posted August 04, 2012 12:34 PM            

Some supplements, especially St John's Wort.

posted August 04, 2012 12:52 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 04, 2012 12:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
I'm basically worried that a costly interpersonal mistake. I'm terrified of what will happen the next time that I see this person. I'm really worried that it can't be fixed and that it'll be really bad for me.

Prayer helps; I feel strengthened at times when I pray. Meditation helps. But, I have to get to the quieter place of being able to pray/meditate.

I haven't been able to see my therapist in a few weeks because she's been away. I get to see her this week. Going for several weeks without her has been hard because I've had to bottle it all up and have been super-worried about it. It's just been coming out more and that scares me, because it's something that I try to keep inside where it belongs.

Physical activity tends to help when I'm angry or if I'm scared about something more irrational.

I had never heard about St. John's Wort for anxiety (I'd heard the name, but that's it)--are there any side effects to it? Any concerns/things that I should know about?

I'm OK with homeopathic remedies (though not pot, no drugs, no alcohol).

Thanks everyone and please keep responses coming; it's going to be hard for me to get through the weekend, honestly.

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None worth mentioning, prolonged use can cause headaches, otherwise it is typically well tolerated.

As for your situation, look at this way, all you can do is accept whatever happens, the worry and stress accomplishes very little.

And when I've been in situations that could turn out poorly for me due to something I've said, or done, it is hard for me to number of times nothing at all happened, life pushes one thing out as the "next" crisis comes in.

posted August 04, 2012 01:34 PM            

and @Ami Anne just curious: how does your yoga differ from other kinds of yoga/what specifically is it about that type that you find soothing? (I'm unfamiliar with it)

posted August 04, 2012 03:03 PM            

Alright?

posted August 04, 2012 05:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
also, if you've been anxious in front of someone, but apologized about being anxious/showed that you had calmed down and chilled out, and asked to talk about things, is that OK? I've heard different opinions from people that I've asked about it.

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posted August 04, 2012 10:59 PM            

I have realized that I have far fewer anxiety accounts providing I get enough physical activity during the day. Even if it's just walking an hour in the afternoon.

I still get them, though, and I have to be very serious about breathing exercises when I feel an attack coming on. I used to think that sounded ridiculous. However, if I really concentrate on my breathing (deep meaningful breaths in and out) then it's difficult for me to concentrate on anything else. Sometimes I have to tell my boss I'm going on a 10 minute break to do that.

posted August 05, 2012 03:43 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
also, if you've been anxious in front of someone, but apologized about being anxious/showed that you had calmed down and chilled out, and asked to talk about things, is that OK? I've heard different opinions from people that I've asked about it.

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hmm, romance or biz?

posted August 05, 2012 06:05 AM            

The first step for me was learning to understand that worrying about a situation which is not occurring in the present, was a futile exercise in self destructive behavior. That helped me avoid the temptation to fall deeper into anxiety when it arose.

The next step for me was learning that most experiences in life are free play out in a number of possible scenatios. How I expect people to act or situations to play out, influences the actual outcome of the situation. That helped me trivialize all the big ideas and time wasted planning and fixating around my anxiety.

The third step for me was learning to not fight my anxiety when it came, but to sit with it, accept its apparent existence, breathe and relax around it. Learning to close my eyes, sit, and observe my anxious state (accepting that feelings and habits arise around the anxiety), but using my natural breath as an anchor to keep me present in my body, instead of floating off into scenario building, reacting to the feelings, and letting the whole situation drive me crazy. If you have a religious affiliation, you can also sit in the presence of your divine figures while you sit with your self. That way they can lend you strength while you do the work to make your self a healthier and happier person.

After a while of observing my habitual reactions, I started to understand the reasons why I was so anxious about my fear. It actually had much less to do with death and more to do with goals I was raised to believe needed to be fulfilled in my life. The more I sat with my self, the less daunting my anxiety got until it all eventually got observed.

Now I don't struggle with anxiety and the experience helped me become more aware of other habits in control of my actions. It is certainly not the easiest way out, but the long term benefits are worth the acclimation process in the beginning.

A final note: I am unaware of your actual situation, there are many factors involved in situations which include others. The anxiety belongs to you though and so regardless of what happens between you and the person, the anxiety will be your responsibility to face. Once you have learned to turn the volume down on your anxiety and gain a clear perspective, you may also discover tools for resolving the issue triggering your anxious reaction.

posted August 05, 2012 07:40 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 05, 2012 07:41 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 05, 2012 03:32 PM            

(and everyone else)

posted August 05, 2012 06:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Xiiro, I was kind of doing what you said this morning about thinking about what makes me anxious.

I think that a large part of what makes me anxious is that I very strongly fear the rug being ripped out from under me and losing security/stability. I worry that people really will figure out that I really am worthless and useless, that don't do things right, and that I'm emotional. I'm afraid of emotions pushing people to their limit. I have had past experiences with people just getting rid of me without warning or a chance to fix things. I am terrified of that happening. I feel like I always have to watch my back lest I be caught off guard. I don't know how to prevent disaster from happening because I don't know the warning signs that seem to be so clear to others. I am afraid that people really figure out that I'm not good enough. I worry about all of the mistakes that I make because I'm afraid that the next one will be "the big one". I don't feel like I have enough inherent value for people to want to work with me through rough patches and keep me around.

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Thank you RP, that was an amazing amount of work you did. So as you can see, you are projecting your anxiety on the person, your real worry has to do with feelings you carry around with you all the time. The major problem with any feeling or action arising out of a negative view, is that once it has stabbed us initially, we tend to pick up its knife and continue stabbing ourselves where it left off. That person walks by and we habitually respond by experiencing a feeling of worthlessness. Then after the feeling arises the mind starts freaking out, "What if that feeling is true?", "I have definitely failed at things in the past.", "what if they get to know me and they hate me?", stab, stab, stab.

Here is how I would approach your anxiety if I were in the same situation. And please bear with my Mercury in Capricorn-y lists. =)

"I very strongly fear the rug being ripped out from under me and losing security/stability."

This is actually very common for Cancers. The archetype energy of Cancer NEEDS stability in order to be able to fully nurture. When this feeling arises, think about how stability and instability are never guaranteed in the outside world (the wealthiest person can lose everything in a day), but realize you can cultivate stability inside your self (a homeless person can still have their breath taken away by a beautiful sunset). Think about how worrying about instability causes you to cultivate feelings of instability, while ignoring the stability evident in the present. As you breathe, practice appreciating the stable things in the present, don't ignore them by worrying about when you will next experience them. =) Just breathe and observe your habitual reactions to the fear of instability, as a person breathes and observes a rapidly moving river from the safety of its shore. =)

"I worry that people really will figure out that I really am worthless and useless, that don't do things right, and that I'm emotional."

Feeling worthless is a blessing oddly enough, because it is a form of ego loss. What is worthlessness ACTUALLY?, An inherent understanding (and fear) that it is impossible to live up to the unrealistic images we (or perhaps others)impose on our self. When this feeling arises, think about how we can only do our best when facing life experiences. Understand that failure is an essential step in growth and avoidance of failure leads to stagnancy. The fact that you experience failure is a testament to your humanity. Another thing you can do is find worth in the moment.

It may sound silly, but consider this meditation the next time you feel worthless:

Breathing in, I know I am breathing In
Breathing out, I know I am breathing Out
Breathing in, I know the oxygen I inhale is making air easier for every plant on earth to breathe
Breathing out, I know the carbon dioxide I exhale is nourishing every plant on earth
Breathing in, I see the plants I am nourishing with my breath, growing
Breathing out, I see the plants I am nourishing with my breath, fruiting
Breathing in, I see the fruits I am nourishing with my breath, being harvested
Breathing out, I see the fruits I have nourished with my breath in the hands of an impoverished child.
Breathing in, I see the child is happy, nourishing his/her body with my fruit.
Breathing out, I see the part of me living within and nourishing this child.
Breathing in, I know my worth is MORE than simple human expectation.
Breathing out, my worth is universal.

"I'm afraid of emotions pushing people to their limit. I have had past experiences with people just getting rid of me without warning or a chance to fix things."

This is one of those things that gets resolved as you practice paying attention to your self. When we are not aware or in control of our self emotionally, we tend to offend or put others off. Practicing paying attention to and taking responsibility for one's habitual reactions, helps us to learn to identify the negative ones. It helps us stop, recognize, and accept our habits. Most importantly though, it creates a space between when a habit arises and when a habit manifests. If we are used to paying attention to our self, we can stop negative habits from manifesting outwardly when we see them arise. Instead we can care for our self as one cares for a child who fears the dark. We know their is no reason to be afraid, but we offer our presence and carefully hold the child regardless.

"I feel like I always have to watch my back lest I be caught off guard. I don't know how to prevent disaster from happening because I don't know the warning signs that seem to be so clear to others."

This is another issue which will be resolved by
1) Understanding that worry over something which has not happened and may never happen, is a destructive practice. It can not solve the original reason for our worry, it harms our health, and it draws us away from appreciating the stability available in the present moment.

2) Practicing being present in your self, which leads to a LOT clearer observation of others. We have no control of what others will think or do and they are free to leave us behind (just as we have the freedom to do that to others). I think this aspect of your anxiety feeds back into fear of stability loss. Practice relying on your self as a place where present-moment-stability exists and understanding that because we can not chain people's body, mind, emotions, and soul to us (and even if we could, death would eventually come and steal them from us), they will never be a sufficient source of stability.

"I am afraid that people really figure out that I'm not good enough. I worry about all of the mistakes that I make because I'm afraid that the next one will be "the big one"."

This again loops back into planning for things which may never happen, to avoid the opportunity for complete stability in the present. It also loops back into the fear of not living up to other people's standards. Something to consider with this worry, if you spend all your time worrying about all the things you are not, how will you ever get to know all the things you have to offer? Spending time paying attention to your self will help with both the uncovering of your natural talents AND the practice of skillfulness. You would be surprised how much easier it becomes to avoid mistakes when one has practiced paying attention to their own actions. =)

PS: The bigger the mistake, the greater the opportunity for growth. There will always be a bigger mistake to be made and bigger blessings to experience, but we waste our lives waiting for them to show up. I think perhaps the Dalai Lama said it best when asked what surprised him most; he said,

"Man, because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived.”

"I don't feel like I have enough inherent value for people to want to work with me through rough patches and keep me around."

This connects to something deeper regarding your upbringing or early relationships. I think if you continue to sit with these feelings you may uncover that your anxieties with this person are not related to them at all, but more to the person they represent or remind you of.

posted August 12, 2012 12:49 PM            

First of all, for quick herbal help: Skullcap and Valerian. Skullcap is an amazing calmant. Get a tincture. Use it as much as you need. No side effects other than sleepiness.

Second: Practice this:

NOTICE when you are feeling anxious and concentrate on your body NOT your thoughts. You will feel the anxiety in your body: tense muscles, maybe numbness, agitation, fast heart rate, fast breathing...Sit down, breath in slowly for a count of 4 hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Do this for 2 minutes. It will actually change your blood chemistry and induce relaxation. Consciously relax your muscles from head to toe while you breath. Remind yourself it's ok to let go of the physical feeling of fear.

When you feel calmer, notice it. Notice how you feel. Rememeber it. The bodily feeling of relaxation is what you always need to focus on. Relaxed body equals relaxed mind. If you practice this and prove it to yourself several times, you will start to genuinely believe and accept that to let go of anxiety in the mind,you just have to let go of it in the body.

Then, you will see that you can think about things that concern you and work on them without anxiety getting in the way. This is a short version, but if you try it out and have even a moment of success, focus on that and try it again.

So: