|
Author
|
Topic: proud parents..
|
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2314
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
|
posted June 03, 2013 08:33 PM
  
I know some people are obsessed with making their parents proud and feel guilty when they follow their own path etc. I think all parent have desires for their children, sometimes it can be selfish if they try and push those expectations.Anyways my room mate is so bent on making his father proud, it's really sad... He wants to be an actor an and he's quite talented but is studying medicine.. He just has a completely different mentally when it comes to family.
Family is everything for him.
For me family depends the dynamic.
I would not hesitate cut ties with my family if it ment I had to follow their expectations. Are any of you guys are on the same boat like my roomie, emotionally? How do you cope? IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 5977
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted June 04, 2013 09:38 AM
It is sad. Been there, been through med school too. I am one of the 200 plastic surgeons in my country and guess what, my father still told me I was nothing and that he is not proud of me, because I don't have a family. There's only two choices here. Allow them to manipulate you for the rest of your life or put your foot on the ground and demand respect. I very well know how hard it is to confront your family, but it was either me or them. They were just too toxic. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Moderator Posts: 2554
From:
Registered: May 2009
|
posted June 04, 2013 11:36 AM
I am on the opposite end.Finally preparing to get the house on the market and do something I have always wanted to do, but my youngest has held me back, cause I let her. I am moving home to Indiana, from Texas where I never wanted to be anyway since I was 16. Now at 51, it is time for me to start my new life. I agree with hera, dont let emotional blackmail and manipulation hold anybody back from their path, if we do, then we will not progress as we our hearts are telling us to spiritually. We wont be happy and it will be an uphill battle the whole way. blessins! IP: Logged |
hippichick
Moderator Posts: 2554
From:
Registered: May 2009
|
posted June 04, 2013 11:38 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
It is sad. Been there, been through med school too. I am one of the 200 plastic surgeons in my country and guess what, my father still told me I was nothing and that he is not proud of me, because I don't have a family. There's only two choices here. Allow them to manipulate you for the rest of your life or put your foot on the ground and demand respect. I very well know how hard it is to confront your family, but it was either me or them. They were just too toxic.
my mother used not to support me in anything I did, but now me at 51 and she at 76 has seen how much I have really accomplished all alone and is much more supportive.... I am sorry your dad feels that way....that just plain sucks! IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 5977
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted June 04, 2013 12:48 PM
Terri  It is NEVER too late to take your life back!!  Good for you!!! Thank you for your words!  IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 1152
From: Poland/Saturn
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted June 04, 2013 01:16 PM
I pity the people like your roommate. I don't need my parents or anyone else to be proud of me. It will be enough if I'm proud of myself. Like you I wouldn't hesitate to cut them off.------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2314
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 01:24 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
It is sad. Been there, been through med school too. I am one of the 200 plastic surgeons in my country and guess what, my father still told me I was nothing and that he is not proud of me, because I don't have a family. There's only two choices here. Allow them to manipulate you for the rest of your life or put your foot on the ground and demand respect. I very well know how hard it is to confront your family, but it was either me or them. They were just too toxic.
That's awful.
He seems bitter about something...
Parents should always be proud of their kids.
Anyways you should be proud of your accomplishments.
They're a lot of deadbeats who have "families" too... IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 2423
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted June 05, 2013 05:49 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
because I don't have a family.
Last time I visited family (in one of the worst heat waves ever so that tempers were short) an aunt (with support) said I needed to find a man as it was "suspicious" that I (at 28) wasn't married with kids yet, so I sarcastically asked her (more or less, I'm not fully awake and my memory is vague on specifics), "Since you've been married 3x with children by each man, got any advice how I can become more respectable like you?" I think she came REAL close to hitting me (I actually changed my stance thinking she would based on her body language, and I wonder if I hadn't changed my stance like that if she would've, or if I was misreading her). And no one else brought up the subject again while I was there.  IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5287
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted June 05, 2013 07:16 AM
What's exactly so wrong about being proud of your kids' accomplishments? My dad had all my transcripts from freshman year through the last course in graduate school framed. He wanted everyone to see his son's grades and degrees. If they weren't frame-worthy, it wouldn't be on his library wall. Anyway, my dad wanted me to be a physician. I rebelled, and ended up doing what he did for a living, and what his dad did for a living. Only that my dad became Chairman and CEO, and I'm not there yet. Back to my two sons. They have a long list of accomplishments and they worked really hard for them. It's a real pleasure to be proud of them. And for those who want to dole out the haterade, it's just too bad. IP: Logged |
Jessica2407
Knowflake Posts: 2303
From: Saturn
Registered: Sep 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 07:31 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
I know some people are obsessed with making their parents proud and feel guilty when they follow their own path etc. I think all parent have desires for their children, sometimes it can be selfish if they try and push those expectations.Anyways my room mate is so bent on making his father proud, it's really sad... He wants to be an actor an and he's quite talented but is studying medicine.. He just has a completely different mentally when it comes to family.
Family is everything for him.
For me family depends the dynamic.
I would not hesitate cut ties with my family if it ment I had to follow their expectations. Are any of you guys are on the same boat like my roomie, emotionally? How do you cope?
Definitely not on the same boat. I can't be what my parents want me to be.I am who I am and that's it. I want to be a parent who will encourage my child to be who she/he wants to be. IP: Logged |
Jessica2407
Knowflake Posts: 2303
From: Saturn
Registered: Sep 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 07:34 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
It is sad. Been there, been through med school too. I am one of the 200 plastic surgeons in my country and guess what, my father still told me I was nothing and that he is not proud of me, because I don't have a family. There's only two choices here. Allow them to manipulate you for the rest of your life or put your foot on the ground and demand respect. I very well know how hard it is to confront your family, but it was either me or them. They were just too toxic.
Am so sorry to hear that. Being a plastic surgeon is such a great accomplishment but to be a good human being is a greater one. You have a million reasons to be proud of yourself. IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 1152
From: Poland/Saturn
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 08:02 AM
quote:
What's exactly so wrong about being proud of your kids' accomplishments?
Absolutely nothing. Wrong is expecting your child to live the life you imagined for them.
Hera, can I step in and have a quick surgery?
------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy.
IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5287
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted June 05, 2013 08:39 AM
There are certain parameters and ground rules. I don't want a 30 year old broke ass virgin mama's boy nerd living in my basement without a mofo-ing job playing XBox/PS4 all day long. I want my sons to become successful and rich, and I want them to get laid a lot and then have their own children with loving, gorgeous wives. And Starbucks/WalMart/McDs is not a job, so F college majors that can't land you a proper job. I want my sons to kick azz and take names in whatever career path they choose. Understand where I'm coming from? IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 1152
From: Poland/Saturn
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 09:11 AM
What if your sons turn out to be less ambitious? Will you let them know you're disappointed?------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5287
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted June 05, 2013 09:21 AM
No. That's not a possibility around two Alpha personality parents. My wife dangles a big carrot and slso carries a bigger stick. I'm a bit softer on that nonsense, and a whole lot more tolerant. Both sons are higher achieving than their parents. Kid has a perfect academic record, fluent in five languages, plays three instruments and is socially popular. I didn't tell him to be that way. Couldn't possibly be more proud. IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 1152
From: Poland/Saturn
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 09:39 AM
That's great. He probably inherited your Cap gene  ------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Moderator Posts: 2554
From:
Registered: May 2009
|
posted June 05, 2013 09:57 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
Terri It is NEVER too late to take your life back!! Good for you!!! Thank you for your words!
you're welcome!!! IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2314
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 12:50 PM
I feel like if you have high terribly high expectations you shouldn't be a parent because that's not fair on your child.
He or she may not be able to do so, and if they're happy with life than why not?
The reason is those parents are not happy with themselves.
When you project those feelings of constant dispoint that will ruin their confidence. It's just selfish...
Just like parents who neglect their children.
Parents should be their cheerleader and emotional support system. That would be a perfect world thou, unfortunately everyone and everything is so flawed. IP: Logged |
I'm so cappy
Knowflake Posts: 1152
From: Poland/Saturn
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 02:52 PM
I feel the same. IMO the only thing parents have the right to expect from their child is to be an honest, happy (whatever that means) and self-sufficient person. ------------------
I'm sooo happy! I mean, cappy. IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 5977
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted June 05, 2013 03:13 PM
That would be dreamy but.. Do such parents exist??It almost seems like they raise children to fulfill the dreams they couldn't. Why should I be responsible for their failures, missed opportunities and regretful choices?! IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 5977
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted June 05, 2013 03:16 PM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
Last time I visited family (in one of the worst heat waves ever so that tempers were short) an aunt (with support) said I needed to find a man as it was "suspicious" that I (at 28) wasn't married with kids yet, so I sarcastically asked her (more or less, I'm not fully awake and my memory is vague on specifics), "Since you've been married 3x with children by each man, got any advice how I can become more respectable like you?" I think she came REAL close to hitting me (I actually changed my stance thinking she would based on her body language, and I wonder if I hadn't changed my stance like that if she would've, or if I was misreading her). And no one else brought up the subject again while I was there.
Well, I tried various strategies, the problem is I do want a family myself, very much. The reason why I don't have it is because I don't know how to do it without it becoming another version of my dysfunctional family.  IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 5977
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted June 05, 2013 03:20 PM
Thank you for the encouragements guys! It hurts a lot less than it did in the past, I don't need all that much external validation now. The family comment did hurt, though. It is probably my Achilles heal. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2314
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
|
posted June 05, 2013 03:45 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hera:
That would be dreamy but.. Do such parents exist??It almost seems like they raise children to fulfill the dreams they couldn't. Why should I be responsible for their failures, missed opportunities and regretful choices?!
Mine do kinda, my dad just stopped caring thou, he would rather have peace than resentment.
I kinda have my parents wrapped around my fingers.
Especially since I'm the youngest. Personally I don't care what they really think, I think thats important too.
Who cares?
Live your life. I'm sorry they said hurtful things thou, that was wrong of them.
IP: Logged |
Hera
Knowflake Posts: 5977
From: Aries fantasy land ^_^
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted June 05, 2013 04:46 PM
Well that's the problem, I am an only child. Not just that, I am the only granddaughter too. So there were a lot of people putting pressure on me to become what they couldn't. Took a couple of years of therapy to emotionally figure things out and realize that indeed they're unhappy with their lives and thought me doing what they couldn't will make it better. Not only does it not, but it made my life hell and eventually determined me to cut them off. It's not a very good plan. Idk what kind of mother I'd be.. Part of me agrees with YTA in the sense that I would want my kids to have plenty of chances to get ahead in life and that means education and developing various skills (Cap rising). However I also think it's important for them to be happy and free to express their uniqueness into the world, whatever that would be (Aqua intercepted in the 1st). It's important to include fun in their life too. I studied too much. I wasn't allowed to socially interact much except for school and some very limited activities. Is it any wonder that I went to college at the opposite corner of the country and rebelled out? lol IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 1695
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
|
posted June 05, 2013 06:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
I feel the same. IMO the only thing parents have the right to expect from their child is to be an honest, happy (whatever that means) and self-sufficient person.
------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
