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Author Topic:   Single Dad's
C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 21, 2012 11:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Have any of you been involved with single dads? Just out of curiosity, how does that work out? It's not dating in the normal sense and i've read people talking about always having to play second to single dads because we'd assume their kids come first.... Is that true? Is it a hassle? Or is it a new kind of man that doesn't shy from responsibility like maybe those who don't?

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juniperb
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From: Blue Star Kachina
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posted October 21, 2012 11:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I haven`t but here to say, the kids should come first. Any woman who does not understand the responsibility and needs of his children don`t belong in the relationship.

Now their Mom is another issue. How his interaction with her reflects on the children is another story.

------------------
We dance around the ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and Knows
Robert Frost

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 21, 2012 01:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In contrast, i wonder how guys dating single mom's handle a similar situation... Whereas i think it would be typical of single mom's to try to find dad's for their kids and some might push a new dad on their kid, would a single man with a kid do the same when he's single and dating? I don't know if there would be a more loyal sex to their kin or to the relationship... I'd like to read a bit about this.

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hippichick
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Posts: 1881
From:
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posted October 21, 2012 07:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If an individual's children dont come first, either a man or a woman, they aren't worth dating.

Would you really want to date a man who put you above his kids?

One also has to consider age.

Mine are 20 and 24. Now I have put them second to, say hang out with the youngin and watch a movie, but I defend both of them to him to the death...he has alot of opinions about my child rearing abilities, coming from a 45 year old man who has never been married, never had any kids...and I dont care how much my kids mess up, they are always first to me emotionally.

Younger kids should always be first emotionally and physically~

t~

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hippichick
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posted October 21, 2012 07:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And any man or woman who dates to shop for a step parent for their kids is just scum...

That would be a huge red flag!

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 21, 2012 07:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hippichick:
And any man or woman who dates to shop for a step parent for their kids is just scum...

That would be a huge red flag!


Well, isn't that what their dating is pretty much supposed to be about? i.e. Jerry Maguire

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 21, 2012 07:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by hippichick:

Would you really want to date a man who put you above his kids?


Yes, i would.

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MoonWitch
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Posts: 1100
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 21, 2012 09:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MoonWitch     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When I was a single mother I dated a little bit. There was one guy I dated that I probably would have dated a little while longer if I hadn't had a kid. It never would have gone farther than that -- but I broke it off sooner because I didn't want him around my son.

Dating as a single parent doesn't mean you are "shopping for a new step parent". It's finding someone that is compatible with you, your **family**, and your life.

Frankly, I had higher standards when I was a single mom rather than when I was single and childless.

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T
Knowflake

Posts: 7258
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 21, 2012 09:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for T     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
People who have children and their world revolves around them, are very attractive to me. There are certain people who just light up when they talk about their kids and you can feel/see/hear the love they have for them. I love that. It's beautiful.

I'm not a parent, but I know that that kind of love and bond is something no partner could ever come close to knowing (even the other biological parent). It's a powerful, unique and deeply personal kind of love for each individual. So, I don't see how it could be a "hassle" or in competition with another adult's love or relationship. It's probably the purest kind of love out there.

I could not be into a man who put me before his child - who wanted to spend more time or pay more attention to me than his own kid. I'd find it very sad and unattractive. Nothing hotter than a spectacular dad (or mom).

Not judging you. Just giving my honest answer to the questions.

I'd break up with a guy if I noticed him more interested in me than his own kids, or neglecting them because of his interest in me. Yuck. Total dealbreaker.

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hippichick
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posted October 21, 2012 10:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OMG~

I dont even know why I went here...

T, and Moon...YAY!

There IS a reason alot of kids are really messed up...mostly it has to do with their parenting...sometimes their genetics....

If you would date a man who would put your before his kids...then...ahmmmm...(shakes head)

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PixieJane
Knowflake

Posts: 1128
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 21, 2012 10:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My dad quickly got a 19-year-old living with him during the divorce itself (I'm not even sure that's legal, mom's second legal representation did ask me a lot about it but then mom had sex with her first lawyer until he dropped her and her case so whatever) and I'd say he was more concerned about her than me...but more accurate to say he was concerned mostly with himself. They both tried to get me to live with him but that was so he could get out of paying child support which his new girl toy didn't want him to pay either.

But generally speaking, I think single dads are much more likely to care for their kids than single moms, because they often have to fight to get them (as well as feeling less social obligation to do so) which means they actually want them and they also don't have as much ability to turn children into a meal ticket as women do so selfish reasons for doing so are less likely (and I'll assume a man dating didn't get the kids just to have sex with one or more of them...). Granted, single dads with ulterior and purely selfish motives exist as well but I don't think that's the way to bet.

Nevertheless, fairy tales (and movies based on them such as Mirror, Mirror) provide a plethora of ideas of how to get rid of the children while the kind but stupid father who loves his kids is away.

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cappy1277
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From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted October 21, 2012 11:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy1277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ok...I know that this may seem ridiculous but someone has to be exceptional for me to date if they are a single dad. I am a single mother myself so I try to be extremely careful of who I choose to bring into my life.

The one thing I have noticed (and maybe it's a matter of location or whatever) the baby mama drama when it comes to single dad's. No woman in their right mind wants to put up with that. I bring up no drama with my own kids' father...he is free to date whomever and doesn't need my approval. (My kids are teenagers and adults, they can form their own opinions) But most women in this city are nuts when it comes to "baby daddies" and I rather not be in between anything. It is a strenuous screening process to make sure that there isn't any emotions left and that to me is exhausting. Now of course, that all depends on the age of the children. It's hard...it's a real catch 22 for me. Too young and I don't want to be a mother or mother figure to someone else's kids and too old and you run the risk of being judged. Kids have the ability to sway parents sometimes. So I would rather not.

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 22, 2012 01:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Great posts, guys!!! I totally love the viewpoints.

I think pixie is right when she says single dad's may care more for their kids than some single mom's... Mom's are almost expected to end up raising the kid and at some point, i think every woman is always aware that the possibility of needing to raise the kid by herself exists; not all of them are really given the option.

Personally, i'm not fond of kids. I hate them. They're loud and noisy and smell bad. So, if i met a single dad and he wanted to be with me and i with him, i feel that it'd be best for all of us for him to give the baby up for adoption or send it to it's mother.

I know myself and that'd be the only way it could work out. I'm great with kids so i'm aware that i can meet the requirements but, i'm selfish. At the end of the day, i'd like to be able to freely have sex whenever i want.

I wanna watch inappropriate movies in my spare time and probably masturbate.

I cannot do any of that if i'm having to schedule that into the programming of dora & diego.

I'm not saying i discriminate or think that there's anything wrong with being a single mom or a single dad. What i'm saying is that it's not for me and if i were to meet a guy and we clicked, those would be my conditions.

All other single mom's & dad's i think would be better off dating other single parents and make a househould like the one on 7th heaven.

Whenever i got my current dog, i felt lonely and bad for him because i couldn't play with him all the time but then that all changed once i found one and started taking him to the dog park.

I think a single parent could benefit from doing something similar. I meet dog owners there almost regularly!

7th Heaven

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cappy1277
Moderator

Posts: 1263
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted October 22, 2012 01:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy1277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by C1ND3R:

Personally, i'm not fond of kids. I hate them. They're loud and noisy and smell bad. So, if i met a single dad and he wanted to be with me and i with him, i feel that it'd be best for all of us for him to give the baby up for adoption or send it to it's mother.

wow...that's a whole new level of selfishness...lol. At least your honest.

no one really wants a 7th heaven kind of family. besides, that wasn't a blended family. they were the children they had with each other.

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YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake

Posts: 4102
From:
Registered: Oct 2011

posted October 22, 2012 09:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for YoursTrulyAlways     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by C1ND3R:

Personally, i'm not fond of kids. I hate them. They're loud and noisy and smell bad.

I don't know about single dads and I have no interest of ever being single and I don't know about single parent dating.

My interest is in protecting kids. Dogs are louder and smell worse. Yet I have five of them.

Kids never stopped us from having as much sex as we want, in whatever way we want. Dora and Diego can be dealt with via a multiroom DVR, iPads, multi LCDs etc.

I can help you that kids don't make you happy, but raising children makes me proud. It gives me accomplishment and achievement. If I could afford, I would adopt a dozen children.

If it comes down to some woman who wants me to give away my kids, and my kids, I would ditch that woman in a heartbeat. I don't have an issue with attracting other women.

Just appreciate if you could lay off the b1tch smacking of kids.

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juniperb
Moderator

Posts: 5256
From: Blue Star Kachina
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posted October 22, 2012 09:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Let us remember, everyone is entitled to an opinion. Regardless how difficult it may be to read .

As well, some threads are made to simply cause disruption.

A reminder to not let it evolve into personal attacks as reminders will be issued.

------------------
We dance around the ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and Knows
Robert Frost

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ghanima81
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Posts: 1009
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 22, 2012 09:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
T,

LOVE what you said there. So true!

I am a single mom. I am with a single dad that has custody of his kids. At first that seemed so great, that he was the responsible one and his ex gave them up to him due to her selfishness.

But.
RED FLAG.

HE was shopping around for a new mom. He'd never had to do any raising of them until they got divorced. He was in the service and overseas a lot and she was the stay at home mom. I have my own house, am obnoxiously responsible with money, am very clean and have high expectations of good behavior and healthy eating. I am now basically raising his kids as well as my own daughter and let me tell you, not cool.

His ex is a giant drama festival of lazy self absorption, but with a massive attitude towards me (again, she told the judge she resented her kids and didn't want them) when I am the one putting her kids to bed every night and getting them ready each day. I have put a roof over their heads, feed them and help them do their homework. She shows up every few days when she feels like it and picks apart everything we do for them kids. It's infuriating.

Mostly because it's like a different person than the one I fell in love with. I guess you can say I was "duped" by a man looking for a new mom. He was on his best behavior and made a lot of promises that are not being followed up on. I'm rather disenchanted on the whole thing to be honest.. But the kids... I feel the worst that it's making me resentful of them. NOT because he doesn't give me enough attention. I know I put my child first and ALWAYS will, so does he, but because he washes his hands of them the second I get home as if "my work is done, mom is here" and that's just unfair.

SIgh. Sorry to vent..

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hippichick
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Posts: 1881
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted October 22, 2012 10:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hippichick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
I don't know about single dads and I have no interest of ever being single and I don't know about single parent dating.

My interest is in protecting kids. Dogs are louder and smell worse. Yet I have five of them.

Kids never stopped us from having as much sex as we want, in whatever way we want. Dora and Diego can be dealt with via a multiroom DVR, iPads, multi LCDs etc.

I can help you that kids don't make you happy, but raising children makes me proud. It gives me accomplishment and achievement. If I could afford, I would adopt a dozen children.

If it comes down to some woman who wants me to give away my kids, and my kids, I would ditch that woman in a heartbeat. I don't have an issue with attracting other women.

Just appreciate if you could lay off the b1tch smacking of kids.


So eloquently said~It is folks like you who should have kids and there are alot who should not even come close to a child...And it is obvious you raise your dogs with as much love as your kids~

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 22, 2012 10:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by cappy1277:
wow...that's a whole new level of selfishness...lol. At least your honest.



I really believe that it's something not a very many people can appreciate. No one will ever be left standing around, wondering what i believe on any issue.

Some may think i'm probably joking when i'm really not. I'm just honest and probably blunt about it but if i had the energy to color my words in a fancy way for every single discussion, i'd be a frigging welcome mat.

quote:

"Ugh... How awful.. C1ND3R can't possibly be honest or be speaking from the heart when they type those things.... I just thought we had so much in common. We even study astrology, that's one of many common interests... I can't believe someone i have something in common with believes something and is opinionated about it in a way that is so radically different from what i think... If C1ND3R doesn't toe the line or agree, well, something has seriously gotta be wrong with her".

Well, news flash to some people..... Just about everything is right with me INCLUDING mars opposing mercury (because both have heavenly aspects from jupiter).

Why must i be a child-loving, stepmom? Why must i spend my money on dora and diego dvd's? Why can't i be honest and frank about not wanting any kids and about the fact that if i were in the situation, i'd ask him to give them up? I haven't gotten pregnant in over 23 years and that is one hell of a track record. I don't want to deal with the responsibilities of someone else that they might've just as well not even wanted to deal with.

I don't like kids. I don't want em and some of u feel your child-loving views should be imposed on me because....? Really? Well, i've just gotta be one VILE individual then, huh? I'd rather be honest about not wanting them around than getting involved, being a sh*t spouse and parent and taking out my resentment on the kids or the relationship for a responsibility i would not want.

Some people are so quick to cry "witch" when my stance is probably way more enlightened and full of thought than the knee jerk reaction most people have to want to be a "good" individual; It's all relative, ladies and gentlemen. Wake up and grow up.

A lot of people aren't even qualified to have children and lots have it despite their better interest and end up raising a gun-toting maniac that shoots up schools because their upbringing might've been sh*t. Why does that happen, u ask? Maybe it's because the parents were never given the option to simply say "I DON'T WANT TO" and if they did, heaven forbid.. They'd have to deal with the backlash from society for not going along with their point of view.

This is one of the many reasons as to why politicians lie.

That's all i'll say about it and continue on with the discussion because i think it's an interesting topic and am curious to hear about "mom/daddy" shopping.

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 22, 2012 10:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ghanima81:
T,

LOVE what you said there. So true!

I am a single mom. I am with a single dad that has custody of his kids. At first that seemed so great, that he was the responsible one and his ex gave them up to him due to her selfishness.

But.
RED FLAG.

HE was shopping around for a new mom. He'd never had to do any raising of them until they got divorced. He was in the service and overseas a lot and she was the stay at home mom. I have my own house, am obnoxiously responsible with money, am very clean and have high expectations of good behavior and healthy eating. I am now basically raising his kids as well as my own daughter and let me tell you, not cool.

His ex is a giant drama festival of lazy self absorption, but with a massive attitude towards me (again, she told the judge she resented her kids and didn't want them) when I am the one putting her kids to bed every night and getting them ready each day. I have put a roof over their heads, feed them and help them do their homework. She shows up every few days when she feels like it and picks apart everything we do for them kids. It's infuriating.

Mostly because it's like a different person than the one I fell in love with. I guess you can say I was "duped" by a man looking for a new mom. He was on his best behavior and made a lot of promises that are not being followed up on. I'm rather disenchanted on the whole thing to be honest.. But the kids... I feel the worst that it's making me resentful of them. NOT because he doesn't give me enough attention. I know I put my child first and ALWAYS will, so does he, but because he washes his hands of them the second I get home as if "my work is done, mom is here" and that's just unfair.

SIgh. Sorry to vent..


I don't think you should feel bad, one bit. The discussion is about this and your venting gives insight.

It kinda sucks that you're in that but this was what i was wondering about. Since it's usually a parents role to "provide" i considered that providing a competent parental figure to their kids is very much on par with feeding, clothing and shelter. It's basically what the fuel is behind the whole point to having children, isn't it? Men are attracted to women who can bear kids and their bodies usually show that. Hence, the attraction.

Pixie said that single dad's are probably more likely to care about their kids and i agreed. In your case, i'm not saying the dad doesn't care but, he did provide what he may have felt the kids needed at your expense, maybe?

Whether or not he made false promises, you showed a willingness to go along with it.. So, it begs the question as to whether you feel his loyalty lies with you or with the kids? It sounds as if he's not in the relationship but is ok with it being as it is and it is an added bonus that his kids also get taken care of.

i don't mean to pry or lead anyone on. I'm just tossing thoughts about and i believe you are the first person to state that it's something they're currently experiencing so your point of view is the one of the many ingredients in the pudding.

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ghanima81
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From: Maine
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posted October 22, 2012 11:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, herein lies a major problem for me. I'm too nice and care too much. I give too much, and am usually upset or surprised when it's taken for granted. Because YES, it absolutely is being taken for granted right now.

When we were dating before moving in together, (or rather, him moving into my house) I would see him a few times a week. I would go visit him and the kids, he took care of them and all their needs. I was not asked to do anything out of the ordinary, I was not asked to "babysit" or anything. I would sometimes offer to cook to give him a break. I would help put the kids to bed if I felt like it, and nothing was ever questioned or expected of me.

He was religiously cleaning his bathroom, it was so neat you could eat off the toilet. There was "kid clutter", but he always told me he was cleaning when I would ask what he was doing.

He was in the Navy and got out a year ago. Since then, he had a good job, which he was laid off from. He took a part time, very low paying job because his ex was in school and working and he had no options for child care (so he claims, also, he gets no support payment from the ex) so instead of going out and finding a better paying job and being able to afford daycare for the younger child, he has stayed in this crappy job so he works about 20 hours a week and is home with the younger child (who is in desperate need of socialization as she has NEVER been around other kids besides her brother,and now my daughter.)

I work full time. I am the primary care provider for my child (she is in daycare from 8-5)but she has dinner with her dad two nights a week and one weekend night she sleeps over. On my "nights off", I am cleaning my house, aka, cleaning up the mess he allows his child to make and does NOT clean, even though he is there all day, usually Monday through Thursday. I go home at lunch time to find her on the computer or watching tv and him playing games on his phone. He will fold their laundry, but he has NEVER made an attempt to clean the house. He is obsessed with "organizing the garage", which to me, is horsecrap as all the crap in the garage is HIS that he brought with him, and I neither use it nor need it.

I made my rules very clear before he moved in. I was NOT the new mom for the kids. I was NOT going to be responsible for child care when he was working, that was for him to deal with and work out with their mother. His parents used to help him out but once he moved in with me they outright refused to be of any assistance anymore and told him that's what "she's for".

I was made to feel bad for not wanting to be there and take care of the kids, even though that was part of the deal with me. Part of his deal was cleaning the bathroom. That was it. That was my BIG demand.

It hasn't been touched. He hasn't looked for a better job, he hasn't done ME any favors nor would I ask it of him. My daughter is MINE, with her father, and I don't expect that responsibility to fall on anyone but her father and I.

Maybe my expectations of a person to live up to their word was too high. Maybe I missed all the red flags that were there before he moved in because I wanted to live up to some ideal I had for myself.

I'm disappointed in myself and the situation. But it has to be remedied.

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 22, 2012 01:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^ wow!!!! I really commend the way you finished that off. I think it shows that you're at least looking at it for what it is now and not for what you might've hoped in the past. It takes courage, imo, because the last thing people usually wanna fess up to doing is disappointing or letting themselves down.

After your ex, did you pull back for a while and was this new person one that you met when you decided to start dating again? Or had you already healed from all of the other stuff beforehand? I wish i could hug you.

It's a learning experience.. Have you looked at his chart? I'm curious as to whether he has any aspect between moon and pluto.

At the offset, i think stepping into any role in a relationship is almost setting up the groundwork for it to be continued or carried on. I'm a big believer that we're responsible for how we want and demand to be treated based on the image that we present and once presented, there's a responsibility to keep up with it.

We'll never know if he would've ever asked you to do the things you did or if he would've kept up with it himself.

I grew up in a military envionment. I know a bit about how it is and how it is to be around g.i.'s... It wasn't the navy but it was the army.

Soldiers tend to be pretty set people so long as they have direction. Once they spend 6 months in basic trainig, they get used to following orders. It sounds like maybe he never had a plan for his life? He got used to orders from the navy and so was left without direction once he was released. It's VERY common.

And from what i've seen, the mothers taking care of everything is usually how it is in that environment.

I was around it from kuwait through the peak of the iraq war so it may be a bit different and maybe more extreme because the soldiers were all getting shipped out.

The women had to stay back and keep the household BUT, they'd almost get their entire check to provide for everything else, too.

It takes but a very slight shift in dynamics to set it right because you've been playing a part by tolerating and allowing it. Once you stop doing the things he has taken for granted that you feel are not yours to do, he'll see that something is different and might pick up the slack.

It's your responsibility to show him what is acceptable and what isn't and have some very defined but of course acceptable and comfortable ground rules.

The result of it all could be that he may not be interested in that kind of relationship... It's why i ask about his moon. If he expects women to just be the homemakers, maybe he'll be best off with a more traditional woman who had perhaps a very conservative upbringing.

It's up to you, is what i'm trying to say. You may feel powerless but you may have more of a role to play in it than he does. All you have to do is take hold of it if you want to... Be honest about it, though. Some people don't want to have such an active role in their relationships.

I don't belive that you shouldo stay in it for the kid. The good thing about kids is that they adapt. I do believe you have some sort of responsibility to them now because you went *there*. My suggestion is to look into how you could start creating a distance if you're thinking of leaving to create as little confusion in the kids as possible. It'll never be perfect or "right" but the effort you put into it will determine your feelings about it and how you'd feel about it later on while looking back.

I had a best friend who's father is a lieutenant and him and his wife have been together for YEARS! There is absolutely nothing traditionally feminine about her, though... She's about as texan as you could imagine and she doesn't ask for things or says that she needs to talk to the man whe she wants something. She really just digs in and states what she wants with absolutely no remorse about it. Imo, she shouldn't feel any. Nobody gets into a relationship with anybody to walk around eggshells or ask for permission for things.

If you want respect, show how it is that you need and want what you believe is respect. It is never a "do as i say" type of thing. Ever. I've met some really ineffective people because they don't show the people who are under their influence any respect.

Some want to lead but don't understand or respect the role of the submissive. The submissive (excuse the D/s terminology) is choosing to take orders but if they do not respect the person and the person does not validate their doing a good job, they have no reason to follow because it isn't fair. It'd be "leading" for the sake of ego that feeds only a very sh*t feelings of self.

People get involved because there's a willingness between the two to work together to get what each of the individuals want but if you're being left holding the basket, something may be slightly off.

It doesn't sound as if you feel he's only worth the pay that he's getting now but just as you feel undervalued, he feels the same because you accept his lifestyle, job and pay and he doesn't get the feeling that anything is wrong with it. He has no reason to change if you donm give it and reward him when he does.

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cappy1277
Moderator

Posts: 1263
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted October 22, 2012 01:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy1277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Opinions are like a***oles...everyone has one. But I think the main thing that people would have hard time reconciling is the statement of you wanting them to put the kid up for adoption, etc. Why should the child be punished and left without a parent because they want to take a stab at having a relationship with you? Making a permanent decision for a situation that may not be permanent. You are basically asking that he put the child before you (yeah I know you are selfish) but if you know that he is a single dad, it is a package deal. One that you accept or reject. I personally no matter how selfish I am, I would perceive that to be a SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAW on his behalf if he was to follow through with something like that if you were ever put into that situation. Kids aren't for everyone obviously...I know I am bias because I am a single mom but I know what the implications are with dating a single dad and I am not with it either. I just make the choice to not deal with them.

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C1ND3R
Knowflake

Posts: 1483
From: Dorsia
Registered: Aug 2012

posted October 22, 2012 01:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for C1ND3R     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by cappy1277:
[B][/B]

One more for the road.. Come on.

One more opinion.. Have you got one?

Opinions are one thing.

Judgement is another.

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cappy1277
Moderator

Posts: 1263
From: philadelphia,pa
Registered: Jul 2009

posted October 22, 2012 01:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cappy1277     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
lol..nope. Just added my opinion there. I am not judging- you're entitled to how you feel.

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