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  Fox News Warns That Without Angry Rhetoric It Will Have 24 Hours to Fill

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Author Topic:   Fox News Warns That Without Angry Rhetoric It Will Have 24 Hours to Fill

Posts: 1124
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 20, 2011 07:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Node     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Would Create ‘Giant Hole’ in Program Schedule

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Calls for a reduction in violent political rhetoric have plunged the Fox News Channel into chaos, with a Fox spokesperson warning today that such a move “would leave us with 24 hours to fill.”

“Let’s not underestimate the giant hole this would create,” said spokesperson Carol Foyler. “Fox without violent rhetoric would be like The Weather Channel without maps.”

Ms. Foyler said Fox was preparing for a “worst-case scenario” in which it was pressured to air responsible statements in place of its current programming: “If it comes to that, God forbid, we’ll just air 24 hours of ‘24’.”

In contrast with Ms. Foyler’s alarmed comments, Fox host Glenn Beck took the news of a possible programming change in stride: “If I’m kicked off the air, I’ll return to my first love: standing in the back of crowded theaters and yelling, ‘Fire.’”

But Fox commentator Sarah Palin was less enthusiastic about the new call for tempered rhetoric: “For the first time in my life I don’t have anything to write on my hand.”

In other cable news developments, CNN confirmed that it was considering dropping Kathleen Parker from its “Parker Spitzer” program, but said it had balked at Elliot Spitzer’s suggestion of “a different woman every night.”

oh nooooos!

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Posts: 2792
From: Madeira Beach, FL USA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted January 20, 2011 10:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jwhop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
National Entertainer
Roving reporter Gota Gohh
January 17, 2011

Queens, NY

A tip from a hospital employee led to the Queens Aairy hospital in Queens this morning when it was reported that an A. Borowitz had been checked into the Psychiatric ward.

The hospital spokeswoman declined to provide any information either in the positive or negative citing Hospital Privacy Policy.

Later in the morning this reporter confirmed an A. Borowitz has been checked in as a patient but the hospital employee declined to state the nature of Mr. Borowitz's medical problem or whether he was checked into the Psychiatric ward citing Hospital Privacy Policy. He did however confirm that he recognized Mr. Borowitz.

Stay tuned for updates as more information becomes available.

Gota Gohh

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