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Author Topic:   Avoidance
Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 991
From: I visit a lot of planets, but the Sun is my home.
Registered: Aug 2013

posted October 14, 2013 11:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

I can handle honesty and I love honesty as long as it's dished out respectfully. I have a friend who is exactly this way. They never hide the truth, but never are rude about it. Sometimes it's difficult to swallow but knowing it comes with good intent, I do it.

I find that sometimes people avoid me. They quietly slip away.


It's very difficult not to confront them on it. Even though I'm pretty sure I know why.

I'm Leo and it could be said it's an attention thing both with this post and with disliking people avoiding me.
That is partly true, but only partly.

Honestly, it's just a pet peeve of mine that people do that. To me, I don't see it as a peaceful way out. I see it as a weak way out. Which is why often I will confront the person who does it.
On Facebook, I posted this picture that said it was breast cancer awareness month this month. Oct. 13 go braless to show your support, or something like that. This woman I know got offended, unfriended me and just left. I KNOW that's why. It was shortly after and she's definitely that type of person. I just don't get why people can't politely explain it.
A couple years ago I posted a racially questionable picture on Facebook. One of my other friends, who is that race, called me on it. She was very polite and simply said her stand that she didn't think it was right and it's asking for racist comments even though she knew I'm not racist.
"No Problem. I'm sorry and I'll take it down immediately."
Problem solved.

What's wrong with people? Why are "95%" of people "Weak", as I see it.
If there's a problem just say so. It doesn't always have to be this big, unpleasant thing.

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PixieJane
Moderator

Posts: 3073
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 14, 2013 03:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Zander916:
What's wrong with people? Why are "95%" of people "Weak", as I see it.
If there's a problem just say so. It doesn't always have to be this big, unpleasant thing.


That's because about "95%" WILL make it into a big, unpleasant thing. Defensive, hostile, they will "counter attack" rather than being reasonable about it. Therefore I understand why some people figure it's not worth the trouble to even try anymore, especially if they have like a thousand "friends" on FB already.

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LovelyAries86
Knowflake

Posts: 677
From: OH, USA
Registered: Dec 2012

posted October 14, 2013 04:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LovelyAries86     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Zander916:

Honestly, it's just a pet peeve of mine that people do that. To me, I don't see it as a peaceful way out. I see it as a weak way out. Which is why often I will confront the person who does it.


I can relate. I totally *loathe* cowards. And the world is FULL of them today. Especially on FB!

Say what you mean & mean what you say! Honesty is like speaking Chinese for some people. SMH. I'm always tactful & polite (Libra ASC) so I have no problem keeping it real with you in a respectful way. Me being an Aries though, absolutely cannot tolerate bullsh*t for too long. Soo WATCH OUT!

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 7558
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 14, 2013 04:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Zander916:

I can handle honesty and I love honesty as long as it's dished out respectfully. I have a friend who is exactly this way. They never hide the truth, but never are rude about it. Sometimes it's difficult to swallow but knowing it comes with good intent, I do it.

I find that sometimes people avoid me. They quietly slip away.


It's very difficult not to confront them on it. Even though I'm pretty sure I know why.

I'm Leo and it could be said it's an attention thing both with this post and with disliking people avoiding me.
That is partly true, but only partly.

Honestly, it's just a pet peeve of mine that people do that. To me, I don't see it as a peaceful way out. I see it as a weak way out. Which is why often I will confront the person who does it.
On Facebook, I posted this picture that said it was breast cancer awareness month this month. Oct. 13 go braless to show your support, or something like that. This woman I know got offended, unfriended me and just left. I KNOW that's why. It was shortly after and she's definitely that type of person. I just don't get why people can't politely explain it.
A couple years ago I posted a racially questionable picture on Facebook. One of my other friends, who is that race, called me on it. She was very polite and simply said her stand that she didn't think it was right and it's asking for racist comments even though she knew I'm not racist.
"No Problem. I'm sorry and I'll take it down immediately."
Problem solved.

What's wrong with people? Why are "95%" of people "Weak", as I see it.
If there's a problem just say so. It doesn't always have to be this big, unpleasant thing.



Dude..... I hate that sh*t too. Good post. Although I will say it wouldn't tick me off if a random person deleted me off facebook because they got offended by something I posted. If someone is going to be that big of a baby I don't wanna deal with them anyway.What really gets under my skin is if I ask somebody out or to hang out and they say yes when they have no intention of following through. I have had so many girls say they would go out with me only to give me a fake number or avoid me when I tried calling them . Then they had the audacity to smile at me and act like nothing ever happened the next time I saw them out, that stuff makes me furious. I don't get it... What's so hard about politely declining a date proposal or invite to hang out? People are cowards....

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 48754
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 14, 2013 05:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I hear you Tony

I have had many people de-friend me for my beliefs. The funny thing is I have so many friends I don't notice

But to be real, many people would rather leave than be real. They don't know how the person will take it. They are afraid the person will be more angry if they are real. They may not even know how to be real.

I let God bring me good friends. I don't try. These are the ones that work best and you only need a few and have time for a few, too.

You are a baby doll. Someone who appreciates quality will appreciate you!!

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 991
From: I visit a lot of planets, but the Sun is my home.
Registered: Aug 2013

posted October 14, 2013 05:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh yeah. I definitely took it as better gone than tiptoeing around them.

Yeah. This friend of mine actually contacted me about lunch plans and then never heard a order again until weeks later. That DOES p*** me off. LOL

I know you're right pixie.
I just wish you weren't in this case if you get me. LOL

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PixieJane
Moderator

Posts: 3073
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted October 14, 2013 05:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
What really gets under my skin is if I ask somebody out or to hang out and they say yes when they have no intention of following through. I have had so many girls say they would go out with me only to give me a fake number or avoid me when I tried calling them . Then they had the audacity to smile at me and act like nothing ever happened the next time I saw them out, that stuff makes me furious. I don't get it... What's so hard about politely declining a date proposal or invite to hang out? People are cowards....

You should tell them. Not angrily, just point out how rude it is. Many women are taught to never say no directly and will therefore go about saying it the wrong way because they never examine the programming they've been raised with. Many women could benefit from assertiveness training just as many men would from sensitivity training (assuming they were capable of learning, of course).

Some women will brush you off when you tell this to them (in which case you were better off without them in the first place) while others will THINK about it (though it will take some time and practice before they change that bad habit).

Nevertheless, when you don't expect to ever see a guy again I can understand why. Too many men are just big babies about rejection which can make some women feel guilty about seeing the hurt look on their eyes right away and prefer he "take a hint" (and some don't want to "reject a guy in public" which would add humiliation on top of the sting of rejection) while other men get downright threatening (part of the "big baby" thing, but the tantrums can be dangerous when he's got an extra hundred pounds on him). Telling a guy no is sometimes like playing Russian Roulette. And there's no way she can look at you and instantly tell that you're any different from the big man-babies with an overgrown sense of entitlement.

Heck, not just men, I've experienced women who made trouble for me because I outright told her brother or whatever that I wasn't interested (as nicely and politely as I could but the guy in one case still told his sister that I was a "stuck up ***** " who then made trouble for me and tried to make me feel guilty while another sister supposedly said she was going to shoot me for having defended myself from her brother who had tried to sexually assault me). People make lying so much easier when they're like that.

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 1978
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted October 16, 2013 03:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Zander916:
Oh yeah. I definitely took it as better gone than tiptoeing around them.

Yeah. This friend of mine actually contacted me about lunch plans and then never heard a order again until weeks later. That DOES p*** me off. LOL

I know you're right pixie.
I just wish you weren't in this case if you get me. LOL


... I know what it's like to have to wait on people and walk on eggshells. Shapeshift~ whatever! But there come times when you can't bear doing it anymore. Sometimes you just gotta stop living for others, and LET your self Breathe for a while!... yeah, it's okay to take up space!

(music) My Prerogative (Bobbie Brown) lyrics [3:30] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgAlZFX1Rvw

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Twirl
Knowflake

Posts: 2308
From: Europe
Registered: Mar 2013

posted October 17, 2013 05:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Twirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Isn't it also avoidance to not send someone a message saying: I noticed you defriended me. Is anything the matter?
That's being honest & checking the facts &looking out for your own needs. Now it's assumption.
If all of this is worth it in the first place & she really was a friend to start with. Otherwise it's often a waste of time & in that case avoidance is just very wise & time saving in my opinion.

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Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 991
From: I visit a lot of planets, but the Sun is my home.
Registered: Aug 2013

posted October 17, 2013 07:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Actually I did ask a guy friend who did. This woman simply wasn't important enough to bother and so it'd just be stink for nothing.

Also, that really wasn't why I made this post. It serves as an example but I edited the original post.

I might be a hypocrite about some things in life but that's not one. In this particular case it humored me much more than bothered me.

I also meant people who do it consistently. Peacekeepers you might say. This is completely opinion so I expect no attacks. I don't trust them like other people.
I've seen first hand, numerous times, them distorting truth, omitting, and occasionally just lying.
Or, this one woman wanted to tell me something but she told her brother to tell me. She couldn't do it herself I guess? What she requested wasn't at all upsetting. I understood but being unable to tell me herself made me question her honesty and friendship as a whole. "What else bothers her that she just smiles at me about?"
I let that go but it started a snowball downhill.
Friendship over. That's the life of Leo and I will do it. People who know me well know that they will get the truth from me and can do the same without making a bunch of drama. It's in the delivery.
Some will scoff at that because of my reputation on the forum but who cares? LOL

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Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 991
From: I visit a lot of planets, but the Sun is my home.
Registered: Aug 2013

posted October 17, 2013 08:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Of course not every little thing. But important things, yes. Just say it but don't be a butthole. Give them a fair chance to understand where you come from.

I can respect those people.

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Padre35
Knowflake

Posts: 2526
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012

posted October 17, 2013 08:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

I am the Prince of slipping off and withdrawing, those closest to me know why I did so, those who sort of know me cannot figure out why I'd go in a different path.

My site friends, be it a bar or a gym, I tell them "I never go to the same place for much over a year", reason being is the sort of hum drum, boring, rhythm of same ol same ol causes something in my bones that just dislikes it.

I don't mind confronting anyone when they are off base, that is not it,simply do not want to merely become a part of the landscape, easily ignored and taken for granted..like the table next to the front door..oh it's there, you put your car keys on it..it is not appreciated for what it is.

Not me.

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 7558
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 17, 2013 10:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
You should tell them. Not angrily, just point out how rude it is. Many women are taught to never say no directly and will therefore go about saying it the wrong way because they never examine the programming they've been raised with. Many women could benefit from assertiveness training just as many men would from sensitivity training (assuming they were capable of learning, of course).

Some women will brush you off when you tell this to them (in which case you were better off without them in the first place) while others will THINK about it (though it will take some time and practice before they change that bad habit).

Nevertheless, when you don't expect to ever see a guy again I can understand why. Too many men are just big babies about rejection which can make some women feel guilty about seeing the hurt look on their eyes right away and prefer he "take a hint" (and some don't want to "reject a guy in public" which would add humiliation on top of the sting of rejection) while other men get downright threatening (part of the "big baby" thing, but the tantrums can be dangerous when he's got an extra hundred pounds on him). Telling a guy no is sometimes like playing Russian Roulette. And there's no way she can look at you and instantly tell that you're any different from the big man-babies with an overgrown sense of entitlement.

Heck, not just men, I've experienced women who made trouble for me because I outright told her brother or whatever that I wasn't interested (as nicely and politely as I could but the guy in one case still told his sister that I was a "stuck up ***** " who then made trouble for me and tried to make me feel guilty while another sister supposedly said she was going to shoot me for having defended myself from her brother who had tried to sexually assault me). People make lying so much easier when they're like that.



I have tried, it just makes them become even more avoidant. I just dont understand what's so hard about saying no in a polite manner. I also don't understand why some guys would prefer to be lied to. People are weird.

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Kerosene
Knowflake

Posts: 6237
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012

posted October 18, 2013 12:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kerosene     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I give out my number all the time..
Well it's not my cell number it's number that directs you to an email address, people communicate by text anyways..
This way I can sort out the freaks.
People should wise up and do the same..

I don't even know why people ask complete strangers for their number.. It's not a matter of being interested or not..
You're a complete stranger..
I mean maybe if we've become acquainted but how am I suppose to know if you're creep that texts me every hour...
The exception is this immediate intense connection but that's rare with me anyways.

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