posted July 30, 2013 02:24 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
Not telling my friends either because they would murder me.....

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WHY WHY WHY would they murder you?

@S.E.

posted July 30, 2013 12:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:
It's all part of having a Cancer-Leo cusp Sun... I can totally relate.

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Did we miss your birthday?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

posted July 31, 2013 09:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
I have to get my life together - I'm so avoidant.

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This.

quote:

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Originally posted by juniperb:
I smoke cigarettes on and off .

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Same here..

*

One thing that bugs me is that I'm always attracted to people I can't be with for X reason.

I'm aware of my fear of intimacy but falling for people who are basically a hindrance to my happiness is retarded and I'm tired of it.

And I'm frustrated with the fact that I cannot move to another country just yet and live independently.
I want to change my environment so bad, the people here aren't my type of people and this place depresses me.
I just want to escape.

posted July 31, 2013 04:46 PM            

This thread was just what I needed though.

As for me, what's new? I'm getting more and more sad every time I join something new and end up being left out a lot. If it's not because I don't fit in, it's that everyone is super busy or lives too far away to see them outside of the group. It's like life forces me to be isolated. I want to be able to have a deeper connection so bad, but every time I do it, pouring my heart out, I never hear from them again. Trying to pick up the contact just gets ignored. Or they're busy, but not too busy to hang out with everyone else but me. It's been like that all my life. I just wish I didn't get the sudden cutoff or schemes to get around me all the time. The rejection isn't half as bad as knowing I got my hopes up for nothing again. That it doesn't even mean enough to them to gently let me know I've gotten the wrong idea. I wonder, if they get so freaked out by me, why don't they just ask to give them space?

People tend to talk about me offscreen, it's like everything happens when I'm not around. Stuff that really is important to me and it's not like I wasn't there enough for someone to tell me. What do I have to do so people will talk to me directly?

And the few times I manage to get over my fears and reach out to those I care about, my fears all come true. :sad:

At first I don't mind being the outsider, I get it, I'm new, they don't know me so they prefer to stick to those they're close to. But even after a year of spending time with them, they still only talk to me when I talk to them first. I've seen it happening time after time.

The last two years or so, I've only felt a mutual click with people online. I used to have two friends in college, but we've grown apart and I haven't found anyone new yet. I miss my ex-friends so much, but I can't do this anymore. If I hadn't cut them, I would've kept hope they'd come around. *sigh* If I'm so bad with regular friends already, how am I possibly going to keep a long, stable relationship?!

I'm supposed to be studying hard for exams and here I am being depressed. I just can't focus. Ugh, I don't want to fail my year over this.

posted July 31, 2013 05:53 PM            

In TV shows and in the movies, it always pays off. "It was all in your head!" Blah blah. Sadly, it's not always like that in real life.

posted August 02, 2013 03:36 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 02, 2013 04:34 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 02, 2013 04:36 PM            

Once this happened to me I thought I had to try to look normal. i continued my life in kind of the same way--had friends, did activities but I could not feel.

It didn't matter what I did, I had no pleasure in it. It was all for show, really.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 02, 2013 04:38 PM            

Then, one day, when my kids could drive, I gave up.

I saw my son riding out from the driveway and I thought I was free. I didn't have to drive any more. I didn't have to take them to activities.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 02, 2013 04:40 PM            

I will be back

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 02, 2013 06:48 PM            

quote:

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is defined as the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable, e.g. exercise, hobbies, music, sexual activities or social interactions.

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posted August 02, 2013 06:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Then, I decided I didn't really want friends. It didn't matter. I felt the same no matter what I did.
Then, I decided I didn't want to go out because it didn't matter. I could not feel.

I will be back

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posted August 05, 2013 08:16 PM            

The internet is not real life...that is to say there is no tone of voice, body language, facial expressions for me to read, so I have no idea if he was just being polite in letting me he hadn't forgotten me or if it was begging me to ask him what's wrong. If it's the former then I insult him by prying which can be seen as treating him like a child, but if it's the latter then I seem uncaring for respecting his space. So all in all I threw the ball back in his court and let him decide what to do, but I really wish so many people didn't play games on the net because I can't catch the cues on line as I can in real life, and sometimes it's difficult to know when someone like this guy is being straightforward or fishing for a response (ie, manipulating).

posted August 05, 2013 10:05 PM            

I doubt you'll be seen as prying, or cold. He knows you, right?

posted August 05, 2013 10:54 PM            

I suppose as for games what I meant was manipulation. It's like look at Cosmo magazine, the few times I glanced at it there's usually an article to make a guy open up, flirt with you, or otherwise manipulate their behavior in a dishonest fashion, no just being open and honest about it, and at least one of the articles I read said something was wrong with HIM if he didn't respond as the article promised rather than with Cosmo itself and the games/underhanded manipulations it promotes. Not just that, but also female bosses, and I also caught the very first issue of Teen Cosmo when it came out and it literally had a blatant article on how to manipulate your parents on how to buy all the stuff advertised in the magazine for them (and of course making an honest deal was at the bottom of the list if it was even mentioned), it all had to be a game of where you acted a certain way in trying to engineer a response with mind games rather than just treating the person like a human being. That's just one example of what I mean, it's not just Cosmo, and many people play them. My Sag hates that.