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Author
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Topic: Arranged marriages
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charmainec
Moderator Posts: 2421
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 30, 2011 10:15 AM
  
Has anyone else experienced this? Did you have a choice? Could you get out it? How did make you feel?I was set up for an arranged marriage at the age of 14! To a much, much, much older man. I was told it was part of the “cultural tradition” and that I had no choice. Everyone else knew about it before me. It felt like I was being sold and betrayed. The last thing any teen that age is thinking of is marriage let alone to someone you don’t even know. Obliviously if went ahead as planned that would mean that I would have to quit school and just bluntly be a sex slave? House wife? Expect to have kids? It was a scary time and many thoughts were running through my mind.
Lucky for me my mum was sane and put a stop to it - she wasn’t liked much by other family members after that. There are couples that were set up for arranged marriages and made it work. This is just part of my experience and how I felt about it.
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PlutoSquared
Knowflake Posts: 4362
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted March 30, 2011 10:42 AM
Charmainec,Wow. That must have been a pretty traumatic time. What culture do you have? Or, rather, what country? IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 2421
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 30, 2011 11:15 AM
My dad was Indian,a Hindi and they did our charts as well to see if we would be a "suitable" match. IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 2421
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 30, 2011 11:15 AM
DpIP: Logged |
Frozen Queen
Moderator Posts: 302
From: 11th Dimension
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted March 30, 2011 01:13 PM
Argh...that is one thing I cannot and for the record will not understand about India. Arranged marriages went out of fashion since the time that women were given equal rights and not treated as merely the husband's "property" however for a lot of people, and this is a first-person eye-view, arranged marriages are a matter of family ties and honour...effing thing *shakes head*------------------
Ask Me anything. Anything. I will contrive to bring you the answer. The whole universe will I use to do this. So be on the lookout. This book is far from My only tool. You may ask a question, then put this book down. But watch. Listen. The words to the next song you hear. The information in the next article you read. The story line of the next movie you watch. The chance utterance of the next person you meet. Or the whisper of the next river, the next ocean, the next breeze that caresses your ear—all these devices are Mine; all these avenues are open to Me. I will speak to you if you will listen. I will come to you if you will invite Me. I will show you then that I have always been there. All ways.
♥ IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 2421
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 31, 2011 05:17 AM
Even with equal rights for women it's still happening and not only in India.In some African cultures,young girls are kidnapped and raped. She is then automatically the rapists wife as she is "shamed". Sad but true. IP: Logged |
lechien
Knowflake Posts: 984
From: my 30 cubic square meter room with a rat!
Registered: May 2009
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posted March 31, 2011 08:45 AM
this happens in far less inhumane ways in Eastern Asian countries too. even with women having equal rights to the men, the concept that women cannot support herself alone persists. when women reach a certain age without being married (25-35), they, or the family start feeling the pressure that they are not socially appropriate, and in many cases fear that they will not be able to survive without the care from the spouse. so they take the option to have marriage partners arranged by "chaperons" or relatives, and choose the men who they feel the most comfortable with to marry to. it's a reflection of, no matter how the laws on female rights have changed, that there is the social pressure and belittling of the women as an incapable and dependent gender. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9850
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 31, 2011 09:27 AM
My mother,always,having to be the shocking Aquarian with the different point of view would say she thought arranged marriages would be better,in some ways, cuz you would not have the love and romance expectations.
I suppose this ONE thing would be true but the 1000 others would be false
It would be a horrible thing to contemplate,for me.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs
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starzy54
Knowflake Posts: 252
From: CA
Registered: Feb 2010
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posted March 31, 2011 12:04 PM
My family practices this Charmainec
I too have a understanding mother,who has not forced me into a pressured arranged marriage.My father passing away nearly 7 years ago,actually lessened the pressure I was getting to go through with one of these.If he was around,I would probably have gone through with it to make him happy.My family has been getting "offers" for me since i was 15 years old.Its not so much a property issue,but once more of honor and bringing two respectable families together.
Still though,I don't think I'm cut out for that type of arrangement. My mom won't force me into an arranged marriage with one of my culture,but she will also not even think about allowing me to marry someone I love,who is not of my culture,that is a whole different story,and one that is turning my life upside down. Honor is like transparent bounds and chains sometimes,it delays or stops you from doing what you really want,because you don't want to "dishonor" your family. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 8582
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 31, 2011 12:09 PM
I know an arranged Indian couple. They are very happy. Strange how the arranged pairings tend to last. ------------------
"All deaths are suicides, do you realize that? Every single one. The only distinction is that, with some people, suicide is a subconscious choice, and with others it's a conscious choice. Otherwise, those who commit suicide and those who succumb to accident, illness or "old age," die for exactly the same reason: belief in the inevitability of death." Linda Goodman IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9850
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 31, 2011 12:43 PM
I know 3 Indian couples with arranged marriages, too.
It is hard to assess, really,cuz it seems as if the outcomes of the arranged marriages is the same as the non--arranged ones lol
One couple seems happy.Another seems unhappy.The husband is a good provider but domineering. The other seems complacent but lacking joy as if the marriage is a duty.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 9850
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted March 31, 2011 12:43 PM
dp
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lechien
Knowflake Posts: 984
From: my 30 cubic square meter room with a rat!
Registered: May 2009
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posted March 31, 2011 05:14 PM
i think it also depends on the couple's concept of marriage. for some, maybe the practicality (not in a negative sense) of it is important and that is the key to the long-lasting marriage. for some, love is important. my grandparents had an arranged marriage and it's actually a bad example because i don't think they got along well, but they accepted that their marriage was for the benefit to both. also this "sharing life" thing may nurture the love, that bonds them for years, though perhaps not passionate or destined.  IP: Logged |
Benedict Moon*
Knowflake Posts: 2144
From: Avendesora
Registered: May 2009
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posted March 31, 2011 06:36 PM
I'm of two minds about this, I come from a culture where you can see the good and bad sides of this practice. I have some relatives who went this route (which was pretty much the norm 30 or so years ago) and they're perfectly content. I've also heard of the stories where people sell their daughters to older men because of money issues. That's a fringe issue, of course, that's rooted more in economic troubles than actual cultural practices. I think if its a democratic process, in which no one HAD to do it, then it can have a harmonious outcome. The key is remembering that there is a difference between arranged and forced. And it also depends on people's perceptions on what marriage is about (sorry for the echo, lechien..haha). If you believe in true love, soulmates, and all that pink pony jazz then obviously arranged marriages might not be for you. If you're into stability, security, and basically have a collectivist mindset then I don't see a problem. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 8582
From: The Goober Galaxy
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 02, 2011 07:56 PM
*bump*------------------
"All deaths are suicides, do you realize that? Every single one. The only distinction is that, with some people, suicide is a subconscious choice, and with others it's a conscious choice. Otherwise, those who commit suicide and those who succumb to accident, illness or "old age," die for exactly the same reason: belief in the inevitability of death." Linda Goodman IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 2421
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 14, 2011 03:48 AM
My personal opinion is that we should have the freedom to choose our own partner.One can have stability with a partner of choice as well. Arranged is forced when you have no choice IMP.IP: Logged |
lechien
Knowflake Posts: 984
From: my 30 cubic square meter room with a rat!
Registered: May 2009
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posted April 14, 2011 09:06 AM
quote:
Originally posted by charmainec:
My personal opinion is that we should have the freedom to choose our own partner.One can have stability with a partner of choice as well. Arranged is forced when you have no choice IMP.
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abcd efg
Knowflake Posts: 402
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted April 14, 2011 09:38 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
I know an arranged Indian couple. They are very happy. Strange how the arranged pairings tend to last.
Lot of arranged marraiges have love and romance in them. There is no hard and fast rule. I think its destiny. Love marriage or arranged one. And both need working upon. All the arranged marriages in India are not thrust nor are they a family honour business. But yes unfortunately many are. IP: Logged |
saronna
Knowflake Posts: 313
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2010
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posted April 29, 2011 11:32 PM
I ran away with my pussycatsIP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 2421
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 26, 2011 11:32 AM
What happened?IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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