Posts: 4035
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 16, 2010 09:44 AM            

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If you had any abuse ,you prolly shut your emotions down to some extent i.e. you became numb/dissasociated.
You may or may not realize it. It can become so "normal" that you don't realize you are numb.
If you have addictions, that is often a way to feel cuz you WANT to feel so badly.

Even an addiction to crisis, can be a desperate way to feel : to break out of the numb.

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The most beautiful things in the world can't be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

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Posts: 4035
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 16, 2010 09:48 AM            

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I had an authentic sense of self for long enough to know what that feels like.
For that,I am fortunate.I became numb at 14.
For the people who became numb very early, they never had a genuine sense of self as a reference point to which they can hope to return.
People who were abused badly as young children may never have had a definite sense of self.
This is so,so sad,to me.

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The most beautiful things in the world can't be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

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Posts: 4035
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 16, 2010 09:51 AM            

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I will write more,later,as I am needing to say things.
It will take me a while to say them.
In the meantime,please write and share anything which relates to this topic.
I don't mind when threads go off topic, either

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The most beautiful things in the world can't be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

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Posts: 4035
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 16, 2010 11:08 AM            

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I am ,recently, feeling much.much better. I think it is a combination of things.
You have to let people see you "messed up"
I have not really done that since I went in to the numb cuz I tried, desperately to be perfect.
In my real life, no one would see me as I am here
No way.
I am way too manicured for that.Every emotional hair in place

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The most beautiful things in the world can't be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

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Posts: 4035
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 16, 2010 11:14 AM            

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The other thing I found which really surprised me is that you need people to help you.
When you feel really low,really self doubting and really ready to throw yourself over board, you need some friends who will take your hand and pull you back up.
They HAVE to do it.You can't.
That part really surprised me cuz I was taught it was bad to be dependent.
In fact,my mother hated dependence with a passion.
I thought *I* was bad if I was not independent in how I viewed myself i.e. I liked myself no matter what anyone said or did.
I found this NOT to be true.
I have a whole new appreciation of what people mean to me and what I can mean to other people.
I will look for opportunities to pull a hurting person up.
I have done it before but not really understood the gravity of what it means.
We are social creatures,as dogs are.
You see how dogs sleep in a big pile and get panicky if they are left alone.

We are that way, too.
It is not weakness .It just is.

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The most beautiful things in the world can't be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

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Posts: 4035
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted December 16, 2010 02:25 PM            

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It is so weird. I thought it was weak to need people.
I just realized that I do

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The most beautiful things in the world can't be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

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