posted August 10, 2012 02:21 PM
So as of late, my family has been going through a bit of a shift lately. Some are feuding, some are going through hard times in their marriages, and some are just wanting to be away from the family and rebel. I feel like I am in the middle. Kinda neutral. I love my family, but they are really making me feel like the odd one out. I had a misunderstanding with my younger picses sister last weekend, we've talked it out, but I still feel there is a strain between us. Even explaining the situation to my scorpio mother was hard, she had that look on her face read "I don't believe you". My Libra older sister has been there for me, but even now she's been a little distant. My capricorn bother and my sign twin oldest sister has MIA because they are too busy being rebels in their lives.
As a taurus, I LOVE my family. And I am uber loyal and patient with them, but I feel like I should be on my own for a while, and only come around when they need me. I feel like no one understands me, and that I feel like I don't belong ( my Aquarius South node) But I want to not fall into that "me against the world" crap and have the hopes to become something bigger and brighter ( my Leo north node) not saying that I want to be better than my sibs, but I want to grow from ALWAYS being the one singled out or picked on because I'm the quiet, shy, introverted one ( my Aquarius rising) of the family.
I'm 32 now, and it sucks I still feel the same way being the fourth (of 5) born. I feel sad that hardly anyone is getting along in the family, and the way it is affecting me ( my Cancer moon). I'm trying hard to get past all this and do what I have to do to feel better. I want to focus on my life and my growth, instead of worrying about what my family thinks of me. They even have opinions about me dating again after being single since '09...and the fact none of them - the dates - have been successful. That hurts, I feel they don't want me to be happy and in love again. As a matter of fact, whenever a date does cancel, or they decide to never see me again, I sulk about it for like a few hours and I get over it and move on ( my Mars in leo). I've learned to take the punches and blows but to never become defeated.
Like I said, I love my family, but i'm over the drama and the strife. It's starting to leave such a bad taste in my mouth. I want to seperate myself from them for a while and focus on myself and my life and to mold myself to better person, I am just so tired of the "label" I have amongst them.
Am I doing the right thing???