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Author
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Topic: I hope it is not too shocking...
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lian3688
Knowflake Posts: 83
From: The Orient
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 07:43 AM
  
Guys, i want to ask...What would you do when you find your lover in bed with sb else?
IP: Logged |
Venia
Knowflake Posts: 192
From: Bonn, Germany
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 30, 2011 08:04 AM
Definitely, leave!!!
Without havibg to say anything and never look back! (I guess that´s my Leo reaction)-Has it happened to you, lian3688? IP: Logged |
lian3688
Knowflake Posts: 83
From: The Orient
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 08:18 AM
I have had this discussion with my bf on the issue of loyalty...Though he said that he never does that, but he believes that a man has the right to play at times. His argument was that a man gives and a woman receives. So a woman is going to be dirty when she does that. I told him, there has never been a giver and a receiver this age of "protection". He agreed but i don't think he would accept my point. We have been living together for 3 months now and when we are together there has never been any suspicious phone call or anything. But...when he went to another city, there were hours when his phone was turned off. The first time i asked he said it was no signal case (i don't buy that - he didn't go to the jungle). And it happened again. So i just wonder...asking myself with the question... IP: Logged |
dysfunctionalmystic
Moderator Posts: 616
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 30, 2011 08:21 AM
Lian I'd say he's telling you that he won't be faithful. If he thinks a man has got a right to play then what he's saying is that he thinks HE has a right to play.IP: Logged |
lian3688
Knowflake Posts: 83
From: The Orient
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 08:22 AM
No, Venia...And i don't think i will ever unless i track him down when he is on the trail... Leave, you said...
That is your FIRST reaction.
But he will look for you and apologize.
Hos many times do forgiveness worth granted? IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 17184
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 30, 2011 08:24 AM
((Lian))
It is not too personal to ask here.People ask all sorts of things  ------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
lian3688
Knowflake Posts: 83
From: The Orient
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 08:44 AM
And i have come up with an answer, weird as it is... it leads me to admit that all is about power. I will tell about my answer later...
Want to know what yours are first. Dysfunctional:
Yes, that's what i think too. Ami:
Thanks! The hug feels good... IP: Logged |
mir
Knowflake Posts: 582
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 09:57 AM
I don't even want to think about finding him in bed with sb else .. I would already become white-hot when confronted with his belief that men have the right to play at times!Honestly, that would never be my man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 17184
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 30, 2011 09:58 AM
quote:
Originally posted by mir:
I don't even want to think about finding him in bed with sb else .. I would already become white-hot when confronted with his belief that men have the right to play at times!Honestly, that would never be my man.
Yes,as low self esteem as I HAVE,no man is gonna cheat on me  ------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 6626
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 02:41 PM
If it were agreed we were monogamous......
I would perhaps say "ooops, hello, carry on"
then turn fast,
and leave and not return except for my things when they were not there.....if I had somewhere to go of course.
Would go somewhere I suppose...even if no idea where.......------------------
~Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you ♥
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Nikola Tesla
~There is no box.~H♥
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~ IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 6626
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 02:46 PM
quote:
Originally posted by lian3688:
His argument was that a man gives and a woman receives. So a woman is going to be dirty when she does that.
Dirty? 
I am confused.
IP: Logged |
NickiG
Moderator Posts: 3998
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
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posted June 30, 2011 05:04 PM
WHOHOSDLFJKLDC JOIDJFKLDJDSIKJFA;OEJF DDOIAJDL Sthat would be a series of swears if i find him in a compromising position...i'm a highly loyal person (due to scorpio sun and leo moon) and i expect him to be too...any bit of dishonesty and anything i deem not being loyal and he is out the door ------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate? IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1491
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 30, 2011 08:31 PM
(I'm assuming this situation is a *surprise*.. as in .. we did not previously agree to have an open relationship... either that, OR... we did agree to have an open relationship, BUT he hid the fact that he was sleeping with this woman.. e.g. If I'm at work and he says he is watching tv... but when I get home early I find out he's having sex.
This would upset me because of the lie involved. The whole POINT of having an open relationship - is to be honest.) I would ask her to get dressed and leave, as I need to talk to my bf. Then I would go outside and sit on the couch until she left. I'd be nice though. I wouldn't give her daggers or anything like that. Then I would have a conversation with him about what he wants? and who she is? and basically where it's going? (also, whether they used protection etc)
If she was not important to him.. I wouldn't care. BUT because of the lie involved, I would lose trust in him.. and it could affect our relationship anyway.. so it might go down the drain.
--Had he not lied, I mean if he actually told me: "look I'm having sex with this girl but it is not serious to me".. (in the situation where we agree on an open rel.)... then I wouldn't be upset at all. ---------- If he was in love but afraid to break up with me.. I would tell him to be more honest in the future, with his future partners - because the only thing that hurt me here - is his dishonesty.
I would tell him I'm OK with it being over.. and that I wish him all the best WITH her.. but I hope that by the time I get back, he will pack his things and leave. Then I would go to a hotel over night and come back the next morning.. and move on with my life. IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1491
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 30, 2011 08:33 PM
In a situation like this, being surprised/shocked to find this is happening --- I would instantly become very calm and very cold (capricorn like).I would never scream.. but I'm generally quite scary when I get to this 'cold' stage -- even if I say nothing at all. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 6626
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 08:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Betty Boop:
In a situation like this.. I would instantly become very calm and very cold (capricorn like).I would never scream.. but I'm generally quite scary when I get to this 'cold' stage -- even if I say nothing at all.
My Capricorn moon causes me to do much the same.
Once I hit the "cold" stage.....for me that means it is over.------------------
~Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you ♥
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Nikola Tesla
~There is no box.~H♥
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~ IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1491
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 30, 2011 08:47 PM
LEXX - I am similar, but I don't like to make a decision rashly. On the spur of the moment my reaction would be very cold. But I would want to figure out what is going on and figure out what to do, and what is best.. once I calm down, in time. It wouldn't instantly be over for me, before I have details. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Moderator Posts: 6626
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 30, 2011 08:49 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Betty Boop:
LEXX - I am similar, but I don't like to make a decision rashly. On the spur of the moment my reaction would be very cold. But I would want to figure out what is going on and figure out what to do, and what is best.. once I calm down, in time. It wouldn't instantly be over for me, before I have details.
This was assuming the example is an agreed on monogamous relationship.Dynamics in an open arrangement would be different and there should be no need to sneak. However having been through a few long term open relationships (18 years, 8 years, and 13 or so) where my partner in each, abused the openness and in each I was not permitted the same freedoms, well,
from hereon, I desire monogamy or will go it solo. ------------------
~Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you ♥
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Nikola Tesla
~There is no box.~H♥
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
}><}}}(*>~ IP: Logged |
abcd efg
Knowflake Posts: 804
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted July 01, 2011 11:52 AM
quote:
Originally posted by lian3688:
.................But he will look for you and apologize.
Hos many times do forgiveness worth granted?
Forgiveness is worth granted n no of times. But for this sort of mistake wellllllll........... it all depends on where you stand with him (i mean the level of your relationship) and the whole practical aspects of the situation and your overall life situation with him. Its difficult to generalise. What i feel is mistake is forgivable.... u know what i mean? But consciously betraying and repeatedly that too, can be totally different.
Again in countries in the East many women come from rigid family and religious backgrounds where they are expected to follow all principles and keep forgiving the men for such frailties. Also when there is no financial independence and/or a woman is not educated or not worked her life till then, then it becomes very difficult for her to stand on her feet here as you cannot take on any job at all like in the West. Lots of constraints.
If the power is there then nothing like it. Power does wonders. I am curious to know about your idea. IP: Logged |
cappy1277
Knowflake Posts: 635
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted July 01, 2011 12:08 PM
I would turn ice cold too. My whole expression on my face changes and it becomes scary so I would think that everyone would run for the hills if they saw that expression...It would take a lot of self control not to do anything..most likely i would tell them they have to the count of 10 to leave the premises. At least they can have a fair warning...lolIP: Logged |
scorpio17
Knowflake Posts: 749
From: Netherlands
Registered: Dec 2009
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posted July 01, 2011 12:46 PM
From that moment on, things will never be the same again.IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Moderator Posts: 5429
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 01, 2011 12:59 PM
Whose bed? My bed, in my house???
That could be very bad.IP: Logged |
abcd efg
Knowflake Posts: 804
From: India
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted July 01, 2011 01:15 PM
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
Whose bed? My bed, in my house???
That could be very bad.
I liked that.  IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 831
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted July 01, 2011 01:18 PM
...IP: Logged |
mir
Knowflake Posts: 582
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 01, 2011 09:50 PM
If the importance on the bed can make the 'idea' (--> men have the right.. etc.) look less bad,well to me it's ALMOST one & the same. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 812
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 02, 2011 12:36 AM
I would throw and smash the big screen LCD tv into his Audi convertible and then drive the car off a pier, toss his $3000 bottle of absinthe into the ocean along with all his favorite pairs of fancy shoes and then sink his sailboat.  I'm an Aries and I don't deal with that **** . Of course, i would do all the above brilliantly in my head. Ha!! I don't know exactly what I'd do in real life. I just know it wouldn't be pretty. IP: Logged |
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