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Author
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Topic: Abuse When the Abuser Won't Let You Have Your Anger
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 04, 2013 10:56 AM
  
I have been posting about this on here, on various posts.I cut off contact with my parents 5 months ago. It is very hard for a cancer Moon and Mars not to have a family. It is really a form of torture because our make up is to build a nest with those who are close to us. However, I really sought God on what to do and I felt Him strongly lead me to cut off contact. Each time, I ask Him if I can go back, I get a sense that I should not. Then, I will have a new insight that shows me exactly what happened. That is what I am writing about today. ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 04, 2013 10:58 AM
My mother would say nasty things to me and when I got angry, she would tell me that she could not be perfect and I should forgive.That way, I felt horrible for having a righteous anger at legitimate abuse. This is how abusive people control you. They don't allow you to have your anger which is a God given response to abuse. Anger is there to keep you safe so you can know to walk away from bad things. It is like the cell wall, which keeps out poisons and things that will kill the cell. ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 04, 2013 11:00 AM
Last night, I talked to my mother's sister. She had had open heart surgery. I wanted to call my mother so badly but my son told me not to because he has seen what I have gone through.He told me that it would not be good to do it, so I didn't. Today, I saw this huge insight. The abuser makes you feel guilty about your own reactions to them. That is how they keep you caught in the net  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 4283
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted September 04, 2013 12:02 PM
Stay strong!IP: Logged |
Jessica2407
Moderator Posts: 4221
From: Saturn
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted September 04, 2013 12:28 PM
I don't agree.An abuser loves control. They would want you to react and anger is just perfect for them. It shows they can get under your skin. You care what they say to you. Their words affect you.If you show an abuser a lack of response they'll be all over the place trying to gain control. That's when you know how desperate they really are. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 5710
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted September 04, 2013 01:00 PM
Don't you have a family that you've created yourself?
Nobody needs 'family' like the type of people you describe.Cherish the family you have and forget the people that abuse you..
I think you should take steps to move on.
It's not fair on your own children either.
How do you think your child feels when he sees his mother in so much pain? IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 04, 2013 01:25 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Jessica2407:
I don't agree.An abuser loves control. They would want you to react and anger is just perfect for them. It shows they can get under your skin. You care what they say to you. Their words affect you.If you show an abuser a lack of response they'll be all over the place trying to gain control. That's when you know how desperate they really are.
Yes, this is the way to deal with it but my insight was that was the original way I was controlled but great post and thank you, J.
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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 1487
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted September 04, 2013 02:47 PM
I was in the other topic when I remembered that "perfect" is another word for "whole". The fact is she can be whole if she chooses to, but ultimately doesn't seek it. You are seeking to be whole, to finally fill in those holes that this abuse took from you. I saw one of those memes a couple months ago that says, "At some point, you have to realize you can keep a person in your heart, but not in your life." I would suggest that the next time you are in pain over this relation, try speaking to her heart instead by praying for her. Thinking of a good memory, letting that love fill you, and sending it to her instead. It would do more good than to speak to her in her current condition. Just some suggestions, of course. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 04, 2013 03:20 PM
quote:
Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:
I was in the other topic when I remembered that "perfect" is another word for "whole". The fact is she can be whole if she chooses to, but ultimately doesn't seek it. You are seeking to be whole, to finally fill in those holes that this abuse took from you. I saw one of those memes a couple months ago that says, "At some point, you have to realize you can keep a person in your heart, but not in your life." I would suggest that the next time you are in pain over this relation, try speaking to her heart instead by praying for her. Thinking of a good memory, letting that love fill you, and sending it to her instead. It would do more good than to speak to her in her current condition. Just some suggestions, of course.
Thank you, Friend. That is lovely  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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geea
Knowflake Posts: 541
From:
Registered: Jun 2011
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posted September 04, 2013 04:34 PM
Ami, the only way to move on is to heal the inner child. Many people don’t know this but we have layers and layers. Three exactly. One of them is the inner child. With those who suffered childhood trauma the inner child never heals (by itself).
Yes, some may forget and force themselves out of a toxic mindset but the inner child cannot be reasoned with.
The adult-you knows the theory while the child-you won’t let you follow it. He’s hurt and wants to be ”taken care of”.
A good psychologist will help you get in touch with that inner child and ”communicate” with him towards healing. May sound hard to process for some but that’s how it is. Simply ”moving on” doesn’t mean healing. You stuff that memory deep in the back of your mind, and i assure you it will get out when least expect it.
My advice is to seek someone to help and guide you through your mind and soul and help you find the damaged spots which btw, are more than you are aware of. 
There is no other way.
Btw, God can help you but God can also help through other people. These are His ”usual and not so obvious ways”. Ask God to take you to someone who can help with healing and ask Him or better yet pray for that person to be able to help you. Someone who isn’t personally involved or familiar. From experience i say, if they have some kind of connection with you cannot help bc they will eventually be affected one way or another. That’s why a specialist would be perfect.------------------
”Sing what you can't say
Forget what you can't play
Hasten to drown into beautiful eyes
Walk within my poetry, this dying music
My loveletter to nobody” ”Dead Boy's Poem” IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 05, 2013 08:28 AM
Thank you, Geea dear ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2616
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted September 10, 2013 08:43 PM
I know exactly what you mean. Many abusive people don't want to admit to themselves and others that their behaviour truly was abusive. When I responded in anger to abuse - I always received responses like: "But I was just living my life.. I'm free to do what I like" - taking no accountability for the fact that the enjoyment of their so-called freedom, was hurting other people.
To some extent we have freedom - but that freedom is regulated by moral norms, religious rules and most of all - the legal system. But yes.. some people will never admit to the harm they have caused, or feel guilt or ask forgiveness. The victim's reaction is just a reminder of the fact that they did the wrong thing (which they want to hide from and brush under the carpet). Even when they accept that their behaviour was wrong, they can trivialise it and act as though the victim is making a big deal out of something small. It's purely a defence mechanism, so they don't have to admit to being the 'bad guy'... like rapists who try to blame the victim, the way she was dressed etc. - to exculpate themselves of all guilt. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 10, 2013 09:23 PM
I am so glad you weighed in, Odette, cuz I have not seen you post for a while and I was concerned about you.------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 10, 2013 09:36 PM
OdetteI find Moon in Cap is very realistic about life. I find it very refreshing and appreciate it a great deal. They are very grounded in reality. I don't see this Moon as a Moon in detriment. I see is as a positive Moon and I admire it. ------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 11, 2013 12:49 PM
I am still working on this subject. I feel guilty when I get angry even if I have every reason in the world to get angry. Does anyone else feel this way?------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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DialecticLady
Knowflake Posts: 79
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted September 29, 2013 06:53 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I am still working on this subject. I feel guilty when I get angry even if I have every reason in the world to get angry. Does anyone else feel this way?
Not guilty, but ashamed. I had my anger repressed by the abuser when I was a child too. I don't feel guilty if I have a reason to be this way,after all I'm a human being not a machine, so is presumed I can feel love,sad,happy,angry...it's natural.I know someone like you, she feels guilty about her relationship with her mom too and they haven't talked for many years. She's one of my best friends. Well, I believe in karma and think we born in our families for a reason and the reason is settle past debts with the family person we don't do very well. But what does that mean? Means that you should accept anything bad this person do? For me the answer is a big NO. After thinking a lot about it I came to the conclusion that I must put some effort in don’t hate the person (it’s different from feel obligated to love somebody because it’s family), to control my bad feelings, not because they aren’t legitimate (I know they are, I know I have all the reasons to be angry), but to spiritually evolve as a human being I think we should know handle this kind of thing without taking drastic attitudes like cut off the contact with them. I don’t know about your life, what I’m saying is all about mine and I know where you’re coming from, I’ve cut contact and didn’t solve anything. I didn’t feel relief, just guilt because I thought I had failed with my “karma duty”.
So what I want to say is that I try to relate with the person in some way it hurts me less, like different houses, avoid so much contact and mainly don’t taking things very serious when talking with them realizing they are poor souls that need help. I’m passing by this now and you know what? I think my Pluto 12th house transit is giving me a new perspective on the facts. I’m feeling much better and stronger without my anger. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47913
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 29, 2013 07:14 PM
Thank you DL ------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Lindaland
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