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Author Topic:   Obsession with eliciting jealousy
Odette
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posted June 04, 2013 07:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am dealing with a man who is obsessed and I guess I am looking for advice on how to deal with this situation.. because I am not sure what to do with this person anymore.

I broke up with him months ago. I broke off all contact. We have many mutual friends and attend the same University. However I changed my number and blocked him on social media including FB. I have not bumped into him at all, in RL - in maybe 7/8 months now. I intentionally avoided all get togethers, parties or places where I may see him.
Initially when I broke off contact - he didn't seem to understand that this was final... so he tried to get back in touch through mutual friends. This is all normal - I was expecting this reaction. But I thought it would blow over and that he would leave well enough alone.

Well he hasn't. After failed attempts to get back in touch - he started trying to make me jealous by intentionally asking one of our mutual friends to take pics of him at parties - with women - and post them on FB. Because he knows he is blocked.. so if he posts the pics himself I wouldn't see them.
But if this friend posts the pics - they are visible to me. The mutual friend - got sick and tired running around after him taking pics and he told me the story and said he is done playing piggy in the middle.
I was completely stunned. When I saw the pics of him and other girls - my reaction was happiness not jealousy - because I thought he'll finally leave me alone... But low and behold he didn't move on at all.
For him to be SO obsessed to plot this whole thing - and even PAY someone to take pics (because after our friend stopped doing this pic uploading thing... he paid someone else to run around after him at parties taking pics... The whole thing is just ridiculous).

After quite a few weeks of behaving this way and getting no reaction from me - he got into a relationship with another mutual friend. I don't even want to go into the details of this or how disgustingly lame it is - that he is leading this poor girl on and blatantly lying to her. Again - he thinks he will get a reaction - which he won't get.
But it is completely insane for him to f**k with other people's lives to get my attention. He had done this before while we were dating and this is why I broke up with him.
For some reason he thinks that if he continues he'll get me back. Is he just mentally impaired? Is he OCD?
Can you actually be obsessed with making someone else jealous?

Because he will not stop. It's creepy.
This girl thinks he likes her - but he has said things behind her back such as - that he thinks of me when they have sex... and that he asked her to dye her hair the same colour as mine O_O

I am so beyond upset that this person (the female friend) - who is VERY naive - is being dragged into this situation.
I will continue to avoid him - but I just don't think he understands that it is over. He really thinks I'll come back and yell at him about his behaviour or something *shrug*
I'm an Aries - so I can be intense.. so maybe he is hoping I'll have this reaction.
But I honestly will not - Because I just want him to leave me alone. I don't want to tell him off for his behaviour or yell at him.
I just want him to live and let live - and leave me alone :\


I am asking in this thread.... have you guys ever dealt with such a toxic and obsessed person and how did you get rid of them?
Also - is it just me - or is it odd.. to be obsessed in this particular way?
I mean the typical stalker might be obsessed and start knocking on your door.. or trying to get in touch with you - or following you around at your Uni classes etc..
His manner of obsessiveness is almost passive aggressive.. and just plain odd..
And he really thinks that if keeps on keeping on - he'll get a reaction *sigh*

I even thought off launching a rumour on FB that I am pregnant and marrying someone else.. so perhaps he would see that as -final- and move the HELL on.
But I know this wouldn't be very mature of me lol

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 42450
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 04, 2013 09:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don't try to meet a really sick person on his own terms. This person is sicker than you are and you can't beat an evil, sick person at his own game.He plays it all through his life and you don't, so you are a virgin next to a player, so to speak.

Disengage. You can't help the friend because she prolly won't hear you. You can put up your synastry with him in the Beginners Astrology, if you want.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Doux Rêve
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posted June 04, 2013 03:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow, I'd like to see his chart / your synastry!

That's not healthy.. it's way too much.
You must be so annoyed! Sorry about that.

I'm dealing with a clingy ex myself but gladly he's not that creepy. It's just extremely annoying when someone's trying to revive stuff that's already dead and gone.. Really, really annoying. I empathize!

But that's an extreme case, for sure.
Faking a relationship and paying someone to take pictures and post them on FB.. whoa. Sounds like his life -actually- revolves around you.

Maybe you should talk to him and clearly say that you don't want him in your life, period.

Good luck, girl.. sounds like a complex case lol.

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juniperb
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From: Blue Star Kachina
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posted June 04, 2013 03:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Don't try to meet a really sick person on his own terms. This person is sicker than you are and you can't beat an evil,

I wouldn`t think the person is evil but like you said, obssessed. An emotionally unbalanced person doesn`t necessarily mean he is evil or has evil intentions.

quote:
But I honestly will not - Because I just want him to leave me alone. I don't want to tell him off for his behaviour or yell at him.

This sounds like the proper action. A reaction is what he is counting on. I wish you much luck with him.

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Christian, Jew, Muslim, Shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the Mystery, unique and not to be judged.
Rumi

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 42450
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 04, 2013 05:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Wow, I'd like to see his chart / your synastry!

That's not healthy.. it's way too much.
You must be so annoyed! Sorry about that.

I'm dealing with a clingy ex myself but gladly he's not that creepy. It's just extremely annoying when someone's trying to revive stuff that's already dead and gone.. Really, really annoying. I empathize!

But that's an extreme case, for sure.
Faking a relationship and paying someone to take pictures and post them on FB.. whoa. Sounds like his life -actually- revolves around you.

Maybe you should talk to him and clearly say that you don't want him in your life, period.

Good luck, girl.. sounds like a complex case lol.



This makes me wonder about his chart. What does his Pluto do? Is it conjunct venus? Are these in the 8th House? Any other thoughts, Doux or anyone?

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Odette
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posted June 05, 2013 06:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you so much for your replies I did talk to him initially when I ended contact. He was very passive aggressive during that conversation. He pretended he understands - but he kept giving me 'attitude'.. For instance saying things like "uh huh.. sure I understand.. have it your way"... or "whatever... I don't even care anymore" etc..
He said he understood that I don't want to interact anymore - but that was also said in a passive aggressive way - kinda like "yeah sure! lets see how long this lasts"... because he thought I wasn't being serious.

There is really no talking to him. This is why I stopped talking.

This is his chart:

I know he has a Sag sun because he was born after noon but he isn't sure of the time. My guess is Gemini AC based on appearance. This also gives him an exact Moon/Pluto opposition - which would make sense since his mother's death, when he was young, has had a huge emotional impact on his life.

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Odette
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posted June 05, 2013 07:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
About the synastry - I actually don't understand why our synastry would even lead to such problems.
I don't see our synastry as intense.. or not *that* intense anyway.. Some planets are un-aspected.. It's all kind of 'meh'...
I am pretty baffled about this being such an intense connection and having had so many problems with this person - when the synastry doesn't really reflect that.
Or maybe it does - and I just don't see it *shrug*

When I added asteroids there are more connections there - but still nothing overly negative..

This is the synastry:

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Odette
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posted June 05, 2013 07:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I mean - without asteroids - if we take into account close orbs & no minor aspects: My Moon, Uranus, Saturn, Juno are all un-aspected. His Sun, Mercury and Jupiter are also un-aspected.

I find this BEYOND strange ^^
My Moon is so important in my chart. It is the ruler of my AC.. so why would I even end up here with this guy *shrug*... Why was I even with this guy in the first place?

And for him - He is a Sagittarius.. with his ruler Jupiter in Gemini opposite his Sun. This is a VERY important aspect in his chart - and my planets are entirely disconnected to this aspect. So why would he act so crazy and obsessed?

I used to tell people that - when personal planets are un-aspected.. things don't work out and people barely even notice each other.. specially when we are talking the Sun or Moon.
It's really astrologically *ridiculous* that I find myself in this situation with this guy.

I am truly astrologically baffled by the whole thing - quite apart from how annoyed I am.

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Odette
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posted June 05, 2013 07:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Actually - I'll tell you guys something else that's strange.
The girl we are both friends with, who he is dating.. .. Well her & I have many more karmic connections and interesting synastry with each other - than either of us does with him.
In her case - it's the exact same situation - in synastry.. because her Sun/Moon/Jupiter conjunction is un-aspected... and again his Sun is un-aspected.

This worries me some.. because I am starting to think there is some past life karma between me and this girl.. and he is making things worse by getting involved.
This is not just recent. This girl and I have always had a very strange relationship, before they ever dated (which he is completely unaware of). We have a Sun/Saturn DW - exact both ways - both harsh aspects.

I really want him to find someone else - to go out and meet NEW people - to stop involving mutual friends in this drama.. and just go out with someone new - and leave me and this girl.. alone.

PS. The thread is not just about her though - because he has hit on six different girls in our circle of friends, since we broke up and tried to have photos taken with them - because he wanted me to see that he was "with" them.
But because these girls are all LESS naive than the last girl.. it didn't work for him - and they didn't date him or have sex with him. But he *tried* oh so hard.

It's all very disturbing since he has known these people for over two years now.. and he had no romantic interest in any of them until we broke up.. and now all of the sudden he wants to date all of them :\

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 05, 2013 08:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Are both times right?

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted June 05, 2013 08:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
His committed relationships will be funky by the planets in the 7th imo

Just saw the posts on the time of birth

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted June 05, 2013 08:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Asteroid wise, he is feeling a LOT!

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted June 05, 2013 08:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
His 7th house which will be a real problem for him with all those powerful planets in it, conjuncts your DSC. Also, a full 7th House can show co-dependency and this can be very hard for the person, as the person finds his sense of self in the "other"

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted June 05, 2013 08:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You make him feel good with your Jup conj his NN

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Odette
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posted June 06, 2013 02:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Ami! Thanks! I tried to make him feel good when we were together. But it worked for a very short period of time.. and he reverted back to being cynical, angry at the world and generally nasty.

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Odette
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posted June 06, 2013 03:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I can't blame any one aspect for his behaviour either.
We have Mars square Mars (Capricorn & Aries).. but I also have Mars square Mars with a close male friend (Capricorn & Libra) - and I haven't had such problems with him.

We have Mars/Saturn DW. His Saturn is conj my Mars and my Saturn is trine his.
But I have a female friend who is born about two weeks after him - and I have the same aspects with her - only they are *exact*. And - she is a nice person. We don't argue or have such problems.

Maybe it's just a mix of things.. or maybe it has something to do with his AC/DV axis. I can't explain the strongly aggravating/negative vibe between us.

Or maybe he is just completely f-ed up.. regardless of his chart :\

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted June 06, 2013 09:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Maybe it's just a mix of things.. or maybe it has something to do with his AC/DV axis


I would hone it down to this xx

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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mir
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posted June 07, 2013 10:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mir     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The BIG question to me would be; To what extent is HE aware of *your* awareness of his stupid (pic) actions? Maybe he assumes the friend didn't tell you anything?

If the signs would tell he's not *that* aware.. I would confront him so that he only wished the earth would swallow him up. And I wouldn't say it *nicely* but with a conviction which leaves him no choice but to be thoroughly ashamed of himself.

I'm also a bit afraid as long as you don't do anything he will go on..

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Jessica2407
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From: Saturn
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posted June 07, 2013 10:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jessica2407     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Odette

Do you have NN contacts in synastry?

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Odette
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posted June 07, 2013 06:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Actually Mir - That's a good point! Because he could be completely unaware. I doubt the friend would've told him that he told me.
But I don't know how someone could be so silly so as to think - that this wouldn't become a rumour or that I wouldn't find out? It's not like he was subtle about it.

I think he wants me to confront him.... because he hasn't heard from me in months.
I could confront him - but I can't help but feel like.. he would smile and tell me I look pretty while angry - or something along those lines... Because I really feel like he wants a reaction from me, so any reaction would make him happy.
But if I don't react at all - as you said - it probably won't just end.

I really just want him to meet someone else and move on.


Jessica - His Venus is conj my SN. My Jupiter is conj his NN. That seems positive though...

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Odette
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posted June 07, 2013 06:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
lol I should send him a link to this thread!

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mir
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posted June 08, 2013 07:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mir     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was thinking the same for a moment after which I saw your LL safety at risk unfortunately lol.

Well, I was thinking as a typical SAG he's prob. not even aware of what he's actually doing/causing and just sees/PLAYS it as a harmless joke (Sags in general have these heroic traits) and it wouldn't surprise me if he even feels somewhat encouraged by his friend(s) since they - after all - helped him with the pics. Although done now, their support once can be enough.
This guy seems so busy to wrap up everything in a joke so that he may even think you will bow for it one day. Convinced as he is taking over the planet with his SURface.
Anyway, he must have NO idea how annoying he actually IS. And *that IS* where your power lies.
Do NOT let *HIM* win when standing in front of you and making a joke of your anger. Then he has more food to go on.. and that's not what we want! *YOU* have to win.. see it as the strong will/conviction against the weak and so that's why you have to pick the right moment, the right place, the right .. well, you'll know when you're ready to make him wish the earth would swallow him up

Ow btw, what's really striking in the synastry is his Saturn/Mars square (the harsh S/M infamous for their "ruthlessness" in one way or another and ofcourse especially to the ones with planets connected) is strongly connected to your Venus/Mars. So it doesn't surprise me he's sort of obsessed by your "sexuality" and at the expense of almost anything (S/M harsh) .. he holds on and on to it.. so yes the big SHOCK wouldn't be an overflowing thing here.

.. ow and to make it a bit more personal his Juno is quincunx his Mars (a verry sexual personal aspect according to my sec. latest hobbyhorse Magi) and so connected to his Saturn in a Mystical Triangle which is a strong configuration. And well, count your Venus/Mars with that all within very reasonable orb.. I've said enough

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