posted July 30, 2012 08:43 PM            

I have pluto in H7, so jealous men is not something uncommon for me... Under normal circumstances I would be out of there.. But this thing with me and fishy just isnt normal..

Granted Im a Leo female, that likes attention from men... But I dont take it to extremes if someone talks to me, I dont want to be rude.. I will have a conversation..

Here is the just of what happen today..
My fishy wont even talk to me now... He's losing it.. I know we will make up so Im not worried..

Well today I was at work, I was in my office alone. I have an open office that people come in and out all day.. Its not a box type of office.. I have 3 doors in and out of my office.
The first aide vendor came in to fill the first aide kit..
He was talking to me.. blah blah blah... He asked how my kids are, I said good, my son is out of town for the summer...
No biggie...

10 mins later I get a texted from fishy saying NOT COOL!!! your flirting with the first aid guy!!

Well After the first aid guy left my office, he went to fishys office... NO telling what he said.
I replied back What?? no your mistaken.. that guy is weird..
no reply..
I texted again
????????
Again no reply.
I text again
Really your just going to ignore me?
He replied
Im hurt cuz he knew your son was out of town, I KNEW something was up THEN!!

I said come on, he asked how the kids are,I said my son out of town.. I said You have nothing to worry about.. I would never want to hurt you, dont u know how special you are to me?

He replied back
WHATEVER!!!!

I said to him, I need for him to believe in me, and have faith...

I got no more replies or answers from him..
End of subject, thats it..

I even said are you really going to cut me out like this?

No reply..

I gave up trying...

So men how as a women can I give him the reassurance he is seeking?
I dont want him to be jealous...
I want him to just know I only have eyes for him...
He just wont believe it..

If you been on LL for a while, you know fishy is all I talk about.. I dont want anyone else.. He totally satisfies me..

What can I do to curb his jealousy so he will just have faith in me...

I once told him, your the only man I have eyes for..
Well that backfired on me..
About a week later..
He said that bothered him.. I said It did?? Why??? (thinking how could that bother you)
He said you said Im the only MAN you have eyes for...
So are you being with females?? When someone says that to someone else.. They say your the only PERSON.. but you said MAN...
wow...
I had to explain.. I used man because I see him as just this awesome MAN.. A true man to the sense of the word... Not just a person but a man.. I said babe!! Im straight..
Im not into women..
He said well ok, Ill just have to take your word for it..

geez.. thanks... lol

Any advice???

Also Why is he getting so jealous over the smallest things??

posted July 30, 2012 11:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lioness:
I wasn't flirting, not at all... The guy asked me how my kids.are and I answered... I was being social and polite but not flirting...
Plus it's not like he's some young stud.. Lol.. The guy looks like george lopez....

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posted July 31, 2012 12:11 AM            

So I'm surrounded by men.. Not that I mind.. He he he.. I talk to everyone for the most part.. I'm not flirting but I do have conversations...

I guess this is hard for fishy... He's given me a list of who he doesn't like seeing me talk to.... Lol
Not really a list, but he's mentioned a few that it bothers him to see me talking to..
I respect that it bothers him... I for the most part I dont have conversations that aren't business related with the ones that he has mentioned...
So I'm making an effort to not make him jealous..

posted July 31, 2012 12:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Stake your ground. You were just engaging in polite coversation.

Some jealousy is healthy. Too much is not.

---

If this was anyone else.. I would have said see ya, your tripping.. But fishy is special to me.. I want him to just know he has nothing to worry abt.
I want him to believe and have faith in me...
I just don't know how to give him that..

I didn't react badly when he told me..,i tried to comfort him and assure him.. Guess that didn't work..

posted July 31, 2012 02:42 AM            

Really nothing you can do TBH, the issue is not with you, it is with him.

posted July 31, 2012 05:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lioness:
I said come on, he asked how the kids are,I said my son out of town.. I said You have nothing to worry about.. I would never want to hurt you, dont u know how special you are to me?

He replied back
WHATEVER!!!!

---

quote:

---

If this was anyone else.. I would have said see ya, your tripping.. But fishy is special to me.. I want him to just know he has nothing to worry abt.
I want him to believe and have faith in me...
I just don't know how to give him that..

---

posted July 31, 2012 11:20 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lioness:
If this was anyone else.. I would have said see ya, your tripping.. But fishy is special to me.. I want him to just know he has nothing to worry abt.
I want him to believe and have faith in me...
I just don't know how to give him that..

I didn't react badly when he told me..,i tried to comfort him and assure him.. Guess that didn't work..

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posted July 31, 2012 05:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
ok, so you said your a leo who likes attention from men? so do you flirt with men still? if so thats prolly why. i also was talking to a leo girl who flirted with me, we texted all the time,it was a few weeks before i found out she was engaged, so i immediately stopped talking to her, i was angry and felt like she had strung me along. some people think flirting is ok in relationships, others dont, so if you do make it a habit of flirting or being open when men flirt with you, it might be best to stop or you might run fishy off.

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posted July 31, 2012 05:18 PM            

And i agree with YTA. Sit him down for an honest heart to heart. Ask him what his solution would be... Hear him out... And then express your feelings of not being seen as trustworthy by him.

Other than that, there is really very little else you can do. The issue truly lies with him. I mean, you can only do so much to reassure him, but its impossible and un realistic for him to expect you to not be friendly and have polite professional talks with coworkers or another human being.

Continue to be yourself and express your love for him like you always do. Over doing might open another can of worms and make him all the more "suspicious"

Good luck and sex, alot of sex does wonders for the male ego

posted July 31, 2012 08:41 PM            

I take it, he wants nothing more to do with me....
Theres nothing I can do here..

I tried.. I texted him.. I was sorry he was hurt, but its a mis-understanding if he wants to talk to call me.. If not I take it you want nothing to do with me...

He never replied...

posted July 31, 2012 08:46 PM            

Give him some time and hopefully he'll see the error of his ways and realize what exactly he is walking away from.

posted July 31, 2012 08:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lioness:
Thats good advice everyone.. But he wont speak to me anymore..

I take it, he wants nothing more to do with me....
Theres nothing I can do here..

I tried.. I texted him.. I was sorry he was hurt, but its a mis-understanding if he wants to talk to call me.. If not I take it you want nothing to do with me...

He never replied...

So I guess this is the end..

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Aw, give it a few more days. Check in with him a few days.

He is just being stubborn and difficult by stonewalling. Silence is a vicious weapon against a lover

posted July 31, 2012 09:11 PM            

If I would have done something wrong, I would have fessed up... I didn't do anything and he just threw me away..
In a few days the angry will set in, idk if I will be able to come back from that...

I have nothing else to give... I give up...

posted July 31, 2012 09:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lioness:
Thanks guys..

If I would have done something wrong, I would have fessed up... I didn't do anything and he just threw me away..
In a few days the angry will set in, idk if I will be able to come back from that...

I have nothing else to give... I give up...

I know better than to get close to anyone...
This is my fault...

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No, it is not, could be you are so awesome that men's insecurities become magnified which is totally not on you at all.

INOW, it was nothing you did, you were just being yourself, he is the one displaying insecurity, and there is really no cure for it.

posted July 31, 2012 09:38 PM            

quote:

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Some jealousy is healthy. Too much is not.

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Agreed.

quote:

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Damn are you dating a woman??? Cos this guy sounds like a b!tch. Wowww lady you have some patience (!)

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LOL!

posted July 31, 2012 11:39 PM            

This is HIS problem, insecurity is HIS issue. If you keep trying to conform to what he wants in terms of not being able to have normal conversations with other people, I'm afraid this is going to end up becoming an abusive situation over time.

Because this is controlling behavior ... him getting this jealous due to his own insecurities, turning it around and making it completely your fault, and then withholding communication by freezing you out ... all of this is so that he can feel in charge and in control. And he wants to control so that he can feel better about his own insecurities. None of it has anything to do with you.

If you make it your problem and keep trying to mollify him, you yourself will be creating an "uncontrollable monster", so to speak, as he will "up the ante" of this jealousy game every time he becomes jealous ... meaning he will keep putting the squeeze on you more and more until you will become completely victimized by trying to please him all the time and living by his rules only.

I've seen this happen repeatedly with abused women. Don't let this start.

And it will also be beneficial for you to stop thinking thoughts like "he threw me away." Realize you're not an object to be picked and tossed around.

You tried to reassure him and he hasn't accepted it. So the next step is TO LEAVE HIM ALONE.

The world hasn't ended because Mr. Fishy has decided to throw a temper tantrum. In general, we teach people how to treat us. So now it's time for you to step back and just do your own thing. If he cannot recognize for himself that he's missing out on a good thing, there's NOTHING you can do to make him see that. What you CAN do is to silently convey to him that his behavior is unacceptable to you, by not making any more effort to explain yourself. You've done enough.

Of course it probably hurts like hell. But acceptance of the situation the way it is atm, is key for your peace of mind here. Let go and let God. Have faith in yourself because by the dictates of your own conscience, you've done all the right things in this situation.

Give him time to cool down. Nothing beneficial can come out of approaching someone who's angry. Remember anger is self serving and comes from a place of ego. Give him time to step away from his ego in order to see things clearly, and stay out of his way during that time. Don't make any special effort to avoid him at work, but don't make any special effort to notice him either. When he gets over his anger, he knows where he can find you.

At that time you can gently tell him that you love him but that you're sorry you cannot continue to deal with so much jealousy and he'll need to handle it appropriately because you don't want to be in an unhealthy relationship. And that after he's thought about it, he can tell you what steps he's going to take to overcome this issue, because it's unfair and hurtful to you to have to go through repeat episodes like this.

Until such time that this conversation materializes (with him doing the initiating), read a good, inspiring book

And avoid obsessive thoughts like you've simply got to do something NOW to change the situation (you can be prone to doing that with your Pluto in the 7th), and how COULD he have done that, and does that mean you mean NOTHING to him, etc.

Because you know the answers to all these questions lie in ONE SOLITARY FACT: It's not you, it's him. In your mind, try and separate yourself from him completely. Don't internalize HIS issue and make it your own. That'll only lead to more emotional confusion, because, if you make it your issue, you will then see his behavior as a reflection of who you are (you're doing this at the moment). And nothing could be farther from the truth.

So focus on trying to sort the truth from self editorializing, meaning convincing yourself that you're the bad one, and that you're not worthy of respect, love and adoration.

Ok???

posted August 02, 2012 11:28 PM            

Here's an update for everyone
We did end up talking that night, but it didnt go over well.. It wasnt a heated argument but we got no where...
He did tell me what the guy said to him though.

The first aide guy said:
Yeah she asked for another box from me, so I had to come back into her office..
(I asked for more sunscreen cuz we run out..lol) She told me her son, was out of town, wink wink wink.... Maybe I should go get some of that....

some men.. I swear... Just talking out of his butt hole...

I tried telling him, thats just that guy trying to show off..
But he didnt want to hear it...
He said I will call you when Im over this!!! and he hung up..

The next day... Was emotional, I broke down.. (at home in private) plus he made a point to let me know at work he was upset and in the process he hurt my feelings really really bad...

We didnt talk at all on wed..

Today he texts me in the morning.. But I didnt reply..
He called me at lunch time. I didnt answer my phone..
3 hours later I replied to his text..
I cant talk.

Later he texts me if I can talk, I said Ok.. I was rude, and talking with a tone... He said Ok you dont want to talk, and he hung up...

Later on he text me.. I told him Im hurting.. He said I know, me too...That first aide guy really affected me..
He calls me, he said what can I do to make you feel better, I said nothing..
He said are you ready to make up???
I said no, you hurt me, Im not ready...
(big baby lioness pouting)

He talked more about a story, blah blah.. Then I said Ok I have to go.. He got mad and hung up...