posted October 17, 2012 09:16 AM            

Have you ever met Mr Right who turned out to be Mr Wrong, times infinity? Did you feel like this man was your perfect lover, perfect friend, perfect soul mate, only to discover that you fell in love with a mask? Fall in love, you do. The sociopath mirrors your needs, hopes, desires and dreams. He becomes these. You may give up all, for him. You may give up your social standing, money, reputation and physical and mental health. The woman who was not mirrored as a child is the most at risk, in my humble opinion. This woman cannot see herself as mirroring allows the child to see herself. The unmirrored child has a ghostly outline of a self, whereas other girls have a solid self. This ghostly outline provides the breeding ground for the attraction to a sociopath. This is a hard subject to broach. One may want to blame the man, as this seems the most logical approach. However, what must be understood is that no all woman are subject to the charms of a sociopath. Some woman walk away. Some woman may stay for a short time, and then walk away. Others lose all they have, even their lives, as they seem stuck in the dyad with a sociopath. I am not putting forth blame. I am trying to understand the dynamics, so as to enlighten woman, or anyone who cares to understand.

The woman who was not mirrored as a child is at risk for various behaviors which could wreak havoc with her life, such as addictions and other poor lifestyle choices. It is not her fault,, when one assesses her background. It is her choice, I suppose, as to how she will medicate this pain. There are many negative ways to medicate such pain. One is by falling in love with a sociopath. The medicine could be worse than the cure, in this case, as you may imagine.

The sociopath and his victim, if we can say that, must fit together, as puzzle pieces. If not, the relationship will not get off the ground. The sociopath is, often, promiscuous, so he has many woman from which to choose . He is, also, very charming, making him attractive to most, if not all, woman, at the beginning of the relationship. If a woman ends up in a relationship with him, there must be a fit. The fit they have together, reflects both of them, not just her. Often, the male sociopath hates woman. The woman who ends up with him, may hate woman. Self hating exists in every minority. At any rate, she must hate herself, at some level. If not, she would not be with him, in my humble opinion. I know this may seem stark and direct. However, it is not worth your time to read my articles if I sugar coat things so much that you have pablum. Anyone is free to disagree. I welcome differing points of view and encourage you to comment on my Comment Form.

Back to the woman who is in love with a sociopath. if you are hooked, it may go one of several ways. He may wear you down, such that you, gradually drop your values and morals. The sociopath seems intent on disparaging his partner, particularly if she has high values, to which she adheres with a ferocity. There is something inside the sociopath, in most cases, that wants to corrupt the innocent. The innocent could be a woman with a deeply held belief in God. He may try to get her to make a choice between God and himself. He may try to wear her down, sexually, such that she drops sexual standards to which she held dear. At any rate, in most cases, the woman’s self esteem will be eroded. It may be a gradual process such that she does not notice, all at once. However, at some point,she may turn around and see a shadow of her former self. This is not atypical.

What is a woman to do, if she is in love with a sociopath. I suppose you may think that I cheat and every answer is the same. She must call on God, in my opinion. She must seek Him out, as He has not forgotten her, even if her friends have . Woman, typically, lose their friends when they are in a relationship with a sociopath. This is because the sociopath may want the woman, all to himself. He may see her friends and family as threats. If you are at the end stages of a typical relationships with a sociopath, you may want to get out. However, you may find that you are a prisoner. Your prison may be his threats,. If it comes down to this, take his threats seriously. I just read about a doctor who killed her girlfriend. This is not to be taken lightly. Pray and seek God, first of all. The still small voice of God can lead you out, if you will listen. Start there.

Just to add a few Astrological observations. The woman who falls head over heels in love with a sociopath may have certain Astrological markers. I am speculating based on the charts I have done. What is both good and bad, in Astrology, is that there is little research on many of these subjects. However, that leaves room for the inquisitive Astrological student to break new ground. I give my observations, in that spirit. I think that the woman’s moon may have to have some severe afflictions for her to enter into a relationship with a sociopath and ride that roller coaster until it deposits her, at the end. The moon is one’s mother, ones value for woman and one’s deepest heart. The moon may be unaspected, or hardly aspected. This would indicate a woman who had little mothering. Her moon may be conjunct the asteroid Dejanira. This seems to result in a fractured self. Every chart I have done , to date, with Dejaniria conjunct the Moon, has had a fractured self, and quite severely. The Asteroid Child may be impaired. It may be conjunct an asteroid such as Dejanira, for example.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 18, 2012 04:01 AM            

She told me I never had a "mother" to show me the way with men...

Yea, my bull moon is in a crazy gang of 3 fixed tsquares, stellium of Mars, Mercury and Jupiter, In the 3rd in Aqua closely opposed to Uranus, closely squred to the Bull Moon (which I adore) and opposed to my Scorp asc..;;

Yeppers!

posted October 18, 2012 09:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hippichick:
Ami, my love....can you say EVERY darn man I have ever fallen in love with???

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YES
I was writing this for you, or for the woman who fell in love with one, only.
It is a very weird and strange experience. There is a reason some woman fall for sociopaths and others do not.

There is a reason that a sociopath is a woman's "type".

I think all woman are attracted to sociopaths, at some level. That was my other article. If not, WHY all the sexy vampire movies?

Do you know what I mean?

My theory is the mirroring( or lack of it, really) is what makes the woman fall for the sociopath, in her real life, not just be attracted in the movies.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 18, 2012 11:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hippichick:
Would you please elaborate on mirroring as a child?

t~

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yes, do elaborate!

Goodness no (or thankfully) I have never done so.

posted October 18, 2012 11:53 AM            

The child(infant) must be mirrored. The mother must look into the eyes of the child and SHOW the child who he is, from the mother validating the child.

This is done in a number of ways. Some scientists feel there is an actual part of the brain that gets turned on my mirroring( or not turned on)

If your mother cannot/ does not do this, you do not have a a strong sense of self. You do not have a strong sense of personal identity.

The sociopath is a genius in mirroring. That is because he has an amorphous self. He can( and does) become everything you want. He mirrors you back to yourself and you can SEE yourself, for the first time, maybe.

That is why a socoipath's love is so powerful that many people lose everything, even their lives.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 18, 2012 09:25 PM            

If you have issues, whether you know it or not, you'll recognise that he has issues too and you'll think, "he's not out of league, nor am I out of his"
Hell, maybe you'll even convince yourself neither of you have issues.

posted October 19, 2012 02:23 AM            

Great article! Very interesting.

Yes - I have been in love with a man I was told by counselors and police was either a sociopath or narcissist. Also had to get a VRO at the court and a police alert on my home, amongst other things due to his final threats. He was the most beautiful and horrible conundrum. I'm happy to share if it helps you and feel free to ask any questions you want.

My astro on this: My moon is 28 Leo and is definitely pressured by being the centre of a T-square with saturn and neptune. Amongst other things in my chart including a t-square on my sun, I have Mars/Gem conj Gem 17 (yep) plus conjunct IC Gem 18.

Re my synastry with him - This man's sun/venus 25 Leo was conjunct my moon 28 Leo. Our ACs were also both in pisces and our chiron's conjunct 13/14 Aries. Our Saturns were also conjunct 5 Gemini, and our vertexes 2 Leo.

You have the rest of my details over on my post in the beginners section asking for some feedback on my placements! :-)

I'm fascinated by your statement that a person who loves a sociopath probably was not effectively mirrored as a child (does that feel like not being seen and validated as a person?) and also that they haven't defined their boundaries of self well enough. There was truth to this in my early years and I went thru abuse as a kid by someone my family knew. Because of that, I have spent many years defining myself and my boundaries better, healing from a childhood which held abuse, and I was lucky when I met this dude that I knew myself enough to stop his machinations and say no to his ploys for a codependent relationship, and not give into anything actually. He hated that and he loved the challenge of it. True story. 'I can't believe I've won someone like you' he used to say. While all horrible, in retrospect it was a good test of my self-esteem and boundaries, and I am so proud of myself that I am out of it and realised he was not for real and got the protection I needed.

This guy was an expert at mirroring, and having studied mirroring and used it in my own healing modality, I knew what he was doing. It felt 'weird' and wrong at times and I called him on it, and at times (like in bed, LOL) it was wonderful to have such amazing rapport. This could support your theory on lack of mirroring in childhood.

Many people ask why I stayed. I don't see it as low-self esteem related at all. I see as me being addicted to the intense erotic synchronous connection that I ran from once it reared it's dark ugly head.

Socios and narcissists like him can be beautiful, wonderful, charming, considerate, extremely sexy and good in bed, attentive, funny, suave, generous... and that is a lot many women desire. If they hide the dark controlling aspects well at the start they can suck a lot of people in. It is only once the dark comes out, the attacks, the viscousness, that we learn what we will tolerate and what we walk from. That is the point my self-esteem served me.

Look forward to your feedback Ami Anne!

- Curious Bull

posted October 19, 2012 02:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I think all woman are attracted to sociopaths, at some level. That was my other article. If not, WHY all the sexy vampire movies?

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The part that trips me up is "all women." Not all women like Twilight. And I may like some vampire movies, but I like them scary, like Fright Night and 30 Days of Night which portray them as monsters to be defeated, or at least survived.

And what about all the chick flicks of good men who are protective and supportive? There are so many of them that are popular as well. Does that mean "all women like sociopaths AND heroes (AND funny guys AND rich guys AND forbidden love AND guys in uniform AND guys in tights and all the other men who have proved popular with women at one time or another)"?

And what are your thoughts on why so many tween & teen girls abandoned Edward & Jacob of Twilight for Peeta of The Hunger Games, but not the "Twilight Moms"? (For that matter I can't think of any moms lusting after either Peeta or the actor who portrayed him.) If you've got some insights on this I'd definitely be interested in hearing them because this one teases my mind. (I'd understand if one group liked Twilight and a different group liked Hunger Games, but I don't get why so many who loved Twilight so quickly traded up Jacob & Edward for the very different Peeta, and perhaps both types of males represent something in young women still developing. Nor do I get why this defection seems to be, as far as I can tell, restricted to mostly teen girls.)

And in case it helps, a little taste of Peeta:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WedYvmAC19M

ETA: having just watched some HG ship vids I have to add this one, it's beautiful IMO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf4JM7x0Cb0

Detail of the character:
http://thehungergames.wikia.com/wiki/Peeta_Mellark

posted October 19, 2012 07:56 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 19, 2012 07:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PhoenixFire:
Ami,

What orb do you use for the Moon & Dejanira conjunction? Mine is at eight degrees in Pisces, with the Moon being very stressed in my chart. I'd def agree my mother did not provide much mirroring for my siblings or myself. She might have sociopath tendencies...very self centered, always puts her own needs above anything else ):

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Hi PF
8 is too big for that particular aspect. Do you want to put your synastry with her, up in the Beginners Forum. It is amazing what you can see. You are fortunate in that Deja conj the Moon is not closer because it is the single hardest aspect in the chart imho

It seems to be a pure misery *sigh*

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 19, 2012 08:02 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 19, 2012 11:47 AM            

I am not sure how to find Dejanira on Astro.com. Can you please advise and then I'd love to go post the synastry over in the beginners section?

Thank you!
-CB

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Curious Bull
Just saw that you put up your chart. This is what I would bet, in your synastry with the sociopath. You and he had close Nessus and Dejanira asteroids. You can put up your synastry in the Beginners Forum, if you want.
I know exactly what you mean about the conundrum. The sociopath makes you feel so alive, unlike anyone else?
Why? I am thinking it is the mirroring to the unmirrored person *sigh*

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posted October 19, 2012 12:02 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 19, 2012 12:13 PM            

But heck - I felt sick when I saw the results... you probably figured I would.

My dejanira conjunct his Lillith BM/Uranus.
His Nessus conjunct my mars/venus/IC/Nessus.

I will post the whole synastry over in the beginners section. Should I post the chart or the list?

posted October 19, 2012 12:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Curious Bull:
Thank you. That worked.

But heck - I felt sick when I saw the results... you probably figured I would.

My dejanira conjunct his Lillith BM/Uranus.
His Nessus conjunct my mars/venus/IC/Nessus.

I will post the whole synastry over in the beginners section. Should I post the chart or the list?

So looks like whoever I have a direct sexual hit with will encounter my nessus too. Am I in trouble?

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Post the chart. HOW close are these conjunctions. Orbs are key with Asteroids.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 19, 2012 12:22 PM            

My dejanira 10 Libra
His uranus 11 Libra
His Black Moon lillith 8 libra

I will have to open an account on photobucket... hang on! This is very eye-opening and interesting.

TY Ami Anne.

posted October 19, 2012 01:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Curious Bull:
His Nessus 20 gemini
My IC 18 Gemini
My Nessus 18 gemini
My mars & venus 17 gemini

My dejanira 10 Libra
His uranus 11 Libra
His Black Moon lillith 8 libra

I will have to open an account on photobucket... hang on! This is very eye-opening and interesting.

TY Ami Anne.

-CB

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Geez Louise
If that ain't a Nessus/ Deja relationship, I don't know what is

You have to have some strong passion aspects too such as Eros, Moon/Pluto or Venus/Pluto, Mars/Uranus etc, I bet

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 19, 2012 01:06 PM            

You have to have some strong passion aspects too such as Eros, Moon/Pluto or Venus/Pluto, Mars/Uranus etc, I bet

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 19, 2012 01:43 PM            

I have posted the chart in a new thread over in the begginers section. Yep curiosity got the better of sleep, yet again.

"Love, lust, lies and violence - check out this dark synastry."

Would love more feedback. I tried to get some of those asteroids you mentioned in it. Looks like Eros is in the mix with my moon and his sun.

I'm learning a lot from you. Thanks again for your generosity. :-)

- CB

posted October 19, 2012 01:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Curious Bull:
Well, that SUCKS! OMG. A Nessus-dejanira relationship! Did my nessus conjunct his help me out in getting out of something many women end up snared in for years??

I have posted the chart in a new thread over in the begginers section. Yep curiosity got the better of sleep, yet again.

"Love, lust, lies and violence - check out this dark synastry."

Would love more feedback. I tried to get some of those asteroids you mentioned in it. Looks like Eros is in the mix with my moon and his sun.

I'm learning a lot from you. Thanks again for your generosity. :-)

- CB

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Aww You are so welcome. My pleasure and thanks for you kind words. They really lift me up

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted October 19, 2012 04:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
And what are your thoughts on why so many tween & teen girls abandoned Edward & Jacob of Twilight for Peeta of The Hunger Games, but not the "Twilight Moms"? (For that matter I can't think of any moms lusting after either Peeta or the actor who portrayed him.) If you've got some insights on this I'd definitely be interested in hearing them because this one teases my mind. (I'd understand if one group liked Twilight and a different group liked Hunger Games, but I don't get why so many who loved Twilight so quickly traded up Jacob & Edward for the very different Peeta, and perhaps both types of males represent something in young women still developing. Nor do I get why this defection seems to be, as far as I can tell, restricted to mostly teen girls.)

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I think I now know why as it occurred to me earlier today:

Bella was treated by Edward and the other vampires in a demeaning way, but kids (especially tweens) would be used to that anyway and really wouldn't know any better. And at least most of the vampires meant well and were honest about their bad side which is more than most adult authority figures can say. Twilight Moms, OTOH, know how it is to be a child and be the one with responsibility and, I would presume, would rather be a child and therefore Peeta would not appeal to them as they'd much rather be more like Bella and be protected rather than like the self-respecting Katniss who takes care of (and protects) others and acts more like a responsible adult than many adults do, that is to say the adults made an informed choice to embrace Twilight while the kids did not.

Meanwhile, the Hunger Games provides a good metaphor that kids today, but not many Twilight Moms, can relate to as explained here:
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/markdroberts/2012/03/26/why-is-the-hunger-games-so -popular-part-2/

I happen to like the Hunger Games a lot myself, but for my own reasons (and I don't crush on anyone in it).

THAT'S why many of the teen girls stopped crushing on Edward & Bella and easily switched to crushing on Peeta while the "Twilight Moms" did not. Because while teen girls could relate to both only now did they have the ability to make an informed choice (and Peeta was so much better) while the "Twilight Moms" made an informed choice from the start and many of the adults also can't relate to the intense competition and pressure that girls today tend to experience that helped them to connect to the characters in the HG.

posted October 19, 2012 08:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Aww You are so welcome. My pleasure and thanks for you kind words. They really lift me up

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