posted March 12, 2011 07:21 AM            

Neptune is hard, I want my innocence back, I don't like being here.

I need to learn to parent myself more. I can't want for something if it was never there.

It was disconnected or I drowned in it to my own detriment.

I want to free my Mars from my Neptune- I am so freaked out by intimacy. I want to free my drive to do things...

I don't want to spend my life celibate and living in some bad conditions to indulge this. I just see everyone else and I'm just stuck holding of to this Neptunian junk.

I think I'm doomed when it comes to relationships. I'll have Neptune in my 5th for 14 years when it goes into Pisces.

I don't want to be like my parents, but I want the love I never ever felt. I know my mother cares, but with an unaspected moon I am incapable of feeling it.

I don't want to act any more. I don't want to lie and say I'm paying off karma when by house I'm not meant to in this life. I don't want to suffer because of my parents. They were both too self invested to give me the nurturing I needed as a child.

Then Pluto took the rest away.

I chose the lonely road because it was real and authentic (and because half my chart is in Cap and my Saturn is strong)

I will never feel the collective except maybe at a concert (how Neptune).

I don't want to save people on a personal level (I don't mind doing it for work), I'm a Plutonian, I'm not meant to do that.

I want a guy to meet me, like me and then take me back to Europe so I can get away from here. Knowing me I just have to do it myself.

Nobody is coming to save me. I will never get that Neptunian love that I crave. I will never have it all back until I die.

posted March 12, 2011 07:46 AM            

I AM NOT A VICTIM
I AM NOT A MARTYR
I AM STRONG
I HAVE POWER

and I have no idea why I incarnated as a Pisces.

posted March 13, 2011 01:59 AM            

Something always goes wrong. I sabotage myself or the universe does.