posted March 24, 2013 06:23 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:
when your relationships aren't harmonized?

What causes someone to need romance in their life so much? Like, so much of my happiness is dependent on romantic attention.

---

posted March 24, 2013 06:47 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:
when your relationships aren't harmonized?

What causes someone to need romance in their life so much? Like, so much of my happiness is dependent on romantic attention.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
May I ask your age please?

---

posted March 24, 2013 07:35 PM            

If you had a normal childhood then you likely recall how both eager yet scared girls were to enter the dating scene, and would try to push each other to go first and then tell all about it (MAJOR attention!) so they could feel less scared about going in next. Teen girls (and older women who don't gain maturity) typically spend more time talking ABOUT their boyfriends than TO their boyfriends (kinda like how most guys seem to talk a lot more ABOUT sports than playing them). Of course balancing the positive with negative attention is tricky for girls, though not everyone cares if the attention is negative (but I'm gonna guess in your case you do care). As a result this leads many to assume that there's something wrong with a girl without a boyfriend (even worse if boys WANT to be with her, being considered "too hard" can be as harsh as being "too easy") which is often mixed in with body issues.

Body issues is another point of attention and drama. Females are trained from early childhood to view this all important (especially in the last couple of decades as the fashion industry kept aiming at younger & younger ages, especially girls, just as they also aimed themselves at men and thus creating the metrosexual, and I believe the sharp rise in eating disorders for males). And while beauty doesn't guarantee popularity it does tend to limit just how low you can go in social status (and thus the amount and kind of attention you get). Thing is, even women (not just men) tend to judge other women by their looks more than by their accomplishments or other traits.

And since males tend to go for beauty then a sign of not being with a man is a sign that she's not beautiful. Even worse, some girls will compete for guys, even going after a guy just so a girl she doesn't like doesn't get him, and if she's like most mean girls who do this then she'll do it by appearance "proving" herself more worthy of attention (and of male attention and the resources & opportunities he can bring to bear). And thus many girls feel like losers against winners when they don't have a guy, especially as they tend to be conditioned from early childhood that their primary purpose is to get a man (for example, one of the first movies I recall seeing was The Little Mermaid which is all about an underage girl who puts herself at extreme risk and leaves her loving family forever just to be with a guy she's never even met, and of course no Barbie is complete without her Ken accessories, and while boys play war games girls tend to play "house").

posted March 24, 2013 07:56 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
People get afflicted with this for various reasons. I would GUESS that in your case it's all about the attention.

If you had a normal childhood then you likely recall how both eager yet scared girls were to enter the dating scene, and would try to push each other to go first and then tell all about it so they could feel less scared about going in next. Teen girls (and older women who don't gain maturity) typically spend more time talking ABOUT their boyfriends than TO their boyfriends (kinda like how most guys seem to talk a lot more ABOUT sports than playing them). Of course balancing the positive with negative attention is tricky for girls, though not everyone cares if the attention is negative (but I'm gonna guess in your case you do care). As a result this leads many to assume that there's something wrong with a girl without a boyfriend (even worse if boys WANT to be with her, being considered "too hard" can be as harsh as being "too easy") which is often mixed in with body issues.

Body issues is another point of attention and drama. Females are trained from early childhood to view this all important (especially in the last couple of decades as the fashion industry kept aiming at younger & younger ages, especially girls, just as they also aimed themselves at men and thus creating the metrosexual, and I believe the sharp rise in eating disorders for males). And while beauty doesn't guarantee popularity it does tend to limit just how low you can go in social status (and thus the amount and kind of attention you get). Thing is, even women (not just men) tend to judge other women by their looks more than by their accomplishments or other traits.

And since males tend to go for beauty then a sign of not being with a man is a sign that she's not beautiful. Even worse, some girls will compete for guys, even going after a guy just so a girl she doesn't like doesn't get him, and if she's like most mean girls who do this then she'll do it by appearance "proving" herself more worthy of attention (and of male attention and the resources & opportunities he can bring to bear). And thus many girls feel like losers against winners when they don't have a guy, especially as they tend to be conditioned from early childhood that their primary purpose is to get a man (for example, one of the first movies I recall seeing was The Little Mermaid which is all about an underage girl who puts herself at extreme risk and leaves her family forever just to be with a guy she's never even met, and of course no Barbie is complete without her Ken accessories, and while boys play war games girls tend to play "house").

You love attention so much that my guess is that one or both of these common reasons is why relationships are like air to you. But see also love addiction (there are support groups for this, btw).

---

I have body issues but, like, I also don't desire to look super hot. I'd rather be healthy and just average weight. I like my face and I don't even have to wear makeup! Right now I feel totally bad about myself, though, and feel like I want to starve myself. :/ So maybe I'm wrong about myself.

I definitely have felt like girls were out to get me and destroy my relationships with guys. This one girl in particular seems very possessive over the guy I currently like a lot. I would think she'd be more intimate around him in front of me and it hurt me a lot. I also think that she is able to get away with being intimate and I'm not. I don't think she even likes him that much, I think she just wants something to call hers... :'( There's something just plain wrong with the guy, too, but yeah, I'm addicted to attention. I used to think I have a love addiction. I probably do and I am very codependent.

posted March 24, 2013 08:56 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:
I have body issues but, like, I also don't desire to look super hot. I'd rather be healthy and just average weight. I like my face and I don't even have to wear makeup! Right now I feel totally bad about myself, though, and feel like I want to starve myself. :/ So maybe I'm wrong about myself.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:
I definitely have felt like girls were out to get me and destroy my relationships with guys. This one girl in particular seems very possessive over the guy I currently like a lot. I would think she'd be more intimate around him in front of me and it hurt me a lot. I also think that she is able to get away with being intimate and I'm not. I don't think she even likes him that much, I think she just wants something to call hers... :'( There's something just plain wrong with the guy, too, but yeah, I'm addicted to attention. I used to think I have a love addiction. I probably do and I am very codependent.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:

I feel like this guy makes me feel loved sometimes, but me being imaginative also adds to that. He's never going to commit to me but it's important for me to continue being "friends" with him. I want to make him happy but I also love the attention I get because it makes me happy for awhile. But I needed some attention the other day and got sensitive about it and ruined our conversation. It was actually scary for me being put in the situation of being deprived positive attention. And I also fear that he's not going to talk to me again because I know he ignores me sometimes. Like, even though I get a lot more than he does (I think) I really want to be given that chance to make him happy and feel loved.

---

posted March 24, 2013 09:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:
I have body issues but, like, I also don't desire to look super hot. I'd rather be healthy and just average weight. I like my face and I don't even have to wear makeup! Right now I feel totally bad about myself, though, and feel like I want to starve myself. :/ So maybe I'm wrong about myself.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Be yourself;
be happy with yourself.
I wasted decades trying to be what others wanted.
Settling for someone you have to go out of your way to please or get them pay attention to you is a waste of time.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:
I definitely have felt like girls were out to get me and destroy my relationships with guys. This one girl in particular seems very possessive over the guy I currently like a lot. I would think she'd be more intimate around him in front of me and it hurt me a lot. I also think that she is able to get away with being intimate and I'm not. I don't think she even likes him that much, I think she just wants something to call hers... :'( There's something just plain wrong with the guy, too, but yeah, I'm addicted to attention. I used to think I have a love addiction. I probably do and I am very codependent.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
A person cannot "steal" another from another;
the one being "taken" must be willing to be taken, and was not really serious about you.
Let the other girl(s) have him.
Also you say there is something wrong with the guy too;
so listen to your instincts and find a guy who is better for you.
You are also very young.
What is the rush to have a guy commit to you?
I made that mistake at about your age and it led to almost 2 decades of being his doormat.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:

I feel like this guy makes me feel loved sometimes, but me being imaginative also adds to that. He's never going to commit to me but it's important for me to continue being "friends" with him. I want to make him happy but I also love the attention I get because it makes me happy for awhile. But I needed some attention the other day and got sensitive about it and ruined our conversation. It was actually scary for me being put in the situation of being deprived positive attention. And I also fear that he's not going to talk to me again because I know he ignores me sometimes. Like, even though I get a lot more than he does (I think) I really want to be given that chance to make him happy and feel loved.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
I hate to be blunt but;
everything you have said indicates that he does not feel as you do;
and you are letting your fantasy version of him lead you;
and you sound like you are way too willing to do all you can do,
at sacrifices too great of yourself and time;
to make this fellow want you.
I do not know what else to say but hope you will try to date others and try not to be so impatient and desperate that you would settle for a situation that you will most likely regret sooner or later.
Good luck to you.

PS.
Being without romance is better than being with the wrong person.
I learned that the hard way, and it took more than one mistake.
I do not want you to live with deep regrets like I do at nearly 3x your age.

---

Thank you!

posted March 24, 2013 10:37 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by swampys:
Thank you!

I just really crave the familiarity, too, so I get stuck.

---

posted March 25, 2013 03:32 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
Love yourself first, and others will love you after.

---

posted March 25, 2013 03:55 PM            

Those who love you will love you regardless of what transpires. Those who don't love you for who you are just don't love you, period, and aren't worthy of your time.