Posts: 8284
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 16, 2010 03:44 PM            

---

What causes a partner to cheat? Do men and women cheat for different reasons? Can a person cheat in one relatinship and then be faithful in another? Or does "once a cheater, always a cheater" hold true? When a person is unfaithful and then forms a relationship with that person, can it last?

IP: Logged

Posts: 3601
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted November 16, 2010 03:52 PM            

---

if i were to answer as a student of psychology, i'd say people cheat for different reasons. some cheat because they feel lonely because the relationship with their partner has become platonic or they dont see that person often for various reasons and another person was there for them. some have issues that carried over from childhood from one of their parents...like one of the parents did a lot of cheating. for some its a feeling of insecurity that causes them to cheat. and for others i think there is no reason at all and its a spontaneous thing they do, maybe biology or chemistry or even astrology.

me personally, i hate cheaters, never will do it and wont tolerate it from my guy

------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward

IP: Logged

Posts: 3480
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted November 16, 2010 04:24 PM            

---

Because they can.

IP: Logged

Posts: 3601
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted November 16, 2010 04:26 PM            

---

o.0 MVM...i sure hope thats not your final answer on infidelity...

------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward

IP: Logged

Posts: 1549
From: here, there & everywhere
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 16, 2010 06:16 PM            

---

I was married for 9 years and never cheated on him. I sure as hell thought about it for a number of reasons. His way of kissing is like you would kiss your mother... a peck. I tried showing him how to french but he was all over the place and we bashed teeth.. he just never got it. And he had problems...well...getting it up. It's a miracle we had a son lol. He didn't like to cuddle either and I thrive on that. No holding hands, no heavy petting.. so yeah I thought about it. And if it wasn't for the fact that he had other issues going on such as stealing from his employer, lying to me.. oh and here's the kicker. HE cheated on ME.
Which I probably would have stayed with him if it were that alone. But everything together did it. 9 almost 10 years of marriage. At 35 years old I was only with 2 men... only kissed those same 2... and married both lol..

As to why people cheat? I don't know. I have a deep respect for karma and wouldn't want MY ass kicked by her. And I believe that when you go so far as to commit to a marriage, you better be ready to do just that.

IP: Logged

Posts: 8284
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 16, 2010 06:21 PM            

---

I know most people cheat, for whatever reason. I never have. I've been cheated on, though. For some people, you can give them everything, including fulfillment on all levels, and they will still cheat, because they are wired that way.

IP: Logged

Posts: 1549
From: here, there & everywhere
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 16, 2010 06:29 PM            

---

That's respectable Randall.
I've been played by men on all different levels since being divorced and venturing into the "single" world.
And it gets to the point where I'm deflated of trust. I've been hurt in these past 5 years more than I had in a lifetime it seems.
So I'm not actively looking for my prince, but I have faith that he's out there somewhere.
You ever see the chick flick "While you were sleeping"? I want a man that treats me the way he did her...<sighs>

IP: Logged

Posts: 3480
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted November 16, 2010 08:19 PM            

---

I'm kind of kidding Nicki. I was thinking of that joke but it was geared toward men: Why do men cheat? Same reason a dog can lick his genitals: Because he can.

IP: Logged

Posts: 3601
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted November 16, 2010 08:28 PM            

---

lol, oh ok, as long as it was meant as a joke

------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward

IP: Logged

Posts: 4335
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010

posted November 16, 2010 09:26 PM            

---

EDIT

IP: Logged

Posts: 3480
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted November 17, 2010 03:23 AM            

---

*

IP: Logged

Posts: 9399
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted November 17, 2010 03:26 AM            

---

Hi MVM
I can't sleep either
unless you are in a different time zone.

I am sorry you went through that

------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

IP: Logged

Posts: 2376
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 17, 2010 05:37 AM            

---

To put it bluntly I don't like cheaters and don't accept reasons for it.A relationship is based on trust and if one of the partners are not happy for whatever reason then talk to your partner about it or rather end it .People know the difference between right and wrong and when they cheat they know very well that what they're doing is wrong.

if they can't be faithful then don't commit.If they're just looking for a fling then be upfront about it.The effects of cheating on the one being cheated on is devastating (yes being dramatic).No one deserves to be treated like that.

------------------

quote:

---

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

---

IP: Logged

Posts: 3480
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted November 17, 2010 11:58 AM            

---

Thanks Ami.

I'm in California, not too late. But usually I can't sleep and like to stay up verrrrry late lol

IP: Logged

Posts: 5307
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 17, 2010 12:32 PM            

---

The kind of cheater that does it for fulfillment from someone other than the person they're in a relationship is basically a coward. They can't confront whatever issue they're having in the relationship, so they look elsewhere. It's kind of a self-sabotage.

The kind of cheater that does it just for fun isn't being real with themselves. If they know they're always going to pursue flirting, there's no point in pretending to be someone that can be in a relationship.

IP: Logged

Posts: 738
From: Netherlands
Registered: Dec 2009

posted November 17, 2010 03:02 PM            

---

Here is my answer with some relative notes in it.

What causes a partner to cheat?
There can be many reasons.I have never cheated so i don't have anwser from personal experions.
Well,i know and see it around me happening. That it's done so easily and secretively is what's shocking to me.
And i'm speaking of man and woman. Man aren't always the bad guys.

Do men and women cheat for different reasons?
Maybe.I don't know.

Can a person cheat in one relatinship and then be faithful in another?
Or does "once a cheater, always a cheater" hold true?
Maybe people can change. It depends. Is someone a notorious cheater or
he/she has cheated once and that broke off the relationship. But what a person can do to his ex he/she can also do in the new relationship.
Yes cheating sucks. Buth maybe the cheater and mistress etc. are having more fun than me who's being moral.
I've seen many people around me dy young so that gives a relative booster to cheating.

When a person is unfaithful and then forms a relationship with that person, can it last?
Maybe it can last. No experiences. If I know someone is chaeting i usually back off. I once kissed a guy of whom i knew he had
a girlfriend. I don't think i'm the person to be a mistress. I'll be asking to many questions.
Maybe there is a poll on the internet about this question.
Buth remember what a person can do to his ex he/she can also do in the new relationship.

Cheating always brings pain if it comes out. So therefore it's a negative thing. Buth now that i know it happens so much,it
makes me think thats it's almost an irrational expectation in a relationship.
I think you can only promise not to cheat. Like saying you're not a racist, buth you really know you're not a racist when
you're tested in life. The big big problem here is that you don't own a person. It still is
their life. And ofcourse I'll be very sad if someone is cheating on me.

IP: Logged

Posts: 163
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted November 19, 2010 02:45 PM            

---

Yes, a person can be unfaithful in one relationship and faithful in another.

IP: Logged

Posts: 8284
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 19, 2010 06:23 PM            

---

So, once a cheater, always a cheater doesn't apply?

IP: Logged

Posts: 4335
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010

posted November 19, 2010 06:27 PM            

---

I've heard a therapist say (on tv) once, that most cheaters are narcissists, and that they have to be able to actually feel bad for the person they cheated on, in order to change their patterns and heal their broken relationships.

I tend to really agree.

Once a cheater, always a cheater - unless serious therapeutic effort is put in.

IP: Logged

Posts: 8284
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 19, 2010 06:34 PM            

---

I agree. There was a show on tv called Tool Academy. It was so funny watching douchebags pretend to change to win the money.

IP: Logged

Posts: 3601
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted November 19, 2010 06:35 PM            

---

or like Maurys intervention episodes

------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward

IP: Logged

Posts: 8284
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 19, 2010 06:39 PM            

---

Haha! YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! "That baby don't look like me. That baby don't look like me."

IP: Logged

Posts: 3601
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted November 19, 2010 06:41 PM            

---

LOLs i love guessing

------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward

IP: Logged

Posts: 4335
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010

posted November 19, 2010 06:42 PM            

---

EDIT

IP: Logged

Posts: 8284
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009

posted November 19, 2010 07:04 PM            

---

Indeed! Or blaming one's actions on alcohol.

IP: Logged