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Author
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Topic: The anniversary of a loved one's death
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Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7029
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted January 07, 2014 12:19 PM
  
Do you acknowledge it?What kinds of things do you do to commemorate the day you lost someone you loved? I need to start paying more attention to these dates. Thanks for any ideas or input. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3329
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted January 07, 2014 12:20 PM
I'll normally prepare something they used to like to eat and just kinda recall them eating it.IP: Logged |
Violets
Moderator Posts: 3027
From: Twin Peaks
Registered: Apr 2011
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posted January 07, 2014 12:30 PM
I generally notice the date as it approaches, or even on that date. I take a moment to reflect and feel my love for them. I might mention something to family or friends, talk about it for a few minutes. I may have some time where I cry either by myself or with someone else.
That's about it. I find it to be reverent, but not pre-planned or anything. I prefer to remember loved ones who have passed on their birthdays, and in a similar fashion.  IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 6885
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted January 07, 2014 01:40 PM
It never goes away. Can never forget.I pretty much camp out at the cemetery. Usually, the tulips, daffodils and crocuses are beginning to bloom, and the birds are chirping. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 8979
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted January 07, 2014 01:58 PM
Not really. I prefer not to dwell on a persons death, with me I will just be going through life and I'll occasionally recall a good memory of a loved one who has passed and smile or laugh.IP: Logged |
Violets
Moderator Posts: 3027
From: Twin Peaks
Registered: Apr 2011
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posted January 07, 2014 02:59 PM
I do notice that I'm often affected by a sort of depression right up to the day, though. Many of my personal losses happened just before Christmas (or in the case of my grandma, Christmas morning).
I used to really do go out of my way to do something (like go to see Ave Maria performed or something like that) to commemorate those days, but now I just sort of allow myself to feel the grief that comes up for me and sometimes talk about it with close family members or close friends.More often than not, grief, sorrow, and fond memories just come and go for me of their own accord throughout the year, so now I just kind of take my moment of silence and sit with whatever comes up for me. IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7029
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted January 07, 2014 04:47 PM
^ Thank you. I can relate to that. I seem to automatically go somber and sometimes think, "What's with this mood? Ohhhh..." then it dawns on me that someone died on that date. I don't like talking about it with people, I can't ever say what I want. I am naturally too melodramatic for appropriateness.  Music, though, is a good way for me to just, like, meditate on someone. Sometimes it triggers old memories, make the person "come alive" again for the moment.  @YTA 
@Padre
Nice  I was sprinkling hot pepper flakes on my dinner last night and my husband said, "It's like, you're becoming your grandmother." I laughed so hard because he was right, and I hadn't noticed. My grandmom put cayenne pepper on everything, and my family thought it was hilarious...I mean, she really took it to extremes...now I'm doing the same thing. Carrying the (very hot) torch.  IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4121
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 07, 2014 07:19 PM
I honor their memory on Halloween or Samhain, not on when they died. But I can remember annual dates as well on an instinctive level. IP: Logged |
crabbypatty
Knowflake Posts: 822
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 08, 2014 10:17 PM
I light a memorial candle on the anniversary date of my father's death, mainly because that is the custom that he followed when he was alive. It makes me feel like if he's watching from above... he knows that I remember him and honor his memory. however I prefer not to go to the cemetery to visit his grave anymore because I was told by a woman who performed a clearing on me that it's very easy to pick up a negative entity in places like cemeteries and hospitals. I don't need anything attaching itself to me and trying to take over ...I have enough issues already !IP: Logged |
12muddy
Knowflake Posts: 1602
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted January 08, 2014 11:02 PM
I remember the dates, but I don't do anything special. Just spend some time thinking about them. IP: Logged |
Catalina
Knowflake Posts: 1527
From: shamballa
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted January 09, 2014 12:33 AM
I celebrate or at least take some moments to remember their Birthdays. It was their living I remember, and that is how i choose to honour them. Though some people conduct their dying in particularly touching, even inspiring ways, that is also part of their life...IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 9834
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted January 09, 2014 02:22 AM
Lol no because I don't believe death is the end of the journey. IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7029
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted January 09, 2014 08:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by crabbypatty:
I light a memorial candle on the anniversary date of my father's death, mainly because that is the custom that he followed when he was alive.
Oh that's nice! IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7029
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted January 09, 2014 08:08 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Catalina:
Though some people conduct their dying in particularly touching, even inspiring ways, that is also part of their life...
True IP: Logged |
mirage29
Knowflake Posts: 2528
From: us
Registered: May 2012
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posted January 10, 2014 02:59 AM
Faith, I related things to you in your Happy Birthday thread....You stop yourself from truly healing when you heed clues like 'you're being just like them' or 'you're being melodramatic'... "Who" said those kinds of things to you? That just shuts a person down to have to stuff it. And stuffing consequence will be harming to the physical body. We have a Haitian community in places in the region I live. It is sooo sorrowing to watch news reports on TV about deaths. I notice that their culture will bring it on, FULLY. I've watched a woman throw herself repeatedly to the ground, get up and wail, then throw herself hard onto the ground again. (Thinking about her makes me cry right now.... So sad, so brave of her, so 'complete' ) And her friends gathered around her, and comforted her-- but she would wrench out of their arms, and throw herself again to the ground! What would your family culture do with that "scene" and all of the attention, Faith? They'd shut you away, tell you you're crazy? No. That woman will heal.
For me, sometimes I can sense their presence... And it would be like having company visiting. I just "Be" with them... and let them 'talk' to me if they'd like.
But I've learned (through astrology philosophy) that some people must "lay down boundaries" between THEM and us. Sometimes they can try to manipulate your life. But it's YOUR life... Filter them. Accept suggestions. Watch out for nudges... Don't get nudged into what YOU don't want anymore. They will learn to 'respect' that. Afterwards, you work on the layers (like Violets suggested in emotional baggage thread. Sort out YOU from them. And if you decide to use that ChiliPepper? Then cool.... It's your unconscious 'working' on the memories and associations---- AND, maybe you DO have a taste for it! Heck, it's not all bad, or good. Let your body be free... (Watch that url I suggested in teasel's Confinement thread.)
How about writing a Poem, or prose.... then draw a piece of art to go with it? Turn it into a small book of Heritage for you... Your writing is phenomenal! It can honor them, and be expressive and therapeutic for you? Write out recipes and illustrate the pages that would be 'just like them'... or something they would have done or liked. Long ago I subscribed to Southern Living and they had recipe books that were filled with old nostalgic pictures.... Perhaps you could do similar kind of collage work with your recipes, poems, short essays/pargraphs, and drawings? Take kind care of yourself, Faith!  IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 7029
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted January 10, 2014 12:00 PM
^ Much appreciated, mirage!IP: Logged |
mirage29
Knowflake Posts: 2528
From: us
Registered: May 2012
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posted January 10, 2014 07:08 PM
^ ditto  IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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