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Author
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Topic: WHAT "words" have defined your life?
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 2649
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted November 17, 2010 08:32 AM
 
I realize that I was always shrinking down and making myself "small" cuz these words were ringing in my head,"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" Whenever I was trying to form an identity,my mother would scream at me in such a way that I stopped doing so. I was afraid of the repurcussions for having a separate ,defined self. You can live your WHOLE life running from words.
They could be "You are lazy and will never amount to anything"
"You will be a loser just like your father"
You are too dumb, clumsy, stupid, loud, timid, etc etc. Today, I really saw how I shrink back from really going out with a confident sense about myself. I am waiting for those dreaded words to hit me ,"Who do you think YOU are?"
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Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend. IP: Logged |
NickiG
Knowflake Posts: 1285
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted November 17, 2010 12:48 PM
my mom often says i wont amount to anything but in a different way...i tend to be a little lazy around the house but only because i dont think this or that needs to be done or that i think its too early in the day to do this or that...i'v never had a job before because of her and for the past year i have been seriously looking..but i had looked a couple of times before the end of school but my mom didnt want me to get a job while in school because she thought i would drop out...now i babysit for a family friend who pays me way less than i deserve and from my performance with the kids she still insists that i couldnt hold a real job...i keep saying to my self "i'll show her when i do get a job", but still no job...she did the same when i had planned out my life goal, to be a movie director, she told me "why dont you do something a little more practical or realistic?" so in an indirect way i stopped going to college because of her..i guess i figured "why try to do something if not even my MOM believes in me?"------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward IP: Logged |
Diablo
Knowflake Posts: 721
From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 18, 2010 10:56 AM
Nicki, your mum sounds like mine. She's quite skilled at ripping you to shreds about whatever positive direction you're trying to take (that's she's harped on about at some point).
My 16yr old sister is suffering big time at the moment. She wants to finish school but hasn't done well and was looking at finishing high school at tafe (I think you guys call it community college). Luckily her school wants to keep her there and she wants to finish high school with her friends and peers.My mother's response? Your not capable of finishing school, you don't deserve to finish high school at your school, if I was the principle I would have expelled you...your not even capable of finishing school at tafe..(and on and on and on and on and on it went) I was so angry listening to this, I burst out of my room and yelled, "Shut the f*ck up!! How dare you destroy her confidence, do you WANT her to fail not only in school but in life as well? (then to my sister) Don't you DARE listen to her, if you want to finish school then you do it and if you fail, so f*cking what?? You just get up and do it again until you get it. Follow your dreams and don't let that bitter b*tch destroy your dreams" I probably shouldn't talk to my mother like but I CANNOT stand there witnessing someone being beaten down like that and do nothing. IP: Logged |
NickiG
Knowflake Posts: 1285
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted November 18, 2010 11:03 AM
man, i wish i had you as my sibling------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward IP: Logged |
Diablo
Knowflake Posts: 721
From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 18, 2010 11:14 AM
LOL yeah, Sun & Mars in the 3rd...so I'm all about siblings hahahaNo one gives a real sh*t about her wellbeing. When she was doing drugs, my parents turned a blind eye. They just like to scream and yell when its impossible to use that blind eye to keep going about your business without suffering the crushing realisation that you've have failed miserably as a parent. IP: Logged |
NickiG
Knowflake Posts: 1285
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted November 18, 2010 11:16 AM
dang...i can see why you lost all respect for your parents..------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward IP: Logged |
Diablo
Knowflake Posts: 721
From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 18, 2010 11:28 AM
Oh hard, parents are supposed to give you that secure sense of self and your own self love comes from your parents love..my family, however normal it seems on the outside in the case of appearances, are nothing but rotten.I hate my mother for ripping me to shreds everyday of my life. I hate my father for letting her and never standing up for a defenceless child. IP: Logged |
NickiG
Knowflake Posts: 1285
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted November 18, 2010 11:30 AM
i hear ya, huggles (((diablo)))------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward IP: Logged |
Diablo
Knowflake Posts: 721
From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 18, 2010 11:33 AM
((hugs)) sigh, we're all wounded children in some way  IP: Logged |
NickiG
Knowflake Posts: 1285
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted November 18, 2010 11:33 AM
yea...we are..------------------
the better the chase, the better the reward IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 1920
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 18, 2010 02:13 PM
Yep.  IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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