posted November 11, 2013 08:55 AM            

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posted November 11, 2013 09:12 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:

My boyfriend decided to emphasize the point that he doesn't respect me at all, that I'm not a lady to be respected and that I'm physically unattractive to him. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

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posted November 11, 2013 09:14 AM            

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posted November 11, 2013 11:51 AM            

I brought this up last night as a point about how he doesn't respect me as a lady with virtue. However, he will be more offended about other things other women go through but treat me as if I am a man who can care only for myself. I said this, said how he's not protective over me, cited how he's always playing Superman for every other girl. He proceeded to say that I don't act like a lady, so what's the point in demanding to be treated like one.

With the unattractive thing, he said I was not sexy. We have problems talking about sex because his first reaction when I mentioned sex was to change the topic or not talk to me(but still post on public places like fb or forums) for three days max. I took the hint. This is a continuous thing he does until just recently. He said with his other online relationships before me, it took three weeks for them to get to that level. With me, it took around eight months to have a full conversation where he didn't run away from it. He also told me if I wanted to spend time together like that, I had to make appointments with him and I did. After he stood me up four different appointment times in a row, I stopped trying to schedule times with him. I work six days a week, sometimes seven, so with the 9 hour time difference, I was up around midnight to make sure to suit his time schedule and then still be able to go to work normally. He currently does not work and I have told him several times his schedule is more loose than mine because I work and am a student full-time and also care for my kid when I am at home. Anyway, yeah, stupid schedule appointments to have intimacy time with him and he stood me up. Told me last night that I behave unsexy so I am unsexy to him. Said that I am always bitter and rude and that's what I get. That that is why it took so long for him to talk to me about sex and why it's rare.

No, just hell no. I told him to stop talking rough to me immediately or I promise by everything under the sun that I will leave him and never come back. He stopped and said he loves me and I said I can't return that sentiment to him.

posted November 11, 2013 12:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
He must be attracted to you or he would not be there. Does he have a close Moon square Mars?

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His Moon is in Sagittarius and his Mars is in Virgo.

posted November 11, 2013 01:35 PM            

I do see Mars in Virgo (picky sexually? Fault finding and expressing said "faults" in anger)

Mars square Moon - With Mars square moon, Virgo Mars. He's probably actually twice as critical of himself as he is you but especially with moon (and sun?) in 12 he won't likely admit it. Instead passing it on to you. I've actually done this myself for a long time. I've since grown up.

Mars (Virgo) square Neptune - he may see "faults" that couldn't even exist and express anger about things that are basically illusionary.

Venus opposite North Node (Conjunct South Node) - Not comfortable moving forward in matters of love. Always wanting to go back to what is familiar.

Nessus opposite Venus (conjunct NN opposite SN) - Moving forward in love also could rouse him to abuse.

Some other stuff too and these are just MY thoughts so take them lightly. I may be off a bit. A couple I am familiar with intimately.

If my friend did that to "MY girl" I would be furious. They would no longer be trusted, no longer be my friend, and no longer be respected. If I'm ACTUALLY in love, I will defend until my death. I won't even pretend to be okay with them even in a gathering of other mutual friends. I will make no beans about the fact that they might as well be dead to me. Put it in a glance and they will get all that they need to know. Stare at the back of their skull through their eyes. LOL Sorry, just expressing my dislike for such behavior.

His relaxed state with this and in fact attacking YOU about it is really pointing to something screwed up with him. Maybe he knew about it before you told him? Maybe he thought it was funny even?
It sounds like a psychologically abusive relationship and he KNOWS that he has your heart locked in his prison.

If you want MY honest (perhaps bluntly harsh) opinion - it's this:
I think you are wasting your time with this guy. Also, as you have a child (assuming this guy is not the father?) you don't want that child around such a person either. That could be even more important. I've seen children who have came from homes with a lot of struggles and confusion. It's just the saddest thing imaginable sometimes.

It's time to move on.
It is obviously not easy and won't be.
I would suggest breaking all contact. Otherwise you may find yourself on the hook at the end of his line again.

posted November 11, 2013 02:01 PM            

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posted November 11, 2013 02:04 PM            

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posted November 11, 2013 05:12 PM            

I know there is much more going on here, you obviously love him for whatever you have been through in the past together. I know you cannot change how you feel, no matter how hard you try.

He makes no effort to spend time with you. He makes no effort to show an interest in you.
He makes no effort for any physical intimacy.
He appears to be blaming you for the intimacy issues.
He disparages you for standing up for yourself, and condones his friend's mistreatment of you.
Despite an incredibly busy schedule you have tried to make time to see him.
The current situation is threatening to upset and damage other areas of your life, your job, your studies, your child.

I'm really sorry that you're in this situation. I really hope you work something out either way before you have a melt down.

posted November 11, 2013 05:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
His issue may be Pluto sq venus. Love and primal passion are compartmentalized. This would be my feeling about what is happening.

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posted November 11, 2013 06:07 PM            

You are so mature lol

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posted November 29, 2013 08:16 PM            

He attempted to berate me about waiting and I countered to him that he finally knows what it feels like to wait on someone. While I would have waited anywhere between 60-90 hours at a time waiting for news, he could barely handle 24 hours.

I've been trying to take it slow with him. For the first couple of days, everything he said or did made me hyperventilate and have panic attacks because I was so shaken up over this. I told him he has to speak gently to me and stop treating me so roughly.

I have to help him by being blunt about when I am upset with something he did and why. He's been trying to treat me more gently since then because I told him I can't handle the unnecessary arguments and the roughness anymore. I think he realizes that I'm at my wit's end with this relationship.

posted November 29, 2013 09:36 PM            

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posted November 29, 2013 09:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:
I ended up giving him silent treatment for a whole day. This is unusual for the both of us because he normally is never in a position of waiting for or on me. I initiated the conversation because I understood he was afraid of my rejection. Idk, I was going to wait a few days before talking to him, but watching the interaction between Rumpelstiltskin and Belle from Once Upon a Time made me change my mind. I know he is afraid.

He attempted to berate me about waiting and I countered to him that he finally knows what it feels like to wait on someone. While I would have waited anywhere between 60-90 hours at a time waiting for news, he could barely handle 24 hours.

I've been trying to take it slow with him. For the first couple of days, everything he said or did made me hyperventilate and have panic attacks because I was so shaken up over this. I told him he has to speak gently to me and stop treating me so roughly.

I have to help him by being blunt about when I am upset with something he did and why. He's been trying to treat me more gently since then because I told him I can't handle the unnecessary arguments and the roughness anymore. I think he realizes that I'm at my wit's end with this relationship.

I want to give him the benefit of a doubt because I love him. I feel like I have to know I tried my best to make it work.

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I'm not sure what to say except that your friends are your support! Family if you're close to them.
Sometimes I just spend time with people that make me happy without ever saying a word that I'm upset about anything.

And..... of course here! So keep it coming! Keep us informed. There's many many wonderful people here!

posted December 29, 2013 01:03 AM            

Our relationship has vastly improved. He initiates contact with me and tries to be more calm around me.

We got into another argument last night, but the difference is that he attempted to stop a runaway freight train(my built up anger over his refusing to understand my point or give it any sort of credit) and succeeded with a few corny jokes instead of getting caught up in my anger too. He is starting to be more warm towards me. We still have considerable differences in communication(if you follow Socionics, I am an ESFJ and he is an ISTP). He said that he is afraid of behaving weirdly with me; I told him I am pretty weird to begin with, so I'm not sure what could be considered too weird to me.

When we start to get into a disagreement, it's like our core values are very different and we're speaking alien language to each other.

It comforts me when he tells me he can't live without me. Not because of the codependency tone that can be gleaned from such a statement, but the fact that he really feels like that to that extent because I have no idea sometimes.

He's showing a more tender side to me. I'm starting to feel like he returns my feelings the way I do but had a hard time knowing what to do. I feel like I'm in a strange dream sometimes. This is the love of my life who wants the same things I do and returns my affection with equal or more fervor.

Is this for real?