Posts: 28
From:
Registered: Apr 2011

posted July 12, 2011 01:44 PM            

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so...i think it would be a very long, long, long post if i went into the details of what has brought me to 'realize' that the rest of my life will be spent alone.
it may not be 'alone' in the sense that many people would know it, but it is 'alone' to me nonetheless. I am cripplingly, spiritually alone. devoid of any hope of understanding yet to come, anymore. all i ask for now that i have accepted that the chances of me finding a counterpart are very small, is for a very powerful inspiration to completely take hold of my life. Because animal instincts are a hard thing to fight. And see...i spent a long time thinking that they were something to be appreciated, and i still feel that way, but life as a human is (as possibly many of us have noticed by now) a whirlpool. If i follow my instincts now, it is something like opening up a dam...for example...i spent most of my young life wishing i could find a friend who understood, just someone who saw what i saw...and i never did...then around my 18th birthday i met some people who did see things the way i did...and all i felt like doing when i was around them was whine and complain...even though i didn't feel like doing that when they weren't around...and i realize it was because i had been pent up for so long i needed to let it out on people who i felt understood... anyway...i guess what I'm saying is...how do you continue to live with spiritual x-ray vision and keep your eyes open to the world around you when all it does is hurt? do you close your eyes and join the mob? ready to then place this pain, unaware, on the following generation? No, i have to fight the urge to fall asleep here. And yet, i can't go on like this without losing my mind. I can't. Humans are by nature social creatures. Am I the first in a line unbroken in my ancestry since who knows when that has to deal with forces like these? With myself against me? I would rather be alone than in bad company, but sometimes the urge to be around or with someone wins, and the whole time i spend around that person or those people who i know don't 'see' i feel wrong, sick, angry, annoyed and i just want to run away. so what do i do? what the f do i do?

I want this thread to be for all of us who struggle with issues of this nature...to share both our humorous stories, and our pains. Nothing is too out there. Nothing is too weird

i am no longer looking for hope. no longer looking for temporary solutions. though if that is what it takes to get me through this life without spreading this disease any further then so be it. but as for me personally, i am not looking for comfort or lights at the end of the tunnel. they will not satisfy

and yet that is still what i seek. it never goes away. all i long to do is break down and cry and have someone truly understand, and then i would probably cry and cry and cry and who knows when it would stop...and no i don't think anyone actually Could put up with that, and how could i expect that of anyone? it is unreasonable. and yes, there is God. But I am a human. I have human feelings, and I need human compassion, and I am going to be honest here...because honest is the only thing i've ever been able to be...I am angry--deeply angry and deeply hurt--because of this paradox i feel i am forced to be in

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Posts: 451
From: London England
Registered: Aug 2010

posted July 12, 2011 04:24 PM            

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I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises, and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory. This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appears no other thing to me then a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form, in moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals!

And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though, by your smiling, you seem to say so.

Hamlet, scene ii

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Posts: 14215
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted July 12, 2011 04:55 PM            

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Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
Be as wise as a serpents,gentle as doves.

He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs

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Posts: 186
From: Brickenton
Registered: Jun 2011

posted July 13, 2011 05:05 AM            

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some people choose to incarnate on earth so that they can be away from their twin flame. That would explain the loneliness. Hopefully you are either with your twin flame here, waiting to be found or you are just taking a break. One can be in astral while the other is in Physical earth.

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Posts: 2745
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 13, 2011 08:38 AM            

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Never lose your Faith in Love

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quote:

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I believe in the compelling power of love. I do not understand it. I believe it to be the most fragrant blossom of all this thorny existence.

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Theodore Dreiser

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Posts: 28
From:
Registered: Apr 2011

posted July 13, 2011 02:22 PM            

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i am pretty sure my twin flame is in astral 'mode'-lol- but i feel crazy--i need human contact sometimes you know? to realign myself with the world around me...and i think somehow i'm sure...that my twin flame has either been attached to several people who have come into my life suddenly or is somehow simultaneously attached to those people...i am not entirely sure what is going on other than it is very painful spiritually. Hmm. I just wish it would all not matter and i could dance without a care

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Posts: 28
From:
Registered: Apr 2011

posted July 13, 2011 03:09 PM            

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AstrologicalMan-so, if some people choose to be away from their twin...why do you think this is? I mean, if being with your twin is really some sort of balanced and beautiful reality then why would they want to be away from each other?

on another note, i just noticed something that further alienates me- i have an extreme fear of being happy. and i think most people are chasing happiness, while i think i'm constantly chasing that middle ground between emotions. don't know why i'm so scared of going up just because i'm overly aware of the down--i mean it's just the way it is right? but i can't change what drives me either

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