posted February 07, 2012 09:40 AM            

I think if your current therapy is not helping you enough in making strides, please ask for referrals.

You have a right to love without fear.
And you will get there. One step at a time.

posted February 07, 2012 04:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I felt that same way: I wanted to sort myself out, so that I wouldn't attract the type of man I was trying to avoid, and so that I would be healthy enough to handle a good one.

I hope you find what you need.

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posted February 07, 2012 08:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
One other thing that I thought of, too, that might strengthen my case to have my therapist help me talk to a doctor/write a letter getting a doctor to sterilize me:

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posted February 08, 2012 05:27 AM            

I would recommend reading "Anatomy of the Spirit" by Caroline Myss. She is a natural healer and she talks about the different chakras and their function in the book as well as many other really interesting spiritual topics.

This is just a short definition of the base chakra from wiki:

quote:

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Muladhara: The Base Chakra

Muladhara or root chakra is represented as a red square, with 4 red petals. The seed syllable is Lam, the deity is Ganesh, and the Shakti is Dakini. The associated animal is the elephant Ganesha. This chakra is where the 3 channels are merged, then separate and begin their upward movement. Inside of this chakra is wrapped up the goddess kundalini three times around a black lingam. It is the seat of the red bindu, the female drop (which in Tibetan vajrayana is located at the navel chakra).
Muladhara is related to instinct, security, survival and also to basic human potentiality. This center is located in the perineum, which is the region between the genital and the anus. Although no endocrine organ is placed here, it is said to relate to the gonads and the adrenal medulla, responsible for the fight-or-flight response when survival is under threat. There is a muscle located in this region that controls ejaculation in the sexual act of the human male. A parallel is charted between the sperm cell and the ovum where the genetic code lies coiled and the kundalini. Muladhara is symbolized by a lotus with four petals and the colour red. Key issues involve sexuality, lust and obsession. Physically, Muladhara governs sexuality, mentally it governs stability, emotionally it governs sensuality, and spiritually it governs a sense of security.

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posted February 08, 2012 10:18 AM            

I have been meaning to write more to you about this fear of yours (because I care!) but this is an online forum and so much of how we discuss depends on wording things properly and sometimes becoming more personal can be taken in the wrong light (e.g. may offend, or just make sb defend themselves etc.).

In any case, I wanted to say this: I think your confusion with sexuality stems from the fact that you have repressed your sexuality a great deal as a way to protect yourself from that past extremely painful experience. When I wrote that you behave like you have PTSD, have you researched it? It doesn't just means that you are still "afraid" of things. It goes much deeper than that. I can see for instance that the way you are thinking about sexuality and marriage and even kids, all stem from that fear of yours of that past experience. Yes, all justified, all normal. I would be surprised if what happened hadn't affected you on how you see things but are you AWARE of this? Are you aware that you are making decisions now -in your early 20s- for your entire life based on that one horrible yet unique and unlikely to repeat experience?

Please do not respond to me. Just use this question to think things through.

What you do is your business. I'm just a person who cares and would like to try to help even through the internet. The right person to help you is your therapist but you need a REALLY good therapist if you want to see this pattern of thinking change. Having a therapist who is "nice" and "listening" and "agrees in all you say" is not equal to having a "good" therapist. There are therapists out there who can REALLY help you overcome deep wounding and can help you really change your life if you wish to do so.

PTSD is a disorder and only psychiatrists can deal with it. "Talk therapy" is usually an additional way to deal with things, but you really need to be talking to people who can help you deal with PTSD. Has your therapist mentioned anything about PTSD? If not, you can bring it up, and you can get a referral for an evaluation. You do not have to suffer from PTSD your entire life!