posted January 25, 2013 11:21 AM
I understand where you're coming from, not having all the brouhaha to attend to every holiday season would be umpteen times less stressful, having fewer relatives nosing about your business with your mate... that would also be *~*divine*~* .... in some ways... right? ^^;After all the times I've had my partner's families outright dismiss me on sight... for not living up to their expectations/standards... be it because I lacked the education therefore must be unqualified for their approval, the pedigree (because the slums are no place for their son to be seen hanging out, and a coal miner's granddaughter is not what they envision their possible future d-i-l having to discuss when their high society "friends" come to visit in late fall), the "physical presence" (because spending 3 hours at the salon everyday isn't a waste of time to some people, and wearing "juicy" across ones buttocks makes you so much more desirable), or the humble and censured grace that a "proper lady" should embody (after all you're their child's' new "arm candy" you're expected to match all his other trophies, you know, mouth shut, and sitting perfectly still, while looking like a deer caught in the headlights, bustin a nice wide, shiny smile whenever the men of the house gesture for you to do so)...
yes~ I've had pretty rotten luck with my partner's and their families. ^^;
On, the other hand, they've all gotten off easy in dealing with my relatives! lol My family has few expectations for a partner... although protective, that's due to my flippancy in youth, they're not the sort to pass shallow judgments or make mandatory obligations for my partner...
I guess overall it depends... I want to know how they treat their female role model, their mother figure, or whoever played the "nurturing parent" role to them as a child...
So, although it ends poorly more often than not, I still think it's best to have some connection to those relatives... of course, I can't be troubled to be physically present at every d@mn anniversary, birthday, reunion, holiday, wedding... idc... but, I would effort to make some regular appearance...
Generally though, I avoid their families like the plague... vice versa too I think. ^^
there's just too many opportunities for something to turn sour, either between the relative(s) and you, or getting dragged into a feud between your partner and whichever of his relatives/parents, or having them use whatever they see in your family against you down the road...
but,like hippiechick said, this is probably one of the best ways to really get to know how you measure up with your partner, (if the relationship is anything of a serious sort), to see where you might wind up in the future scheme of things if you continue on with that person...
So in the end, I really would rather know they have a similar relationship to their relatives to that which I have with my own...
Which for me is a mutual understanding that I'm the unreliable and willy-nilly sort of person, who may miss a birthday or baby's shower from time to time,and they'd still get it... they'd understand there's reasons for this... and, know that I'll make it up to them/their child next time around (the next holiday or event after usually). I don't want them to have a lot in common with my own family though... haha just in certain areas... being nonjudgmental, and welcoming would be nice.... benefit of the doubt that their son isn't with a complete lowlife cretin! haha XD
I'd hope to see they have relaxed views, weren't overly political or religious... because that is better for the "what if"-down the road view of things... when it is no longer just one of us meeting with the others family, but family meeting family... ugh - and we know how awful those can go, right? T___T
*longwindedpolonius* >.< sheesh~ x.X sorry