posted June 28, 2012 10:10 PM            

I will email you at some point in the next couple of weeks. Big changes here, so it's going to cut my online time down. Which I'm actually happy about. One less distraction. Will catch up with you soon.

posted June 29, 2012 12:47 AM            

I'm still trying to make something from all of these dangling threads in my mind - I have almost no discipline now (haven't for a long while), and I need it.

posted October 13, 2012 09:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
bump.

Not only did I have a bad few days, but I found something out that is associated with this. So I'm bumping for others.

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posted October 13, 2012 11:47 PM            

quote:

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Depression is numbness. Many people assume is sadness and feeling sorry for yourself when you should be jumping up and down for joy just to be alive. Well it's damn more than that and a whole lot more complicated too. It just doesn't affect you anymore - life

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posted December 01, 2012 10:29 PM            

quote:

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"I can tell you that you have absolutely no idea of what it's like to see somebody kill themselves," James said. "If you can take your worst nightmare and then put somebody you know and love into that situation and give them a gun and stand 3 feet away from them and watch them kill themselves, that's what it's like. It's unfathomable. It's something that you would love to wash away from your mind, but you can't do it. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it. Think about your worst nightmare and multiply by five."

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posted December 01, 2012 11:25 PM            

Can't speak for anyone else, but I'm always open to other points of view and rarely have emotional meltdowns over them.

posted December 02, 2012 02:00 AM            

In some cases it's the ultimate in self-sacrifice, such as making sure the family doesn't break their bank and lose their home to pay for her care as she succumbs to Alzheimer's (where she isn't really going to have much of a life anyway and put a burden on others as she endures her lingering end to life). Sure, it's sad to lose her that way, but it's better than the alternative and far from selfish. Perhaps less noble but still understandable is someone who is in perpetual pain, especially as government agencies crack down on painkillers or such a person lives in the USA without medical coverage and if they know they will exist in perpetual pain, puking their guts out (until they likely choke to death on it), and the like, then I understand. It's selfish, but it's even more selfish to demand they live through it dying slowly instead of fast.

And then it gets down to the truly selfish against suicide who want others to live not only knowing they'll exist in torment, but CAUSING the torment. I personally believe that a great many who condemn suicide as a selfish act are themselves selfish gits who'd refuse to lift a hand to help them in any meaningful way (save some sympathetic words and pat answers that are easily spoken by the one uttering them to the suicidal without any real self-sacrifice and probably more to give one's self the warm fuzzies than actual help, and just as easily ignored by the one suffering real torment) and in many cases INFLICT the suffering. And in that case the one who suicides has my full sympathy, and if the survivors are wracked with guilt and pain over it, I say GOOD. Maybe that pain will wake them up and teach them to mend their evil ways. And sometimes it does, as it did for this mother:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycbHnPhw8VQ

And actually, that mother was a lot nicer (or should I say less cruel?) than many parents who inflict pain on their kids and selfishly expect the kids to be something other than they are and LIKE it for them. I just chose that example because at least the mother woke up and became a much better, more loving person. I'm not saying it was good her daughter killed herself, but I don't know what the daughter was going through, the pain that must've drove her to it, but I'm not going to say she should've thought of her poor mother and not done it, either. If her mother had been more loving and less selfish then, I'm certain, so would've her daughter. It's too bad it took her daughter's suicide to wake her up and turn her into a more loving person.

I'm not advocating suicide (save in the most dire situations), and had I known the daughter in the vid who was suicidal I'd have done all I could to save her (but not for her mom, for herself, and as an inspiration to others in pain as well as better able to talk to them better by being where many of them have been), but I know it's not something people do on a whim, it's something they do in real pain that blinds them to other possibilities, and if people were less selfish then they'd do what they can to help those people instead of saying, "Suck it up, get over it, and don't be selfish by ending your pain that you see no way out of." If they won't step up, then...well I'll just say that pat answers don't help the one who needs it.

posted December 02, 2012 02:33 AM            

I agree that it's usually not a selfish act and someone in the throes is usually too tortured by an amount of pain they are in. A depth of pain that most people don't ever feel ever in their life. Not always though. Some people do it under a drug or alcohol induced haze. Though most likely the suicidal feelings where there anyway, but that can cloud their judgement and push them over the edge more quickly. ( i found out about another friend I was close to who hung himself about a year ago, and he'd been an addict most of his life )

That vid was powerful. I wrote my mother something similar (regarding the termination of relationship, though for different reasons). Nice that that mother ended up seeing things in a new light and has spoken out about it and become a positive force. I bet her daughter is very proud and grateful, and watching on and helping from the other side.

quote:

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And sometimes there are no good options and no happy endings. And if say my granny was about to be in extreme pain or about to be placed in a hellish old folks home I know about that I couldn't save her from (and no one else would) and she chose to end it, I'd help her if I could bring myself to do it (ideally it would be legal and she went painlessly with the help of drugs prescribed by a doctor), but as selfish as perhaps my granny would be for ending it early, it would be FAR MORE selfish--and unforgivable IMO--to deny her the ability to end it and force her to suffer without hope just so someone can get the warm fuzzies that she live at all (even if it's spending the rest of her days cursing that she was ever born).

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I understand.

I hope i'm never in that situation, but if need be I'll decide when I am going to go. Not leave it up to "medical professionals" who are trained to keep us alive at all costs. ($$$ big money in 'living people') Even when it's clear that it's best to let the person move on and it's their time to go.

Maybe in the future death will be as respected and regarded as important as birth in this world. And we will approach it in a better way....whether with ourselves or with loved ones......and not be so terrified of it and make it so taboo to even talk about.

Thanks for sharing.

posted May 19, 2013 01:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I see sincerely suicidal people as being too blind by pain and despair to be truly selfish, or perhaps better put they're not AS selfish as those who want them to continue to exist in misery, anguish, and despair.

In some cases it's the ultimate in self-sacrifice, such as making sure the family doesn't break their bank and lose their home to pay for her care as she succumbs to Alzheimer's (where she isn't really going to have much of a life anyway and put a burden on others as she endures her lingering end to life). Sure, it's sad to lose her that way, but it's better than the alternative and far from selfish. Perhaps less noble but still understandable is someone who is in perpetual pain, especially as government agencies crack down on painkillers or such a person lives in the USA without medical coverage and if they know they will exist in perpetual pain, puking their guts out (until they likely choke to death on it), and the like, then I understand. It's selfish, but it's even more selfish to demand they live through it dying slowly instead of fast.

And then it gets down to the truly selfish against suicide who want others to live not only knowing they'll exist in torment, but CAUSING the torment. I personally believe that a great many who condemn suicide as a selfish act are themselves selfish gits who'd refuse to lift a hand to help them in any meaningful way (save some sympathetic words and pat answers that are easily spoken by the one uttering them to the suicidal without any real self-sacrifice and probably more to give one's self the warm fuzzies than actual help, and just as easily ignored by the one suffering real torment) and in many cases INFLICT the suffering. And in that case the one who suicides has my full sympathy, and if the survivors are wracked with guilt and pain over it, I say GOOD. Maybe that pain will wake them up and teach them to mend their evil ways. And sometimes it does, as it did for this mother:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycbHnPhw8VQ

And actually, that mother was a lot nicer (or should I say less cruel?) than many parents who inflict pain on their kids and selfishly expect the kids to be something other than they are and LIKE it for them. I just chose that example because at least the mother woke up and became a much better, more loving person. I'm not saying it was good her daughter killed herself, but I don't know what the daughter was going through, the pain that must've drove her to it, but I'm not going to say she should've thought of her poor mother and not done it, either. If her mother had been more loving and less selfish then, I'm certain, so would've her daughter. It's too bad it took her daughter's suicide to wake her up and turn her into a more loving person.

I'm not advocating suicide (save in the most dire situations), and had I known the daughter in the vid who was suicidal I'd have done all I could to save her (but not for her mom, for herself, and as an inspiration to others in pain as well as better able to talk to them better by being where many of them have been), but I know it's not something people do on a whim, it's something they do in real pain that blinds them to other possibilities, and if people were less selfish then they'd do what they can to help those people instead of saying, "Suck it up, get over it, and don't be selfish by ending your pain that you see no way out of." If they won't step up, then...well I'll just say that pat answers don't help the one who needs it.

And sometimes there are no good options and no happy endings. And if say my granny was about to be in extreme pain or about to be placed in a hellish old folks home I know about that I couldn't save her from (and no one else would) and she chose to end it, I'd help her if I could bring myself to do it (ideally it would be legal and she went painlessly with the help of drugs prescribed by a doctor), but as selfish as perhaps my granny would be for ending it early, it would be FAR MORE selfish--and unforgivable IMO--to deny her the ability to end it and force her to suffer without hope just so someone can get the warm fuzzies that she live at all because of some pat rhetoric about how good life is (even if it's spending the rest of her days, even years, cursing that she was ever born).

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posted May 19, 2013 02:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
Bump.

I wish I had the guts to do this.

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posted May 19, 2013 03:56 AM            

You're not a burden... you're a blessing! You have high value! Without having to do anything....

Earlier I had been using the computer to listen to youtube lectures.... Came across some Caroline Myss videos. She makes a strong good point about what is involved in truly being effective in another's life. Charity is more than money... Sometimes it can mean choosing to immerse yourself in another's situation who may NOT have the ability to reward you sufficiently for your act of service.

I have been in the position of being able to significantly help others (at this kind of depth) before... I find that it very difficult when you to HAVE to be on the receiving side of the equation. It IS more blessed to 'give' because it so totally sucks to be in a place of having needs. I'm hoping you get your miracle, Lexx!! I'm hoping you get relief and comfort, and you keep going....

teasel.... {{{hug}}}
Lexxigramer.... {{{hug}}}

Myss & Oprah, Why Being Alive Means You Have A Purpose [3:29] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqX0UkiORQI

Caroline Myss "Soul Service" [3:22] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwmgRie3BKo