posted July 08, 2012 04:36 PM            

I have to put space between myself and a soon-to-be former friend. She has made me and others uncomfortable on too many occasions by calling three to four times a day, regressing into her childhood by using a whiny, melodramatic voice when she feels cheated or left out, touching people and their property without permission, and lastly by driving by my house after I sent her a message telling her that I need time and space to myself for a while (no, I'm not flattering myself. She lives an hour away from me and doesn't know anyone or have business near my home).

She needs psychological help that I'm not qualified to offer. I cannot be friends with her anymore as she has made me physically sick and has truly disgusted me on more than one occasion.

I think that I am a patient person, but in dealing with her it has become difficult for me to be kind to others because she has become an emotional or psychic vampire. We've been friends for over half of our lives, so I feel that I have to be there for her on one hand. On the other, I just want her out of my life and to tell her to find one of her own.

posted July 08, 2012 05:36 PM            

We had a mutual friend who told her that she did something offensive to her. She didn't see anything wrong or thought to stop her behavior, but felt wronged. Her mother told her that the other friend was being insecure and envied her. After this, it was all she would say about the friend whenever her name was brought up.

This kind of thing is common. Whenever someone walks away from her or tells her that they're uncomfortable around her, she goes to her mother who tells her that everyone is jealous of her. I don't know if she has Asperger's, but there is something very wrong and it's getting worse. She has shown aggression towards another friend as if they are or have had a lovers' spat. She has lied about so many people to make those of us around her believe that she's completely innocent. In every scenario of when people walk away from her, she's the victim. It's so tiring and draining to deal with her.

posted July 08, 2012 06:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Delilah:
her mother will call me defending her.

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I'd be mortified if my mother decided to call a friend I was having problems with to defend me and be furious with her. (Well given that we're not that close I might just be glad she cared after all, but only because I'd be surprised by it, and I'd still tell her not to do it again. I'm a big girl now.)

But who is she to you that you can't tell her that her daughter needs some help? (Tip: resist the temptation to say something like, "Now I see why she's so messed up.") At worst she can call you a bad person and you can tell her then as a good mother she should keep her daughter away from you.

posted July 08, 2012 08:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Hmm...

That really is a tough situation. Like I said, I've been on both sides of the fence. I honestly try not to make people uncomfortable, and try not to be overwhelming or clingy or anything. However, I'm sure that I have been that way, judging from the way that some people seem to avoid me. I do have very intense emotions and have felt immense pressure to not offend. I've been very insecure with people and with some, I pretty much just feel like they can't stand me, no matter what. For my part, though, I just try to avoid people back when it just feels like it can never be fixed. I don't go to people's houses, phone, don't email every day or every week, try really hard to pick up hints and not bother people, etc.

For my part, I do go to several professionals for help. However, some people with whom I've had issues know that I have Asperger's, anxiety, and depression, and that I go to get help for it, but it's still not enough and it doesn't count: I'm still seen as someone who's a freak and should be avoided. Even when people know, most are not compassionate, patient, understanding. Very few people understand how hard I have to work, how far I have come, what it's like to live with these things; I do get judged and written off sometimes, though I am working on feeling better about myself and all of that. So, honestly, that's all really painful and hard. I do wonder if your soon-to-be-former friend also has this same problem.

On the brighter side, though, I am trying to be grateful for those who DO see the good in me. I do tend to remember the negative, so it's hard, but I'm just trying to get to a point where I just see the people who do not see the good in me as simply non-existent. As in, they don't matter. As a Libra, I do want to be liked, but I'm fed up and frustrated with all of this pressure to constantly please, never offend, be perfect, and never screw up. I literally can't take it anymore. I need to breathe and be human.

I do think that your friend needs help. If you have made your boundaries clear, and it sounds like you have, it's obviously hard on you. Unlike in my situation, people were clear and direct with her. So, I do feel like she has had a chance, and that a professional intervention might be her only hope for turning herself around.

I really wish that I knew what to say. On the one hand, as a freak myself, I know how much it hurts when you make people uncomfortable. However, on the other hand, you also deserve to feel safe and comfortable. As I said, I have been sexually harassed and violated in that way, so I can honestly relate to you, too.

Whatever happens, I really hope that you will be all right and that things will work out for the best for you. I hope that your former friend will be able to get help in some way.

I'll keep you in my thoughts; keep us posted!

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I'm not going to lecture you about how to think about yourself. I am going to say this, if others have said this to you or reinforced this idea in your head, shame on them and you definitely don't need to hang out with them in any way. YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. If others have said this, maybe they should look in the mirror.
I'm ashamed to say I've thoughtlessly used that term to describe someone in the past, even second hand, it is repulsive to me, looking back. I don't do it anymore. Seeing your post above shows why.
Concerning the original poster's dilemma,it does look as though the friend needs professional help and the mother is facilitating their behaviour. Perhaps it's an hereditary or generationally learned pattern of behaving. Please, even though you are at your rope's end, refrain from saying something you can't take back.

posted July 12, 2012 02:00 PM            

Regardes, she doesn't pick up on when people don't like her. She held onto "friendships" from high school with a group of people who everyone knew didn't like her. Last year she finally started to understand that the jokes they were telling were about her. I tried to tell her the truth about them so many times, but she wouldn't listen. It took one of them to tell her cruelly in front of a large group of people how everyone felt about her for her to finally accept it. She confuses knowing people for an amount of time with being friends with them.

I used to think she was a good person and the most trustworthy friend I've ever had. So much has come out that I no longer trust her or want to continue being friends. She's caused so much trouble for other people, especially those who were in relationships that I can't see anything but jealousy in her.

David, you don't know half of it. I'm trying hard to not tell her that if she continues to behave like this she's going to end up like her mother and she is already on the right path for that. It's never been my intention to hurt anyone and before she started all of this I was once very patient. With her, it's not possible to tell her she needs to get help because every critique will either send her off crying to her mother who will then make a phone call.

So far, she has not called me since she drove by my house. I've had jury duty earlier this week and that's all the stress I will allow into my life for a while.