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Author
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Topic: why do people say some of the things they do?
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 6299
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 21, 2013 09:53 PM
  
so i was at work tonight and i overheard some of the female students talking . one of the girls was lamenting her single status and her friend told her "relationships arent all they are cracked up to be,you dont need a boyfriend" then this same girl started talking about her boyfriend.IDK why but stuff like this kind of ticks me off, people have told me similar things. its like if sex and relationships arent important why does everyone want/or have a partner and have a regular sex life and lose their cool if they dont? why do the same people who are in relationships talk down
to single people who want the same thing and imply they are insecure? wouldnt that make these people hypocrites? if they are soo strong and independent and dont need a partner why do they even have one? I personally think people need to put their money where their mouth is. anyways thats my rant for the night.lolIP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 1408
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
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posted March 21, 2013 10:06 PM
AG - 1) She was probably trying to make her friend feel better, like reversed sour grapes. 2) Intimate relationships can be wonderful, but they can also be truly terrible.
If someone's not in the right headspace or if you're not with the right person, it's better to not be in one. ------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 6299
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 21, 2013 10:20 PM
all i know is my bs detector starts blaring when i hear people say stuff like that. just a few nights ago my friend finally got to be "intimate" with a girl he has crushed on and obsessed over since freshman year of high school. I congratulated him and told him he was a lucky son of a gun and told him i have been mightily frustrated in that area and he told me "sex isnt all that important". soo says the man who had just had it himself. I would find those words compelling if they were spoken by someone who had been celibate for an extended period of time , but by a guy who had just done the deed? not soo much.IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 1363
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted March 21, 2013 10:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
all i know is my bs detector starts blaring when i hear people say stuff like that. just a few nights ago my friend finally got to be "intimate" with a girl he has crushed on and obsessed over since freshman year of high school. I congratulated him and told him he was a lucky son of a gun and told him i have been mightily frustrated in that area and he told me "sex isnt all that important". soo says the man who had just had it himself. I would find those words compelling if they were spoken by someone who had been celibate for an extended period of time , but by a guy who had just done the deed? not soo much.
I shall spare you the stories AG, however it always struck me as curious as why men would say "I got lucky"? Not to be crude, could be women enjoy sex as well and simply chose to have it with your friend? My goodness there are 6 billion people on the planet, is that 3 billion men who won the lottery over the years? Could be, he "got" what he wanted and it wasn't what he wanted after all which is why he said what he said. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 6299
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 21, 2013 10:46 PM
dp.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 6299
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 21, 2013 10:47 PM
its an expression padre. btw it wasnt just the fact he had sex, it was the fact he had it with his first love, not everybody experiences that. and it wasnt that he didnt enjoy it either, he was grinning from ear to ear as he told me how great it was, only to contradict himself later. I tend to have very black and white thinking, its either this way or its that way. I personally wish people would make up their minds.IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 1867
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted March 21, 2013 10:47 PM
No, to be hypocrisy she'd have to say "you SHOULD NOT have a boyfriend" as opposed to "you don't need a boyfriend." Just because you don't need one doesn't mean you can't have one. You don't NEED pizza, either, but that doesn't mean you're not free to indulge.And it's good to keep them in perspective. Too many people treat relationships like they're air which results in them treating it like a race which result in so many crashing & burning rather than finding the right person. What annoys me is when someone single treats people in relationships as suckers or those in relationships treating those single as losers. Oh, and I'd consider what someone who had sex saying "it's not what it's cracked up to be" to be more credible than someone celibate. Just like I'd believe the person who said "those grapes are sour" who actually had some rather than someone who never even tried the grapes saying how sour they are. (Granted, a person obsessed with sex saying "it's not a big deal" is discordant, but that's different.) IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 6299
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted March 21, 2013 10:50 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by PixieJane:
No, to be hypocrisy she'd have to say "you SHOULD NOT have a boyfriend" as opposed to "you don't need a boyfriend." Just because you don't need one doesn't mean you can't have one. You don't NEED pizza, either, but that doesn't mean you're not free to indulge.And it's good to keep them in perspective. Too many people treat relationships like they're air which results in them treating it like a race which result in so many crashing & burning rather than finding the right person. What annoys me is when someone single treats people in relationships as suckers or those in relationships treating those single as losers. Oh, and I'd consider what someone who had sex saying "it's not what it's cracked up to be" to be more credible than someone celibate. Just like I'd believe the person who said "those grapes are sour" who actually had some rather than someone who never even tried the grapes saying how sour they are. (Granted, a person obsessed with sex saying "it's not a
big deal" is discordant, but that's different.)[/
QUOTE]
well thats my point , my friend is the type who is obsessed with sex. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 1363
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted March 21, 2013 10:55 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
its an expression padre. btw it wasnt just the fact he had sex, it was the fact he had it with his first love, not everybody experiences that. and it wasnt that he didnt enjoy it either, he was grinning from ear to ear as he told me how great it was, only to contradict himself later. I tend to have very black and white thinking, its either this way or its that way. I personally wish people would make up their minds.
Or, he was young guy recounting an exploit and telling you what he had done (and perhaps what he thought you wanted to hear). Keep in mind, as you mentioned he had desired this girl since he was what..13? Think people change over time with maturity? Pixie Jane is quite right, a real relationship involves both people coming into it with things that make them well.."them"..not the relationship itself making either one "them"
IP: Logged |
Pisces-Sweety
Knowflake Posts: 541
From: Under the Sea
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted March 22, 2013 05:19 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
so i was at work tonight and i overheard some of the female students talking . one of the girls was lamenting her single status and her friend told her "relationships arent all they are cracked up to be,you dont need a boyfriend" then this same girl started talking about her boyfriend.IDK why but stuff like this kind of ticks me off, people have told me similar things. its like if sex and relationships arent important why does everyone want/or have a partner and have a regular sex life and lose their cool if they dont? why do the same people who are in relationships talk down
to single people who want the same thing and imply they are insecure? wouldnt that make these people hypocrites? if they are soo strong and independent and dont need a partner why do they even have one? I personally think people need to put their money where their mouth is. anyways thats my rant for the night.lol
I think when people give advice like this, it makes them come off as hypocrites. Almost everyone needs someone. No one wants to end up alone. She was probably trying to make her friend feel better.
IP: Logged |
ghanima81
Moderator Posts: 1108
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 22, 2013 09:16 AM
In scenario #1, she was most likely just saying it to make her friend feel better. Yes, it's seemingly hypocritical. But it was most likely spoken with good intention. Scenario #2, I have no idea why your friend said that. Could be the same idea, he realized he could have hurt your feelings or something knowing your troubles, so he back pedaled it by saying it wasn't a big deal. I think this happens a lot. People say things that aren't entirely truthful just to spare others' feelings or lift others up. Also the reverse of this is true. But in a lot of cases, with decent humans that is, it's harmless. IP: Logged |
somethingexcellent
Knowflake Posts: 730
From: walking with my head in the clouds!
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted March 22, 2013 12:55 PM
quote:
aquaguy91: "sex isnt all that important". soo says the man who had just had it himself. I would find those words compelling if they were spoken by someone who had been celibate for an extended period of time , but by a guy who had just done the deed? not soo much.
It's not automatically ******** if someone says that while have done the act in question. What if someone celibate said that celibacy wasn't important? The point is it's different for everyone and in general, it sounds the people saying these things are trying to comfort the person. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 1757
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted March 23, 2013 09:16 PM
quote:
why does everyone want/or have a partner and have a regular sex life and lose their cool if they don't?
According to the things you say about "everyone" - I don't even exist. Maybe I'm an alien.. O_O I don't want or have "a" partner (like some random "partner", for the sake of having one). I don't have a regular sex life and I don't lose my cool for that reason. *shrug* IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 1757
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted March 23, 2013 09:17 PM
quote:
Not to be crude, could be women enjoy sex as well and simply chose to have it with your friend?
Good point - Padre! 80% of the time you say open minded things.. things I agree with.
Then you go and say something that shi*ts me, as per the 'which signs think of beauty thread'. Never mind.
*sigh* IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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