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Author Topic:   faking Confidence
Hera
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Posts: 4495
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 13, 2012 05:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Everybody likes confident people, whether they're men or women. Confident people are more attractive, funnier, more successful, etc etc. Of course it's not always so, but that is the impression they give out.

What I want to know.. if you're not feeling confident, how do you fake it? SHOULD we fake it?! CAN it be faked? And really, I want to know HOW.

How to enter a room full of people NOT thinking they're all looking at me, my hair is probably a mess, I've gained weight, my mascara must be all over my face, my socks are mismatched etc etc. How to just go in there, shake their hands smiling reassuringly and take on the room??

The only thing I can come up with is either being slightly dizzy or on meds. Those were the times when I just didn't care enough about their feedback and managed to act the part - and guess what, they liked it! When I am myself, I am tense and rigid and defensive. Like they're all against me, judging me or smth.

But I want to make it real. I know there's an alpha woman in there, she's been out here and there, but I want to get her out at will! HOW???

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Wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from making bad choices

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Hera
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Posts: 4495
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 13, 2012 05:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have decided that my new mantra would be SO WHAT?

So what if they're looking? So what if my hair is a mess, my socks are mismatched and my mascara is all over the place?!

I want to stop worrying. I'm pretty sure they couldn't care less about my socks! So why am I making it such a big deal? Like the world ends because they don't like me for my socks! SO WHAT?????

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Wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from making bad choices

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doommlord
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Posts: 1395
From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011

posted October 13, 2012 05:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for doommlord     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think that has much to do with your comfort zone

ive seen people who seem insecure and uninteresting at first sight but as they get comfortable in their inviroment they become such confident beings

i think one needs to work on owns feeling of comfort so one would be able to express confidence at will

Thats my half a cent at least

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libraschoice77
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Posts: 337
From: NYC
Registered: Aug 2010

posted October 13, 2012 05:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for libraschoice77     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was under the impression you walked into a room and just owned it

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YoursTrulyAlways
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Posts: 4053
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posted October 13, 2012 06:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The Alpha in a woman can come out in two ways: (1) direct competition from other Alpha women, and (2) the companionship of an Alpha male. Otherwise, complacency and an atmosphere of subservience from others breeds lethargy.

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ail221
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Posts: 1751
From: Mary Margaret Blanchard's home
Registered: Feb 2012

posted October 13, 2012 08:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ail221     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Depends sometimes wearing the right color, your favorite perfume, or a nicely fit bra can make you feel confident or at least fake it for a few moments.

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PixieJane
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Posts: 1063
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 13, 2012 09:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I wouldn't say I fake my self-confidence but when I'm unsure how to proceed with people I reflect on what I have to offer them. Knowing what I have to offer makes me more confident in dealing with those who could use and/or enjoy what I have (and if they reject me then it's more their loss than mine).

Perhaps it also helps that I know they're not the only fish in the sea. If someone rejects me (be it social, business, etc) then I try elsewhere. Perhaps my time spent fishing where I sometimes caught fish fast and sometimes had to wait a few hours (and sometimes "bribe" fish with throwing some bread & crackers out to lure them up which lured the bigger fish up to eat the smaller fish eating the treats) taught me that while not all fish will bite, enough will to get by.

Of course I'm sure my Leo ascendant and having several planets (and an asteroid or two) in Sag help.

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Hera
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From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 14, 2012 01:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for the answers!

I guess my question referred mostly to human interactions - I have just 1 planet in air and that is generational, so maybe I don't have enough social skills. I think a lot has to do with me becoming aware just how anxious I really am in social circumstances. I have managed to fake confidence in some situations. For some reason, it is easier to do this at work, where I am generally sure of myself and authoritative. But meeting new people? Going to parties? UGH!!

DL - I think it is about going outside my comfort zone, which in theory I generally like, as I enjoy pushing past my boundaries. But it IS difficult for me to put myself at there to be judged by people. I guess I need to work harder at that self acceptance and self love thingie.

Libraschoice lol, thank you for that! I wish it were so! I was able to do this when I was a teen and in my early 20s, with the years I've become more self conscious I think.

Pixie, that was good advice, thank you! Leo Asc wow! Mine is in poor shy Cappy lol. And being squared by both sides ugh. But I'll put my stiff upper lip on and get it on!!

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Hera
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Posts: 4495
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 14, 2012 08:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So I am having a sort of non-date with the Fish tonight (whatever), I was pretty anxious, tried like a gazillion clothes and nothing fit me right, I don't like my skin today and I feel fat. LOL So I thought I'd cancel on him.

But you see.. and that's the beauty of it.. in the middle of desperation came inspiration - or perspiration! lmao I did my work-out at noon (and I NEVER do it at noon - how silly of me coz it feels so GOOOOOOOD) and now I'm on endorphins and feeling like I could take on the world!! I look the same, but damn I've got the attitude part straight!

So working out boosts confidence. Of course I knew that! But getting off my butt and doing it is another story! I couldn't say exactly what made me do it, I'll have to ponder on that some more. But needless to say, I am very happy and grateful to the Universe for inspiring me to do it at noon as I feel amazing right now. Heehee! Okay, now gotta get ready!

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doommlord
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From: israel
Registered: Dec 2011

posted October 14, 2012 01:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for doommlord     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:

DL - I think it is about going outside my comfort zone, which in theory I generally like, as I enjoy pushing past my boundaries. But it IS difficult for me to put myself at there to be judged by people. I guess I need to work harder at that self acceptance and self love thingie.


maybe...or maybe you should expand it :O so it will be more external than just familiar places ^^

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aquaguy91
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From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 15, 2012 12:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think confidence( atleast the way modern society defines it) is way overrated, i'm more attracted to modesty. the phrase" just be confident!"is probably the most overused piece of advice of all time, it can apply to dating, careers, sports etc. unfortunately its incredibly unrealistic and usually uttered by people who have no idea what you are going through, here are a few examples: a ladies man tells his friend who can't get a date and keeps getting rejected that he needs to have confidence or a man who is super successful career wise gives the same advice to a guy who has been unemployed for 2 yrs. my point was to illustrate that confidence comes from having sustained success, not the other way around .

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aquaguy91
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From: tennessee
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posted October 15, 2012 01:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
edit.

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starzy54
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Posts: 447
From: CA
Registered: Feb 2010

posted October 15, 2012 03:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for starzy54     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
To me, confidence means looking at what you fear, right in the eye!

To me it doesn't mean feeling comfortable, but actually putting myself into an uncomfortable situation and conquering it. Once I do it, it gets easier for me, until i eventually become a pro at it, and become naturally confident at that particular "thing".

You just have to put your game face on, smile, and believe in yourself and whatever your trying to sell. People will admirer the enthusiasm you have and you will make a good impression. You will come off as confident.

I once witnessed a woman walk into a doctors office, and she was so disheveled i took notice of her. Her hair a mess, her clothes wrinkled, and her sandal thong had come apart so she was dragging her feet to keep her sandal on. Within a few moments, she had the whole team of receptionists hanging on her every word and laughing at all her hilarious jokes. She even pointed out her broken shoe as she signed in on the appointment list, telling everyone that she had a rough day, and telling everyone the funny situations that lead to her appearance. everybody loved her. Her confidence and facing what could have been an uncomfortable situation, made her look better than everybody else in that office. It was quite amazing. I remember her enthusiasm and fearlessness more than anything.

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AstroNewb69
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Posts: 89
From: Ft worth TX USA
Registered: Jun 2012

posted October 16, 2012 01:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AstroNewb69     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Something I've noticed in my life. I maintain high confidence in everything through maintaining little stress in everything. (lol it's easier than it sounds!)

Most everything I do as a regular citizen has been done a thousand times by others.
From starting a new job to barely beating a yellow stop light.
From getting drunk and making a fool of myself to buying tampons for a woman.
From talking to someone I'm uncomfortable around to cooking food for people.
From the feelings I get inside that drive me crazy to dancing in a night club.
From exercising at a gym to pooping in a crowded public bathroom (I know, ew gross sry...)

It's all been done/happened a thousand times and it will all happen a thousand more times! Everything! So why stress any of it? We're all human here and chances are we have a LOT in common with thousands of others who share our struggles/hobbies/vices/loves and don't even know it!

You're not the first to gain weight and run into someone you haven't seen in a while. You won't be the last! Same goes for any single thing like that. So just take every day/situation/feeling/idea one at a time with a smile and try to enjoy the little things about them that make you happy. Because its those LITTLE things that set your everyday common occurances apart from the other thousands of people doing the EXACT same thing as you.

Think back to the movie "Office Space". The confidence he projects immediately after he stops stressing over things. Great example of what I'm trying to say

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Cancer Sun
Gemini Moon
Saggitarius ASC

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