease them as her life is (literally) in their care now.

She had asked me not to 'just leave' ..while she was preparing for surgery. That she thought she'd be able to fix some things. But came back from hospital having had Pisceswoman hovering over her in-control for every minute!!
Admits defeat.. capitulating, deferring to her.

There's a cooler distance between her and me now.


Pisceswoman and bro Taurus stayed in very nice hotel -- which I wonder whether my mother footed that bill, and maybe their dining expenses -- as a reward?

*
Just feels strange ...

*Breathe..*
Yeah, Realizing more that there's a hurting sense deep within me.

*

I'm VERY glad -- actually truly
very GLAD that this WHOLE episode is/has come to its end.

... Neptunian Dream ...
Started off with movie clips from
"Awakening" with Robin Williams.

Ending with final twist in scene maybe-like,

(movie clip: Sue's Nightmare -
Ending scene from Carrie 1976)

or better
(movie clip: A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Scene - David & Futuristic Mecha)

~

Among my first posts
(page 1 of Viviette's thread-- thanks Viviette)
INCIDENT -
I talked about 'wanting' myself freed/loosed from any "velcro hooks" wanting to attach themselves to me?

(topic) How Velcro Works Close Up!!
[3:54] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eToAEyTdmrE

.. Cool-surprise:
What I didn't report was the next morning
while standing in a farther place, my eye suddenly spotted a large (physical) plastic (empty) hook that someone (Pisceswoman?) had literally 'velcroed' onto the middle-back of the bedroom door, FALL DOWN in an instant to the floor from its spot.
, ,
Seriously, ,
Wow!
CLUE: Meaning that the hook falling-away (ripped away from) velcro on the door is surreally symbolic, saying that The Universe lovingly kindly was going to be acting ON my Behalf in this. Saying that my request is already being DONE for me.

The dysfunction here .. so putrid...
I .. I don't know 'how' people can LIVE with that seething daily inside their soul.


I'm in the gene pool (with Taurus brother), but seriously ..
I am NOT energetically 'kin' to them
in my soul by ethers, nor in my Heart.


*
BUSY DAY with MUCH WORK Accomplished
*
So! The Good Report is that I got SO MUCH paper and phone work accomplished -- peaking May 25th.
Had found and very carefully handled ONE more 'error'/(incomplete glitch) caught inside their computer system program associated like synapses-- speeding activations with my new file.
Side benefit is that it brought an awareness (to the State's programmers) that they have multiple bugs that caused a fail not-only in MY account, but in the cases of others (the agency's admin socialworker with sparky kindness told me I was not alone in this-- and they will be alerting their programmers for a fix).
For me in that instant, administrator was able to enter the system and "manually" bump something to help the relay complete, making it electronically work.
. .
I had spent an hour with a man from one of the national MEDICARE offices. He had taken the generous time to ultra-carefully 'explain' (things to ME), so that I could relay this tiny (yet important) (legal) need for the admin worker's attention, for the State.

The correction was complete! *fireworks*
. .
My "insurances" should post and be ready to engage -- next task is 'finding' a local (competent) physician.
*humor*
Nervous?? yup.
. .
In the past I've ~grimaced in-shock, watching a few too-many episodes of "painful" botches on patients treated by TV-doctor, "House"?
yeh, I've got 'trust' issues!

Phone Work
When all hard work scrambling around, trying to correct those computer-inputted errors in time for May 31 deadline peaked on May 25, I was amazed.
I realize that I was "lucky" too!!
Had been on the phone making contacts at a pitch and rhythm I remember from previous jobs in office work.
Sense of accomplishment.
All persons involved in the matter came to the point of 'resting' (in this part of) the matter--- with feelings of good-work and goodwill.

I'm not a 'blamer'--
I like to focus on 'how' to fix the problem (not the person). 'What made it be wrong?' Prevention measures?
I LOVE working among smart people (with good attitudes) who have a vision of the system (in their head) while they work it.

Competence and goodwill are my 'favorite' atmospheric combo feels.


Looking at my own astrology I may chose June 7-8 to open a new bank account here, and change my monthly Social Security deposit from former account.

I had also had a 'true' medigap supplemental copay policy since July 1999 that I may most-likely say goodbye to, to utilize "Extra Help" program from the State. Helps lowest income Seniors.

{Humor: Well at least, *those* are my 'current' Plans?? -- *looks* ..
Hey Universe???
Got anything more You want to say or ADD about that, FIRST?
I'm Learning, and, I'm Open.
I'm all ears...

"Blessed are the Flexible --
for they are not easily broken"

In general
I Love and hug Humanity.

(music) We Are Each Other's Angels
(Chuck Brodsky, perf Dan Heidt folk guitar)
[4:12] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaWBkOP_hCc

LYRICS
{performer did his own adaptation 'from' these lyrics}
{not exact}

I hope I see you later -
Ďcause itís time for me to go
Thatís my ride that just pulled over -
and it sure was good to know you

So go answer your calling -
go and fill somebodyís cup
And if you see an angel falling -
wonít you stop and help them up?

We are each otherís angels -
we meet when it is time
We keep each other going -
and we show each other signs

Sometimes youíll stumble -
sometimes youíll just lie down
Sometimes youíll get lonely -
with all these people around

You might shiver when the wind blows -
and you might get blown away
You might lose a little color -
you might lose a little faith

We are each otherís angels -
we meet when it is time
We keep each other going -
and we show each other signs

Thank you for the water -
thought I was gonna die
out here in the desert
but you quenched my thirst

Letís break a little bread together -
Iíve got a little Manna -
it was a gift
From someone who was passing by
and offered me a lift

We are each otherís angels -
we meet when it is time
We keep each other going -
and we show each other signs

- http://genius.com/Chuck-brodsky-we-are-each-others-angels-original-version-lyrics


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Lexxigramer
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From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted May 27, 2022 03:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mirage29💕
Thank you for your kindness and caring
all these years💕
I find you utterly amazing❗
You cope with hardship better than I do.💙
I do not reply to every post of yours
but you are often in my thoughts and
I send out healing 💙 and love to you
and blessings each time
you cross my mind💕 🌈
Yes you amaze me with your strength😎
There is not a day these past few years
that thoughts of suicide is on my mind
too often😞👽
Especially when told creepy
things like I might not make it through summer😳😞
I refuse to let the grim reaper take me
if I can steer clear of him or one up
him and go out a way of my own choosing
if need be😎
Getting second and third opinions
have not quite given up yet.

Anyhow....
Much love and blessings to you my
long time precious sweet LL friend💕🙏
------------------

Take a look at my
LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography

Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of
LexAgramming
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Randall
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posted May 27, 2022 01:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I love you both and wish your lives would be easier.

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viviette
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posted May 31, 2022 07:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for viviette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mirage, you are everyoneís angel thank-you for your authenticity and your understanding & kindness deep as a well.

Still praying for you, but you ARE protected - you know that

All lights are on you now so be bold and claim what you need. I wish you a peaceful, clean environment.
Love

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viviette
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posted May 31, 2022 07:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for viviette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
& Sorry to hear Lexi. Hopefully help comes to you in an unexpected way.
Strength & clarity

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Lexxigramer
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Registered: Feb 2012

posted June 01, 2022 05:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
I love you both and wish your lives would be easier.
Thank you Randall💖

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Lexxigramer
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Registered: Feb 2012

posted June 01, 2022 05:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by viviette:
& Sorry to hear Lexi. Hopefully help comes to you in an unexpected way.
Strength & clarity

Thank you
viviette.


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Lexxigramer
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Registered: Feb 2012

posted June 01, 2022 06:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh my dear Mirage,29 💙💙💙
I honestly feel for you.
I see your birthday
was in May
making you
67 years old now 😎
Sadly both you and I are facing what too many of us impoverished and elderly and disabled folks face these days.😳😞
Not at all how I ever expected to be existing like in my late 60s pushing ,70,
(going to be 68,come this November)
and I know you feel the same.
I really do not know what to say dear lady
other than to wish for and summon as much much love and good fortune becomes yours soon!💖💰💲💸
Great blessings to you Mirage29🙏

------------------

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LexAgramming
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mirage29
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posted June 03, 2022 06:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Lexxigramer
Yes, I had my birthday May 29
Thanks again and again for your good wishes,
and the pretty icons.
You're an icon artist for sure!!
Nice *thumbsup*
{Good fortune, Blessings, and Ease also be on you}


My Solar Return for that day featured conjunction of Jupiter-Mars Aries ON my IC-H4 side.
It was also Mars Aries square my Mars Cancer.
*smh*

Pisceswoman ACTED OUT again the day before ~~~
My mother could hardly believe the amount of livid HATRED this woman can constantly hold-inside and pitch-out in voice and looks.

My mother said Pisceswoman showed/told her -- that she has been able to make recordings of the private conversations I've been placing with the various Agencies I've turned to for help.

PLUS
Besides that, showed Mom that that she can follow my GPS trails (and discussions on phone calls I make) while I'm going to the supermarket, or, attending appointments.

Obsessed with me? ... ya think?
Like I heard someone say recently,
Haters gonna hate.

Mom had long suspected-- and know says she knows that Pisceswoman has been listening-in on her own private phone calls (by her way of tapping-in to Mom's system).
Microphones around the place?
Mom says "that girl is 'too smart' for her own good". *sad*

Yep, she's bugged this house!!
Listens to all conversations.

So NOW ...
I called the phone company that runs the service FOR this Moto G Play smartphone I was given (as a gift) for last Christmas. I asked them about MY taking over my own account, separating self (from her prying).
. .
The company {ConsumerCellular} said NO.
Even though I own the mechanism {gifted}, seems that I do NOT 'own' the number. SHE owns my phone number. I'd need to "ask her for permission" to get off her plan.
(And .. ?? there's some kind of benefit she gets WITH her plan for having me and her adult son as part of it?? I dunno.)
{My mother pays for providing internet TO the house for all to use.}

I'm so disappointed.
I was starting to get the hang of using this phone. Has some features that are really useful. The 'phone assistant' inside the unit is learning my ways. ... ... Yeah, 'she' is a 'bot, but geez, I'll kind of miss her?? LMBO

I've seen now that they are still giving a freephone with some services to the low-income folks. I'll have to decide on one of those companies, and sign up for yet-another NEW phone number.
*bummer*

PROGRESS
Slowly and surely, I've been nailing down more pieces of the complex parts of this relo I've made. Like an onion. Soooooo slowly! Dealing with computer errors that had been made when they inputted my data. Takes TIME.
One business person told me that there's a need to WAIT one month when you make changes to (mass) system. After your account is 'steady' for a month, THEN make other change.
{I was asking in anticipation of starting account with an address, then needing in short time to change my information. -- I dislike needing to 'say' this residence is my address only to have it be temporary. It confuses people??? oh my. And computers!}


Next week (of June 5) --
is to be my financial week.
{Almost my Venus Taurus Return.}
Already did the research:
Will open new account HERE,
then go to Soc Sec Admin to request Direct Deposit to the NEW account (for July).
{In the next few days afterwards,
stop auto pay in the older account for the very expensive copay insurance I'd been paying for, now that I'm 'supposed' to have the State cover what they used to (since I'm older than 65yo).
Then finally CLOSE the older out-of-State account.

I'm also starting to research various living costs (in this area). Prices are surprisingly higher here! *eek*


So when all these "financials" are settled, I'll 'know' concretely what I have to work with.
Will help in finding landlord to relocate to my 'own' place to live.
{I'm excited about getting my own place.}
I'm positively anxious to get into a GOOD life-routine for me.
Balance!

Once I know an area where I'll be settled I can look for a little job IN the area where I'll be?
Limitation.
Everything needs to be either in walking distance, or within easy access to the local bus.

Of course the 'dream' would be to be able to work from home, using this computer to link up to work! THAT would be the Ideal.
Would also help VERY much for those times I feel more yukky.
Much easier to work from 'home' during those times, than to need to dress up and go outside waiting on the busses (during weather events).
Am now in a geographic area where they get SNOW. Oh my!!
I'll need to purchase boots? ... haha. Haven't needed those since very-early 2001.

What you say about being elderly and IN a state of depletion financially (right now) IS the current reality. I'm HOPING that SOMEHOW I'll have some kind of turnaround? --
Find a way to have money.
Again, a dream?
Would 'really really' like that!

Lexx.. Throughout my life, I've known what it's like to "have" and what the not-having experience is like. ..
Of course having is easier, and, I've been through hardships.
(Hardest was when I had other little lives to be responsible for-- being a 'single' mom of small children in those hard days when ex wouldn't pay his portion of child support).

No matter WHAT the state of my finances have been in my life ---
I've 'always' had a 'sense' of richness inside me. Dignity. A few times in my life people had been very-surprised. They thought I lived as an independently wealthy person (living from trust fund, annuity or inheritance).

My 'richness' .. is within.
To me, "things" are only objects that you have --
Mostly, "things" have much less possession of me.
Oh... I'd REALLY get bummed out if EVERYTHING I have, would all be lost? ...
And yet ---
'things' are representative of 'the past'. 'Things' are bought in time events of 'the past'-- out of sight, out of mind.


Saw a cool article online that had suggestions for families. They said that IF you need to relocate (and give some things away), take PICTURES of the place you are leaving. Take pictures of 'things' (if they were dear to you). When children (and 'you') look over those pictures it does something good inside to have the visuals.

I had snapped some pictures of my old place (with Rm). It feels 'good' to actually 'see' and not just "recall." Something balances (inside) WITH that (for me).

Sigh... It's BEEN really really rough living in suspense, in a house with a steadily-extremely angry person. Been TWO steady months.
The 'pressure' she's been putting on MOM is sooo freakin' UNFAIR to HER. She's relentless (and immature).

Mom was sitting on the porch the other day, when one of the neighbors walked by. It's someone I had grown up with here in this neighborhood, and who has been kind enough to do some research (through channels SHE has) about my urgent NEED to find a new place to live.

The woman said hello, and asked how things were going (mom's operation, me)?
In the development of their conversation, my mom 'described' WHAT Pisceswoman was doing to me, and to her, and to this home environment. My woman-friend was surprised--- she said she heard it told that it was ME who was being 'the problem'?
--
That torqued my mother off.
My bro and his wife have been spreading LIES and gossip about me, and what's been going on.
Mom realizes they have poisoned other people's impression of me -- and she's TORQUED.
She starting to tell some people (in her life, concerning me, her daughter) that the problem is NOT with ME. .. Wow ... Mom cares that the story is Right.

Puts me in a position of kind of stunned.
I've done it on purpose NOT to make reacquaintances with folks ON this street, and with persons who are more-likely to interact with my brother (who I know now has actively been sliming my reputation).
{I wasn't going to reacquaint with neighbors, so that my disappearance would NOT be so noted. Plus, I didn't want to be looked at as a gossiper.}

FUNERAL
The other thing that had been bigger, has been my mother planning out the details of her funeral.
Pisceswoman has been the ALL-Boss of that!!
In April they had gone to the funeral parlor together (and I wasn't asked if I'd like to come along).

Found out Pisceswoman has BANNED me from attending my own (birth)mother's funeral.
(In a weird~strange way?, I've decided that I won't mind!!! ~~ She'll have her fellow-HATERS there. WHY would I want to be a focus in all that? -- The attention SHOULD be on the corpse, right?)

There's an asteroid having to do with Funerals and Corpses. Libitina. In transit she's been traveling slowly/retro/forward on my Chiron {Aquarius, H2capr}.
. .
And yes, I moved HERE during New Moon Aries conjunct CHIRON.. IN my 4th House.
. .
It hurts.
It does. It's in there.

So my mother's birthday is on June 15 -- she's having FULL MOON Sag for her 88th Birthday. I had New Moon Gemini (a few days ago).

We've had loads of discussions; sharing backstories of events that were not known nor apparent during our history together.

The task and GOAL 'of' this Coming Together IS/was to 'prepare' for Mom's Passing. To wipe and make smooth. To build/repair bridges.


I've observed Mom with Pisceswoman. Mom gets "in character" around her. Portrays self as more helpless, more feeble, and needy? {And that's not true! ... } She's trying to make their (future) relationship be in a place where the woman's domination of her could have Best Results?
{Strange .. in -- to SEE Mom 'act' that way. She's kind of being fake? .. But, it's what will APPEASE. .. oh well??? }
Incident.. I had misplaced my phone somewhere, and asked Mom if she's RING me on her phone. Mom and I 'often' would speak by phone as this is a two-story house. We'd make it 'fun' to talk with each other over the phone. -- But in 'this' incident, Mom was sitting next to Pisceswoman, and acted cognitively as though out of sorts. On purpose? .. She acted like she didn't undertand what I meant (when we often exchanged!! when P'woman wasn't near). She acted all feeble-MINDED -- when HER MIND is sharp, and Gemini-quick!! She doesn't miss a beat!! *smile*.
So.. I had to 'play along' with her faking feebleness like that, to 'please' P'woman??
*arrghhh*
(ohhh well..)

And so it goes ...

In outloud conversation,
Mom and I are saying things NOW, that we would have WANTED to say (if she were dead).

I said I'd rather pick flowers for you NOW, than when you really wouldn't get to enjoy it (while dead).

Since my birthday, and with Jupiter-Mars Aries in 4th .. I'm feeling bolder. I have 'boundaries' .. and asked MOM to help *them* keep mine. NO Abuse!!

They'll only have to 'put up' with me BEING here for a VERY short while. Afterwards, they will HAVE the WHOLE HOUSE to themselves for the rest of their lifetime.
Bro will have to put on his big-boy pants.
Have some PATIENCE.
{When I said that, Mom broke out in a laugh.}
Yup...
I'm "older" -- age 67.
I have boundaries.


Anyways, I have 'too much' to say (as usual) *grin*.


{{Viviette!! You're sooo awesome!!!}}
When I need a bit of encouragement, our former conversations had in several long threads we were a part of over the years, come BACK to me. Love it!!! and Love you.
Thanks for hosting this thread?! omg.


Oh and Hey Lexxi!!!
Almost forgot:
You mentioned grandchildren?

I have several.

Found out that ONE of them is Transgendering!!

WOW!!
Custody: She was given (by a Judge) to live with her father soon after she was born.
At ~age 11 or so, she (they) decided on starting hormone therapy on her. She feels she's a BOY.
At age 18 last July, she's getting closer to going through with Surgery to alter the body even more.
Asks to be called by male name now.
Avoids coming to my mom's house, or contact with anyone in the family.

Wow!!! What this person is DOING, doesn't phase me a BIT -- whether male or female -- my GrandKID!!!

I would have Loved to meet 'him'..
I have his chart data, and I changed the name already.

Pisceswoman has control of the family 'sphincter' over ALL happenings -- who gets to speak to whom, and the WHEN of her allowing them too??
{I remember a conversation years ago where she expressed CONTEMPT over 'her' needing to play the role of new 'matriarch' over this (NON-dna) family!!! yeah ... little did I know how literally she was going to take this job}.

I REALLY HOPE that grandkid further rebels,
and that SOME DAY, I'll meet 'him', and hug and love him.

I think that's soo cool!!!

Thought you'd be interested to know. haha.

What current "religious" people are doing TO some of the most-loving people there are?? -- IS a SIN.

LOVE is LOVE ...


(music) Wynonna Judd Performs
"Love Can Build A Bridge"
(Naomi Judd: A River of Time Celebration
[5:22] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnOie_rNvpk


Sooooo........
Time

Mom and I are doing our 'living' goodbyes.
Our having come together IS a REAL MIRACLE.

Amazing amazing amazing ...

I'm working to Focus on my FUTURE now.
Have People to SEE, and Adventures to Live!!!

BIG World ...
I want still somehow to be in a position
To Make a Difference.

_________
I have more to say in future posts.

ONE MORE THING:
I'm learning astrology in a social laboratory in THIS situation.

If there are Pisces reading this --
I want to comfort, assuage you.
Of course not-ALL Pisces behave like the one I've been describing.
*hugs* to those that live the higher-expression of Pisces.

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mirage29
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From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted June 04, 2022 10:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The Continuing Saga ?? ....
the evil intensifies

Unbelievable!!! how these people can PLACE such crushing weight upon my mother, and, she backs down to them and TAKES it!!!????

Bro had been working to erect a tent in the backyard. He was VERY behind schedule. He refuses 'help' from people because he HAS to have it HIS way ONLY ... *rolleyes* triple Taurus

In the 'mean' time, his wife has ADDED more PRESSURE ON MY MOTHER, regarding MY 'being here' IN this house, constant constant constant, WHILE SHE is a tenant (and acting-out entitled, as the 'privileged' heir to it).

My mother came to me at 6am this morning {wow}, BEGGING that I {basically, become invisible AS I CAN, not to further 'disturb' this disturbed-mentally ill woman.

HONESTLY!!! I cannot DO more.
The woman is morbidly-obsessed.
Her energies-OVER are immense.

My mom walks on eggshells around them.

Mom's REPORT
(this morning)
They don't take household responsibility for themselves.

My mom makes 'excuses' for them like, well... they are "used to" living in apartments. The landlord takes care of everything. They are the dirty kind of tenants to have living in your place. The kind that leave damages?
They have NOT even cared for the appliances my mother bought NEW for them when they moved in here. Even bought them the new washer dryer they wanted.
-- Mom says they LOAD UP the fridge to capacity {and let things (raw meats) rot inside}.
They never care to defrost the extra freezer she bought for them.
They NEVER 'clean and disinfect' the fridge {or, anything else, for that matter??.. oh my}.

Neither of them takes out garbage.
With a look on her face, my mom says they leave that up to HER to do. (I've assisted with that chore!!)
{THAT upsets me}
Mom ... Why don't you TELL them to??
But she says she does it anyway because she doesn't want to make waves to upset them .... *bheart*}

I said that's not-right!!!!!
She said she does not have any choice in the matter?

Whoahhhhhhh.
I'm a DO-er.
I want to DO something about this----
but my mom begs me to "just please ignore" what's happening?

I actually said that I'd like to put in a report to the Elder bureau about them ---- but of course, that freezes up my mom.
IMMEDIATELY she denies any kind of abusive behavior by them--- Says that they help her;
{and I know the bottom reason is because SHE wants to STAY 'IN HER HOUSE' and will tolerate anything to stay}.

She had said she is afraid that IF she were to go into a retirement home -- assisted living place -- that she knows the two of them will IMMEDIATELY clear 'her' house of ALL her worldly things ...
. .
It 'really' isn't HER House anymore!!
(And, unfortunately, THAT IS fact now.
She made it so, when she signed her legal Will a few months ago.)
(And really too?, they would probably have her branded as demented/feeble, so as to KEEP her from power to change things in any way that would lessen *their* financial outcomes?)
*sad*

She told me ..
said that her bank money is gone, almost gone.
She doesn't have liquid-cash anymore.
(All is tied up in stocks, etc -- to be divided among her sons at her death.)

She's been making Major purchases FOR THIS HOUSE. Making 'needed' paid-maintenance {that really goes to *their* physical benefit, adding more value to the house, and draining my mom of her cash account}.
Incident: She uses a chair-master elevator -- a seat she can 'ride' up the stairs. It recently needed repairs. Mom had the person put in a NEW elevator system.
{Funny thing is?.. it only bears a certain amount of poundage 'weight' .. and the new seat is a few inches less 'broad' as the older one. Pisceswoman will have to lose weight in the future to fit new chair? She ALWAYS normally takes this elevator up and down -- while pays membership to a health club for fitness?}

I said it's TIME for THEM to put in THEIR money for {any new appliances again????? WHICH they want!! Really????}. This place will {shortly} be *their* inheritance!!
They pay NOTHING to live here,
and they splurge, spending on their own luxury.
{Bro had told me {prior to April} that they saved enough money to take an out-of-USA trip overseas already!! Making plans. And -- bro has hidden assets {from gov}. They just won a court case against a woman who barely dented my bro's older SUV. Made the insurance think that he was made 'crippled' from the bump? {watta liar}. If the insurance had taken videos of 'what' he was fully capable of doing DURING all those times he faked it, it might have been thrown out of court? m.o. -- So. They now have THAT settlement for their coffers too.}

My mom still thinks they "don't" have enough money?
I hope I helped her 'see' {by her own observations} how MUCH lavish spending they do!!-- while giving the impression of a kind of poverty?
Time for *them* to start footing some of their own house bills!!
Make THEM pay for replacements they want, and PAY the maintenances on *THEIR* {future/present} HOUSE.
My mom is paying for EVERYTHING!! Thinks it's HER responsibility with this being HER house. Says it's old and wants to give it to them in good shape?


My mom 'sees' the injustice that's being done to me
{while SHE was being very charitable to *them*}.
But ... "it's too late" to do anything about it {mom says}.
They solidly moved-in with her {supposedly with a promise to care for her,,, which in my opinion they fail to Rightly do}.


So this morning was pretty-BAD.
My mom 'begged' me again not to upset her??
Response: MOM, by my "just being alive" .. Just by her knowing I'm still here (whether I'm seen visually or not) --- it bothers her!!!!
{*dismayed!!!!!*}

My mom is about to call-in a favor from someone my father had done immense charity for, and, helped to get elected {now in an enabled position in govt}.

Mom says you've GOT to get some help!!!!
I will NOT allow you to be on the streets!!
Not MY Daughter!!!!!

She's been coming up on same blockages that I and agency workers encounter.

Mom is realizing that 'this time in history' is very different from the Time period where 'help' was there and available -- When people Cared for each other, and Did for each other. Took care of their own groups.

All the charities my parents had done in the past --
It's NOT the Same now.
Agencies are greatly overwhelmed!!!!!

I got a call from one of the agency workers {supposedly looking after my case}. She said when June comes along, they get avalanched with people needing help.
{So in a way?, have they set *me* back, because helping Others is more needed?}
Or, is it about 'appropriateness' to help me???
This agency is mainly in existence for helping formerly incarcerated people coming back into society.
They also have helped a few retarded and extreme mental ill.

I just don't FIT those categories ...
YET, I can't DO this. ... *tears*

Makes me 'collateral damage'?

Are there not 'programs'/help for Good people that fell between the cracks??

I 'could have been' a helper--
but I-myself am being on a slide of being denied help for not-fitting (even in the other State I lived in-- which was one of the reasons FOR my leaving there)?
. . HERE . .
<shortfall>
$3.50 by Feds
$30 short for State standards.

I've never committed a Crime.
I'm NOT an addict or alcoholic
{for which there is a LOT of different Services available}.

Despair --
My BODY is more-sensitive than MOST people.
Just being alive .. can hurt if I'm NOT in a good environment.
My physical nerve system is sensitive to {materially based} 'vibration'. I can be fine, then, suddenly the-Kryptonite switch goes on, and not so long afterwards the effect is that I am NOT fine -- till it STOPS.
My condition IS repairable.
But right now have been needing mild pain med to HELP me through those stronger occasions.
What works? .. being protected bodily.
When my body is protected, I am Good To Go {work wise, creative wise}... otherwise pain has me in hunkering-down mode, soo ill-feeling. What works is my need to use Distractions {music, good lectures} to funnel my Focus towards non-painful places {using focused-imagination as a Tool for waiting out episodes}.


NEED TO RELO AGAIN
is imminent now...

With the ungodly PRESSURE these ahem, *tenants*, are applying -- pushing my Mother up to HER limits --- my mom {has said} will not be able to last this pressure too much longer.
Pretty much, has said {she will have to capitulate to *their* request to put me OUT on the streets!! (because of Pisces'mental illness?? .... That's SAD}.

Oh. Mom CANCELLED her Birthday Party #88.
She realizes 'the Haters' would be gathered here --
She is not wanting that {for this year}.
She'll be coming on 90 years old in a few years.
{My logic says she'll put off HUGE celebrations TILL then, especially while situations ARE going on WITH these (lower vibration?) relatives.}

So in a way
She is doing her BEST to try to protect me --
and she's at her MAX of what *they* will let her do.
She's have to capitulate.

Sheesh...
With what's going on *sonically* right now this morning,
plus the bar-weights of haters crushing down, it's bodily difficult on me.

There was a person in the news who had died from a 'broken heart'. If I wasn't in a good kind of balance and processing things inside me, sometimes I think the sad ON my body-itself could stop my heart-beat. Griefs.

So my "finance" making plans will have to WAIT?? I might miss my own goal of having new bank account. I NEED a new cell phone. {My mother had WARNED me that Pisceswoman was going to 'do' something that harms.}

After I post this
I'll call for one of those Obama phones.
At least, all the work I had done TO have my govt-finances in line, ONline *smile* should be in place now.
I haven't heard from my new Part D Pharma plan yet --- Medicare guy gave me all the code numbers 'in case' that were to occur. Said maybe give it 10 days.


You know, there's an optimist that lives in me!!

Humor:
One Christmas a set of parents noted how overly optimistic one of their children was. They decided to set up something awful for the child to experience, so the child would be 'taught' some reality/sobriety.

So Christmas morning came.
The other children enjoyed unwrapping their pretty packages.
The optimist-child was led to a room where the parents had FILLED the floor with a huge pile of manure.
They thought 'this' will teach that child 'a lesson'!

Instead, when the door was opened,
the Child responded with absolute GLEE ---
"Wow!!!" said the Child.
"With all this poo, there's just GOTTA be a PONY in there somewhere!!!"

yep ..
I've got one of "those" happy-Child living inside ME. *smile*

Sagittarius Rising 11.30
NN Sagittarius conjunct Galactic Center.

Next Full Moon (23.25) is IN my First House,
and conjunct my Pallas-Athene rx 21.50'11"
conjunct Fixed Star Ras AlHague 21.50'06",
trine
Pluto-Part.of.Fortune Leo {24.25'46",24.25'11"} H8cancer.
Pallas Sag biquitile Jupiter Cancer 27.23 H8 {chart ruler}.

Ras AlHague is also known as the Astrologer's Star
{per Chinese culture/astrologer}

Fixed Star Atria in H1 Sag 20.17
{Just, truthful, righteous, and benevolent}

..
In current sky ..
the Full Moon to occur June 14 at 23.25
(moon sag) also nears
Fixed Star Aculeus, which is kind of tough (in regards to the world).
Talks about religious extremism, and the poison of stings.

It breaks my heart about what's happened to "religion" now ...
That's NOT my bent,
and I've heard prominent churches basically "banning" democrats from attendance? --


Really?????? *jawdrop*
So hey, guess that means I'm OUT of "religion" now??!

I'm Spiritually an eclectic --
on the side of Love.

__
Oh no... Mom just climbed the stairs again.
She 'says' my phone isn't working?
It's right here on my desk.
YES it "should" be working!

She is stressing even MORE of how I've GOT to become 'an invisible' --- they are out to get me?

*breathe*

Would appreciate thoughts, prayers,
towards Good Outcomes.

Today is Saturday!! ahhh.
Businesses I need are not active?

Will at least TRY to sign up for new phone.


{And, THANKS to all who are reading,
with interest 'for' my success.}

... ratz ...
Hear more Pisceswoman drama happening?
Gotta go.

____________
Edit ADD 11:36a
Mom spoke to that politician, and told me what person recommended.
I said MOM, that's what I've BEEN doing.
That's why the Agencies were called.

So.. nothing fruitful came out of that call.
____________

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 8686
From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted June 04, 2022 05:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
mirage 29 💖
I would love to comment on all that you have posted but then I would be hijacking this thread.👽
You are so amazingly resilient that it is beyond amazing how you can keep on smiling through all these hells others keep dragging you through 🤯👿
I greatly admire you💖😎
Oh the icons and all are somehow part of whatever typing program I am using.
Sorry but the techy moron that I am, I have no idea why I have access to the icons and emojis 👽
I know some folks here at LindaLand have actually become angry because I like using the images.
These images make me feel happier and each speaks words so I do not have to over elaborate all my thoughts in text.😎
On that note dear one
take care and again much good luck and blessings to be yours ASAP😎💖

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viviette
Knowflake

Posts: 392
From: FR
Registered: Feb 2018

posted June 09, 2022 04:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for viviette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think the bday party should go-ahead -without informing P.wonan, you invite the neighbours by calling round on them and tell them to bring nibbles on a set date. Or tell your nice neighbour to spread the word.
P.woman cannot listen in on all conversations (about her) as there will be too much background noise.
Mirage mum has the right to a party - as much as Mirage is allowed to go to a commemoration of her mumĎs life. This events-blocking and having to wear an invisible cape is ridiculous.
She should be exposed. Do the event, say the neighbours insisted and if P(ain in the neck)-woman hits the roof during then she will have exposed herself publically. This topsy-turvy world needs to be remedied fast. The future she envisages has not happened yet and YOU exist right now, in the present.

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Lexxigramer
Moderator

Posts: 8686
From: Here since March 24th.2005/..& Have been Lexagramming going on 2/3 of a century to date! LEXIGRAMMING.♥is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012

posted June 09, 2022 08:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lexxigramer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mirage29 💓💋
I came across an old thread and love all
your replies on it💓😎💋
Here is one of your posts from that thread
and my today reply there😎
quote:
Originally posted by mirage29:
Hello and Welcome NightElf-Druid!

What a treat for Lexxi and your interest in her forum.

Enjoy your stay.



Mirage29 💗😎
I have always loved the emojis you use 😎💓
Going to post this reply with quote at your thread at LindaLand Central so you do not miss it😎💋

Just wanted to also let you know that unless q miracle happens a future for me does not look probable.
Not saying more on your thread here but wanted to thank you for all the kindness and love you have given me throughout the years 💋💓
You deserve the best from your life dear friend💋💓
Blessings and love and happiness to you 💓😊🥰

------------------

Take a look at my
LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography

Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of
LexAgramming
Lexperience!🔠✍️

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 15191
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted June 12, 2022 08:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
UPDATE

Things are getting very very very bad!!!

All last week, the *wicked ones* kept guard over mom. They didn't want her to have any private-conversation time with me. There was always one of them present in same room as mom, or within easy earshot.

They've employed a manipulation technique used by groups and cult-leaders. It's called 'love-bombing' ... and the behavior is soooo icky FAKE. Syrup!! uck. WHILE, pressing her 'against' me.

Thing is, mom lapped it up-- I suppose thinking that 'finally' she will have the environment she wants.

As long as she does things *they* want happening, then they stroke her (syrup).


She's also showing signs of memory problems?
She'll tell me things one day, then the next is like she'd never heard it before, then again next she remembers.

---

Without my knowledge and consent today, they went behind my back and took my stuff OUT of their storage.

Now, I WANTED my stuff out.
Thing is??? It happened without ME knowing that THAT's what they were doing today: 'without me THERE'.

My mom says she was there.
She picked out a new storage unit.
She paid the storage fee.

SCARY
And... (confusing me???) she said that *they* will move my stuff from my ROOM?????? over to the storage????
She SAID that like they were ready to do it immediately!?? Bro has kept threats of 'throwing me out in the streets' .... MY God!!!!

I have NO transportation .....
I am frozen in what to do.


My brother has kept his 'press' aiming to man-handle me for the past few months!!! .....

What's going to happen????????


!!!!!

_________

Another thing that happened?
MY PHONE IS HACKED.

I need to REPLACE my PHONE.
Been going to cell-stores.

BIG thing is ---
I have NO ONE as my ali here.
All the neighbors have been *poisoned*.
Can't go 'talk' to anyone .


So basically, I'm scared in this moment.
*They* are BACK in this house after 'handling' MY stuff --

Just happens too, that I've been in a major migraine weekend. yuckkkk. Don't feel good.

God, Give me the serenity ---

Originally written by Dr. Niebuhr:

God give me the serenity
to accept things which cannot be changed;
Give me courage to change things
which must be changed;
And the wisdom to distinguish one
from the other.

I feel.. overwhelmed because of all-this coinciding with the other things not-working. I REALLY could have faired MUCH better had I had a Friend/Aly.

Haha.. I'm talking through my fingers
into a little white rectangle
surrounded by a pretty pink.
That's GOOD!!!! *grin*

*Just send warm thoughts, and Heart vibes*


From day to day ...
I won't really KNOW what's to befall?

I wanted to write a piece here on asteroid Pallas Athene, and HOW that asteroid has played-in with ALL THIS that's going on.
Demetra George has pages on it in her Asteroid Goddess book.
I usually don't hear/read astrologers telling the whole-tale of Pallas.


My mother's Venus and mine are only a few degrees apart.

On my Birthday (May 29) PALLAS was conjunct
MY Venus Taurus 12+.

My mother's Venus is 15.14 Taurus
OPPOSITE my Saturn rx Scorpio 16+.

Transiting URANUS in Taurus 16.56 has done its work,
along with transiting PALLAS Taurus 19+.

The FULL MOON Sag a few days from now is conjunct my natal Pallas Sag 21+ in H1 Sag.

. .
I Can DO This!!

(music) I Have Confidence
(Julie Andrews, Sound of Music, lyrics)
[3:20] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MORe-a_yWgg

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