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Author Topic:   what are your veiws on someone's 2nds?
Stawr
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posted February 05, 2012 10:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
particularly if it's seconds from a family member.
(I'm curious in your views...but I'm just warning ya now I might vent about my life a lot. haha)

ugh, this guy who I will call J(who is 23 now) has really seem to taken a liking to me. But he has slept with my younger(she's 19 now) cousin. So he doesn't stand a chance in hell with me.
I've told him that, in a sugar coated way.(not too sugar coated I mean I got my point across) He is still really nice to me...but it's like dude seriously, what does he think I am!? I know what you did with my cousin, so it's not gonna happen.

Do guys, or most guys seem to care less about stuff like that? I'm mean I'm sure there are girls like that(really only met one girl who was like this)...but I'm guessing guys more...cause guys sex drives are higher usually.
Plus I've done stuff with J's younger brother(he is 20 now) and they where adopted so they are not related to each other, but still) and he knows it....but J is still interested in me.

I'm guessing some of you are A: agree with me. And I'm guessing some of you B: might think I'm a prude and uptight, and I'm guessing the rest of you are thinking C: where do I meet these people?! LOL or D: both A and C (like my sister when I was venting to her today. lol)

But I've been thinking this thought for a while "Why do some people care? and Why do some people not care?"

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Stawr
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posted February 05, 2012 11:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Recently I have been having a platonic thing going on with J.
I like it this way...but he wants more. But I don't feel like he is pressuring me at all. He has a reserved side...must be due to his Cap moon.

But last night it got way to uncomfortable for me.
Like some of our friends are routing for us to take it farther...wtf don't encourage him. I've already stated my statement. And I am more stubborn than I look. And I'm not gonna change my mind. I really can't stand it when I have to repeat my self to the point where I start to feel like I'm a broken record.
So I don't know how much longer this platonic thing can last anymore.

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NativelyJoan
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posted February 05, 2012 12:10 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I mean if you really really like him, then where he's been and who he's been with shouldn't be an issue. But trust your gut and if your on the fence don't allow him to pressure you. Think about how much fun you'd have with someone you really liked and actually wanted to be intimate with guilt free.

Personally, I don't do sloppy seconds. I have Venus in Leo and integrity is very important to me. If it were a situation where me and a friend or relative liked the same guy and he hadn't done anything with them yet and liked me more I'd consider him. Consider being the important part of that sentence. But that's always a sticky situation. I'm incredibly turned off by guys that have been with my friends or even extended family members. If I knew the guy before he started dating someone I was close to my Venus in Leo pride who'd chime in. Because I wouldn't be able to get past how he initially didn't make a move on me first.

I'm incredibly picky and discriminate when it comes to men and I'm looking for something particular. So I usually don't waste time if the guy's not worth it, which for me is most guys. Wow, talk about an ego right, darn you Venus in Leo. But my advice is go for it if you really like him and think he's worth it. If not don't waste your time. Wait for someone who'd really be worthwhile.

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RegardesPlatero
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posted February 05, 2012 12:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
--

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amowls**
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posted February 06, 2012 12:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for amowls**     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't know why that matters. I don't know anyone IRL who cares about things like that (and if they did, they'd never date anyone in this town... its pretty small and everyone knows who has slept with whom).

I've slept with 3 of my boyfriend's friends, for instance, before I started dating him (he has a Leo Venus like you). My best friend has slept with my ex boyfriend.

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Stawr
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posted February 06, 2012 08:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks everyone!

Yeah I have Leo IC. I find guys that have been with a family member to be a turn off. Before I didn't even realize it but I do now.

My younger cousin is slightly competitive it seems. Back when we where in high school I remember me and this guy kind of had a good conection going...so what does my cousin do...start being all over him. And eventually they made out. It's like she did it on purpose.(but who really knows, I might just be trippin. lol) And after that I wasn't feeling him, like I was kind of cold towards him.
and later I was like ohh I bet thats why...

Plus I have Scorpio Moon conjunct Pluto. (maybe it has something to do with not wanting to be reminded of who was before me)

but anyways about this guy J
I honestly just like him as a person. I don't have those kind of feelings for him, but I enjoy hanging out with him though.

(my sister has had friends seconds before in the past) So when I was talking to her she said something like "It doesn't sound like your that attracted to him." And honestly that is true. I've never felt atrracted to him, I just like him as a person.

But that is a good point about if you really like the person, their past shouldn't matter.

I will admit that I have taken seconds from friends...but it seems like I really only do that if all they really did was kiss or make out...and really not anything more than that.

Another tricky thing with these senarios, 'will your friend be okay with it...and if not is the guy worth losing your friend over.'
there have been times it was no big whoop and my friend/s from before where so over the person...and other times I have lost friends over stuff like that.

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ariesdragon
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posted February 09, 2012 07:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariesdragon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Seconds?" No thanks I think I'll pass."

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sand
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posted February 11, 2012 05:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sand     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
just be thankful your cousins don't sleep with each other!

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RegardesPlatero
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posted February 11, 2012 10:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RegardesPlatero     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sand:
just be thankful your cousins don't sleep with each other!

LMAO.

In some states they do...O_o

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YoursTrulyAlways
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posted February 11, 2012 11:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Errr... no thank you... I like to think I have higher standards... gross.

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amowls**
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posted February 13, 2012 10:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amowls**     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's kind of sad to see the world that way. Like people can be "used up" so to speak.

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LEXX
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posted February 13, 2012 11:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by amowls**:
It's kind of sad to see the world that way. Like people can be "used up" so to speak.
I agree.
I was quite promiscuous in my youth.
I do not feel that means I am tainted, used up, second hand goods.
And I detest it when my wild youth was/is thrown back into my face by guys, acting like I am "ruined", or worse, take it as an excuse to be promiscuous "to catch up to me",
or some such nonsense.
And most offensive is fellows who were kids or not even born yet back in my main wild years betwixt 1970 and 1976,
insulting me.


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PixieJane
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posted February 14, 2012 12:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If you're not fine with someone's "seconds" then are you fine with anyone who is not a virgin? I don't understand this, it seems like insecurity to me (like thinking you could never measure up to anyone else and/or that s/he would dump you for the "first" in a heartbeat if the opportunity allowed for it because s/he was "settling" for you as "the next best choice" rather than choosing you). Though I can see the reasoning that s/he should've "chosen you first" also playing a role (even if that seems more about circumstances, it's not like you were picked over another "model" from a catalog...). I could see irrational jealousy playing a part here as well.

And I thought "sloppy seconds" meant having sex with someone who was still "messed up" from having sex with someone else, but maybe I just took that too literally.

quote:
Originally posted by Stawr:
Another tricky thing with these senarios, 'will your friend be okay with it...and if not is the guy worth losing your friend over.'

This would be my only concern...and it's conceivable that I might worry about one and/or the other deciding to try and rekindle the dead romance once they're around each other long enough, but I wouldn't assume this was the case without a good reason (if I did then I'd either never enter into such a relationship or I'd end one or both relationships).

quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
nonsense

Such sentiments you described in others do strike me as nonsense.

quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
I do not feel that means I am tainted, used up, second hand goods

I generally prefer experienced (assuming the said person isn't intensely selfish and shallow) because such people are generally better skilled, more refined, and with more realistic expectations in every way (and I don't mean just sexual).

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MermaidDreamz
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posted August 13, 2021 07:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MermaidDreamz     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I dated my hair dressers ex. Only time and last time, it was a nightmare.

a couple people in my past hooked up together. I thought it was weird they did.

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Dumuzi
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posted August 14, 2021 09:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dumuzi     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i wouldn't care if i liked someone, what difference does it make to me what happened before me?

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Randall
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posted September 02, 2021 01:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i wouldn't care if i liked someone, what difference does it make to me what happened before me?

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Stawr
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posted September 08, 2021 02:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks all. Very true, if itís meant to be, itís meant to be even if the situation starts off like that. While someone could be upset (the person who had them first letís say) it could be a risk worth taking. Communication is key.

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teasel
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posted September 08, 2021 02:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not interested in dating the ex of anyone I know. I'm especially not interested if they're still involved.

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Randall
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posted October 16, 2021 12:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

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Ami Anne
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posted October 16, 2021 08:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It seems gross but would be hard to judge from the eyes of the people involved

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http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Stawr
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posted October 24, 2021 11:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stawr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Scorpio is very active in my chart. That's all I say....

In high school I had a friendship end because I had the same taste in guys as my friend who also had Scorpio moon and Pluto.

I've been tempted and attracted to my friend's ex in the past. (I called him the forbidden fruit) He actually asked me out when I started dating my now husband.

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