posted December 27, 2010 01:42 PM            

Its been a hard year. It all begin with me wanting to heal something in me. My coming to terms with being a woman and what that meant to me. My ex husband and I were on a path of self distruction for years. Slowly letting ourselves drift apart until i realized I didnt know him anymore and he didn't know me. I stayed and tried to make it work. However, even after looking at his chart and progressions I understand now, he is in a totally different place than I am and to leave like I did was the best thing for me to do, I would of died under that energy...and with all the health problems I was experiencing while I was married to him (which magically disappeared after the separation, yeah no **** )...I think I actually saved my life.

I ended up in a codependant relationship with an alcoholic. I didn't know it at the time because he was a very functional alcoholic and it was a long distance relationship. I gave that relationship everything I had, money and time that I really didn't have. In the end I left...I can't say why right now because it still hurts to bad.

After my failed relationship with him, I dated for a minute, ended up meeting what I thought was a nice guy...but it ended in date rape.

So this year its been alot of heartache, worrying about money and praying that things get better.

I have little to no self esteem, the ex alcoholic boyfriend is in recovery and wants to get back together...

and all I want...is to be happy, feel good about myself and not worry so much about my babies or money....

is that too much to ask for?

I desperately need healing. I pray I get it. I hope I get it...

posted December 27, 2010 01:47 PM            

Just remember, no matter how broken, bruised, and pained you feel... you will heal if you stay right where you are right now...

Be patient. Do nothing. And, tomorrow the sunshine will come out...

Grin and bear the pain, feel it, and let it move on... that's all you can do. When this is all over, you WILL be stronger.

posted December 27, 2010 02:22 PM            

Perhaps you weren't really ready to start another relationship yet, and so the universe sent you someone who wasn't really what you want or need. Thank him (in your mind) for showing you what you don't want and need, so you can be ready to receive the love of one that has the qualities you DO need.

posted December 27, 2010 03:11 PM            

I posted this because of Amis comments about co dependancy..I am pretty sure I am co dependant. I have eating disorders and I guess that is pretty common for someone like me to end up with someone like my ex boyfriend alcoholic...both of us are children of alcoholics.

I love him very much, but not sure if it would ever work out, so much to work through..and the funny thing is...I really know that with or without him..I WILL be okay. we are still talking, he is working through his recovery and is doing great. supposedly I am an inspiration for him but honestly I dont like that at all. I want him to do it for himself.

right now, healing for me....regardless of who is in my life...healing for my babies..because honestly when it all comes down to it..it's about me and it is about them. and that is that.

Ami are you on facebook at all?
if so...look me up...Alyson Jane Hatcher (kokomo, IN)

posted December 27, 2010 04:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by seeleah:

and all I want...is to be happy, feel good about myself and not worry so much about my babies or money....

is that too much to ask for?

I desperately need healing. I pray I get it. I hope I get it...

I hope this year will be better.

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It isn't too much too ask for.

posted December 27, 2010 04:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by GypseeWind:
seeleah, it takes enormous strength to do what you did, and leave a marriage that wasn't working. Many people just stay in that comfort zone, no matter how disfunctional it is. So congradulate yourself on making a HUGE step forward.

Perhaps you weren't really ready to start another relationship yet, and so the universe sent you someone who wasn't really what you want or need. Thank him (in your mind) for showing you what you don't want and need, so you can be ready to receive the love of one that has the qualities you DO need.

I wish you the best of luck in the New Year to come.

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