posted June 16, 2012 10:18 AM            

Other than that our relationship was pretty good. So good in fact that not a single person I know understands why we got the divorce. I haven't had the heart to explain to them, I just don't want to make him look bad, so instead I've made it out that I'm the "bad guy"... which I perfectly fine with if that means I'm out of the relationship. (Though my Libra Venus isn't happy with it, I love everyone and it's difficult to accept fault knowing that people would hate me when the fault doesn't lie on me).

The problem is, because I didn't have a job for... about 6 years, with the economy the way it is, no one is willing to give me a job. Not even part time fast food services.

Because no one agrees with my decision to divorce my husband, I have no place to stay.

So... I made a decision, and this decision is unusual and dangerous. I need out of the city that I live, I've lived here my whole life, there's nothing here for me.

On Monday, I'm getting in my beat up barely drivable car and seeing how far I can make it, hoping the world as a whole will catch me if I fall. Somewhere along the line my car will break down. I have 2k to my name, along with enough items to survive for at least 2 months. If the car breaks down before those 2 months, I'm s.o.l. because it's too much stuff to carry in my back pack.

My plan is to write, to meet people, to sleep in my car and use various rest areas to wash. I'm terrified because I don't know what's going to happen... all of this could turn very very bad, but then again it could turn out to be the best decision I've made in my life.

All I know is, I won't know until I try... but I don't think I can relate in words how utterly frightened I am. I'm going to be homeless and unemployed, relying on the goodwill of strangers to help me get where I'm going, and I don't even know where I'm going.

It's such an odd time in my life, and I just sort of wanted to share the experience with someone who didn't know me. When Monday comes around, please keep me in your thoughts.

I have a mini laptop that I'm taking with me, and a car charger for it... should I find wifi, I'll be able to access the internet. I'll update if anyone is interested... heck, if I get stressed out, I might update anyway just to vent.

posted June 16, 2012 10:35 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 16, 2012 10:49 AM            

------------------

quote:

---

Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.

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posted June 16, 2012 11:19 AM            

I understand your position. My community was completely shocked when I divorced my husband, too, because nobody knew how abusive he was. They thought we were a normal happy couple. I lost a lot of friends through the divorce process, partly because my ex was nasty and sent emails out to people saying, basically, how it was my fault... I divorced with basically nothing, as well, since my ex wasn't working and I had just had a baby, it was difficult, financially. It still is. So I know how you feel.

But most people, at least those who love you, will understand if you explain it to them. Even if you don't feel like explaining, your true friends will not judge you for YOUR decision. Most people know how hard relationships are, even normal ones, and things just don't always work out. There's no shame in that.
My friends have all commented on how much happier I seem now, and even those who don't agree with divorce, as a rule, due to religious reasons, have to admit that I seem to be much more "alive" now, as opposed to the miserable walking corpse I was becoming while married.

Have you gone to your local SOS office? The people there are usually very compassionate, and they understand the nuances of many different kinds of abuse. They will probably show you what's called the "Power and control wheel," which explains the 8 different kinds of abuse (only 1 kind-- physical-- is illegal, unfortunately.) Based on your description, I have to tell you, friend, you have been abused. It is NOT normal, and it is NOT ok for anyone to keep you locked up at home, away from doing what you want to do, nor to coerce you into sexual behavior you are not comfortable with. That's at least three types of abuse right there: emotional, financial, and sexual.
At least try SOS before you take off. They can help you find resources-- job training, therapy, places to live, and so on. They are there to help people who are exactly in your situation.

If you can get on Medicaid, it will pay for mental health counseling, a certain number of sessions per year. I've found that talking to a therapist has been very helpful. She has helped me make some sense of what happened to me, and has provided a caring, objective, listening ear when it feels like, sometimes, nobody understands me.

I'm not saying you shouldn't take a road trip--that's something that can clear the mind like nothing else. But you would feel better, I think, doing that if you had a bit more financial and emotional security, as well as some social support.

Please think about these suggestions. Be careful. If you are driving through Kansas, let me know...

posted June 16, 2012 03:35 PM            

Doing what you plan on could be very dangerous. If it's something that you have to do, I'm not trying to run your life, but are there other options that maybe you haven't considered?

posted June 16, 2012 03:55 PM            

This is a serious situation and you have been abused. You seem sweet and kind and you ex husband has taken advantage of you!

It's not time to wish upon a star like some are advising you but to think clearly, logically which you can do, be grounded and have a winning plan. If something can go wrong it will. So write your plan down.

The first thing is you need a job! There are many you can get, just don't start talking to the employers about your personal situation. There are a lot of jobs you can do in call centers; customer service and sales which are hiring.

Being divorced now a days is not a shock for anyone - I don't know why you say the people are judging you. Set them straight - your close friends, and stand by your decision! You don't need a therapist or SOS services this will only take forever and complicate your life and I assume you have enough common sense.

If you go to another city go on the internet and apply for a position in the city you require. Even if it is something part time at least it will be a start.

Hold on to your $2000 this will give you a great new start.

posted June 16, 2012 04:12 PM            

Does your community offer any kind of help for abused women? Look into that too. They might at least help you find a job. It's not going to be easy to get a job when you are unable to shower everyday and not have un-wrinkled clothes to put on and look haggard, because you will after sleeping in your car every night.

Your $2000 could help you get into an apartment, or roommate situation. At least you have that.

You should not take the blame for what your husband has put you through. You need help right now and you deserve help. People will be more understanding than you think.

That money will go very quickly btw and then what? Please seek out help. If you don't have family or friends that can, there might be other options.

People get divorced. It's not something you should feel bad about. Especially since you are leaving an abusive situation.

I am telling you....please think out a better plan. Roughing it is not easy.

If they don't agree with divorcing an abusive husband, something is very wrong with those people. Are you sure, once they knew the details that they would not support you?

Please take a good hard think about what you are doing. It's reality and not like the movies.....it's not fun and adventuresome usually and you could end up hurt. It's not likely that there will be some huge sudden amazing ending to this one. It's going to take work to find some solid ground.

Don't disillusion yourself right now.

Wishing you the best and that the right people come into your life to help you get a leg up. And that you realize you should not be taking all the blame for your situation.

posted June 16, 2012 04:22 PM            

It's time for rational thinking right now and looking at your situation honestly. Be upfront with the people who love you and don't let the abuse from your husband continue by allowing your life to be runined and giving the illusion that he is the good guy. It's not kind of you. You have to start being kind to yourself now.

Making him look the good guy is saying that you believe you deserved the abuse and not breaking a cycle.

And to everyone else, it may just make you look like youve gone mad. And reinforce the thought that he was a good guy and not benefit you in the long run.

posted June 16, 2012 04:25 PM            

I hope you realize that before you meet some of the more unsavory, dangerous characters you are likely to encounter if you are footing it on the road. Because you will attract their attention.

posted June 16, 2012 04:42 PM            

You cannot afford the risk of adventure at this critical time. Getting a job is what's going to give you the necessary confidence to deal with the other stuff.

Every city has free services it offers to its residents at times like these, including the resources to write up resumes and tips and other help to find a job.

Please look into this. Getting yourself back on track is what's going to help you.

And the heck with what your friends think about your divorcing an a$$hole. Who cares about that? That should be your attitude right now in order to get past this hump in your life.

I rarely say "should" to anyone, but I am to you now. Please concentrate and FOCUS on trying to find a way OUT of the situation rather than AWAY from the situation.

posted June 16, 2012 04:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Linda Jones:
***Please concentrate and FOCUS on trying to find a way OUT of the situation rather than AWAY from the situation.****

Once you've landed on your feet (AND YOU WILL), you'll be oozing confidence galore, which is going to enable you to kick all a$$holes (men as well as women who suck your energy out) to the curb!!!

---

posted June 16, 2012 05:21 PM            

quote:

---

but I don't think I can relate in words how utterly frightened I am. I'm going to be homeless and unemployed, relying on the goodwill of strangers to help me get where I'm going, and I don't even know where I'm going.

---

I came back to respond to this and as I was beginning to write, I remembered an article that I read recently that I will link up here.

What I wanted to say is, You should be frightened.

if you are going to rely on the kindness of others out there in the world, prepare to be let down and most likely taken advantage of and possibly raped or killed.

You may have lived a somewhat sheltered life, even though this man was abusive. I don't know, but it's not all light and love out there.

& a word from the wise and experienced......the real world will shock you with it's cruelty. Don't test it or play around with your life in such a risky way. It's not worth it.

This is the article that I remembered:

Hitchhiker writing 'The Kindness of America' memoir shot by motorist in Montana

quote:

---

“He was preparing to eat his meal when the truck pulled in and he thought ‘hey, here’s a ride’ and jumped up to walk over to the driver,” Meier told msnbc.com on Monday. “When he got closer he saw the gun and as he was starting to walk back, the guy pulled the trigger.”

---

Sorry to sound so fatalistic or pessimistic or whatever, but you really need to have someone tell you, or remind you of these things, i think.

posted June 16, 2012 05:42 PM            

....or dead
if you arent street smart.

or even if you are 'street smart'! very risky! either way
to live on the streets alone.
________________________________________________________________

quote:

---

"I don't even know where I'm going"

---

posted June 16, 2012 05:42 PM            

Sashar, I came back to essentially say the same thing T just said.

Fear is a natural protector. Listen to it!!
And if our posts are alarming, GOOD, 'cause you should be alarmed at what you're planning to do on Monday.

Perhaps you're unable to see this for yourself at this time, but what has happened is that you've lost confidence in yourself and are feeling defeated.

Well, taking this trip is not going to get your confidence back, 'cause deep down you'll know that you're running away. Only staying, facing, and dealing with the situation is going to bring your confidence back.

And there are all kinds of free services you can avail of in order to begin facing the situation.

First resolve to beat this hurdle, then make a list of things to do just to start.

Include in that list the name a local pastor with whom you can talk in order to get support while you're looking for a job. Why? Because you need someone who can regularly tell you that you can do it!!! (Although free city services also offer support like this).

And remember, we at LL BELIEVE IN YOU!!! Maintain your link to the board for that kind of support day and night. At other times speak to no one who makes you feel defeated. Speak only to people who are supportive.

Take these steps and you'll see yourself licking this period in no time.

posted June 16, 2012 05:47 PM            

And she is so right about fear being a natural protector. It's your intuition alarming you and waving red flags, tugging you too WAIT and look at this a little differently.

We support you and wish you the best here, Sashar.

I understand the need to just RUN. That being the only way out - to save your life.

posted June 16, 2012 07:00 PM            

1. DON'T think that just because someone seems nice that they are. Even serial killers have charmed the most paranoid people into their cars.

2. Beware of people who try to guide your imagination to something you really want (food, safety, etc) and say you have to CHOOSE RIGHT NOW. That is a core trick of con artists and worse.

3. Beware of women as well as men. Not only are some women absolutely insane and get a power trip off of someone in their power but they can work with men, including pimps and rapists (and deliver you to them).

4. Know that some people believe you "owe" them if they do anything nice for you and will righteously take "it" from you if they feel you aren't grateful enough (this can include sexual assault). Some believe that even buying you a coke or giving you a ride entitles them to sexual favors from you.

5. Smokes and alcohol can get other homeless to be friendly with you (just offer them a smoke or drink) and they can tell you where the squats (abandoned buildings and porches you can sleep that the cops will probably leave you alone), tramp camps, food banks, and services for the homeless are.

OTOH if any offer you the same it might be best to accept (when I did I'd take one drag off a cigarette without sucking in it--and they can tell, btw, but that doesn't matter--and then knock the cherry off and say I was "saving it for later" or use my tongue to keep the alcohol from actually entering my mouth) because when you say you don't smoke or drink they sometimes hear "with you" added to it, making it an insult to them.

Btw, it's not unknown for someone (homeless or not) to put something in drink & smokes to take advantage of you (like a date rape drug). Even normal cigarettes (that is, you don't have to roll them yourself) can be soaked in chemicals that when you smoke it can knock you out or seem very intoxicated (you can usually taste the chemicals though). Obviously, even regular drinks can have things like tasteless date rape drugs in them (or put in them if you leave your drink unattended) so just be cautious.

6. If you dumpster dive then pizza places can offer the best food as they often throw out the pizzas still in their box (if you're lucky, or can arrange for a big order not to be picked up, then they'll even throw them out while they're still warm). Be aware that many homeless people will "claim" a dumpster and take offense at anyone else who "poaches" in their dumpster (but the trick about alcohol & tobacco winning you friends can help you out here).

Also, try not to be disappointed if the business has put a lock on their dumpster (many do to keep the homeless away).

7. The police aren't your friends. Even those who beat, rape, and murder the homeless don't interest the cops that much, and they can attack you like anyone else themselves and if you try to press charges against a cop for assault (including sexual assault) your report will not only be pretty much ignored (it's extremely rare I heard of any such complaints going anywhere, and the one time it did it just ended in a letter of apology) and the cop's fellow gang bangers (the cops are the biggest gang) can make life very rough for you (it's possible to sometimes gain the help of 1 cop against another, but don't count on it). Oh, and if you get arrested and ask for a free lawyer be careful that the cops don't send in a plain clothes cop to pretend to be your lawyer to make you do something very bad for yourself or even send you to the prosecutor (and claiming s/he's your defense). A lot of cops are also pressured to move the homeless along when an election approaches so the local politicians can say how they've solved homelessness.

Btw, not everyone who flashes a badge at you is a real cop. Fake badges are easy to get and useful in committing crimes (including robbery, rape, kidnapping, etc).

8. When washing your clothes at a place that lets the homeless do that STAY WITH YOUR CLOTHES. And not everyone who volunteers to help the homeless have your best interest at heart, they have office politics just like everyone else, people with control issues who just want people they can boss around, people exploiting you for government and private grants, and even predators just finding an excuse to hang around the prey. Some ARE nice and will help you (but they have to help so many so don't expect much), but you have to be careful.

But do ask people about services (also about things like how long it takes, if there's a waiting list, etc) as there are often private and government services that can help in small (and, once in awhile, big) ways. Just keep in mind that the people who help the homeless deal with so many (and many who have serious problems) that at best you're just another speck of dust in the wind (so they're not likely to care that much about you personally) and may even be burned out and hostile.

9. If you have any meds don't let anyone know. And if anything rattles in your pack (or purse, whatever) like a pill bottle then others can also hear it and all too many will mark your pack as worth stealing.

10. When walking by the street keep your bag away from the cars as sometimes people will reach out (maybe with a stick) to hook it from a moving car.

Also, don't wear earrings as they have a tendency to be ripped out in both fights and open robbery.

11. When in a new town and city avoid looking around like a tourist as that marks you as an out of towner and thus good target for all kinds of crimes since you don't know the area, aren't connected to anyone who can hurt them, etc (and tourists tend to have more money than sense, though that wouldn't apply to you in this case).

12. It's generally bad manners to ask the homeless about their life before the streets (that is how or why they're there). It's ok to share about your life and that will probably invite others to share about theirs, but to actually ask can make many uncomfortable and even offend them.

posted June 16, 2012 08:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
Sorry to hear about that. In some ways I can understand your decision because if no one will help you in such a bad times then no one around you loves you and you're better off elsewhere. I hitchhiked from Texas to California when I was 16 and it was one of the best things I did (though not without its price, and listening to others I know I was VERY lucky). But then I was raised to be independent and I figured out how to take care of myself before I was even a teen while that doesn't sound like the case for you. So here are just a few tips and things to keep in mind:

1. DON'T think that just because someone seems nice that they are. Even serial killers have charmed the most paranoid people into their cars.

2. Beware of people who try to guide your imagination to something you really want (food, safety, etc) and say you have to CHOOSE RIGHT NOW. That is a core trick of con artists and worse.

3. Beware of women as well as men. Not only are some women absolutely insane and get a power trip off of someone in their power but they can work with men, including pimps and rapists (and deliver you to them).

4. Know that some people believe you "owe" them if they do anything nice for you and will righteously take "it" from you if they feel you aren't grateful enough (this can include sexual assault). Some believe that even buying you a coke or giving you a ride entitles them to sexual favors from you.

5. Smokes and alcohol can get other homeless to be friendly with you (just offer them a smoke or drink) and they can tell you where the squats (abandoned buildings and porches you can sleep that the cops will probably leave you alone), tramp camps, food banks, and services for the homeless are.

OTOH if any offer you the same it might be best to accept (when I did I'd take one drag off a cigarette without sucking in it--and they can tell, btw, but that doesn't matter--and then knock the cherry off and say I was "saving it for later" or use my tongue to keep the alcohol from actually entering my mouth) because when you say you don't smoke or drink they sometimes hear "with you" added to it, making it an insult to them.

Btw, it's not unknown for someone (homeless or not) to put something in drink & smokes to take advantage of you (like a date rape drug). Even normal cigarettes (that is, you don't have to roll them yourself) can be soaked in chemicals that when you smoke it can knock you out or seem very intoxicated (you can usually taste the chemicals though). Obviously, even regular drinks can have things like tasteless date rape drugs in them (or put in them if you leave your drink unattended) so just be cautious.

6. If you dumpster dive then pizza places can offer the best food as they often throw out the pizzas still in their box (if you're lucky, or can arrange for a big order not to be picked up, then they'll even throw them out while they're still warm). Be aware that many homeless people will "claim" a dumpster and take offense at anyone else who "poaches" in their dumpster (but the trick about alcohol & tobacco winning you friends can help you out here).

Also, try not to be disappointed if the business has put a lock on their dumpster (many do to keep the homeless away).

7. The police aren't your friends. Even those who beat, rape, and murder the homeless don't interest the cops that much, and they can attack you like anyone else themselves and if you try to press charges against a cop for assault (including sexual assault) your report will not only be pretty much ignored (it's extremely rare I heard of any such complaints going anywhere, and the one time it did it just ended in a letter of apology) and the cop's fellow gang bangers (the cops are the biggest gang) can make life very rough for you (it's possible to sometimes gain the help of 1 cop against another, but don't count on it). Oh, and if you get arrested and ask for a free lawyer be careful that the cops don't send in a plain clothes cop to pretend to be your lawyer to make you do something very bad for yourself or even send you to the prosecutor (and claiming s/he's your defense). A lot of cops are also pressured to move the homeless along when an election approaches so the local politicians can say how they've solved homelessness.

Btw, not everyone who flashes a badge at you is a real cop. Fake badges are easy to get and useful in committing crimes (including robbery, rape, kidnapping, etc).

8. When washing your clothes at a place that lets the homeless do that STAY WITH YOUR CLOTHES. And not everyone who volunteers to help the homeless have your best interest at heart, they have office politics just like everyone else, people with control issues who just want people they can boss around, people exploiting you for government and private grants, and even predators just finding an excuse to hang around the prey. Some ARE nice and will help you (but they have to help so many so don't expect much), but you have to be careful.

But do ask people about services (also about things like how long it takes, if there's a waiting list, etc) as there are often private and government services that can help in small (and, once in awhile, big) ways. Just keep in mind that the people who help the homeless deal with so many (and many who have serious problems) that at best you're just another speck of dust in the wind (so they're not likely to care that much about you personally) and may even be burned out and hostile.

9. If you have any meds don't let anyone know. And if anything rattles in your pack (or purse, whatever) like a pill bottle then others can also hear it and all too many will mark your pack as worth stealing.

10. When walking by the street keep your bag away from the cars as sometimes people will reach out (maybe with a stick) to hook it from a moving car.

Also, don't wear earrings as they have a tendency to be ripped out in both fights and open robbery.

11. When in a new town and city avoid looking around like a tourist as that marks you as an out of towner and thus good target for all kinds of crimes since you don't know the area, aren't connected to anyone who can hurt them, etc (and tourists tend to have more money than sense, though that wouldn't apply to you in this case).

12. It's generally bad manners to ask the homeless about their life before the streets (that is how or why they're there). It's ok to share about your life and that will probably invite others to share about theirs, but to actually ask can make many uncomfortable and even offend them.

Ah well I'm getting tired and I've got other things to do today so I'll stop there. I wish you the best and who knows, maybe you'll be one of those who takes a road trip and write a book about it.

---

posted June 16, 2012 08:22 PM            

Was thinking earlier......

if you want to think of things in terms of Spirit Guides etc

perhaps your fear is your Spirit Guide, HigherSelf, trying to break through to you, right now.

Something to think about.

Also, that hitchhiker's ordeal had me thinking....

that that experience may have been some sort of Divine Intervention, or a message to people who might be thinking about following a similar path. Because apparently it was a very "random" incident.

People who are down and out and think they could write a book about their experience and have it solve all their problems and quickly turn their life around.

It's not that easy and not all it's cracked up to be and not everyone....or even 99% of people with that idea are going to end up making a successful story, book, or movie about it.

It's something that shouldnt be glorified. Because it sucks. And it's hard and it might do a disservice for people to think they too, can have a wild adventrure and at the same time maybe profit off of it.

If there is a higher power, perhaps he felt it best to stop that guy in his tracks....before he inadvertatly encouraged others to follow in his footsteps.

Because I could see...especially with young people who are having a hard time....maybe wanting to run away and follow suit. Thinking they can run away and make a good book out of it too.....or find kind people too...

posted June 16, 2012 09:48 PM            

I agree with all cautionary advice above.

Sashar my heart goes out to you. If you do end up living in your car, there are YouTube videos about how to do it "right." One fellow hunts for change with a metal detector to buy his food each day. Some people have converted their vans into actual, livable homes.

Please don't waste too much precious money on gas.

And do try and get that job.

Keeping you in my prayers.

posted June 17, 2012 04:22 AM            

Travels with Lizbeth: Three Years on the Road and on the Streets

Of course I don't think it's a likely outcome for her, anymore than I think it's likely for some spiritual entity to manifest and solve her problems. And just one reason I don't believe in just spirits protecting the innocent and all was because of a little girl that made the news in Houston when I was growing up there. That little girl was safe in her home, surrounded by family & friends who loved her, when a scum bag trying to send a message to drug dealers he didn't like shot into the wrong house and killed her. And here's the thing, had the gun went off a few seconds earlier or later it wouldn't have hit her, but at that exact moment the ******* fired she stood up to blow out the candles on her birthday cake (I wonder what she was wishing for? ) and so took one in the head (granted, you won't hear stories like this in glurge or some magazine talking about guardian angels). Which also goes to show staying off the streets isn't necessarily going to protect you from all kinds of villains as well.

Still, I wanted to end on a positive note so I threw that in at the last moment, and while I'd never count on it she might experience other positive things that transform her life into something better and meet much better people than she's surrounded by right now, find a true family. That sometimes happens.

Or maybe not. But then maybe if she stays she'll be screwed, and she may not have a choice. $2,000 isn't going to last her long staying there, either (and given things like deposits and hook up fees she wouldn't have a place for more than a month or so unless she could move in with someone else in which case she might get about 6 months, which would be great if we had a better economy, what some say is the 2nd great depression we're in right now).

Life's a risk, and no one's getting out of it alive. I hope for the best either way but her future looks pretty grim whatever she chooses to do, just as it does for so many others right now. Hopefully my tips might help out a little...or it might help her realize just what she's planning on jumping into and change her mind, in which case I hope that was helpful, too.