posted March 18, 2011 06:48 PM            

In my own way, I have to "numb" out fear and uncertainty towards death, in order to focus on the positives of life. My belief in Jesus Christ, also gives me hope.

But, there are moments when I realize if I ever had to face the death of my children, or someone I deeply love, I would be reduced to instant nothingness. An ocean of tears and sickness and desperation.

It's hard for me to completely realize and empathize what those in Japan are going through, to really digest it and hold onto it, because in some ways, I just can't without also touching some terrible pain and fear.

I can handle life, now, as it is... but if someone I loved was a victim in an event like Japan, I don't know if I would have any motivation to live, ever again.

posted March 18, 2011 08:22 PM            

My friend sarahs mom died when she was in college after 5 years of battling cancer. I lived with her for a month, and when she wanted to cry, we cried, when she wanted to get drunk, we got drunk, when she wanted to smoke pot (though THAT is not sarah at all) I did that with her. And, when she woke up at night I'd wake up. But, by the end of the month, she was going back to school and calling her family much more. She then moved out of state for a year, and when she got back the pain was still waiting on her, and she accepted it.

To this day I still get calls in the middle of the night, her crying, or dreams/nightmares of her mother. People handle it in any way they can, and whatever way that is- is better than completely giving up. It doesn't get easier, I think we just learn to deal.

posted March 18, 2011 08:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Many people asked me HOW I could get through death.
I told them but they didn't hear me.
You go numb.
You are not brave.You are not overcoming.
You are numb ,cut off from feelings.
That happens for everyone when they are faced with death.

---

posted March 18, 2011 08:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AcousticGod:
I tend to avoid death like the plague. The idea of it does haunt me. When I've had good friends I've lost contact with I think maybe they died, and sometimes I dream of them and wonder if their images are from the beyond.

I've only gone to one funeral ever.

---

posted March 18, 2011 09:29 PM            

PS - I think you would be very surprised as to how you would react.
I've never felt as though the people I care about died, not before they did - not when they did - and not afterwards.. and not even to this day.
The feeling is just not there.. because I know they are with me.
I'm sure there are ample psychological reasons and theories out there (all of which I am not interested in) as to *why* I feel this way..

posted March 18, 2011 10:15 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Betty Boop:
When everyone and everything you really care about is taken away from you - you have nothing left to lose, and nothing at all to be afraid of. As much it is painful -- it's also extremely freeing... I've never felt so free in my life. .. It's a freedom from fear. I've never felt so out of control and yet so completely trusting in God and the Universe that everything would be OK - and I didn't need to be in control.

PS - I think you would be very surprised as to how you would react.
I've never felt as though the people I care about died, not before they did - not when they did - and not afterwards.. and not even to this day.
The feeling is just not there.. because I know they are with me.
I'm sure there are ample psychological reasons and theories out there (all of which I am not interested in) as to *why* I feel this way..

What I know is that it is a feeling of peace and inner balance that has made me a braver person and drawn me closer to God.

---

posted March 19, 2011 01:54 AM            

"Death is the road.
Life is the traveller.
The Soul is the Guide"

...

"Our mind thinks of death.
Our heart thinks of life
Our soul thinks of Immortality."

Sri Chinmoy

posted March 19, 2011 03:24 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
Like many of the tragedies in the last decade, the events in Japan have had me thinking a lot of my own mortality.

In my own way, I have to "numb" out fear and uncertainty towards death, in order to focus on the positives of life. My belief in Jesus Christ, also gives me hope.

But, there are moments when I realize if I ever had to face the death of my children, or someone I deeply love, I would be reduced to instant nothingness. An ocean of tears and sickness and desperation.

It's hard for me to completely realize and empathize what those in Japan are going through, to really digest it and hold onto it, because in some ways, I just can't without also touching some terrible pain and fear.

I can handle life, now, as it is... but if someone I loved was a victim in an event like Japan, I don't know if I would have any motivation to live, ever again.

This thread is dedicated to the topic of mortality. How do you deal with this fact of life?

---

I believe that it is always hard to prepare for death, especially of someone we love. For me, death was always associated with fear, because I lost friends while I was in high school. Then I had a long period of time where death was confined to elders.

When I married Bear, life and death became a different story. He has deployed twice to Iraq in the 4 years we have been together. Nothing prepares a person for death like going to what we call a "pre-deployment Rodeo" and our spouses fill out the will and name their next of kin for burial rights.

When mortality hits you every day for 365 days and you read of the people your spouse serves with being killed downrange, life changes. The view of death changes and you realize that life is fleeting, precious and one needs to make the most of it.

To compound that feeling that I went through, I also worked for a different Regiment (or Brigade) than my husband was apart of. We had our own casualties. I was close to so many people and my heart breaks when I receive messages about another Soldier that has died in Afghanistan and I recognize their names and the names of their family members because I processed them into the squadron.

posted March 19, 2011 03:29 AM            

I can't say that there is a full on way on how to deal with it. In my case, I have had to attend memorials of Soldiers that I knew and some I did not know. In the Regiment I worked for, my heart really breaks because there were new Soldiers (18 and 19 years of age) that came to our squadron and I spoke with their mothers and fathers about the deployment and set them up on our website.

It breaks my heart. I hate that when someone dies they are forever gone. We can never talk to them again- never hear them laugh- never fight or make up with them. We hear their voices in our heads / heart, we remember the way they smell, their mannerisms but we will never see any of those things again.

posted March 19, 2011 08:41 AM            

With that being said I have lost the most important figures of my life. My mom, all grandparents, all aunts, just recently in 2007 my dear godmother unexpectedly. It doesn't get any easier. It never does. With my godmother I . . . ugh I knew I should not have come to this thread, this subject is a hard one.

Anyhow, I notice that old people are usually never afraid to die. I remember my grandmother purchasing plots for herself and my grandpa like it was no biggie and I'd ask, why you buying that? She would say, to be prepared for when her time comes. Most elderly people accept it once they hit a certain age. So its a cycle, I suppose.

posted March 19, 2011 08:41 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by cathy:
I have lost my only son, both my parents and 3 close friends. I have a peace within me, as I "know" that death is'nt the end of existance. I'm thankful for that.

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I am so sorry,Kathy, dear. My deepest condolences

posted March 19, 2011 08:43 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by snarly:
I have lost a lot of family and friends, but it never gets any 'easier'. I agree with Ami in that you go numb. I don't think it's a conscious decision, it is a safety mechanism that kicks in until you are able to cope properly with it. I also agree that a certain amount of freedom from the fear of death comes in time.

---

Snarly

You are a dear thing!

posted March 20, 2011 11:31 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Betty Boop:
When everyone and everything you really care about is taken away from you - you have nothing left to lose, and nothing at all to be afraid of. As much it is painful -- it's also extremely freeing... I've never felt so free in my life. .. It's a freedom from fear. I've never felt so out of control and yet so completely trusting in God and the Universe that everything would be OK - and I didn't need to be in control.

PS - I think you would be very surprised as to how you would react.
I've never felt as though the people I care about died, not before they did - not when they did - and not afterwards.. and not even to this day.
The feeling is just not there.. because I know they are with me.
I'm sure there are ample psychological reasons and theories out there (all of which I am not interested in) as to *why* I feel this way..

What I know is that it is a feeling of peace and inner balance that has made me a braver person and drawn me closer to God.

---

Thank u Betty,

You wrote all that i experience and feel. And put it very nicely and clearly too. I think that 'freedom from fear' factor comes from death not only of near and dear ones but also of 'everything that we care for' as you so wisely put it. We have nothing further/much to loose.

Also, in the last decade or so, i got some premonitions, dreams etc in this connection, so that too prepared me psychologically to face 'death' whenever it came knocking at my door. And yes, i still feel connected to them one way or the other.