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Author
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Topic: Single women
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Hera
Moderator Posts: 4485
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 20, 2012 07:28 AM
  
I think single women are looked down at. It is not as worse as it used to be, I think, but they are still pitied or received with a frown. That is after they're no longer of age (to be married) because before that crazy old aunts are trying to hitch them up with dudes they know which almost never works out and ofc it's the woman's fault because she's too picky or too independent or whatnot.
And there is this unsaid feeling that a single woman is somehow.. a failure, because she wasn't able to land herself a man. Like all women are desperate to get married or smth, of course some are actually well adjusted by themselves, but I think society still chastises them.
I didn't go to my highschool reunion and one of the reasons why was because I am single. Most if not all my classmates have families, some even have kids. I guess I am more successful professionally but they still look down on me (I say this because I talk with some from time to time). I am not that old yet to be a lost cause lol, but still, the fact that I wasn't able to keep a man is reason for shame and embarrassment. That and being overweight. That's right.. I am a social loser.
Since I talked about crazy old aunts. I have one. She introduced like 5-6 guys to me, I told her to let me be she doesn't understand. Next week I will probably be forced to apathetically meet another suitor and be oh so grateful for her generosity..  Not that I don't appreciate the effort.. but maybe I am losing hope. ------------------
Do not make someone a priority when you are only an option to them.. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 1972
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted July 20, 2012 08:14 AM
ugh I hate when people try to play match maker, to me it is just so unnatural.
I know most of the people who do this mean well though. my mom can be pretty bad sometimes. haha And this one girl would try to set me up with terrible suitors. (jobless, druggies, on the re-bound) I wish you the best Hera. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4366
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted July 20, 2012 08:15 AM
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sand
Knowflake Posts: 6997
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted July 20, 2012 11:11 AM
I don't think they are jealous or unhappy with their choices actually. I'd like to believe their marriage brings them more joy than sadness so they want others to have the same. IP: Logged |
ail221
Knowflake Posts: 1723
From: Mary Margaret Blanchard's home
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted July 20, 2012 11:45 AM
Society as a whole does judge single women. when a woman reaches a certain age many people expect a woman to be married or engaged with or without children. In reality there are good and bad sides to both marriage and single lifestyles but just because one doesn't choose to go down either path that doesn't mean someone who chose to go down a different path is jealous or hating. Yes some are but not all. Men aren't expected to have to get married and have children because a man's sperm doesnt have the same expiration date as a women' eggs. Even though there are many ways of still having children later on in life I.e freezing eggs, surogettes, adoption etc. Regardless just do what's right for you some people aren't meant to be married nor do they want to. Hey you can't please everyone and your not meant to.IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4485
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 20, 2012 12:59 PM
I don't think they envy me. Quite the opposite, I think. Seems like they pity me. I say pity the ones that are unhappily stuck in a marriage, not me. I am a family oriented individual and this makes it even harder, because I want a family very much. But at the same time I guess I realize I am not ready yet and would like to take my time. Because dating lately has been like receiving a phone call in the middle of the night, you go sleepy to answer the phone, hear a nice voice at the end of the line but as you start to wake up and want to chat with the person, they go "WRONG NUMBER!!" lol And I'm like Why did you do that for???? I was minding my own business, sleeping here by myself.. If it came down to choosing, I would rather be miserable alone than miserable with someone else. As I grow older, I seem to become intolerant to crap. IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Knowflake Posts: 4437
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted July 20, 2012 02:48 PM
Hera,I definitely know what you are talking about. Just I am lucky to have no old aunts to play matchmaker. Actually my aunt is only 8 years older than me, has been grown up in the same household (so I view her more like an older sister) and she has been singler all her life.  IP: Logged |
doommlord
Moderator Posts: 1376
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted July 20, 2012 02:56 PM
i must say that even though i belive people should do what they want in their life i did "question" a little a friend of mine about the fact she is single but she was nice enough not to call out on me about this...i should watch the things i say :Panyway...hera you are NOT a social loser...every man you lose is a lesson you learn on the way of getting a good working partnership! i dont think age matters as much as the attitude you carry....i belive that if you belive that you are "good enough" people will see it and approach the fact that you dont "take crap" from others is good....cause getting stuck with someone who you dont along with is not much of an achievement...as long you dont take it too far... and weight can be managed...its WAR...but it can be managed  either way keep going....either you will find the one you seek or accept that you are better off alone...no matter what happens you will find your balance best of luck in trying to find a man to love....know that you are not alone  IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4041
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted July 20, 2012 04:50 PM
A lot of guys get the pressure too, but at a much younger age, and by their moms. My own mom told me to "stop spreading oats and plant seeds" (sounds real nasty, doesn't it?) Middle aged moms want to be grandmas. After a while, the nagging does stop for guys.Anyway, pressure for marriage is irritating because way too many mariages fail. Fools rush in where angels fear to thread. IP: Logged |
FireMoon
Knowflake Posts: 508
From: Minnesota
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted July 20, 2012 05:02 PM
Hera you’re very pretty, and smart, and you’re a good person… So I agree with doomlord, definitely NOT qualities of a social loser in any way lol. I remember in an Interpersonal Communications class we were shown a study where single men and women as well as married men and women were surveyed on their overall sense of happiness and well being, and contrary to popular belief, single women reported the highest levels of happiness. I don’t know how accurate that information is or how exactly it was gathered lol, but I’m with you on preferring to be miserable and alone rather than miserable with someone else. Especially when marriage and/or kids are involved. I think that’s selfish actually. And a lot of people who get married at a young age jump into it because they feel obligated or are afraid of being alone, even if the relationship isn’t in their best interest. Maybe the grass is always greener, but there are plenty of people who regret their decisions to get married if they’re not ready so don’t ever feel like you’re inadequate in any way for being single. I think if anything is says a lot that you are wise and strong enough to know what’s best for yourself and not give in to societal expectations. Your happiness is most important, and you’ll meet the right person when the time is right. I’m only 21 so being single is still pretty common (although there are people my age who are married or have kids already, which completely freaks me out lol) but anyway I’ll date or be in a relationship, I would even live with someone if circumstances were right, but I’m not going to get married or have kids until I’m at least 30. And if there are raised eyebrows or judgmental facial expressions of any kind about that I intend to just ignore them lol because I know that’s what’s best in my case…
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PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 1054
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted July 20, 2012 06:33 PM
I visited my extended family in Texas last summer (and I was 28) when Granny was in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism and was practically interrogated on why I wasn't married or with kids yet. For the most part I was as diplomatic as I could be (though I responded to an Aunt of mine who was especially obnoxious to me by asking what tips she could give me for getting married and popping out kids given that she was on her 3rd husband with kids by each one and thus must be an expert). It has discouraged me from visiting again. However, the prankster in me has considered the idea of recruiting a black guy to pretend to be my fiancé to introduce to them just to teach them to beware what they wish for.  Actually, I have come across a concept I find infuriating (usually a guy, but I've encountered this attitude in a woman once as well) that I'm obligated to produce babies (and married for that purpose *) for Christians, Heathens, Americans, and/or the white race. No, I am NOT obligated to do any such thing. And if I ever do give birth to my own children they will NOT be raised to be good slaves and soldiers to some cause as if me and my kids were cattle to be used and exploited. (*Not necessarily married. I'd told a guy how I'd been sexually assaulted when I was 13 and he was sympathetic, but later when I mentioned the guy who sexually assaulted me was black he went into a rage and even demanded, "Why didn't you tell me!?" He couldn't answer why I should've or why it mattered. I took offense at his attitude because it implied that the white race has some claim on my body.) ETA: I recall a dream I had many years ago where I was in Texas and my family introduced me to my future husband that they picked for me. I pretended to be excited, went along with it, and then as soon as I could I slipped out and caught the first train back to California. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4435
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 21, 2012 04:21 PM
i think everybody has pressure to pair up , it happens to guys too. my guy friends are always asking wheres your woman at? lolIP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4435
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 21, 2012 04:32 PM
i get really annoyed at how people
want to know all about your private life.lolIP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4485
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 22, 2012 04:50 PM
I am avoiding this thread coz I'm not yet ready to let it all out but that doesn't mean I forgot about it or that I don't appreciate your replies  IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4041
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted July 22, 2012 10:30 PM
Hera,There is zero shame in being single and successful, but my dream and hope for you is for you to find that very special guy that truly deserves the wonderful and fabulous woman you are. My best. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4485
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 23, 2012 12:52 AM
Thank you, you're too kind!  IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4041
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted July 23, 2012 07:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
Thank you, you're too kind!
No. I'm smittened by you and if I were much younger (lol) and single, I would be hunting you down myself. Stay gorgeous and successful, dear. Being Accomplished, ethical, mature, kind, gentle and affectionate is the lovely person you are, and all your dreams and hopes will be fulfilled. Mark my words. You will do a very lucky man proud. I don't dole out this stuff too often. IP: Logged |
Moonfish
Moderator Posts: 3732
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted July 23, 2012 09:53 PM
I've been single for, i assume 95% of my life, but my family is proud that I'm an independent woman. Yea, once in a while they'll say they want me to find someone that will make me happy.. but it doesn't happen often XD
When it comes to friends thats a different story lolIP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted July 24, 2012 10:11 PM
I'll be honest: I used to be one of those people who pitied single women, especially if they weren't actively dating (you know, the type that is single because they're playing the field). Now I know better. I'm a few years older, a few years wiser. One of my best female friends is single and she's perfectly happy that way. Now I see the truth for what it is: there are pros and cons to both ways of living.I also think it's worth noting that married men live longer than single men but married women do not live longer than single women . IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4435
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 25, 2012 12:01 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
I'll be honest: I used to be one of those people who pitied single women, especially if they weren't actively dating (you know, the type that is single because they're playing the field). Now I know better. I'm a few years older, a few years wiser. One of my best female friends is single and she's perfectly happy that way. Now I see the truth for what it is: there are pros and cons to both ways of living.I also think it's worth noting that married men live longer than single men but married women do
not live longer than single women .
i think that little statistic is proganda thought up by women, so men would be more likely to marry.IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1933
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted July 25, 2012 10:11 PM
Don't worry, Aquaguy. I doubt any woman will be dragging you against your will to the altar .IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 37417
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 25, 2012 10:14 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
No. I'm smittened by you and if I were much younger (lol) and single, I would be hunting you down myself. Stay gorgeous and successful, dear. Being Accomplished, ethical, mature, kind, gentle and affectionate is the lovely person you are, and all your dreams and hopes will be fulfilled. Mark my words. You will do a very lucky man proud. I don't dole out this stuff too often.
------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4435
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 25, 2012 10:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Don't worry, Aquaguy. I doubt any woman will be dragging you against your will to the altar .
haha dont be a smarta$$ thats not what i said. i just find that statistic a litte bit odd IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4485
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 27, 2012 03:22 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
No. I'm smittened by you and if I were much younger (lol) and single, I would be hunting you down myself. Stay gorgeous and successful, dear. Being Accomplished, ethical, mature, kind, gentle and affectionate is the lovely person you are, and all your dreams and hopes will be fulfilled. Mark my words. You will do a very lucky man proud. I don't dole out this stuff too often.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! IP: Logged |
Junethird
Moderator Posts: 2910
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
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posted July 27, 2012 03:45 AM
Oh I get the family preassure... I feel it alot on my end. My virgo grandma is a bit melodramatic and would like to see me in a wedding dress and married to my "prince" before she kicks the bucket. Its her big dream and wish. and my virgo mother is very vocal about reminding me that she is ready to be a "young" grandmother... As for the men in my family... I dont think they care too much at this point. But at the same time have started expressing concern as to why and when i plan on getting married. Why i have not been scooped up by some guy already lol... Whats the problem they ask lol... Ever since i turned 30 ive been avoiding family functions lol... Specially when two young cousins under the age of 24 are married with atleast one child respectively. Sigh, the preassure. I want that, but at the sametime trying not to want it too much. Too bad for them... I Plan to elope!! IP: Logged |
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