posted March 13, 2013 12:22 PM            

Other humans. Sometimes. For various reasons. Depends on my mood at the time and what I have a good grasp of that day. It could change the next day.

LOL.

posted March 13, 2013 02:06 PM            

HUMANS.

It encompasses the general populance, which is "who" I can have issues with, yet still recognizes our fragile and imperfect nature. We are only human, after all. With our flaws. Our differences. Disgusting and breathtaking, all at the same time.

I try daily to be more tolerant of us all, especially myself. Forgive yourself and your own imperfections first, and begin to see the beauty of others.

posted March 13, 2013 03:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
another is people who make fun of others who talk about the effects that their crappy family life had on them. Like 'Boo-hoo, you had ****** parents. So what, get over it now and be an adult and don't use it as an excuse for anything.'

Sorry, but most people who had crappy parents suffer from it and while they try not to wallow in it, it still effects them.

That's great that you had a good family life, but don't make fun of others or talk down to those who havent. Like they are just supposed to magically heal from it and be just like you. You, who grew up with a great support system and had everything handed to you and can't imagine how someone could have ill feelings towards the people who brought them into this world, no matter what they have done to you.

How dare you tell someone how to feel when you grew up with a cushy life with lots of love.

That's something that gets to me. A friend of mine was talking about someone else this way the other day and it started to irritate me because I wanted to tell her that parental relationships pretty much make a person or set them up for a lifetime of whatever. Just because she had it easy and can't understand that person, it's no reason to talk badly about them and pretty much make fun of the fact that they have expressed that their life is screwed up largely because of their parents. I know that person is working on it and themself. She's out of line thinking that they have no reason to feel the way they do and looking down on them and thinking they should just suck it up and grow up. It's not right and she is in no position to judge.

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posted March 13, 2013 04:35 PM            

In my observation people tend to share with those they think can understand...and many who were abused (especially badly) DON'T share (*). Also, it seems to me that most who don't sympathize with someone acting out or blaming their life on a crappy family is because they grew up and/or endured one themselves and they figure if they can shake it off then so can everyone else (so only minimal sympathy) whereas those who lived more sheltered and luckier lives find it hard to imagine what it's like or its effects and thus more prone to sympathize (**). Interesting enough, back when I was a runaway I met 2 kids who had fled extreme sexual abuse, one a boy and another a girl who had endured different types of aggressive sexual abuse and while I was gobsmacked by what they'd both endured they both shrugged off their own abuse for the most part (not to say they thought it was cakewalk, but been there, done that, they survived it, moving on) and they were also stunned at what the other survived even as they downplayed their own experiences.

(* How do I know? Runaways where many fleeing that which was worst than the streets wouldn't talk about what they fled from for the most part, PTSD group where plenty of individuals had a very hard time talking of it and shared not even their significant others knew anything of it, multiple women's self-defense group which always included backgrounds and/or incidents not wishing to be discussed, and a few individual relationships who hadn't taken a vow of silence but were extremely selective about who they shared with, preferring those they believed would understand.)

posted March 13, 2013 05:48 PM            

This topic is more difficult for me to address than I originally thought. It's just too hard to generalize. Some people can complain about a hangnail or spilled milk, crying over it, and it won't bother me. Others can complain about the death of a loved one, and it will bother me. It's all a matter of details, my history with that person, whether or not they have an agenda...all kinds of factors. Sympathy is a personal thing, I guess.

When my mother died when I was 14, I never talked about it to anyone. I didn't mention to any of my friends that she was dying; I never mentioned her afterwards because I didn't want to impose on them, like, "Ok! Time to cough up the sympathy!"

So I have always been astonished when I encounter others who would use their early tragedies to get attention and manipulate people. Seriously, one friend of a friend used to say stuff like, "You think YOU have it BAD? Well I lost my MOTHER, so there!"

And I know people who do the same sort of thing about all kinds of issues.

posted March 13, 2013 06:38 PM            

I remember my sister's boyfriend visiting here, and she expected me to immediately feel at home with him. That just wasn't going to happen - especially what with his behaviour around me. She responds almost exactly the same way I did to his being here, when others are here - she makes sure she's out of the way when we have a visitor that isn't family (and sometimes when they are family) - but with her guy, I was supposed to be JUST fine. That gets on my nerves.

posted March 13, 2013 07:03 PM            

Faith, i caught your original post and wanted to give a thumbsup. Thumbsup to your latest one too.

I liked much of what Pixie said too.

Like teasel I often find it hard to not empathize with something everyone says. Not just in this thread, but in general. It's easy to understand many different views, especially when you have a lot of background on the person or understand where they might be coming from. I think many of the points brought up are something we all feel or go thru from time to time and at different times, lean more in one direction or another, depending on what we are dealing with ourselves at the time. Which colors everything.

Goes back to ghani's post pointing out that no matter what one's been through we are all human and becoming more tolerant and forgiving can't hurt anyone. One person could endure something quite harsh, to them and the next guy might not think it's harsh at all. Besides going through hard times, which every human being does, we are all equipped to deal with things differently. One guy might deal with what another has gone through, not as well. Besides suffering different hardships, we all deal with them quite differently and it's better not to judge, because ususally you don't have the whole picture or know everything else that has gone in a person's life that could also compound a seemingly small trauma or hardship..

posted March 13, 2013 07:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
Faith, i caught your original post and wanted to give a thumbsup. Thumbsup to your latest one too.

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I couldn't think of what to say! It seemed like such a simple topic, at first...

But thanks, glad it/they made sense.

quote:

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Besides suffering different hardships, we all deal with them quite differently and it's better not to judge, because ususally you don't have the whole picture or know everything else that has gone in a person's life that could also compound a seemingly small trauma or hardship..

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Right. What's easy for me may be hard for the next person. I know other people sometimes are exasperated that I can't do certain things...I just say, "Ever realize how no one's perfect? So here you are seeing my imperfection. If I could push a button and make it go away, I would...honest!"

posted March 26, 2013 06:25 AM            

Another one is pretty sad, not so much maddening as it would usually seem to most, if they didn't look deeper that is. An example I have for this is my long-time friend's sister who'd like people to think of her as quite feeling and sensitive but behind their backs she trash talks them and some she wishes cancer on, etc. But this side of her nature she hides completely, since it's important to her to come off as very understanding so she's not willing to be honest in how she represents herself. She seems so lost and lonely inside, so she needs the attention/interaction of the people around her to feel like an actual.. human being? Which of course she is, and needing interaction is normal, but it's strange how it comes out...it's as if she's trying to learn how to be a feeling person, towards others, but she doesn't realize how she's hurting people in the process. It's hard to berate her *real* condition so that's why I call it sad. But it's worse to see that the self she's representing to other people is a fabrication.

posted March 26, 2013 06:27 AM            

As if life always plays according to plan and people are robots who should conform to script?

I have an example for this as a section of my family chose to move off to live maybe 30 minutes further out than the rest of us, and I'd say they caught hell for it from 90% of those left behind for at least the next 5 good years. Boggles the mind? Who cares that you have to do a bit of traveling, extra work, to make it work?

My cousin divorced her husband and they kept their house, the kids stayed in that house, and the parents each had new places, in the beginning both apartments since that's all they could afford. And I thought what a smart solution, since it gives the kids a chance to stay in one place instead of having to continually go back and forth between the two. When I heard that they came up with that arrangement I thought 'that's really doing something to help these kids out.' Of course they don't have animosity toward each other, you can see it in how respectful they are, frankly I think they were just happy to be on their own. The marriage just didn't work. And likewise the city that my aunt/uncle/cousins lived in, just didn't work for them.