posted September 24, 2013 12:21 AM            

Just because your existence is acknowledged with a smile or comes close doesn't mean the person who noticed you is coming onto you or even interested.

Sometimes people are incompatible and/or the chemistry isn't there. That isn't anyone's fault and neither side should feel bad over it, and it doesn't mean everyone else in the entire world is going to feel the same way. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, nor do you have to invent reasons to "justify" why you're not feeling it either. And what one man or woman wants isn't what ALL (or even most) men or women want.

And speaking of chemistry, sometimes it's there but fades after a few months. I understand that happens a lot (familiarity breeds contempt?), and after it fades then all those "cute" aspects become annoying and downright intolerable.

If the person you're with is constantly talking trash or sharing secrets of others with you then they're talking trash about you and sharing your secrets behind your back. If they treat others like dirt then it won't be long before you're treated like dirt. If the person complains that everyone has screwed him or her over then it won't be long before that person says YOU screwed him/her over. STAY FAR AWAY!

Don't go to bars looking for romance, it's not worth it.

Some guys can feel "disrespected" if you talk to other guys while with them on a date (I think they believe he's coming onto you and you're OK with that). Likewise, a woman who is with a guy (or wants to be) who feels threatened by you can get vicious, even violent (especially if drugs like alcohol are involved), and can even blame you if he comes onto you when you clearly do NOT want his attention or harassment. It's just something to look out for...especially at bars.

Figure out what you want in a partner and go after it. Don't just sit pretty hoping your fantasy sweeps you off your feet as if you're guy then you'll almost certainly be ignored and if you're a woman you'll almost certainly be played. And be very, very careful that you're not seeing something that isn't there just because you WANT it to be there (OTOH some people always see what they fear instead).

Have good friends. Some friends will back stab you and try to mess you up. Choose better for yourself than that (otherwise why won't you settle for that kind of crap from a romantic partner, too?). The better kind will provided much needed reality checks (and might even save your life).

posted September 24, 2013 06:52 AM            

quote:

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What are some tips/advice you would give your younger self on dating/relationships years ago? I'd just like to know since I'll be entering that stage of my life sooner or later.

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Stay true to yourself.
Don't play games.
Don't get involved with anyone who plays games.
It's ok to say NO if something doesn't feel right.
It's ok to break up with someone - if they are not the person for you.. You don't have to prolong things to spare their feelings or prolong them.. 'in the hope that the other person will change".. which they won't!
Make sure you know what your standards/expectations are from a guy.. Really think about what you want in a guy and the way he 'should' treat you.. As that saying goes - 'if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything'
If someone does not live up to your standards, it is OK to say goodbye. There will *be* others who do.

Most importantly -
Think about *how* your romantic interest makes you feel.. If they leave you feeling good about yourself and happy.. if they generally brighten up your day - then they are likely your 'kind' of person...
If you often feel down or sad or angry around them (or about them) - then they are likely not at all your kind of person. This is a good indication that you simply can't *connect* and you're not right for each other.

As a couple, you can be sexually attracted as well as compatible, but at the same time have many issues and problems on other levels... When this happens, unfortunately.. it just doesn't work out..
The opposite situation - where you are great for each other on many levels but you're not so well-matched sexually, has better chances of working out.. if you can be open about your individual wants/desires and try to improve things.
But it's still not the ideal situation.

posted September 24, 2013 03:55 PM            

I'm not being frigid. This is just advice from a man about men.

Don't go to a bar or a club looking for a man. Those locales tell you what sort of guy you will find, and their fundamental nature. Neither should you feel compelled to go to a sporting event just because the man likes it, unless you enjoy it yourself.

posted September 25, 2013 07:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
I would suggest to never allow a man to touch you for at least the first three to five dates, and never consummate the relationship unless you give yourself the preponderance of doubt.

I'm not being frigid. This is just advice from a man about men.

Don't go to a bar or a club looking for a man. Those locales tell you what sort of guy you will find, and their fundamental nature. Neither should you feel compelled to go to a sporting event just because the man likes it, unless you enjoy it yourself.

As has been pointed out. Talk is cheap. Actions speak volumes. And braggards are boring, so if a guy starts flapping his peacock feathers, run the other way.

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posted September 26, 2013 03:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:
Where does 3-5 come from?

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Three to five comes from myself being male and the general inclinations of males. It is necessarily subjective and I speak from experience. At least I didn't say "five months."

posted October 13, 2013 06:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:
It's not what he says that counts, but what he does. His true feelings are in his actions.

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Quoted for emphasis! This is it.

posted October 16, 2013 06:33 AM            

People will only treat you the way you allow them to. We need to demand respect.

Set strong boundaries and don't waver.

Don't condone guys with addictive tendencies, you can do better.

Someone that doesn't ADD things to your life but only takes away from it needs to cut out of it asap.

Actions is all you need to look at, words mean nothing.

People hardly ever change, thinking you're special enough to change them is naive...People would only have the possibility of changing if THEY THEMSELVES decide to.

Love can't conquer all. When there's absence of trust, respect, communication...It's over.

Relationships are about reciprocation. It shouldn't be draining.

Even if a guy seems great and sounds great on paper, if he's coming on too strong too fast STOP and think about the situation.

Don't ignore red flags, decide what you need to do.

Trust your gut.