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Author
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Topic: Question for the demisexuals & asexuals
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Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted May 30, 2012 11:08 AM
  
Could you get into a relationship with a person who is average-sexual or highly-sexed? How would you accomodate that? Would you allow them to have sex with someone else?IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 6997
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted May 30, 2012 11:17 AM
How does one know if they're a demisexual? I think I'm like dat but I could be wrong.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 30, 2012 11:37 AM
quote:
Originally posted by sand:
How does one know if they're a demisexual? I think I'm like dat but I could be wrong.
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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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cappy1277
Moderator Posts: 1238
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted May 30, 2012 11:45 AM
wow...I totally relate to demisexuality. that is how I totally relate my orientation to. I never knew there was a word for it. IP: Logged |
Yin
Moderator Posts: 2956
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 30, 2012 12:40 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Could you get into a relationship with a person who is average-sexual or highly-sexed? How would you accomodate that? Would you allow them to have sex with someone else?
I have been in relationships with both average- and highly-sexed people. The ones that are average are a better fit. The highly-sexed ones are a bit difficult. No, I would not allow them to have sex with someone else if it's ever up to me. (Can't really prevent a cheater from cheating.) I'm demisexual according to my own assessment.
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RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4366
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted May 30, 2012 03:39 PM
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PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 1054
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 30, 2012 06:15 PM
As one with strong demisexual tendencies I'm generally ok with those with a stronger sex drive because I'm able to just focus on my partner when I must. It's ironic that I tend to be a lot less judgmental and have a lot less inhibition than many sexual people and even have less aversion about giving than those who get very passionate about sex. Of course I sometimes have to use certain aids (which I won't specify to avoid giving TMI) to make it possible at times, but even more sexual people have to use those same aids, too, sometimes. A very convenient thing is the more sex I have the more I can handle and the more likely I am to enjoy it while the less I have the less I desire it. Starting & ending relationships can be rough because of this, but I've never felt tortured for being single the way so many others do (as long as I have close friends, I'm fine). I'm confident that I'd be able to live a celibate life if I chose to never both with sex again. As for cheating, I wouldn't put up with it as I'm willing to take care of those needs. There are too many practical concerns to worry about. I forgave one unfaithful partner for cheating only to be cheated on again and while I considered forgiveness once again I realized what we both valued and desired in life was too different for us to be compatible (we'd also had an astrological couples counseling session early in our relationship and were warned from the beginning that there was little chance of us having a lifelong romance and were advised to just enjoy a brief fling and then agree to be friends, and in retrospect I see that advice was golden and we should've followed it). But I have met a few women (and heard of a couple of men) who hated sex and agreed to or even arranged for alternate sexual partners as they were so disgusted by the idea of having sex at all but still wanted to be married (possibly out of asexual love or maybe they just wanted some economic or social advantage without the sex). But I think even they would agree that ideally this wouldn't be necessary. Now that asexual dating sites have finally come into being maybe such people will no longer have to compromise like that. It's like how it used to be that gays would sometimes marry an opposite sex partner to hide from the world while having gay lovers on the side, sometimes with both partners being gay and having lovers on the side or even mixing with another gay couple who married someone of the opposite sex as well (this still goes on in particularly homophobic countries like Russia), but in the West attitudes have become more enlightened and this is no longer necessary and so almost never done anymore. I'm hoping with increased understanding that asexuals will also have to stop making compromises they're not comfortable with as well. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 30, 2012 06:36 PM
You know what would be interesting(but I don't have the energy to do it) is to correlate these with the charts. Mars in Scorpio would be super sexual, basically. Neptune in the 12th could live in fantasy.Air signs are not that sexual, usually etc.
PS These are generalizations, so I am not saying any one person is any one thing.
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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted May 30, 2012 10:45 PM
Personally, I would look at Mars for the sex drive.IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 8745
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 31, 2012 01:42 AM
I agree Ami, good point. Sexuality is all over the chart.IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4041
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted May 31, 2012 09:11 AM
Hey, I consider myself average sexed, and I'm married to an over-sexed woman. It works though. In that sense, I think I'm demisexual.My biggest fear is that one fine day, "it" is going to stop working. There is Mars Trine Pluto natally for me, Mars Sextile Pluto natally for her, Mars Trine Pluto in Synsastry, and Mars Sextile Pluto in Composite. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 31, 2012 09:12 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Lonake:
I agree Ami, good point. Sexuality is all over the chart.
Thanks Lonake
It is funny how certain subjects call me and others don't. I am called by sociopaths, BPD, 12th house planets, angles, unaspected planets, Planets conjunct the MC( most of all, maybe)
I am not that interested in sexuality,that much, to study it myself. However, I am interested if other people do. Love you, Lonake 
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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted May 31, 2012 11:08 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Hey, I consider myself average sexed, and I'm married to an over-sexed woman. It works though. In that sense, I think I'm demisexual.My biggest fear is that one fine day, "it" is going to stop working. There is Mars Trine Pluto natally for me, Mars Sextile Pluto natally for her, Mars Trine Pluto in Synsastry, and Mars Sextile Pluto in Composite.
What is her Mars sign? Does she have a Venus-Mars aspect? IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 869
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted May 31, 2012 11:18 PM
Aquacheeka - quote:
Would you get into a relationship with a person who is average-sexual or highly-sexed?
As a demi-sexual.. When you DO have feelings for someone and you want to be in a relationship with them - you can have a desire for sex all day every day *with* that particular person. It has no bearing on "drive".
But the desire to have sex is simply not there - (there's literally ZERO desire) - when there's no emotional connection. So - for instance, a demi-sexual person has never had a sexual attraction towards a celebrity (since they don't -know- them) - or other strangers.
There is a definition here that explains it really well: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual quote:
According to one hypothetical model, a person who identifies as a demisexual does not experience primary sexual attraction but does experience secondary sexual attraction. In this model, primary sexual attraction is based on outward qualities such as a person's looks, clothes, or personality while secondary sexual attraction is attraction stemming from a connection, usually romantic, or from status or how closely the person is in relationship to the other.
I'm exactly like this. So the feeling of sexual attraction - comes from the *connection* I have with the other person.
I don't feel attracted in the initial phases by just looking at them - and I also do not feel attracted purely based on their personality.
I can like them and think they are a nice person, that they are funny - they would make a good friend etc etc...
But until a close emotional bond is formed between us - I have no input downstairs to desire sex with them -- to put it literally.
:edit: Just wanted to mention - if you look this up, you'll find that one of the things demi-sexual people are often faced with is a disbelief that demi-sexuality exists.. Sometimes people say this is just "$lut shaming".. that it is grounded in religious ideals about love&marriage before sex.
THIS IS BS... with a capital B. There is no $lut shaming in demi-sexuality. I could pretend to have sex with a new guy every night and tell the whole world publicly and I could care less how it affects my imagine.. because morally speaking I'm all for sexual freedom. Quoting again from the interpretation above: quote:
When describing demisexuality as an orientation to sexuals, sexuals often mistake it as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship is formed.
This is SO true. ----- It is different for asexuals though since they have no interest in sex in general. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 1054
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 04:18 AM
I would never **** shame. I can frown on certain reckless practices, and become judgmental over unethical (that is to say dishonest or predatory) behavior, but as long as everyone involved is honest and honorable (and don't put undue pressure on others) then I'm fine with hypersexuality, polyamory, hardcore sex clubs where people go to get really freaky with multiple partners, wild fetishes (like yiffing) and the like. I'm ok with porn and prostitution as long as it's non-exploitative and ethical (which seems all too rare, but I believe it exists), and I'm much more likely to feel compassion for prostitutes (male, female, or whatever) than contempt (though I tend not to trust the common ones found on the streets because I see them as being too close to being desperadoes). It's no skin off my butt what freaky things adults choose to do to themselves or each other and if it keeps people from humping my leg when I'm out and about then so much the better. Likewise, not all asexuals hate sex. I was encouraged to experiment bisexually by an asexual mentor (not with her, but with people my own age) and she promoted the idea of “free love” (so long as that included the freedom to say no, and given her hatred of rapists I doubt she'd give any who tried sexually assaulting her the chance to run if she was forced to say no at the point of her gun). She did tend to mock (usually in a good natured way) how stupid the romantic and sexual subplots got in books, comics, and movies (for example, characters breaking from mortal combat to start making wild, passionate love as happens a lot), but if done right she even enjoyed (in a non-erotic way) stories that included orgies (I'm thinking of when she liked an Elfquest comic with such a scene). Heck, she enjoyed the South Park movie with me. She was not a prude in any way, she simply wasn't interested in sex and felt blessed not to suffer the complications and drama so many others did over it. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4041
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted June 01, 2012 04:43 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
What is her Mars sign? Does she have a Venus-Mars aspect?
Mars in Leo. No Venus to Mars. But Mars Trine Pluto and Venus Conjunct Pluto. And Mars Trine Jupiter. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4435
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted June 01, 2012 05:25 PM
I dont know what you would call me exactly, i cannot go through with sex unless there is a connection,even though i may be extremely sexually attracted to the point of getting turned on just thinking about the person. I am exactly like the average heterosexual male in that i know instantly when i see a woman whether im sexually attracted to her or not. if i saw a smoking blonde with a nice rack walking down the street and she came up to me and said"hey big boy,why dont you come over to my place so we can get it on." i would probably be thinking hell yeah! And arrange to meet up,but then think better of it and cancel/chicken out. I dont know what it is, i just cant go through with casual sex,even though i want to alot of the time.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 01, 2012 10:09 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Mars in Leo. No Venus to Mars. But Mars Trine Pluto and Venus Conjunct Pluto. And Mars Trine Jupiter.
I would say Venus conj Pluto, first, and then Mars trine Pluto. What do you all think?
How close are each of these, Ian? ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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