posted April 23, 2013 04:08 PM            

I think I have internet anxiety. In real life, I can tell by people's behaviour and facial expressions what to say and I don't get too nervous. But then online where everyone takes everything so badly easily, I'm often scared to even reply. I don't want to stir anything up or hurt people because of something I've said.

I'll type a message and read it a couple of times to make sure it's appropriate... and then save it somewhere, thinking I can do it tomorrow. It's not so bad here, but it's still there. There will be topics I want to reply to but once I'm ready, it's already days late or it feels like I'm butting in.

I know it helps to just not care and go on with it. But there's this huge block and I find it so hard to get past it. *sigh* Let's say I've ran into a bunch of toxic internet communities/boards in the last few years. It's hurt my confidence a lot and especially about the way I write. I just freeze up when there's quick back-and-forth messages, though I'd really want to do it.

I think I'm scared that a nice debate turns into a major argument and fallout. Some of them kept up the constant jabs at me and happily picked things up when we ran into each other on another board about the same fandom. There was some stuff involved that bordered on bullying and stalking, yes.

I know, it's only the damn internet, I don't even know these people personally, but the constant badmouthing is just hard to forget. I've had people constantly judge and mock me for writing long posts and even now I'm scared it will happen again. Most of all, that nobody will talk to me just because of my posts. But it's my style of writing. I've tried, trust me. I just wonder how much what I write sucks too, if they're already this turned off by the layout. I literally get shaky hands over posting a long, thoughtful reply to someone here because I feel like I'm getting too personal as a newer member.

I do get more confidence once I'm comfortable. I become more playful and all. I have to get over the anxiety first, but how? It isn't as simple as "find something you have in common", actually, it happens especially when I seek something out about a hobby, TV show, band, etc.

posted April 23, 2013 05:36 PM            

I'm one of those people who bottles everything up until I get sick of it and blow up. I do speak up when someone makes this nasty remark, but it feels like it isn't taken seriously. It sucks.

posted April 23, 2013 06:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
Hi everyone. This is going to sound so silly. I was wondering if anyone else has ever had the same problems?

I think I have internet anxiety. In real life, I can tell by people's behaviour and facial expressions what to say and I don't get too nervous. But then online where everyone takes everything so badly easily, I'm often scared to even reply. I don't want to stir anything up or hurt people because of something I've said.

I'll type a message and read it a couple of times to make sure it's appropriate... and then save it somewhere, thinking I can do it tomorrow. It's not so bad here, but it's still there. There will be topics I want to reply to but once I'm ready, it's already days late or it feels like I'm butting in.

I know it helps to just not care and go on with it. But there's this huge block and I find it so hard to get past it. *sigh* Let's say I've ran into a bunch of toxic internet communities/boards in the last few years. It's hurt my confidence a lot and especially about the way I write. I just freeze up when there's quick back-and-forth messages, though I'd really want to do it.

I think I'm scared that a nice debate turns into a major argument and fallout. Some of them kept up the constant jabs at me and happily picked things up when we ran into each other on another board about the same fandom. There was some stuff involved that bordered on bullying and stalking, yes.

I know, it's only the damn internet, I don't even know these people personally, but the constant badmouthing is just hard to forget. I've had people constantly judge and mock me for writing long posts and even now I'm scared it will happen again. Most of all, that nobody will talk to me just because of my posts. But it's my style of writing. I've tried, trust me. I just wonder how much what I write sucks too, if they're already this turned off by the layout. I literally get shaky hands over posting a long, thoughtful reply to someone here because I feel like I'm getting too personal as a newer member.

I do get more confidence once I'm comfortable. I become more playful and all. I have to get over the anxiety first, but how? It isn't as simple as "find something you have in common", actually, it happens especially when I seek something out about a hobby, TV show, band, etc.

Advice? Anyone else going through this? Please share, I'd love to hear it.

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posted April 23, 2013 06:45 PM            

It's true, it takes a while to get to know people. Sometimes you get all caught up with feeling on the outside looking in, though. Even more when you've been part of something for over a year.

posted April 23, 2013 07:17 PM            

You wrote this, and I want you to know that it is a reallygreat post to me... I like the way you expressed yourself.... You wrote about your internet experiences and I've seen those things too, in other places in the internet...

Sometimes I have felt the kind of concerns you have.... I know what you mean about missing the 'tones' of voice and facial cues... (I'm still learning how to incorporate emoticons.)

It's a challenge to communicate through typing... comes down to the old-fashioned craft of "writing"... a craft I have to work on and hon!! )

But, I find LL to be one of the best places to settle in, and be real... if you're trying to connect, "be" who you are... It takes a lot of time (for me) to 'learn' the character of each poster... Some have a really dry sense of humor, and it's easy to "mistake" what they say as being 'for real'... It has to be hard for the oldtimers here to know that the newbies are present and need more clues.... but after a while, i'm starting to get the hang of it.

Again, TIME, love, and support..... is what helps us to survive.

So glad to see that you wrote! (I have some problems keeping a 'steady' presence here, but I participate as I am able to. I care a lot about the people here, and even "dream" about it at night! How about that!! )

posted April 24, 2013 12:01 AM            

I think I'm lucky that my chart is mostly air & fire (and pretty balanced between them and put through the test), that gives me a level of detachment, independence & good friends (when you depend on others less for your survival then verbal arrows tend not to hurt so much, at least that's true of me), and self-confidence that I think many lack on the net.

Perhaps ironically, what tends to get me upset, even angry, is being "misread" than being flamed. Tell me to crawl back into the gutter and I'll probably shrug it off, but take my statement about an issue that's not a personal attack in any way, or even take a compliment I made, and act as if I'd just declared war on you and I get tempted to show just what I could be like if I ever did decide to become hostile. When I was younger I considered it absurd insecurity, though as I've gotten older I realize now that many who get that insecure typically have a real life history of constant abuse (even if it was "just verbal") and so are hyper-sensitive to any possible attacks and I take that into account now. In short I'm no longer a "rich person in a fur coat wondering why the poor person without one is shivering."

And I am aware of the incredible number of trolls and Jerry Springerish "flame warriors" there are on the net because the so-called ITG, or Internet Tough Guys, know they won't get punched in the nose for it as they would real life so let their inner-ugliness show. But I tend to hold them more in dismissive contempt (like some pathetic loud drunk), they're like little kids to me who don't deserve to be with the grown ups, and I also tend to try to find the funny side of it. And speaking of which...Internet Tough Guy magazine (as it "caters to ITG"--in a mocking way--the language is a bit harsh):
http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/images/tough-guy-magazine.jpg

posted April 24, 2013 02:48 PM            

Haha, it's like you have to keep doing it until you really find your voice through writing. It's an art of its own! Being able to re-read your post and edit is a wonderful thing, but it's easy to become too worried over it. In the end, you mean well and you hope people see that.

It does take a while to get a good feel of every poster online. The feedback is important. You can't always tell if it was you or maybe because they'd just had a rough day.

Hmm. You can be steady in that you keep coming back?

I bet those are nice dreams!

@Librascsagsun: Thank you, I do feel very welcome here. <3

@Kerosene: I don't always get it either... Maybe it's that it comes into your house? It can pop up anywhere.

@PixieJane: That's a good way to get to take a step back from those posts. I should try that myself sometime.

The intentions... I guess that's part of the deal with text. Your posts are always so thought-out, that must give you a bit of a pause when someone takes it as an offense. Or that you're trying to hurt them on purpose. When someone is that anxious, they probably can't think straight anymore.

The insecurity does work both ways. Glad you can detach yourself easily from that kind of thing. Good point on the friends thing. Maybe the ones who are the quickest to get into arguments online are also the most lonely. It helps to talk things through in real life.

That magazine is genius! Didn't sound that harsh to me... Seen all of that pass by online. Stuff that really bothers me is when someone asks others to tone down the jokes because it's about a subject that's sensitive to them, and then they get put down for not being fun. Thinking of them as immature (if that was what you meant), I like that. Good idea. The trolls and "tough guys" are easy enough to ignore (or report).

posted April 24, 2013 05:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by libraschoice77:
Your writing style is just fine, I think you convey yourself very well actually.

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I second this. You write exceptionally well.

And you can always fall back on astrology when the going gets rough Like, "Oh, you didn't like my comment? Your Venus square my Mercury maybe??"

Also I just leave the forum for a few days at a time, especially if things have been intense here. If I'm baking cookies and can't stop mulling over a conversation gone wacky, I'm not being present, my brain is just going on inertia. A "media fast" for a while is my best medicine.

Best wishes

posted April 25, 2013 01:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
@Mirage29: Thanks for your support. I was hoping some of you could share some experiences, yes. English is not my native language, it means a lot to me that it came across.

Haha, it's like you have to keep doing it until you really find your voice through writing. It's an art of its own! Being able to re-read your post and edit is a wonderful thing, but it's easy to become too worried over it. In the end, you mean well and you hope people see that.

It does take a while to get a good feel of every poster online. The feedback is important. You can't always tell if it was you or maybe because they'd just had a rough day.

Hmm. You can be steady in that you keep coming back?

I bet those are nice dreams!

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Just want to {{{hug}}} you right now for being so understanding.....!

I get really bad days here where I live in this apartment.... The amount of harsh unnecessary noise pollution can be almost unbearable. I have to step back and go find a place to protect my nervous system from all the sharp jags and terrible vibrations. The walls between apartments act like a giant kazzoo, pictures on my walls can chatter. It's like a "punishment" I must endure to post online.... and I want to sooooo much!

So yeah, trying to stay healthy and reaching out through this social media is tough... and I bawl my eyes out at how unfair this is to me to be 'alive' in this bad environment, but my passions to make meaningful communications with people I meet here can override the unhealthy surrounds.

I'm going to TRY to post around today on LL. This is my first one today. I want to "catch up."

I want to soooooo deeply apologize, but there are some things than can't be helped sometimes..... That's were we truly get to know 'character' and beauty of the person.

(Ah! You don't hear that, but suddenly the level of noise just dipped. What a relief. It's just for "right now", and I know it will be back in a few minutes... I get so upset emotionally because I know I could do SO MUCH if these obstacles were removed.....

My resources are extremely limited; I have capabilities, but it's like being a "benchwarmer" in sports. Like being on the team, but never getting the opportunity. And if the season goes too long, you get doubts over whether or not you can be competent enough to play the game....

Another problem I have that is DEEPLY limiting is that I don't want to "bother" people, and if I did, I wouldn't know "how" to properly ask for what I need. I just endure in toughened silence because I know that many people don't have the consciousness to "understand" things if it's not happening to themselves.... I feel I cannot explain, so I have to absorb it, and press through as HARD as I can.

I DO with ALL my heart want to break out of these circumstances. It's like a moment I can peek out to you and speak right now. It breaks my heart not to have the chances that other people seem 'more worthy' than me to have.

Thankyou for your 'presence' to messieri, and to everyone reading... I love my experience with you all more than you could ever ever know....

posted April 25, 2013 02:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Sometimes if I think I'm getting bawled out I'll do a mental exercise of imagining the post in a different tone of voice, perhaps with a wink thrown in, and even if I decide I'm still being bawled out it usually helps me regain perspective.

I think I'm lucky that my chart is mostly air & fire (and pretty balanced between them and put through the test), that gives me a level of detachment, independence & good friends (when you depend on others less for your survival then verbal arrows tend not to hurt so much, at least that's true of me), and self-confidence that I think many lack on the net.

Perhaps ironically, what tends to get me upset, even angry, is being "misread" than being flamed. Tell me to crawl back into the gutter and I'll probably shrug it off, but take my statement about an issue that's not a personal attack in any way, or even take a compliment I made, and act as if I'd just declared war on you and I get tempted to show just what I could be like if I ever did decide to become hostile. When I was younger I considered it absurd insecurity, though as I've gotten older I realize now that many who get that insecure typically have a real life history of constant abuse (even if it was "just verbal") and so are hyper-sensitive to any possible attacks and I take that into account now. In short I'm no longer a "rich person in a fur coat wondering why the poor person without one is shivering." . . .

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{{{hugs}}} to you, Pixie Jane... I think the world of you!!

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for being so understanding and for working this out so well... I knew perhaps I left that PTSD thread too short. After I saw your response, I went through a phase where I couldn't get things together-enough inside me to spend the time and continue and iron out 'what' had just happened..... That crushed me.... I wanted to "say" something to relieve the situation and explain....

You are working this out inside you sooo beautifully and well. What a wonderful woman you are! You walk as a giant among us here and I want you to know that I "notice" this about you! You deserve sooo much credit!

I'm so sorry if I offended you (or anyone else) in any way.... Please forgive me... Yes, as you rightly thought, I was frustrated, but it was mostly about 'me' and the conditions here, and it was about some moments where "the lens" of my life was getting into a clearer space--- I began seeing things (finally) that were part of, and belonged to, the fabric of the entire background history of my life.... Something I hadn't seen this clearly before now... (Thankyou for being a part of my process...)

Was trying to understand the difference between "my" reactions and feelings, and "what" people where actually 'meaning' to say.... I wanted to tell you that I DID take it in the correct way, Pixie Jane--- then I saw perhaps your worry come in and make that 'hard' on you.... But you worked it out sooo divinely! (proud of you, proud at how hard you work, and how successfully you cope... giving the other people the benefit of the doubt, always, in the end.)

I think that the more we know each other (everyone at LL), then, the more that we'll understand the 'inflections' of our humanities.... the character and beautiful formation of personality and how the whole process breathes organically.

Yes? Shall we make the internet "human" in our workings here? *smile*

Life is so extremely harsh ---- Life is HARSH for people covering our WHOLE globe!!! at the hands and will of a small percentage of truly truly SELFISH people who worship a god made of sticks & stones, & oject-metals. They don't "know" the humanity--- they are drunk on their own greed and lusts, and threaten the safety of all life here on the planet for their lack of sense.

To the people with understanding, who come and link together here, ------- we can do that tiny little bit we can to help support and heal our Global Heart!!

posted April 25, 2013 05:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:
I'm so sorry if I offended you (or anyone else) in any way....

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No one offended me in that thread. You're totally fine there.

And thanks for everything you said.

posted April 25, 2013 05:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
Your posts are always so thought-out, that must give you a bit of a pause when someone takes it as an offense. Or that you're trying to hurt them on purpose

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posted April 25, 2013 08:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
No one offended me in that thread. You're totally fine there.

And thanks for everything you said.

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posted May 03, 2013 03:33 PM            

Ugh, noise at home. It's like you can never have a little peace and quiet and that at home. Not many people would have the calm to sit there nicely and post. I totally get it takes out all the fun of typing something up. Is it temporary? I'm sorry you have to go through that every day.

Wow, you must really love it here it's nice to have somewhere to put yourself into, especially to get away from all of that noise. As long as you enjoy it here, right?

Maybe it helps not to think of it as catching up, but as finding a moment to get back into it. I don't know. Too much of the "must catch up" is quite the pressure. No, you don't have to apologize... it's okay, if it's what you can do at the moment. It says more that someone still replies than that it's late, at least to me. True nature, yeah.

Pfew, a little moment of peace! How long did you get to enjoy it (it's... bad that even some nice quiet is a luxury now)? Yeah, I hate it when it's things out of my control. Not being able to do anything about it is the worst. Having to just deal.

Please don't say that about worthiness. Life's just unfair like that. It sucks being the outsider looking in. It always looks sooo much prettier on the outside. And so does asking for help and support, right? *sigh* People make it look so easy.

I feel awful that you don't feel like anyone understands. But like you said, LL is a great place and I've read so many threads with support. It's a good escape. (I totally go reading old threads here to get away from my own problems. I still get to find out more about astrology!) I can't really put it down here how different this board feels to other communities I've been on, where you pretty much had to "earn" your place before people would even read your posts. How that is even possible, I have no idea. Anyway, you're not bothering me at all! Your reply was sweet and thanks for reaching out.

Oh and:

quote:

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[I'm gonna try NOT to edit today...... I cut out too much, then wind up not saying anything.]

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posted May 03, 2013 03:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Yeah, I usually run a fine comb over everything I said to find how such a misunderstanding occurred and only rarely find something that I could understand gave such an impression (in which case I apologize for my thoughtlessness and/or lack of clarity). But the last time it happened (here on LL) the person admitted to not reading all I wrote, she just gave it a brief skim and caught a couple of lines that upset her really bad because she took it out of context (as she calmed down and explained herself better I realized she had a bizarre & distorted view of what I'd meant to convey). But going by her posts in other threads then she was just in a bad mood in general, too.

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