posted May 11, 2011 12:40 AM            

And their guy/girl are showing some red flags?

I kind of have a situation...with someone in my family that lives a state away. Her best friend contacted me, sharring her concerns...that he is starting to treat her like crap. They live together, are married, and have a baby girl together.

I've been in a bad realtionship, where I moved in with a guy. And if it wasn't for my passionate sister and our friend. Who knows where I would be today, or what sh!t I would be putting up with.
(and also other friends and family that I could just vent too)

Her guy is becoming more controlling of her.
Thats just what minipualative guys do though.
It really seems like he doesn't want her to have friends, and is trying to keep her away from them.
That is just what twisted husbands/boyfriends do though. If they can get them isolated, therefore they can controll them. Ya know, make them feel like they have no one else but them. It's so sick.

But anyways...I desided to talk to her everyday, be there for her... and She will eventually open up me when she is ready. And to bring her self esteem up, when he tries to minipulate her...so she can get the confidence and the self esteem not to put up with doing all the work around the house, mostly taking care of her kid, and feel like there are consequenses for going out with her friends.

posted May 11, 2011 12:53 AM            

I understand, she doesn't want to make things worse and wants to show my cuz the light.
She doesn't want to act ridiculous (like my sis and our friend did but it worked)...cause she doesn't want to make her upset and burn a bridge.

posted May 11, 2011 09:22 AM            

Sorry to hear this. I wish I had some good ideas, but this is so important that I daren't play amateur psychologist this time; I would hate to give you the wrong advice. I agree that the most important thing to do is keep the communication there between the two of you, and perhaps even try to keep the partner happy with you as well, so he doesn't ever try to come between you and your family member.

Good luck, hope it is ok.

Rachel x

posted May 11, 2011 11:16 AM            

Everyone has freewill. If someone chooses to destroy their lives under the rule of a tyrant male/woman, there is nothing you can do to help them... only hope and pray that they will one day want more for themselves.

Oftentimes, those types of relationships fail eventually... just be patient and realize you will be there for her when she gets out. Let her know that, too.

Otherwise, be concerned of your own emotional and mental safety - as being around others with relationship problems/abusive relationships can start to rub off and drag you down...

posted May 11, 2011 01:39 PM            

Also another tricky thing...I remember from my past...
Ya finaly get to that point where you are always venting about all the crap you put up with. And its good to know your friends and family tell you he is wrong. It even feels good when friends and family tells off your guy...as for you losing your abiblity to be a b!tch due to the threats and minipulation. And of course the guy gives you sh!t about it later. And the guy is like "you didn't stick up for me, when your dad told me of ". (and its like hello...you flip out when I stick up for myself, and you expect me to stick up for you!?) But still you say sorry & make an exuse, until you finally get to that point where you get fed up, and say "you deserved that! (and for the first time ever say) I hate you!!"(ha, which takes a while to get there)

And you know it has to end but its hard to let go and cut off all ties.
Espeacially when the guy acts like he is gonna change.

But I don't think I should show hard feelings and make such a scene, when she still sticks with him. My sister did that alot. (even though now I'm glad she did everything she did)

But I'm the kind of person who can only take so much. I was dealing with alot of sh!t at my old jod. And then to come home to my ex's dramma and b!tching...I started going to the garage, or would walk down the block and would call a friend or family member. And I even drove two hours to get away from him and hang out at a friend's...but of course he kept blowing up my phone and acted like he was gonna kill himself if I didn't come home. I KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. Thanks to 17 magazine saying guys that do that are abusive. But then I also remember reading in the mag on a different article that you shouldn't take it lightly when someone talks suisidal. I even called his sister and told her what he was doing.

By the way my friend who I went out to see was the only friend that still thought my ex was a good person. Well not after that! And I knew it was a red flag that none of my friend's and family liked him. But I still wanted to be sure I wouldn't regret ending it.

(sorry I'm kind of allover the place with my thoughts)

Well thanks to my sister and friends getting so emotional with me...even though I hated my ex I still talked to him and would see him.
And I ended up going behind backs to talk to him and see him. So then when my sis and friends found out they would say "don't talk to me anymore", "dude I am so done with you" yada yada. I was ****** . I resented them a bit and would think 'well if they wouldn't get so upset I wouldn't have to hide it! and it's my life so quit trying to controll it, if your my friend(even though my ex is mentally unstable and trying to controll mine)'
(But I think in reality I was starting to resent they boy)
But then shortly after that...I would think this SOB better not give me any sh!t cause I'm walking on eggshells with everyone thanks to him. Well of course he effed it up. And I finally ended it with him. And spread the word that I was finally done for real. And I've kept my word. I've been single for a year now.

posted July 13, 2011 12:02 PM            

So last year was my cousin's bachelorette(sp?) party. We where at a piano bar and got to have lots of multiple orgasm drinks. And her husband's mom is the one who brought the small penis straws to go with out drinks!

Well I took a picture of my cousin drinking that drink with that pink tiny dick straw that you can buy at like Spencer's or whatever.

And here is the drama I got for it.

My cousin on August 2010: (will keep name private) Bleep doesn't like this picture being up here..lame!

My cousin's mom: I don't either!

Me: I can see where Bleep and your mom are comming from. Do you want me to take it down or untag you in it?

posted July 13, 2011 12:03 PM            

I'm not sure what to about it at the moment.

posted July 13, 2011 02:43 PM            

Definitely, but it's hard to listen to her since she is quiet. She can be one closed book when it comes to relationships sometimes.

But I talk to her on fb at least once a week.

I talked to my sister about it today while she was at work.

Then I tried talking to mom about it a while ago...and my mom being the prude she is...all I had to say was picture of her drinking with pink tiny penis straw on fb" and my mom made her mind up.

After that I was talking to a wall, trying to tell her about other red flags. She pretty much told me to mind my own business, and that I shouldn't upset her husband.

and I'm thinking, well what about not making the wife upset shouldn't they both matter!?...and I'm thinking what is wrong with my mom's head?...then I remember oh wait, this is the woman that didn't care that I had a boyfriend living at my house for month. I didn't even ask her permission for it. He was a total mooch, I ended up kicking my boyfriend out. And my mom was so upset when I broke up with him, and would say mean things about him. wtf.

Anyway, I ended up blurting out "Well I'm sorry I'm talking to you about this, I forgot, you enable bad relationships, I'm sorry I wasted your time."

I know that is really mean to say, but I feel like I'm right.

But anyway...in a way I'm glad I got her point of view, cause for the not so wild folks, that picture could make her look bad, and certain people don't want to see her that way. Even though it's her flippin bachelorette party. And she behaved her self.